Don't Know

So, here's a little dilemma. . . During the Summer of 2002, I lived in LA while I was doing an internship for a company there. I made a lot of really great friends. One of them, we'll call The Swimmer, I met through my best friend from high school who met him when she lived in LA the year before. Him and I hung out all the time and when we'd go out to bars with other friends, we would always be kind of touchy-feely. He tried to kiss me once, but I turned him down because we were friends and I was only there for that summer and we remained friends. Now, years later, we still keep in touch through the occasional phone call or chat on IM. I saw him in March, when I was in LA on business, and as soon as I saw him, I thought, "Wow, he got hot!" We are both now single (he had a girlfriend earlier in the year and The Idiot and I broke up 2 months ago) and for some reason, this past week we've been talking A LOT on IM. We've always been very playful in our conversations, but earlier this week, it got racy. (Guess you all now know there's a bit of a freak in SingleGirl!) We started the raciness on Wednesday and as soon as I signed on IM on Thursday, he said hi, same thing on Friday. We had been talking about New Year's a couple of weeks ago on the phone and how neither one of us has plans, but it's too expensive to get a plane ticket around that time. On Thursday, he brought up coming to visit me in January during a long weekend, not only to hang out, but to act on some of the things we had been IMing about. I didn't take it very seriously because I was shocked and not sure what to do or think or anything or if he was serious or caught up in the things we were talking about. I figured I just wouldn't say anything about him visiting in case he regreted suggesting it. Sure enough though, on Friday, as soon as he saw me sign on, he started a conversation with me - small talk about how our days were going, etc. Then, he asked if I had thought about him coming to visit and if I wanted him to or not. Still, with a little hesitation, I was like, "Yeah, that's cool." He said he'd take Friday off, fly in and stay until Monday night or Tuesday. I just told him to let me know when he buys the plane ticket and then I signed off because I was invited to my neighbor's for dinner.

The more I think about it, I'm excited yet hesitant at the same time. Part of me is excited because I know The Swimmer and I would have a great time. Part of me is hesitant because I'm scared I'll get used to that feeling of having a guy to spend a whole weekend with, like a boyfriend for a weekend, and I'll get really sad when the weekend is over and he leaves. I've finally gotten used to not having a boyfriend around and not feeling so lonely that I'm a little scared to mess that up. But then, the excited part of me thinks, Well, he's not coming for a little over a month, so by then I'll be over being scared to feel that excitement for a weekend. It would basically be a weekend fling, right? Or is it something more than that because of our history? I mean, I don't see myself moving to LA right now and I couldn't imagine The Swimmer moving here right now and it would be next to impossible to start a long distance relationship and expect things to actually work. So, pretty much, I need to think of it as a weekend fling, right? I just don't know what to think or how to feel!