Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Birthday

Well, I am now officially 26 years old. Not old by any means, but it was definitely a hard one for me to accept. Nothing really special about the day, I worked like usual and ran around, still trying to find a cute top or dress to wear out to dinner on Friday night.

Can I say something without sounding like a spoiled brat or anything? I'm kind of sad about the presents. I still have one present to get and that is from The Swimmer when he comes tomorrow night. My Mom is kind of in a financial bind right now, so I told her not to get me anything and I'm okay with that, but she still did send me some really gorgeous orchids. Otherwise though, the one person I was counting on getting a good present from, Crazy Girl, completely and totally disappointed me to the point where I am so sad and really angry at her. First of all, Crazy Girl and I went out to dinner last night. She didn't even offer to pay for my dinner. I was shocked, but didn't say anything. Then, she gave me my present.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

A $5 t-shirt from Wal-Mart. SERIOUSLY?! After I put so much thought into her birthday gift last year? She loves perfume but always has such a hard time picking out perfume for herself, so when I saw that Sephora had this little gift thing where it's a set of like 8 or 10 little samples of different perfumes and then a gift card to get one of the perfumes. Totally the perfect gift for her and she loved it. She then gets me a $5 t-shirt for my birthday?

I could totally understand if she were going through money problems or something, but she definitely isn't. This is the friend who was in the hospital a few weeks ago and I sat in her hospital room with her for 5 hours everyday and brought her stuff to keep her entertained because that is what I thought she would do for me. Now I'm not so sure. The sucky thing is, I can't even tell her that I'm pissed off. I just don't understand why she would do something like that.

I really don't mean to sound bratty or ungrateful, but I'm really upset about this. I just come from the "school of thought" that you kind of give someone a gift of comparable value to what they have given you unless you are not of the means to. Does that make sense? I mean, it's not like I'm rich and she isn't. We have the same job at the same company, and if anything, she makes more and her mortgage is less.

For some reason, this has really upset me today and the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get. I returned the shirt today because the more I looked at it, the angrier I got, I just had to get it out of my possession.

What sucks is that this almost makes things totally unfair for The Swimmer. He doesn't know it, but his present is really the only real present I'm getting this year (besides good health, family and friends), so I'm really hoping I like it. I hate that I feel like I'm being such a spoiled brat for being sad about my lack of material presents. It makes me sad that I'm caring about that when I should be happy for everything that I already have - the best Mom in the world, a hilarious, sweet, loving and spoiled kitty, a great job with many benefits, a beautiful home that I own, I'm debt-free, I have a nice savings account, a nice 401K, many caring friends, loving family and last but not least a truly sweet and caring boyfriend.

Anyways, I'm sure this weekend will be very relaxing, it better be, because I'm exhausted and I could really use some relaxation!!

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Weekend is Finally Here!

So, I'm watching Back to the Future for the fourth time this week, I know, a little ridiculous. I just can't get enough of this movie! I always get excited when I see it's on and everytime I watch it, even though I've seen it a thousand times, I notice new little things.

I'm taking it easy this weekend, still tired from taking the red eye back from LA. I have to work a convention for a few hours tomorrow, so that sucks, but I really can't complain because that happens once or twice a year. After the convention thing I'm going to the mall to try to find a cute top to wear to my birthday dinner next weekend when The Swimmer is in town.

Also, maybe everyone can help me here, what do you all think of the whole skinny jeans in tall boots look? (When it's cold out obviously!) I like it on other people, but I've never tried it on me. I'm just not sure how it would look. I guess it comes back to what I was explaining to Crazy Girl earlier - "Once you were a fat girl, you're always a fat girl in your head." So, back when I was about 15, I put on a bunch of weight for no reason at all. I went from about a size 4 to a size 12/14. Then, when I was about 17, it just dropped off of me and I went down to a size 2. I have now leveled off at a small size 4 or a size 27 is those designer jeans like Seven or Citizens. I may be 5'4" and a small size 4 or in some cases a size 2, but in my head, I'm still a size 12/14. So, yes, I'm skinny by most standards, but sometimes it's hard for me to see it that way. Now, back to the whole skinny jeans in boots thing... I'm just not sure if I can pull that look off. I feel like it might make me look fat. So, tomorrow after the convention, I'm going to change into my skinny jeans and try on boots with them at Nordstroms before I buy a pair of boots that I can wear with them. I wonder if that trend will even be in this year, but I can still use a new pair of tall boots anyways.

The big birthday is on Tuesday, but the real celebration won't be until the weekend when The Swimmer is in town. Crazy Girl and I are going to go out to dinner on Tuesday though so that I won't be eating dinner alone on my birthday. We'll be having our own special "Lover's Dinner" as we're calling it, but it will be fun.

Off to bed. . .

Oh, and I'm not saying that a size 12 or 14 is fat. Just that a size 12/14 on me was definitely overweight and not healthy. And a size 2 or 4 on me is by no means Nicole Richie-like, definitely more Jessica Simpson like with my proportions, especially my ta-tas/jugs/girls/twins, whatever you want to call them, even though I got a reduction almost 2 years ago, they are still more than a handful, but they don't look like a 60 year old's boobs!

Monday, August 20, 2007


Update to previous post: I decided not to get upset with The Swimmer. As Gator Girl pointed out, it was a family function, it's not like he went out boozing with friends. He went to the party and stayed for maybe 45 minutes and then came back to me. His brother was really happy he came and everyone kept asking about me and told him to tell me to feel better soon. So, no fights or anything.

My stomach is still acting weird, but I didn't let it stop us from going to and enjoying the beach yesterday. It was really nice and I usually don't enjoy the beach. The beach usually really bores me, I don't know why, but it's hard for me to just sit there. But yesterday it felt really good and we even saw dolphins swimming pretty close to the beach.

Anyways, time for me to relax, my weekend ends soon. I'm going to try to eat a sandwich for lunch that way if my stomach doesn't like it, The Swimmer is at work and won't have to witness me and the cramping and trip to the bathroom. . .

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Body frustrations and beyond. . .

I am so frustrated with my body right now. It is really ticking me off. It is now Saturday night. Besides my extremely reduced appetite from this new migraine medicine, I have not been able to eat much at all since Wednesday because my oh-so lovely IBS started acting up on Thursday. For me, that means extreme cramping and many trips to the bathroom, so that means I can't eat much because that just adds to the cycle. Because this was acting up so much on Thursday, I almost didn't come to LA on Friday and now I'm wondering if maybe I should have listened to my gut. Literally.

So, here I am in LA. At The Swimmer's. Alone.

And I don't know if I should be mad at him or not for the fact that I am sitting here alone.

Let me fill you in. Everything has been great. Today we lazed around, ran some errands, got me a Jamba Juice (smoothies are great when the IBS is acting up, lets me get some calories in and something besides bread and crackers) and saw "Superbad." After that, we decided to grab some dinner, something light I said, since I figured it was time for me to try to eat some real food. So, we got a grilled chicken wrap for me, nothing fancy. I ate half of it. I was tired, so I took a 10 minute nap. Then it was time for us to get ready to drive to downtown for his brother's birthday party. So, on the way there, I was really feeling not okay and asked him to turn around and he did. I told him not to be mad at me, but that I wasn't sure if I was feeling well enough to go. He asked why he would be mad at me and I said that I didn't know, but it's just something I'm always scared of. (It's happened to me in the past.) So we came back to his place. I told him that if I couldn't go, I still wanted him to go since it was his brother's birthday party. He said he felt bad going without me. I told him that if we could just sit for a little bit, I could see how I feel and maybe I would be able to go. After a little bit, he could tell that I would be forcing myself to go because I still wasn't feeling okay. So he went.

I just don't know how I should feel. Part of me is mad that he went. If the situation were reversed, I don't think I would have gone. Actually, I know I wouldn't have gone. But, part of me isn't mad that he went because I told him to go. And I know that when he gets back, if I tell him I'm mad that he went, he'll tell me exactly that, that I told him to go. He even told me when he left that he wasn't sure if he should go or not and I told him to just go. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't want him to stay and resent me for not feeling well. It's not like it happens often or anything, but he's always so stressed out that I almost feel like I don't want to do anything that could add to the stress.

What also sucks about this is that I can't tell my Mom that he went without me. She'd be really pissed off about that. And I tell my Mom everything, but it would be one of those situations where I would tell her that and then no matter what he did, she'd never forget that and always hold it against him.

I'm just really frustrated with my body right now. This IBS stuff really pisses me off. What makes it worse is that I've been to GI doctors for it and there really isn't anything they can do for it.

It's at times like these that I wonder what my head doctor would tell me. . .

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Ponderings. . .

Well, in just two short weeks, I will be turning 26. This scares me. I know that isn't very old, so there is no need to tell me that. Here's my thing though. Or actually, here are my things... This post might be a bit rambling, but here it goes.

When I see other girls/women on tv or in real life who are 26, I don't feel like I look like them. I feel like they look 26, but I don't. At the same time though, I'm not sure what I look like. I know I certainly don't look like I'm 18 or anything, but I feel like the 26 year olds look so "grown up." That's funny to me though because I've always been told that I'm very grown up and mature for my age. But I see other women who are 26 and I just don't feel like I look like them. Maybe I do, maybe I don't, I don't know. Maybe we all have this skewed view of ourselves.

And I know I'm definitely grown up and settled. I own my own condo, have a fantastic job where I make great money for someone my age, have a nice amount of money in my 401K which I started when I was 23 years old and have grown out of the whole hooking up with guys and getting wasted every weekend phase. But, if I try to put on a real business suit for work, sometimes I feel like I'm a 10 year old girl playing dress up in her mother's clothes.

I told my Mom about this and I think she gets what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure. She said that when she sees women on tv who are 56 (her age) she doesn't feel like she looks that old and doesn't feel like she's that old. She said she's always felt like that and that that's just how it is.

It's just really weird. I always thought I would "feel" differently at 26 than I actually do. I've always felt that way. Like when I was in elementary school, the high school kids looked so old and mature, then I got to high school and I didn't feel that way, but thoguht the college kids looked so old and like they knew exactly what they were doing. Then I got there and guess what, I didn't feel like that. It just keeps happening like that. I guess I always felt that I would have everything figured out by a certain point, but I guess you never do, do you? Or do you?

It's strange to think that at my age my Mom had a child already. I couldn't imagine having a baby already. I know people say that times were different, but wow, that's just crazy to think about.

Again, I know that 26 isn't old by any means, but wow, when I was a kid I always thought I would get married when I was 27 or 28 and who knows if that will happen, but that certainly isn't that far away anymore. That's just so weird.

And don't get me wrong, I totally don't feel like I should be on a "timeline" and I'm not on course with it or anything, but it's just a little weird and a little scary to think that I'm turning 26.

I don't know about this getting older stuff, but I do wonder what The Swimmer will get me for my birthday!

Monday, August 13, 2007

More to Come. . .

Okay, I know that I turn 26 years old in 2 weeks, but one of my favorite tv shows is "The Hills." I really can't get enough of it. Tonight's season premiere was phenomenal and the preview for the rest of the season was jaw-dropping. I will have to comment more on it tomorrow after I watch the episodes a second time, I'm sure I missed some things while I was yelling various things at the tv such as, "What a douche!" "What a bitch!"

Anyways, I'm tired and am going to get ready for bed, but I just wanted to share that. I promise to post my pre-birthday/getting older thoughts tomorrow.