Monday, April 28, 2008

3 R's - Reassurance, Readiness and Relationships

Well, where to begin? So, after hearing about TDH's father having a heart attack, I was scared, irrationally, but I was. It was all for nothing though! TDH called Tuesday night saying he had been thinking about me and had been debating driving past his place and driving to mine earlier in the night. I told him he should have, but by that point, it was too late. We chatted for a while and I felt reassured that all was well. He even brought up what had happened on Friday with the whole being ready to have sex thing. I told him that I wanted to make sure that he was ready and that he was thinking with the brain in his head and not the brain in his penis. He said that he tends to over-think things and he thought about it a lot and he's sure that he's ready.

We were tentatively going to hang out on Wednesday night, but I was struck with a migraine, so unfortunately I was totally out of it. Told TDH this and he felt awful and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him there really wasn't anything he could do and that I just needed to wait for my medicine to work and sleep it off. We spoke again on Thursday and he told me to call him after my dance class to see if I'd be up for hanging out. He text messaged me before I got to call him and asked if I'd be up for 80s night at a club up the street. Why not? He called me and told me he had already had a couple of drinks and that he'd meet me there, a friend of his was going to drop him off.

When I got to the club TDH was definitely drunk, but it was hilarious and a good drunk. He was definitely "Sir Loves-A-Lot," as he told me he gets, he couldn't keep his hands off me. He grabbed me as soon as he saw me and gave me quite the kiss. He really couldn't keep his hands off me the whole hour we were there. We danced too and TDH kept doing the African Anteater Ritual from "Can't Buy Me Love," it might be one of the funniest things I've seen in a LONG time. After about an hour, we left and went back to my place. TDH picked me up and carried me into my bedroom and into bed. We started going at it. And yes, as you all already know, we had sex. TDH is definitely fantastic and really knows how to please me!

Here's the thing though. And I don't want you all to take this the wrong way and if you do, whatever. I'm definitely not a conceited person. I don't think I am supermodel hot. But TDH does. This is a bad thing in the sense that it makes TDH a bit insecure because he feels like he isn't good-looking enough for me even though I have told him that I think he's hot and sexy. He has told me on numerous occasions that I am the hottest, sexiest and most beautiful girl he's ever been with or seen. Then on Thursday and Friday, he asked me a few times if I find him attractive. I'm like, "Yes! Of course I do! I think you're extremely good-looking and incredibly sexy." Anyways, hopefully some more reassurance from me will help make him feel better, otherwise there really isn't anything I can do for him.

After some more fun on Friday morning, we showered, I got ready for work, and then drove TDH home. I think he really liked seeing me in my business clothes, he couldn't stop grabbing at me. Friday night, I went out with MJ and some friends, but I was exhausted and not really into it.

Saturday night, I went out with Bra Girl and her friend Nik to see some bands play. The two of them had been out drinking since 4pm, so by the time I met up with them at 10pm, they were wasted, but hilarious. We went to watch the bands and had so much fun. I had hung out with Nik before, but this time I got to know her and we have so much in common, so I think we're all going to hang out a lot more. After the bands finished at around 12:15am, we went to another bar and met up with TDH and a couple of his friends from high school. Nik ran into some old friends of hers so we all just sat at a big booth chatting and telling stories. We were having so much fun that we didn't realize that we were the only ones left in the bar and we had closed the place down. So we all left and said goodnight. Unfortunately, TDH was the DD for his friends, so there was to be no hanging out together after, plus he had to be up early for a long day working on the album, he's supposed to have it finished by Tuesday.

Sunday was a girl's day for me - Bra Girl, Nik and I met up for brunch and then went and got manicures and pedicures together. After, I just came home and relaxed.

So, that's the big update. I have some interesting stuff to post about my session with The Professional from this past Friday, but more on that another day!

Friday, April 25, 2008


So I'm going on only a couple hours of sleep and trying to stay awake until 4pm when I can take a nap. Yes, I was up all night because of TDH. We didn't go to sleep until around 5am and then we were up again at around 8:30am. Did we have sex? Yep! Many times. So, I guess that means we are now officially in a "relationship." It feels so funny declaring it like that, but it's true, Single Girl is not single anymore! I shall elaborate more on the night later, but that's all for now, I have to keep myself moving or else I will fall asleep and I have an appointment with The Professional at 2pm and I don't want to miss it!

Saturday, April 19, 2008


New post below, but just text messaged TDH just to say that I hope he's feeling better (from his hangover). He called soon after and after small talk for a minute, told me he is at his mom's house. Then he told me he is going to be "out of commission" all week. I was like, "Uh okay." Then, he tells me that his father had a heart attack, not a huge one though, luckily. I told him I am so sorry to hear that. He said he didn't want me to take offense or anything if he can't hang out at all this week since he'll be dealing with family stuff, I'm like, "I totally understand, don't even worry about it!" His father is on business in Asia, so TDH's mom is flying out tomorrow to be with him. Once again, I told him how sorry I am to hear what happened and that if he needs anything, not to hesitate to call me. He told me he really appreciates that and that he'll call in a day or two.

Wow. That's quite a big thing to happen. I feel so awful for TDH. Even though it wasn't a major heart attack, it's still terrifying to have a parent be sick out of the country. There's nothing I can do for TDH but what I did and that's to let him know that I'm here for him if he needs me.

Wow, did that all really happen?!

So it's now 4pm and I woke up an hour ago from a nap because I only slept for 3 hours last night. TDH left my place at 10:30am this morning. We didn't go to sleep until 6am this morning. Shall I recap?

Wednesday before my dance classes I called TDH to check on him and see how he was feeling. He was feeling a lot better and had actually gone to work. We talked for a while until I had to go into my dance class. Since he was feeling better, I decided not to go the route some of you all had suggested as far as bringing him chicken soup or something. I still offered to bring him something if he wanted, but he's one of those people, like me, who when they are really sick, they just want to be alone with their "sick" and get through it.

Thursday evening, I went out to dinner with some old friends. After a drink or two, I was feeling tipsy and text messaged TDH. After dinner, I made it home safely and let TDH know that I was extremely tipsy and ready to pounce on him. He wrote back that unfortunately he is still sick and didn't want to get me sick, otherwise, he would be over in a second. He called around midnight and we were on the phone for over 3 hours. Crazy. I don't think I've ever talked on the phone to a guy for 3 hours.

Sometimes he likes to say funny things and then when I say, "What?!" in response, he'll say, "What?" back, like he never said anything. Hard to convey in this medium, but maybe some of you get it. I find this to be pretty funny, as does he. So I called him out on it and he says that he can't "mind-f**k" with me like he can other people because I'm too smart, so he just does this because he thinks it's funny and he knows I do too. I jokingly made some comment that he very well could be mind-f**king me in other ways or playing games. I told him I was joking. Later on in the conversation though, he says to me, "I hope you know I'm not playing games with you. I think you're a really cool girl and I really like you and I just want to take things slow." I'm like, "Yeah, I know." He then reiterates that he got out of a long relationship not too long ago, so he's not ready for anything super-serious yet. I'm like, "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm letting you guide the pace of things. I'm ready to move as fast as you are." I reminded him of my whole sex thing and clarified that I'm not going to have sex unless I'm in a relationship - neither of us are seeing anyone else and there's potential for more. He agreed and then said that he hadn't been looking to meet anyone when we met, I told him I hadn't been either, and then he said that he thinks that is when the best things happen. He then said that he really likes me and wants to see where this goes because there is definitely potential.

We were talking about something else for a bit, but I felt like I needed some clarification as to why he brought all of that up again, so I asked. He said because I had mentioned earlier that he could be playing games with me. I told him I had been joking. A little after 3am, we finally said goodnight and I went to sleep.

Yesterday was just a normal day of work for me and I took another dance class, which is always fun! Around 9pm, TDH called! He was on his way to his friend's house to help him out with some stuff and then they were going to go grab a beer and he wanted to see if I wanted to come. I told him to just give me a call when they were going out and I'd be up for it. So I met TDH and his friend (the same friend he was with the night we first met) at some random bar on the other side of town. We ended up going to another bar up the road and had a great time. TDH kept telling his friend how great I am, like how I can fire back with great come backs at the perfect moment, etc, little personality things. We talked about the night we met and I teased him again about rejecting me at first. TDH says to his friend, "Did I not say to you, this girl is so hot, she would never go for a guy like me?" I laughed and teased him again and he just said, "Well, it all turned out well in the end, didn't it?" Sigh.

TDH and I ended up coming back to my place after leaving the bar at 1am. We didn't waste much time going from the front door to my bedroom. And it was even more hot than on Sunday evening. At one point, TDH told me he wanted to have sex and not that he wishes we could have sex, like we would normally say. I was like, "What?" He repeated himself, so I was like, "But you know my requirements." He said he did, he heard them again the night before. I asked him if he was thinking with his brain and not his penis, he said he was. I told him if he's sure, then we can wait a few more days just to make absolutely sure because I don't want to get hurt, I want to make sure he's ready. He said he was sure, but if I wanted to wait, we could wait. He asked why I thought he might not be ready and I just told him that it was because of things he said the night before. He was like, "That doesn't sound good!" I reassured him it wasn't anything bad, but I just want him to be absolutely sure and be thinking with his brain and not his penis. He told me again later on in the night that he was ready, but I told him that I would feel better if we waited a few more days just to be absolutely sure. Let's just say though that TDH is a VERY, VERY giving lover. All he wanted to do was please me. Besides that, there was lots of dirty talk going on and just all-around hotness.

We finally went to sleep at around 6am. At about 9am, we both woke up and started going at it again. We ended up in the shower together and then back in bed. At about 10:30am, TDH got up to go home. I don't think he was feeling too hot, he said he felt a bit hungover, but he's one of those people that refuses to take Advil or anything, so he just deals with the pain.

So now I just can't believe all of that happened. I woke up from my nap and I was like, "Did that all happen?!" Then I looked around and saw the two towels on the floor, the sheets torn off the bed and the rest of the mess and realize it all happened.

I'm very interested to see if TDH is ready for the next level now that he is totally sober and not in an aroused state. Not sure if I should bring that up at all or just let it be and see if he brings it up. I'm just trying to go with the flow here and not do my usual over-analyzing.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

New Names and Steamy Nights

I'll start off by announcing The New Guy's new blog name since he's not new anymore (prompted by midnite99!)... Because he is 6'4" tall with dark hair and he's good-looking, I shall call him Tall, Dark and Handsome, or TDH for short.

Saturday night was so much fun - I went out with Bra Girl and some of her friends to a fun bar for some drinks and dancing. One of the people that came out with us was a good-looking guy who took a liking to me. After flirting with me all night, he finally asked if I was single. Uh, how to answer that? TDH and I haven't had any "exclusivity" talk, but I'm also not looking to date anyone else right now. And when it comes to figuring out when you consider the person you're dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, I'm clueless. I've had to outright ask in the past. But in this case, I wouldn't consider TDH my boyfriend yet. I don't lie to people because I'm bad at it, so I didn't know how to handle this situation. I just told him that I didn't know if I am single, that I'm currently dating someone and not looking to date other people right now. He did the guy thing and asked where the guy that I'm dating is and if he treats me right. Ugh, I can't stand that! Can't a girl go out with her girlfriends? And why would I be with a guy if I thought he didn't treat me right? But anyways, he was crushed, and I'm not saying that in a conceited way, he really was. He actually pulled Bra Girl aside a little later and told her that he really likes me and asked if there was anyway to get to me. She assured him that there wasn't, that I really liked this other guy. At the end of the night, he told me that if I become available to let him know somehow because he'd like to take me out to dinner.

Sunday morning I woke up and was just laying in bed thinking about when I would call TDH. Just when I figured out when I would call him, my phone rang and it was TDH! Yay! I answered and he told me he had just gotten up and asked what I was up to. I told him I had just woken up and was still in bed. He told me to stay in bed and that he would come over in a bit. He wanted to know if I was up for hanging out that day and possibly making out for a while. Some of you may not find this funny, but I find it hilarious! I told him I was definitely up for it and asked when. So we made plans for later on in the night, after he had dinner with his Mom.

He called after dinner when he was on his way to my place and we talked for the 20 minute drive. When TDH got to my place, we drank tea on my balcony and chatted and then watched 90210 in my bed. He thought I was hilarious because I was being a bit spastic about my clean sheets. (Sorry, but there's nothing like fresh, clean sheets and a tightly made bed!!) After an episode of 90210, he finally made his move. We then proceeded to have a very HOT time for over 2 hours. No sex though, just making out without some clothes on and a lot of talk about sex - likes and dislikes. At one point, I said to him, "I know I might sound like a broken record, but I don't care anymore. But, I just hope you're into me in more than just a physical way, because it's more than that for me." He reassured me that he is and that it's more than just physical for him too, so I don't need to worry.

I know that when we finally do have sex, it's going to be ridiculously hot and mind-blowing. Thinking about it just makes the adrenaline shoot through me. He left after midnight even though he really didn't want to.

After work and keeping Bra Girl company yesterday (she was having boy troubles), I went to Target (love that place!) to grab a couple of things. After returning my shopping cart, I noticed I had a missed call from TDH. I almost didn't believe it because we usually don't speak everyday. I had to double check the date of the missed call to make sure my phone wasn't playing tricks on me. I'm such a dork. Anyways, I called him back and he told me that he thinks he's coming down with something, that his throat is really sore. I told him it could just be allergies since everything in this city looks green from the pollen. He didn't think so. We ended up having an hour long conversation about something else, which I'll post another time because I thought it was very interesting and I'm curious to hear what everyone else thinks about the issue.

Today I went to my third ballet class, which I'm loving! Can't wait to start tap which is my absolute favorite! After class, I had a missed call, from TDH! I was shocked, but I believed it more this time. We've moved up to everyday calls I guess. I called him back and he told me that he really is sick and he feels awful. He's coughing, congested and running a fever. Ugh, I better not get what he's getting. He told me I won't get it because I'm around sick people all the time with work, so my immune system is extra strong and his immune system was depressed from all of the work he was doing last week and basically running himself into the ground. We talked for a bit and I told him to let me know if he needs anything.

So that's all for now. I'm just ready for more dance classes tomorrow, dinner with some old friends on Thursday night and hopefully TDH gets better soon!

Saturday, April 12, 2008


The New Guy called me during the day on Wednesday for no reason, just to chat, which was nice. I really enjoy our conversations, it's so cool to talk to someone and have time just pass by and all of a sudden you look at the clock and 45 minutes has gone by without you realizing it. He was very excited about how well things are going with the new album. He text messaged me later on in the night to invite me out with him and his friend who is in from out of town to go to a club for 80's night on Thursday night. I told him I was definitely up for it.

Thursday night, I met up with New Guy and his friend for some 80's music and dancing. We had a ton of fun. New Guy even danced, which was so cute, the boy can move! His friend was drunk, so he wasn't getting the hint when New Guy would say something like, "(SingleGirl) and I are going to go check out the other room, stay here, we'll be back." His friend would come with us. He just wouldn't get the hint that we were trying to sneak off to be alone for a few minutes. It's okay though, we snuck a quick makeout while his friend went to the bathroom. New Guy held my hand for part of the night and then when we were on the dance floor, we would face each other and he would have his arm around my back so he could pull me close. He would whisper things in my ear too, like how much he wants me and wishes we could go back to my place and how hot I look. We had a lot of fun dancing though, you can't beat 80's music!

Yesterday I had a great session with The Professional. I told her how I can't stop over-analyzing everything when it comes to The New Guy and how when I'm with him, I'm fine, but otherwise, I drive myself crazy analyzing things. Basically it all comes down to my past - my past with my father. In a nutshell, when it comes to guys, I over-analyze the situation as a way to prepare myself for "the other shoe to drop," even though the guy has given me no reason whatsoever to think that way. It's just what I know because of what my father did - basically I don't trust him, he did some pretty awful things to my Mother and in turn me, so it's hard for me to trust that a guy won't leave.

The Professional told me that when I find myself starting to over-analyze things, I need to stop myself and remind myself that I'm doing it because I'm scared. Scared of being vulnerable and scared of trusting. Even though The New Guy hasn't given me any reason to not trust him, it's hard for me to feel like he won't hurt me. Good thing is that through all of the work I've been doing with The Professional, I'm getting better at letting myself be more vulnerable and trusting of men. I've realized that there are guys out there that are trustworthy and I can't put the things that my father has done on to the other men I have relationships with. If I do that, I will never have a strong and healthy relationship. I think that the way I'm doing things with The New Guy (taking it slow) is a much healthier way of doing things though and The Professional agrees. She said that The New Guy sounds much more mature than the other guys I've dated and it sounds like we're connecting on more levels too. So I guess we'll see!

Last night I had a girl's night with some friends. We just went out to dinner at a nice restaurant and had good conversation. I was home and in bed by 11pm! Not sure when I'll see The New Guy again. I think his friend from out of town leaves today or tomorrow and I know they are probably in the studio today. So I'll let him call me, I don't want to interrupt any creative moments today!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


My Friday night out with MJ and her friends was definitely eventful to say the least. MJ had been drinking since 5pm, so by the time I met up with her and her friends at 11pm, she was wasted. We made it over to a bar in the chill part of town and I found MJ's friend Abbie at the bar and got a drink. Abbie and I wandered around the bar and found the rest of the crew, but no MJ. We chatted for a few minutes before we finally saw MJ sitting at the bar, text messaging with tears rolling down her cheeks. Abbie and I go up to MJ and ask her what's wrong. She says she doesn't want to talk about it and just bursts into tears again. So I sit at a barstool next to her that a guy graciously offered up and Abbie stood in front of MJ to block her from the rest of the bar patrons. After collecting herself, we try to distract MJ by talking about random stuff, Abbie starts getting hit on by some random old dude. MJ tells me that she's crying because her ex-boyfriend was with them earlier (they have the same friends so they end up hanging out together a lot) and it upset her because they are so good together and she doesn't understand why it didn't work out between them. Now she feels pathetic because she's "that girl" who is crying in a bar. I tell her how she's feeling is perfectly normal so she doesn't need to be hard on herself. Some guy who was trying to be nice came up to us and asked MJ if she had been crying, bad move dude. MJ busts out with, "F--k you! That's so rude! You should never ask a girl that! F--k you!" I apologize to him and he goes and buys MJ a beer to apologize to her. MJ managed to keep it together the rest of the night and ended up having a great time. I resisted going to a certain seedy strip club/bar because I had to wake up early the next morning to fly to DC.

At some point during all of this, The New Guy and I were text messaging back and forth. He wanted to come meet up with me, but he couldn't drive. I told him I was ready to pounce on him, he enjoyed that a lot. He told me that he "would like me now." I enjoyed that. But, we ended up talking on the phone for about a half hour before I went to sleep and I told him I'd call him when I got back into town from DC.

The trip to DC was fun. Best College Friend loved her bridal shower, she had a fantastic time and was in awe of how nice it was. The Matron of Honor and I are really getting along, so that's a relief. I knew her in college, but she was a bit of a pain in the ass then. She was bratty and quite a prude. But she lives in NYC now and it's loosened her up and made her grow up. So, I'm relieved that since we're sharing duties as the Matron and Maid of Honor we are definitely getting along!

I was beyond exhausted when I got back from DC. I was ready to go to sleep at 7pm, but forced myself to stay awake until 11pm so I didn't wake up at 4am ready to go. The New Guy called before I even landed so I called him back and we chatted for a while about the weekend. He also told me how he had another erotic dream about me the night before. (This is the second one.) He told me how strange it is that he's having these dreams because he never has dreams like this! After talking about that for a bit, he told me how one of his bandmates is in town this week to work on finishing their record, so he's going to be busy, but he said he'd ditch his friend a night or two so that he could hang out with me.

Last night, The New Guy called to see what I was up to. I told him I was finally just sitting down to relax after a busy day. He told me they had finished in the studio early and him and a couple of his friends were going to shoot pool and wanted to see if I wanted to join them. Uh, yeah! So, wow, I'm meeting some friends. That's some big stuff right there. So while I still get nervous when I am going to see The New Guy, this time while I was getting ready to meet up with him AND his friends, I was literally shaking.

I got to the pool place and found The New Guy and his two friends. He was standing next to one of his friends who, upon seeing me, says to New Guy, "Nice!" (Yay for me!) We had a lot of fun shooting pool and drinking beer. The New Guy wasn't even afraid to be a little affectionate to me around his friends. At one point, we were both sitting on the pool table next to ours, but we had some distance between us. New Guy put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him and kept his arm around me. Yay! (I know, I'm a dork.)

One of his friends left early, which New Guy and his remaining friend (the one from out of town) were happy about. I guess they thought he weirded me out because he asked me a lot of questions when I first got there. I was like, "Whatever! I didn't really notice anything!" New Guy said to his friend, "She can handle herself well!"

Around 12:45am, it was time to leave. Unfortunately, out of town friend is staying with The New Guy, so I couldn't really get him to myself for a quick makeout session. Friend did say to me when we were leaving though, "You should definitely come hang out with us again this week! I'm in town until Saturday, so you should come out again!" I told him I would. After a hug and a kiss on the neck from The New Guy, I was off.

Before I even made it home, The New Guy called me to "keep me company on my drive home." He told me I looked really cute tonight. We talked for a half hour about random stuff - pool, dance and then his dream the other night. At one point, he says, "We should just get naked already!" I reminded him that I have my requirements and then he laughed and said how he was the one who said we should take it slow in the first place! I agreed and said that I thought it was a good idea though and I like how it's working. He agreed and said I had a point. After chatting for a bit more, it was time for bed.

So that's the big update for now! I'm surprised I met some of his friends. That's pretty cool. Or am I reading too much into that? What am I to make of him telling me he had erotic dreams about me? It doesn't bother me, I think it's hot! As long as he's into me more than in just a physical way. But if that were the case, I don't think I'd be meeting any friends, right? Okay, I need to chill!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Action-packed weekend

This should be a busy weekend. I'll be going out tonight with either MJ or Bra Girl and then early tomorrow morning, I'm flying to DC to throw a bridal shower for Best College Friend. I get back into town early Sunday afternoon and should be hanging out with The New Guy then.

Talked to the New Guy yesterday afternoon for a bit. He asked me out for Saturday night, but I told him I'd be out of town, so that wouldn't work. I had gone out for drinks with some work clients on Wednesday evening and told him how he was almost on the receiving end of a "Tipsy Text," but I spared him. He asked why I spared him and I told him I didn't want him to feel like a piece of meat because I didn't see him that way. He laughed and said that I can not see him as a piece of meat, but he wouldn't mind being treated like one every once in a while. LOL! He told me next time I should definitely "Tipsy Text" him, he would enjoy it.

Last night, I went and observed a tap dance class for adults (not of the X-rated sort) because I really miss taking dance classes. So, I'm going to do it! Can't wait to start classes again. Anyways, after getting home from that and then getting sucked into "Rock the Cradle" on MTV, I took a shower and was getting ready for bed. The New Guy text messages me asking if I'm still up. I replied back that I am. So he calls and we ended up talking on the phone for almost 2 hours.

It's crazy how long we can talk for and the conversation just flows. He's amazed at how I'm not like most girls in my viewpoints on things, but I assured him that I definitely have a girly side and I'm definitely a girl! He kept saying how he wishes I was at his place talking instead of over the phone. I should have said that I would drive over there, but I just wasn't thinking. Oh well. We talked about everything from movies to relationships to marriage to sex to psychology to music. I told him how the whole "taking things slow" thing is a challenge for me, but a good one. We talked about that for a bit and he said that sex always complicates things, so it's better to really get to know the other person and make sure you want to take on the possible complications. Finally, at 2:15am, it was time to get off the phone and go to sleep. I told him if I go out I would text him and let him know, otherwise I would call him when I get back into town on Sunday.

So that's all for now. This is going to be quite a hectic weekend, but that's good, especially since I've been having very low-key weekends for the past year!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


This taking things slow business with The New Guy is definitely a challenge for me. A good one, but it's still a challenge. It's definitely scary and I'm not sure if I can explain why, but I'll try.

Although I know he likes me, the whole act of actually taking things slow doesn't necessarily obviously convey that on a physical level. I'm laughing as I type because I realize that I sound a bit ridiculous. I guess I'm just used to throwing all caution to the wind and diving head first into relationships, so I'm used to more constant physical/sexual attention for validation. Make sense? I need to realize that it's an amazing thing that this guy not only thinks I'm hot, but he wants to really get to know me first. He wants to see what is underneath the beauty. And I think he really likes what he's getting to know.

I was thinking about this yesterday. On Friday, it will have been a month since The New Guy and I first met. Normally, by now I would have slept with him and we would have had much more than just one or two hot make-out sessions. (This doesn't happen very often. I've only had 3 serious boyfriends in my life!) Is it more scary to me because I feel almost like I'm almost more emotionally invested than I would have normally been? In the past, have I not been getting as close to men on an emotional level so soon because we get too caught up in the physical aspect of the developing relationship?

Wow. I feel like I'm having a little session with The Professional here!

This is just so different from how I've done things in the past. What a freaking challenge this is. It's such a challenge because I'm always wondering when I'm going to see him, what's going to happen when we see each other, does he really like me as much as I like him? I know I need to just go with the flow, but I can be a spaz when I'm into someone, so going with the flow isn't that easy. Especially in a situation like this, where things are a little extra scary, in a good way of course, my brain goes a bit on overdrive.

Does any part of what I said above make sense?