Thursday, November 30, 2006

A theory...

So, I got a little bit more insight into what The Idiot could have possibly been thinking when he decided to end things. This was from a "professional" who I see to help me get over a phobia (a very weird phobia to most) I have. She said that perhaps he went as far as he could in the relationship, that he didn't know how to go further than where we were at and that was all he was capable of and that's why things ended. As far as The Idiot continuing to e-mail me, she said that he's having a hard time not having me in his life and 1- maybe he doesn't realize how much he hurt me 2- maybe he realizes how much he has hurt me but doesn't want to accept that because then that would ruin his "nice guy" perception of himself.

I was just going to ignore him from now on, but The Professional (as I'll now call her) suggested that maybe I need to communicate to him 1- that he can't expect to be allowed to maintain a friendship after he hurt me so badly and 2- that he's not being very respectful of my telling him that a friendship is out of the question and that he is totally out of my life. As I said to her today, when we broke-up, in my mind, he ceased to exist in the world, or my world, as she clarified. By him contacting me, he's reinserting himself in my world and I've already told him he is not allowed. I'm moving on with my life and he is not allowing me to do that by contacting me every week and that's not fair to me.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Should I or Shouldn't I?

So today I took some baby steps on JDate. I actually made a profile, haven't put a picture in yet, but that'll be the next baby step. My profile isn't visible yet either, again, another baby step. I'm still trying to decide if I should or shouldn't try JDate. For one, I don't know where to meet attractive, young, single Jewish guys in my city. I've gone to a twenty-something function at one of the temples, but alas, no single guys. The one Jewish couple I know are friends of The Idiot, so can't exactly ask them to set me up! So that's my reasoning for trying JDate. I don't even know if this is the right time of year to try that anyways, with the holidays coming up, there's just a lot going on for everyone. Am I just making up excuses?

How do you know if you're ready to date again after a breakup? If you subscribe to the whole "it takes half as long as the time you were together to get over the breakup" thing, then I'm a couple of weeks from that. I don't cry anymore when I think about The Idiot or things we used to do together, it's more, "I can't wait to find that with someone better and it'll be even better than that." I'm past the point of looking away when I drive by where we met, I can now actually look and not want to cry. Like I've said before, the thought of kissing someone besides The Idiot sounds pretty good. So, am I ready? Maybe I won't know until I actually go on a date with someone else.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Okay, so The Idiot has really lived up to his nickname today. First, a little bit of backstory. . . Right after the breakup, I got some disturbing health news. The Idiot found out a couple of weeks ago through this couple that we're both friends with. (He was friends with them first, but they really liked me, so even after the breakup they wanted to stay friends with me.) So anyways, he got upset and freaked out when he heard about what was going on with me and called and e-mailed me. After a couple of days, I called him back, told him matter-of-factly what was going on. He kept saying how he's here for me, blah blah blah. I told him that he doesn't get to play a role in my life anymore and that was his choice. That I have plenty of friends that are here for me to support me and whatever else I need. Basically, you're not my friend anymore and you're the last person on Earth that I would want to help me throuh this. So, last week, The Idiot e-mailed me again asking if I had gotten any news from the doctors and wishing me a Happy Turkey Day as he called it (are you 5 years old??). I wrote back with, "No news yet. Will let you know when I get news after my next Dr's appt. on Dec. 1." So, basically, don't e-mail me or call me, I'll let you know if I want.

After thinking last night about how nice it is to know he won't be e-mailing me and feeling like I'm really moving on, this morning, I check my e-mail to see he e-mailed me again. SERIOUSLY?!?!? Does he not understand?! I have told him eighty bajillion times that I will never be friends with him again and in several different ways. How is he not understanding this?! The e-mail was so nonchalant and like we hadn't broken up. Asking how my "Turkey Day" (again? really?) was and if I ate a lot of turkey and cranberry sauce. Asking what's doing? And wanting to know how things are going. Again, SERIOUSLY?!

And I thought he was such a smart guy. Apparently he might not be that smart after all. I just don't know what to think about this. Is he feeling like a huge a**hole and wanting me to reassure him that he's not? He will never get that from me. Is he trying to be friends with me after I've told him so many times that that will never happen?? I don't understand. Someone please help me understand this guy that I thought I knew so well!!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Hey there!

So here is my first go at a blog. I am a 20something single girl in the South who is just working and looking for Mr. Right. Like many, I analyze things too much, but am learning not to do that so much when dating after reading the fabulous "He's Just Not That Into You" book. If you haven't read it, you should, it really does make things a lot easier.

I recently got dumped about a month and a half ago. This breakup came out of nowhere. Just a few days before he bought me a little present for no reason and took me to dinner at his parent's friend's house. I'll have to brainstorm and come up with a good name for the ex. He basically had no reason for the breakup, I think he just has some really deluded ideas as to what makes a healthy relationship which is funny to me since all along I thought he had the healthy view just because his parents were still together. He thinks that because he didn't want to hang out with me 24/7 that we weren't meant to be. SERIOUSLY?! If you want to spend 24 hours a day with someone, that's a little scary. I've been there and done that in a relationship and it wasn't a good thing. We'd only been dating for four and a half months and since he didn't know if I was The One, he felt like we weren't meant to be. What an idiot. He kept saying over and over how I'm his best friend and he's come to rely on me, how he looks forward to talking to me everyday, I'm his sounding board, etc. The fact that he couldn't realize that that is what makes a healthy relationship is just baffling. That's what everyone wants in a relationship - to be with their best friend who is also their lover. Idiot. Maybe that should be his nickname, The Idiot.

It sucks to be back in the dating world again after being in what I thought was a great relationship, but oh well! After a month and a half, I feel like I might be ready to date again, which is nice since I thought this feeling would never come back. The thought of kissing another guy made me feel sick before, but now I'm feeling like that would be good again. As much as it sucks, all I could think when I was in the depths of the breakup was how I don't want to be one of those girls, and I have friends that are like this, who is in their late 20s and still not in a serious relationship and almost desperate to find their Mr. RIght. I hate that that has become such a "bad thing" in society - being almost 30 and still not married or with a significant other. It's amazing how maybe just a year ago, I was like, Oh no, I better get moving, I'm not getting any younger, time to find The One and start that next chapter in my life.

So I'm debating signing up for Jdate. I've tried before without much success - just a few okay dates, but nothing that great. I'm wondering if jdate will be the same or if the guys there will be looking more for a relationship than a hook up.