I am so frustrated with my body right now. It is really ticking me off. It is now Saturday night. Besides my extremely reduced appetite from this new migraine medicine, I have not been able to eat much at all since Wednesday because my oh-so lovely IBS started acting up on Thursday. For me, that means extreme cramping and many trips to the bathroom, so that means I can't eat much because that just adds to the cycle. Because this was acting up so much on Thursday, I almost didn't come to LA on Friday and now I'm wondering if maybe I should have listened to my gut. Literally.
So, here I am in LA. At The Swimmer's. Alone.
And I don't know if I should be mad at him or not for the fact that I am sitting here alone.
Let me fill you in. Everything has been great. Today we lazed around, ran some errands, got me a Jamba Juice (smoothies are great when the IBS is acting up, lets me get some calories in and something besides bread and crackers) and saw "Superbad." After that, we decided to grab some dinner, something light I said, since I figured it was time for me to try to eat some real food. So, we got a grilled chicken wrap for me, nothing fancy. I ate half of it. I was tired, so I took a 10 minute nap. Then it was time for us to get ready to drive to downtown for his brother's birthday party. So, on the way there, I was really feeling not okay and asked him to turn around and he did. I told him not to be mad at me, but that I wasn't sure if I was feeling well enough to go. He asked why he would be mad at me and I said that I didn't know, but it's just something I'm always scared of. (It's happened to me in the past.) So we came back to his place. I told him that if I couldn't go, I still wanted him to go since it was his brother's birthday party. He said he felt bad going without me. I told him that if we could just sit for a little bit, I could see how I feel and maybe I would be able to go. After a little bit, he could tell that I would be forcing myself to go because I still wasn't feeling okay. So he went.
I just don't know how I should feel. Part of me is mad that he went. If the situation were reversed, I don't think I would have gone. Actually, I know I wouldn't have gone. But, part of me isn't mad that he went because I told him to go. And I know that when he gets back, if I tell him I'm mad that he went, he'll tell me exactly that, that I told him to go. He even told me when he left that he wasn't sure if he should go or not and I told him to just go. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't want him to stay and resent me for not feeling well. It's not like it happens often or anything, but he's always so stressed out that I almost feel like I don't want to do anything that could add to the stress.
What also sucks about this is that I can't tell my Mom that he went without me. She'd be really pissed off about that. And I tell my Mom everything, but it would be one of those situations where I would tell her that and then no matter what he did, she'd never forget that and always hold it against him.
I'm just really frustrated with my body right now. This IBS stuff really pisses me off. What makes it worse is that I've been to GI doctors for it and there really isn't anything they can do for it.
It's at times like these that I wonder what my head doctor would tell me. . .
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2 comments:
I understand your feelings towards him about this but don't hold it against him either. If you told him to go and he did, you can't take it out on him.
Plus this was a family event--it's not like he is choosing to booze it up over being with you. He has family obligations as well (I'm assuming that he is close to this brother?). Unless my fiance was so sick that he needed me to tend to him the whole time, my sister would have had my head if I missed her bday party to stay home with him. And she would have been pissed at him as well, saying that he was too needy. Of course, this is my crazy family lol.
I hope you feel better soon!
You cannot be mad at him since you told him to go. You probably said that hoping deep down that he wouldn't, but you have to remember men are not mind readers. If you told him it's ok to go so then he thought you were ok with it. If men want something they usually just come out and say it. They don't say the opposite hoping we realize what they really mean like a lot of women do (myself included).
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