I'm not crazy!

I think I have finally recovered from my exhausting work meeting this past week. It is 2pm and the most progress I've made has been moving from my bed to the couch. I can't believe that next week at this time, I will be in LA with The Swimmer!

The Swimmer made me so happy on Wednesday evening. For some reason I got really nauseous Wednesday evening while at my work meeting. Luckily it was when we were done with meetings for the day and we were at dinner. All of a sudden I felt like I was going to throw up. Crazy Girl and I hauled ass back to our room and I proceeded to have a panic attack for what seemed like hours even though it was probably more like 45 minutes or so. All I could think about was how much it would suck if I threw up because then I'd be all freaked out the next day when I had to go to the airport, get on a plane, fly back home, walk to my car and drive home. Then I started thinking about how much it would suck if I had a similar panic attack when I'm in LA. I wouldn't want The Swimmer to see my panicking so badly because I wouldn't want him to think I'm crazy. Remember, this is what's going on in my head during the panic attack when I'm not exactly thinking straight. I finally calmed down and felt better. It's crazy how you can go from being so scared and freaked out one second to totally normal the next.

So maybe an hour after my panic attack, I was talking on the phone with The Swimmer. I told him all about my panic attack and what I had been thinking and explained to him how hard it has been for me to be vulnerable in relationships, but with him I'm not so scared. I told him how during my panic attack I got scared about having one when I'm out in LA. He was just so amazing. He told me how it wouldn't bother him if I were to have a panic attack when I'm in LA, that he wouldn't think any less of me and he would want to be there for me to make sure I wasn't scared or sad. He reminded me how vulnerable he's been in the past few weeks and how I didn't think any less of him because of that. He's just amazing and I feel so lucky to be with him. He couldn't talk long because he was going to his Mom's house for dinner, so I told him I miss him and we got off the phone. Maybe 20 minutes later, I'm laying in bed, trying to go to sleep when I hear my phone vibrating across the room. I wasn't sure if I should get up and get it, but then I realized how late it was and who knows who's calling me, so I better check and see. It was The Swimmer, so I called him back. He said that he wanted to make sure I was okay because I sounded sad when we got off the phone and he didn't want me going to sleep upset. I assured him that I wasn't sad and told him how happy he makes me and then went to sleep with a big smile on my face. Wow, I really am beyond happy that The Swimmer is mine!