Well, that went a lot easier than I expected. Had I known it was going to go so easy, I wouldn't have been freaking out so much, my heart wouldn't have been pounding so hard I was scared it was going to pound right out of my chest and my palms wouldn't have been so sweaty.
Once I finally got the nerve up to call The Swimmer on Thursday night, we talked for a couple of minutes before he asked what was wrong. I told him that I had been thinking a lot about us and that as much as I care about him and love him, I just didn't think we were going to work out. He said something about how he thinks the distance thing sucks and that if I lived in LA, we would be forever. I didn't bother telling him that that isn't true, it wouldn't change anything, let him think that if he truly believes that and if he's just telling himself that to make himself feel better, let him. He said that he had been really worried about me because I seemed really "off" lately. I told him that it's because I've been stressed out thinking about "us" and it's really been bothering me, but I didn't want to say anything until I was absolutely positive because I didn't want to regret anything. He said he understood. He then commented on how it felt kind of weird all of a sudden and I said, "Yeah, because no one did anything wrong here so it's not like anyone is mad." He agreed and told me that he truly cares about me and still wants to be friends and that he is always there for me if I ever need anything, no matter what.
So, that was it. The whole conversation lasted about 8 minutes. The thing about really long-distance relationships is that aside from not talking to The Swimmer 5 times a day, nothing is different. Towards the end, talking to The Swimmer became more of a chore than anything, so I feel better now to not dread those phone calls. I only really had "real boyfriend" stuff - like doing things together, spending lazy weekends together, bedroom fun, going out to dinner, etc., - once every 4-6 weeks, so it doesn't feel like much has changed. It's kind of odd not feeling devastated after a breakup. It also helps that I know that The Swimmer isn't "The One" and that we didn't end on bad terms. That doesn't mean I want to be talking to him either though. He needs to find someone else to talk to about his stress and get obnoxious amounts of reassurance from, not me! Yay!! So glad I don't have to put up with that anymore.
I figure after a few weeks of "me" time or whenever I feel like it, I'll be ready to go back out into the dating world. Now, here's a question, even though I'm planning on moving to another state in April or May, it's still okay for me to date in the same city I'm living in now, right? If I decide to go the online dating route, do I restrict my searches to the city I live in now? Do I add the city I'm moving to as well? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it! For now, I have this weekend to look forward to - Best College Friend is coming to visit and Crazy Girl and I are surprising her with a trip to the male strip club! Should be a very fun weekend!
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7 comments:
whew!!
glad, for you, that the phone call was finally made. i hope you feel more relief than sadness in the coming weeks; it certainly sounds as if you will. good way to start off the new year, with the decks cleared, emotionally. congrats to you: it's not easy.
mimi
Trust me, I definitely feel way more relief than anything and really no sadness. I didn't even lose a friend of over 5 years in this! I actually feel happy that I don't have to deal with his bitching and moaning all the time and now I can focus my attention solely on me! The phone rings now and I'm not dreading having to see who it is that's calling! Yay!!
Sorry it didn't work out for you. Don't blame the distance - you gave it your all in conquering that. . .I guess you weren't right for each other and welldone you facing up to that fact. Some people never do it and live with the consquences for a long time. . .
And no way start dating locally now. . .you'll only go and meet someone and get lumbered with another LDR once you move!
I'm not the one blaming the distance, that was him telling himself that to make himself believe it was that and not the things he failed to do. I just didn't bother correcting him because I didn't feel there was a point, it wouldn't have changed anything.
I hear you on your life doesn't change too much post-LDR break-up. I was in a bicoastal for 3 years and this was before everyone in the world had cell phones (we did not) and our crazy schedules with the 3-hour time change made it tough. I had thought we would be "it", but we could never execute a plan to get to the same city which said something about the whole thing in general.
I agree with drama queen, hold off on the current city dating,--but go for starting to see what's out there in the new town...why not have all your 'me' rebuilding time now and be able to hit the ground running as an informed consumer when you relocate!!
Congrats,--you did a difficult thing with style and class.
Soooo glad that was easier than expected! I have no clue what to do if you are moving to a new city. If it were me, I would not because I wouldn't want to complicate things, but who knows!
I'd say, whatever you do, disclose your relocation plan to your potential date so he knows what he's getting into. That gives him a chance to decide whether he wants to pursue something that might end in a few months, or gracefully bow out. In return, you won't have to have an awkward talk later.
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