Well, where do I begin? I guess I will just say what I have to say and then provide details as needed. I could say that a lot has happened since I took my "blogging break," but I think it would be more appropriate to say that things have intensified for the worse as far as The Swimmer goes and stayed the same as far as work and home life go. So I shall begin the formal update. . .
The Swimmer
It looks like it is coming to the end of the road for The Swimmer and I. He is not going to go to therapy and that is unacceptable to me. I made it clear to him back in September that our relationship would not work unless he worked through his issues in therapy and he agreed. He then promised me he would go to therapy by the end of the year. He also promised me he would come visit South Florida to see what it was like. I made tentative plans for us to go on vacation there and he came up with every ridiculous excuse on the planet to not go. He has not followed through on either of those two promises which he himself initiated. And I can't deal with his issues anymore. I've reached and passed my limit. I can't deal with his constant, and I mean constant, need for reassurance. And I certainly can't be with someone who not only won't follow through on their promises, but who won't take steps to deal with their issues and make themselves a better person, even if they are a little uncomfortable about it.
Needless to say, a vacation anywhere never got planned because of his constant procrastinating because he thought you didn't have to book those things in advance. He blames me for this though and says that I should have pushed him even if he told me that he didn't have time to think about it right then. Seriously? Then, he didn't understand why I wouldn't want to drive 8 hours to South Florida to visit my family, stay there for 4 days, drive 8 hours back to where I live, and then the next day, fly cross-country to LA to visit him for New Year's. He thought that was perfectly reasonable. I was like, "Are you kidding me? I am absolutely not doing that! If you want to see me for New Year's, you can fly here, but there is no way I am doing that!"
He came to visit over New Year's weekend and it was just awful. He kept doing things to annoy me just to get attention. Then when I was trying to talk to him about how stressful things are with work and trying to sell my place, he interrupts me and starts talking about how he's stressed out about work. It's like everything always has to be about him all the time. Same thing when I was trying to talk to him about what happened with my Mom and stepdad, he immediately says, "Would I do that to you?" I was like, "We aren't talking about that! It has nothing to do with you!" His need for constant validation is just so frustrating. I couldn't wait for him to leave.
So, I see The Professional on Wednesday and I am really looking forward to it. I feel like I need to just end it with The Swimmer. I don't see myself with him forever and he has broken two HUGE promises to me. I just don't know how to do it. I've never been in this situation before. It's definitely a tough situation because he's a good guy and I love him, but it's not going to work out. Any advice?
Work and Home
All is still the same as far as waiting for something to open up with work in Florida and my home is still on the market. I've had a lot of showings with positive feedback, but no offers so far. But now that the holiday season is over, hopefully I'll have more showings and some offers. I have a work meeting next week, so I should be able to get some more information as far as possible openings in Florida and when that might happen. And you know I'll be networking my little butt off!
Family
Not sure what is going on with my Mom and stepdad since I left Florida and I won't find out anything until he goes back to work overseas next week. I'm very curious to hear what her thoughts and next steps are because she's clearly not happy.
Other Stuff
With everything kind of crazy, I'm just trying to take time for myself and do what I want. Crazy Girl ticked me off a little yesterday, but I didn't let it get to me, I think she got jealous of all of the weight I lost and said some nasty things. It was uncalled for, especially when she knows I'm actually trying to gain a few pounds, but I just brushed it off when I realized that it was more than likely jealously on her part - the girl works out like crazy but can't seem to lose the weight she wants to lose, while weight is coming off of me like crazy because of medication I'm on for my migraines and I'm trying to gain back 5 pounds.
I had dinner at my Gay Neighbor's new house yesterday, they moved out of my building back in November, and I finally made it over to visit yesterday. The inside of the house was cute, but the neighborhood, not so much. It was nice to see them though. Plus they supposedly have a hot neighbor they want to set me up with for a fling when I'm ready, which I thought was funny. I was like, "Hold on there! I'm totally not up for that boys!"
I saw "Juno" today which was such a cute movie. I actually really love seeing movies by myself. I used to be scared of going to the movies alone, but now that I've done it a couple of times, I love it! "Cashmere Mafia" starts on tv tonight, which I'm very excited about, as does "American Gladiators."
One of my best friends from college is visiting in a few weeks, so that is going to be a lot of fun. Crazy Girl and I are going to surprise her and take her to the male strip club which should be absolutely fun and insane, as always! Other than that, I've been talking to my Best Guy Friend (BGF) a lot lately. He's been going through a rough time trying to get over being dumped by his crazy ex-girlfriend. He's been helpful with the advice as far as my situation with The Swimmer. But it was crazy to see the contrast in guys. BGF decided he wanted to see a therapist to figure out why he keeps dating crazy girls and work through some issues and within a week and a half, he had an appointment with a therapist and has seen them 3 times since then. But, I guess it's just the difference in personalities.
Anyways, that was quite an update and I'm probably leaving out important details, but if I am, I'll leave those another time if I think of them or if they are needed, so I'll leave you with that for now!
6 comments:
What a crazy time you've been having :( I'm so sorry things aren't working out with the Swimmer, but if he isn't willing to come through on his promises...you don't need to deal with that.
WOW! Well first of all, I am really glad you are posting again. I don't know what to tell you about the Swimmer. Does he realize you are on the verge of breaking up with him? Maybe it's time to give him an ultimatum and the consequence of not following through is that you are done with the relationship. You could also write him a letter about how you are feeling about everything so that he really gets what you are coming from and what upsets you and why. Sometimes it's hard to get everything out on the phone in a conversation. {{{HUGS}}}
i think it's great that you refuse to let yourself be strung along by the swimmer, who has proved himself not to be a man of his word. i admire your strength when it comes to this.
wow, nssg, you, too! everything at once....well, draw on the strength you know you have -- or that you can now discover -- to get you through all this the right way, whatever it turns out to be. you certainly sound strong & sensible. good luck to you. mimi
Wow! I have been waiting for a real update since October!
I'm so sorry things are rough right now with The Swimmer. I might have to go archive digging, but I don't remember you revealing exactly what his issues were that required therapy. Some people just have a hard time following through with things and it sounds like he's one of those people. If he's unwilling to move to Florida (or even check it out), then it's up to you to either move to LA in a certain time limit or reevaluate the relationship. You certainly can't get married and have babies (hello) when you will never live in the same time zone. I know you love him and that this must be rough for you. For that, I am sorry.
I think you probably know what to do and just by verbalizing it on the blog you're taking the first steps into cutting the ties with him. It probably also helps that you two live so far apart. Not a lot of room for trying again.
The toughest part about growing up is getting honest. Honest with what you want and how you're going to go about getting it. I think maybe first write a letter to him and don't send it. Get everything out and then go from there.
Good luck and I'm so glad you're posting again!!
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