So, I decided to wait until I could speak with The Professional. I've never been on this end of "the talk" and I wanted to make sure I was doing it the right way. I finally saw The Professional today and was able to update her on the drama that is my life. It had been a month since I saw her last (she had been out so long because she had surgery) so there was a lot to update her on. As far as The Swimmer goes, she said that basically, there is never going to be a good time to do the breaking up, so it's better to just get it over with so I can stop walking around with the heaviness of it in me. She said it's best to just be straightforward and just get it all out. I should call him though since he usually calls me, that way he's not calling me thinking that he's just calling to chat and then getting hit with this. I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about this a lot since you last came to visit and you're a good guy and I love you, but we just aren't going to work out." She said to not try to predict how he's going to react because there really isn't anyway to tell how he will react. And to just be strong and if he tries to ask if he can do things to make it better, to just tell him that "we're past that now and it just isn't going to work anymore."
Even worse is that he called me not too long ago on his lunch break to talk about how stressed out he is with work. For a minute I was thinking about waiting and having "the talk" tomorrow, but you know what? He's ALWAYS stressed out about work, it doesn't matter what day it is, he's always going to be so stressed out with work, so if I plan the talk around that, it'll never happen. He is only working a half day tomorrow, so if he's too upset to go to work tomorrow, he can call in sick, otherwise it's only a half a day, right?
This is awful, but I know I'll feel better once it's all over with. Any advice?
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4 comments:
It sounds like you have a good plan for breaking up with the Swimmer. You could also wait until Friday afternoon so that he has the weekend to process the end of the relationship. Long distance relationships take a lot of work, and it sounds like he isn't willing to put forth the effort needed for your relationship to move forward.
Take care of yourself during this difficult period.
Be kind, but firm - there is no point blaming him or bringing up all that he wasn't doing because then he'll just promise to do better. Always best to end on the note of how much you care about him but that you just don't see the two of you working out long term and that you wish him nothing but the best in life.
You just need to do it already. There is truly never a good time in these things. No matter when you do it, he may say how could you do this when you know I'm going through [insert life hardship]. The only timing rules I have for these things is not the day before a huge exam or the day of someone's birthday. Every other day is fair game to me.
You need to do it as soon as you can. I found it helpful once i write out what i wanted to say. However you handle it, best of luck! It will be okay.
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