Off to see. . .

Well, in about 15 minutes, I will be leaving to go to the airport to fly to LA to see The Swimmer. My nerves have been kind of up and down today - one minute I'm nervous, the next I'm not. I just need to chill out already and keep questioning myself when I start feeling nervous. Why am I nervous? If it's because I'm scared of having a panic attack, I need to question it and think, Okay, so what if I have a panic attack? He handled it exceptionally well last time and he won't think you're a freak if you have another one. When I saw The Professional on Monday she said that it seems like the panic attacks I had in LA, a little one on the way to his place from the airport and then a ginormous one before we had to leave his place for the airport, were at high-emotion times and that I need to express my feelings and emotions more at those times instead of trying to hold them in or not fully say how I feel. That is hard for me, not because I don't trust him or anything like that, but because it's old habit. The Swimmer is the first guy that I fully trust, but in the past, I have not been very expressive of my emotions and I need to be better at that now that I'm with a truly good guy. Anyways, I'm going to go cuddle with my kitty for a few minutes before I leave, but send good thoughts my way of calm and expressing how I feel!