WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE!
I know I've been gone for a while, but there's been a lot going on. When I last posted, things with The Swimmer had been resolved. Basically, the night I was leaving LA, he told me he realized that he hadn't been fair to me when he said he wouldn't consider living in South Florida and that he needs to at least visit SFL and see if it's a place he would want to live. He also said that he had gotten the name of a therapist from his mom and that he was working up the courage to call and make an appointment, but that he was scared. I told him that I understand being scared, but in order for us to work, it's something he needs to do. He promised me he would make an appointment and go within the next few weeks.
So I left LA happy knowing that The Swimmer was going to see a therapist soon to start working on his issues and that we would take a trip to South Florida together in November or December so he can see what it's like.
This past Wednesday, I put my loft on the market. This was really hard to do. This loft is the first home I've ever owned and I bought it when I was only 24 years old. It took a lot of hard work to be able to buy it, but I did it and it was a huge accomplishment. So needless to say, it was really hard to sign the papers that put my loft up for sale. It's hard to think that someone else will be living here soon. Hopefully it won't take too long to sell and hopefully I'll get the money I want for it.
Wednesday night, after telling The Swimmer how hard it was for me to sign the papers, he tells me that he's "considered" moving to South Florida and he doesn't want to. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think that thinking about it for a few days is really considering it. Considering moving somewhere is actually visiting a place, seeing if there's jobs there, seeing what it's like, that's considering it.
What it comes down to is that he's scared of leaving his comfort zone. He tells me I mean the world to him and he loves me with all of his heart, and that means a lot to me, but that means even more that you need to really fully consider it and not just think about it. You can't let being scared of leaving your comfort zone prevent you from doing something.
He said that it's risky for him to move because what if it doesn't work out, then he'd have to move back to LA and find a new job. I pointed out to him that it's way more risky for me if I moved to LA and it didn't work out because I couldn't just move back home and find a new job within a week or two like he could, I'd be stuck in LA for at least a year. And even if things are going great between he and I, if I step into the same work situation I'm in now - crappy geography, too laidback manager - I risk losing my job. If that happens, I'm out of work for 6 months to a year, that's just how it is in the industry I work in. So I have to be really careful with the decision I make.
After explaining all of this to him, he told me that he didn't know that and he should have talked about it more with me and that he needs to think about it more. I told him that I would try and find out more about the work situation for me out in LA to see if I could get any info on the manager and geography.
The Professional keeps telling me that even if I move to South Florida, it doesn't mean that things would be over between The Swimmer and I, and I agree. I love him and I know he loves me, and while the long distance thing sucks, I also need to think about the whole picture. I've made the mistake too many times in the past of not looking at the whole picture or only focusing on the man in my life and not on me and I've always felt bad about that and wished I'd done things differently. This time, I need to do things differently. And yes, I am leaning more towards South Florida at this point, but LA isn't out of the picture. As much as I am not a fan of South Florida, career-wise, it's a guaranteed good move - I'm guaranteed a good territory, the BEST manager, a promotion and it's going to help secure my job. While it would be nice to be closer to family, it would suck to not have any friends in the area, but it's always been easy for me to make friends. As far as LA, career-wise, it's definitely not guaranteed at all - I could very well be stepping into a situation much like the one I'm in now or even worse. Even if it were better than the one I'm in now, it wouldn't be as good as the one I could have in South Florida. I'd have The Swimmer there though, which would be amazing! No friends or family though.
So, there it is. There's the huge update. And I completely apologize for the long absence, but with all of this going on, it's been hard to have any motivation to do anything but watch tv. I promise to post regularly again now that I've caught up!
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3 comments:
Oof! That's alot of issues to consider. Sounds like both you and the Swimmer need to do more research. On another note, congratulations to you for buying a place at such a young age! That's something to be really proud of!
This was such an awesome post. I don't know why, but it was. You have big decisions ahead of you, and even though it's tough, you're totally handling it. You sound like you're on top of it all, mature, ready for it, in a good place. Whatever happens, you should be proud!
Very cool!
samantha- yeah, it's a ton to consider and that's why a lot of research should be done. I'm so proud of myself for buying my place so young, it just makes it that much more difficult to sell!
belle- I can't thank you enough for saying that. I haven't been feeling like I've been handling it very well at all, but I tend to be too hard on myself. It's definitely been ridiculously stressful these past few weeks. Stress like I don't think I've had before. Thank you so much for the encouragement! This blog has really been so helpful for me!
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