More drugs and The Swimmer

Well, I'll be starting the medication to help prevent my migraines tonight. I spoke with my regular doctor today about it and she agreed that it is the way to go. I can't be put on two other types of medications that can help prevent migraines because I have low blood pressure. She also said that she doesn't think it's necessary for me to switch my birth control, she thinks that neuro was just being overly cautious and if I really want to, I could just switch to a lower estrogen pill, no big deal. She strongly advised against a progesterone only pill because a lot of women get pregnant on them - you have to take it at EXACTLY the same time every night or else it's not effective. So, yay, problems solved. I'm still going to see my old old neuro next week because I think I might just go back to seeing him. It really is hard to find a doctor that you fully trust and like.

One thing I really like about The Swimmer is that when he gets cranky or snippy or anything, he is the first to call me back right away and apologize. This doesn't happen very often, but the few times where we've gotten off the phone and I call him a jerk to myself, I get a phone call within 15 minutes apologizing for being cranky. I really like that. It shows something, maybe how sensitive he is. I don't know, what do you all think? I can't think of the word I'm looking for. He's starting his gym regimen again tonight, so that's good. He hasn't been feeling great about his body lately, he has gained a few pounds, but he is far from fat. What matters is how he feels about his body, so I'm happy that he's going back to the gym. It's weird when your boyfriend is the one constantly saying how he feels/looks fat. Total role reversal! It's funny how this side of the guy comes out, you don't usually hear about it, but I think it's pretty funny. Now I know how guys feel with having to be careful about how they choose their words. When The Swimmer asks if I think he's skinny, I would be lying if I said he was, but that doesn't mean I think he looks fat either. So, I have to say that he looks great the way he is, not too skinny and not fat at all. Wow, it really is hard for guys sometimes, isn't it?

Well, I will have another post in the next couple of days about getting older, it's something I've been thinking about with my birthday coming up in less than a month.

UPDATE: Okay, I just took the new medication. I always get nervous before and when I take new medication for the first time. At least I didn't have to have my Mom on the phone talking me through it and pretty much yelling at me to "Swallow the damn pill already!!" I get nervous because I am a medical nerd and know too much about medical things. I also have a tendency before I take a new medication, to look the drug up on webmd and all of those other dangerous sites. I then read everything about the drug, good and bad, and of course tend to dwell on the bad. Why can't I be a little more ignorant about these things? I know that wouldn't be good either, but I don't like going on the verge of a self-induced panic attack when I take something for the first time, even if it might be something that could really help. Here's an example of how I can talk myself into a panic attack. . . A couple of summers ago, I couldn't get enough of eating my favorite fruit, mangoes. One evening, I had some mango. My throat felt a little funny, but I of course didn't see it that way, I convinced myself that I was all of a sudden allergic to manoes and was going into anaphylactic shock. I then spent about an hour on the phone with my Mom panicking and saying how I wasn't sure if my throat was really closing up or if I was going into anaphylactic shock. I wasn't sure if I should go to the ER because if it was just a panic attack, they would think I was crazy. She told me that if I was really that scared, I should go to the ER or call Poison Control and ask them how to tell the difference between a panic attack and an allergic reaction. I called Poison Control, but never got to speak to anyone, was put on hold and then hung up on. Some good Poison Control is!! I finally calmed down after panicking for a while. Looking back on this, it was hilarious! At the time, not so much.

So, the moral of the story is. . , I need to stay calm and not read up on things on Webmd too much!

Doctors, cooking and The Swimmer

Not too much new, just been really busy this past week with work and doctor's appointments. I'm having a new type of migraine so I was trying to get in to see my neurologist. After that failed and the office staff really pissed me off, I was able to get in to see a new neurologist. He was okay, but I'm going to try to see my old old neurologist this week to see what he has to say. One thing that ticked me off about the new neurologist was that he suggested I start a certain medication, but then seemed to rush me when I wanted to ask questions about it. He also doses this medication different than any other doctor does which alarms me. One thing I didn't like that he had to say was that I should get off my birth control pill and switch to a progesterone only pill, no thank you! The reasoning for that is that women who get migraines with aura, which I now have, are at higher risk for stroke. But, I don't smoke and I have low blood pressure and exercise regularly and I'm young, almost 26, so can't I take a low-dose aspirin daily to off-set the risk? This is why I want to get a second opinion. So, hopefully I'll be able to get in to see my old neuro to advise me. I will say though, that these auras are pretty scary - I pretty much go blind in one eye for almost 30 minutes, I get numbness in my hand, arm and face and have trouble speaking - like I can't find words. When I had the first one, right before my last trip to LA, I thought I was having a stroke, it wasn't fun. One bonus to the new medication I would be starting (recommended not only by this new neuro, but by a neurologist friend of my father's) is that a lot of people lose weight on it. I don't really need to lose weight, I'm a size 4, but it would be nice to lose 5 pounds off my belly, then I wouldn't feel so self-conscious when The Swimmer grabs me there.

Besides the medical drama that is my life, I made a very big purchase on Thursday that I feel slighty guilty about, but not guilty enough to return it. I bought a very expensive designer bag that I have been drooling over. I did get a $150 gift card with this purchase, so that was nice, it will be part of my Mom's birthday present.

I was also going to cook Linguine with White Clam Sauce this past Monday, but I had to abort that. I went through all of the trouble of finding the ingredients and getting the clams. Then, when it was time to clean the (live) clams before cooking them, I picked one up, and part of the clam inside was trying to escape. I was too grossed out to continue, so I brought the whole bag of clams down to my neighbor's and then ate a piece of toast for dinner. I was too grossed out to eat anything else.

I fared better with the cooking last night, I made Pan Roasted Chilean Sea Bass with a soy ginger dipping sauce and stir-fried vegetables. Yum! That is also what I will be eating tonight for dinner. I love leftovers!! I also baked my favorite: Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownies. And, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about eating brownies, I replace the oil in the recipe with unsweetened applesauce. It really cuts the fat and you can't taste the difference at all.

As for The Swimmer, I am going to visit him once more before he comes to visit me for my birthday on Labor Day weekend. I will be going the weekend of Aug. 17, so yay! And as far as the whole sex without a condom thing, I think I'm open to that as long as he doesn't cum inside me. I will still want to have a good discussion about it with him before we do it, but I'm definitely open to it now.

Well, must put my clean sheets on the bed - YAY! - and then relax some more. Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Long Overdue. . .

Where oh where to begin?!

Well, I ended up going to LA on Wednesday instead of Tuesday because I was just so exhausted from worrying about the health issues. My luggage didn't make it on my flight, but I stayed at the airport an extra half hour to wait for the next flight in the hopes that my bag was there. Sure enough it was, so I took a Super Shuttle from the airport to The Swimmer's mom's house for dinner. I got there and met his sister, his brother and his brother's girlfriend for the first time and saw his mom and grandma again. Dinner was good, I was just so exhausted from the flight and the luggage debaucle, but I guess I still managed to make a good impression on the rest of his family because the reviews were: "She's beautiful!" "She's smart and intellectual!" "We really like her!" I also saw most of the family on Friday night at the restaurant The Swimmer and I went to for dinner, but we just chatted for a couple of minutes. Once we got back to his place, while he showered, I decorated his room with birthday decorations to surprise him which he really liked. Then he got his presents. He was happy! I did a good job! YAY!

Thursday I picked up my rental car, got waxed in my "special place" and made a beeline for Jamba Juice. That stuff is like crack. I can not get enough of the Jamba Juice. I don't know what they put in it, but once I have one, I must have one again the next day and the next. Other smoothies just don't compare. I walked along Rodeo Drive to relax and then got insanely lost trying to find my way back to The Swimmer's neighborhood to do some grocery shopping. After ending up in a shady neighborhood, I turned off the "blonde moment" I had apparently been having and found my way to The Swimmer's neighborhood. Did some grocery shopping, ate lunch, some more grocery shopping and then relaxed at The Swimmer's place. He came home and I cooked dinner. We ate, he did the cleaning up (yay! I hate that part!) and then we relaxed. Friday I went to the Beverly Center as soon as I found out they have an H&M there. Bought a few tops then went to Jamba Juice to get my fix before it was time to return the rental car. Friday night, the Swimmer and I went to dinner and then just relaxed. Saturday we met up with one of his friends and hung out for a little bit, but it was too hot out so The Swimmer and I retreated to his living room to relax in the air conditioning. We then went to the phone store so he could pick out his birthday present. We met up with his friend and his friend's girlfriend again for dinner which was fun - lots of storytelling since they've known each other since high school. Sunday we lazed around before catching a late afternoon movie - "Transformers." Amazing movie! I loved it! Easily one of the coolest movies I've seen in a long, long time. We picked up some dinner, ate and watched Entourage. Had a discussion about the whole moving thing again, but it was good. He had work Monday, so I lazed around, slept in and relaxed. Monday night was pretty much dinner and then me being sad and The Swimmer comforting me. Then there was the tearful parting at the airport.

I was so exhausted last week after getting home on the red eye, an early conference call for work Wednesday morning, an early work meeting on Thursday morning and then a busy Friday that I did a whole lot of nothing all weekend. I basically slept in until 11:30am both days and didn't do much all day.

Things with The Swimmer and I are going really well - he continues to be incredibly sweet, sensitive, reassuring and caring which is really nice to see after being together for 6 months. Wow! I can't believe it's been 6 months already. Crazy!

So The Swimmer went and had his yearly physical today. He got a clean bill of health from his doctor. Then he told me that he asked the doctor to test him for all of the STDs and HIV. He told me he did this to reassure me and for my UTIs. I laughed and asked how that would help with that issue. (Which taking a cranberry supplement and drinking a lot of water when I see the Swimmer has REALLY helped.) He said then we could have sex without condoms. (The condoms might be irritating the urinary tract) I told him we'd have to really talk about that.

Hmmmmm..... Not sure how I feel about that. I've only had sex without a condom once and that was with my first boyfriend who I was with for over 2 years and I didn't let him finish inside me. Even though I'm on the Pill and I've been on it for 8 years and take it exactly how I'm supposed to, I think I would get paranoid about getting pregnant. I don't think I'd want him to "finish" inside me. For some reason, and this may sound silly, I feel like that's something really special that should be saved. I sound like someone talking about saving their virginity, but that's kind of what it's like - saving my "cum" virginity - for lack of a better word. I don't know. I think The Swimmer and I will have to really talk about it before I will agree to it. What do you all think?

Here's another big step for me. . . I've gone down on The Swimmer more than with any other guy. It's just something I've never liked doing, but don't mind doing for The Swimmer during foreplay. It's strange, but it just doesn't bother me anymore. I do have my rules - no finishing in my mouth (it's just part of foreplay for me), no touching my head or pulling on my hair, just sit back and enjoy. But I don't feel like any of that is asking too much if I'm going to do it. The Swimmer likes it, but I told him it's not something I'll do all the time and he's happy with that and he's always willing and wanting to reciprocate. It's not really a turn on for me so much, I just know that he enjoys it and that makes me happy. And while I'm doing it, I'm looking forward to the fantastic sex we always have. So it's a win-win situation in my eyes!

Well, that's probably more than any of you want to know about or maybe not, but it's out there! More stories to come, I'm just ready for bed now so more tomorrow!

Update. . .

Okay, I know. I SO need to update, but I just haven't felt in the mood. I promise to update within the next day or so. I promise!

I Feel Like I'm Part of the "Club"

Wow! I've been tagged by London Girl to list 7 random things about me!! It's the first time I've ever been tagged! YAY! I feel like I'm part of the "blogging club" now! Here goes. . .

1. Table manners are very important to me. Example: It REALLY bothers me when people bite the food off their forks so their teeth scrape against the fork. Gives me the chills just thinking about it.

2. If I weren't so lazy, I would wash my sheets every 2 days. There's nothing like freshly washed sheets and a freshly made bed.

3. I didn't get my first boyfriend until the summer before my 18th birthday. That relationship lasted almost two and a half years, although I should have ended it much sooner.

4. I'm very picky about my toilet paper and I'll only buy Charmin.

5. I have to be really cold to sleep comfortably - I keep my AC on year-round at night at 68 degrees with my ceiling fan on high.

6. I love that I wear a size 6 shoe - I can try on the display shoes at stores and usually don't have to bother with pushy salespeople.

7. I can watch Back to the Future Part 1 and 2 over and over again and never get sick of them. Even though I own the DVDs, everytime either one of those is on tv, I watch.

Now I have to tag seven people? Hmmm.... Sarah, Southern Gal, Cute Jewess, Still Making Mistakes, Drama Queen, Sexagenarian in the CIty and one more to come. . .

Boring, I know

Well, since The Swimmer has been absolutely impossible to shop for a birthday present for, I'm going what I think is the boring route. He's getting a book I am positive he will like and he's getting a new cell phone. So boring, but he's one of those guys that has everything already. Has nice wallets, watches, clothes, an iPod, iPod accessories, etc. So, he gets a new cell phone. And damn it, he's going to like it! LOL

So I leave for LA tomorrow evening. I changed my flight from a 5:30pm flight to an 8:30pm flight for the sake of my sanity. Had a very weird thing happen yesterday health-wise, so I'm going to see my neurosurgeon and have an MRI tomorrow morning to make sure it's okay for me to travel. Nothing to worry about, but better safe than sorry, you know? I want to make sure I am able to fully enjoy my week of vacation in LA with The Swimmer.

It will be the first time The Swimmer and I will spend more than just Thursday night to Monday night together, so hopefully things will continue to go as smoothly as they usually do between us.

Here's a little question for everyone that my best college friend and I were discussing. . . Does the guy always have to say the "L" word first? What if he already shows it in his actions? I'm curious to see what those in the "blogosphere" have to say about this!

I'll be bringing my laptop with me on this trip, so if I don't get the chance to update before I leave tomorrow evening, there will be an update while I'm in LA. (I have given up on trying to use a portable DVD player to watch a movie on this flight. The volume never goes loud enough to cover the sound of the plane and I get pissed. So my trusty laptop is coming with!)

More suggestions?

Okay, a final plea! Any other suggestions for a birthday gift for the Swimmer?

Also, can anyone suggest a good movie for me to watch on the plane ride to LA? Looking for a romantic comedy, comedy or light drama! I'm sitting in an emergency exit row seat, so I won't be able to watch the movie they are playing (Premonition), which I want to see, but I'd rather have the comfortable seat! So, any suggestions? I'm tempted to rewatch "Because I Said So" which I thought was really cute. The last trip, I watched "Center Stage" for like the 80th time. I should be getting "Notes On A Scandal" through Netflix before the trip, but I don't know if I really want to watch such an intense movie on the plane.

Taking suggestions!

Long Overdue. . .

So I know an update is long overdue. Things have just been very crazy and busy over the past week. Overall, my trip to LA to visit The Swimmer was great.

Got in early Thursday evening and pretty much just relaxed. Friday, The Swimmer worked all day and I relaxed. The Swimmer didn't say anything since I got to LA about meeting his family, so I was wondering if he didn't want that anymore. I didn't say anything though and figured I would just keep quiet until mid-way through dinner. So, The Swimmer got back from work, we hung out for a bit and then went for sushi. He said that we'd eat dinner and then go back to his place and watch a movie. So I asked if he still wanted to stop by his Grandma's. He said, Yes, of course, that he hadn't said anything because he didn't want me to get too nervous. So, after dinner we stopped by hig Grandma's. She is this adorable little Israeli old lady. I couldn't understand a lot of what she said because she seemed to have a pretty thick accent, but I heard her say how beautiful I am and asked me when I'm moving to LA. She was so cute. We then went next door to his Mom's and surprised her. We ended up hanging out there for about an hour and a half and I also met his Mom's fiance. The Swimmer even brought up how inexpensive real estate is where I live compared to LA and his Mom kept asking more about that. I was shocked, but definitely pleased he brought that up. After that, we just went back to his place and watched a movie.

We both woke up at about 4am to go pee, but I had a sudden, huge feeling of nausea. I told The Swimmer and he tried to make me feel better, but it just got worse. I went to the bathroom and called my Mom to try to talk me down. My cell phone died after a little bit and The Swimmer came to sit with me. After about an hour and fifteen minutes, I was finally able to take an Ativan to go to sleep. Not exactly how I wanted to start off the weekend. The Swimmer told me the next day that he had been feeling a bit queasy too, but didn't want to say anything because he knew it would freak me out.

Saturday night, we went to see The Police. It was definitely quite an experience and so much fun. Sunday, we relaxed and decided to go see a movie. Before we left for the theater, I got paranoid that I was getting a lovely UTI, so I thought it would be a great idea to drink 3 bottles of water and then another bottle when we got to the theater. Smart, huh? Such a blonde moment on my part! I had to get up 4 times during the movie to run to the bathroom.

Monday, The Swimmer went to work, so I slept in late and was quite a bum all day, but I liked it! The Swimmer came home, we went to grab take out and then spent some extra "quality time" together before going to the airport. Fantastic "quality time" I might add! On the way to the airport, I started getting scared that I was going to have a panic attack. Sure enough, I got one. The ride was very bumpy, the airport was the most chaotic I had ever seen it and I didn't want to have another one since I had had one Friday night. After checking it, I told The Swimmer that he could leave and that there was nothing he could do to calm me down from this panic attack. He wasn't happy about it, but I wasn't going to hear otherwise. I trekked to the security line and after making it through, I went to my crowded, noisy gate. I managed to take an Ativan, but it couldn't start working fast enough. As my luck would have it, my flight was delayed. The Swimmer called to check on me and I told him I would call him back in a bit. I called my Mom and she helped calm me down a bit. I just knew that as soon as I got on the plane, I would feel better. Talked to the Swimmer again who was trying his hardest to make me feel better. As soon as I got on the plane, I felt better within 10 minutes.

Saw The Professional today to try to get to the bottom of the panic attacks. When I described what happened in the middle of the night for that first attack, she said that it sounds like it wasn't a panic attack, it was definitely from dinner. She said that it was amazing and such a good thing that even when I thought I was going to throw up, I wanted The Swimmer there to comfort me. This is HUGE for me. To feel close enough and comfortable enough with a guy to feel like I wanted him there at that moment. Normally, in a situation like that, I would have locked the bathroom door and not let him in. As far as the panic attack on Monday night, that was from a feeling that I was only "allowed" or "alotted" a certain number of panic attacks in front of him and after that amount, it's not allowed. This is only from past experience and not from anything or anyway The Swimmer has made me feel. So, after seeing The Professional today, I talked to him and told him this. He reassured me that it doesn't matter to him how many panic attacks I have, that he just doesn't like it when I'm upset and that he wants to do everything he can to help me in that situation. He's so sweet! Thankfully, I see The Professional again once more before I leave for LA in a week.

So, any suggestions on birthday presents for The Swimmer? I need to find out if he has business cards. If he does, I'll get him a business card case with his initials on it and a business card holder for his desk. If not, I don't know what to get him. He has plenty of nice clothes, watches, wallets, etc.