It took me so long this morning to get out of bed. I was just still sad that The Swimmer went back to LA last night. I woke up a few times during the night sleeping on my left side (I usually sleep on my right side), the side I sleep on when I'm with The Swimmer, and I got so sad because he wasn't there. We had another fantastic weekend together and will have to wait another 3 weeks to be together again. Long distance relationships really are hard, but both The Swimmer and I think what we have is worth it.
I brought up the idea of me moving out to LA again and he acted a little freaked out which made me feel insecure. I told him that he was acting all freaked out and he apologized and told me that I caught him off-guard. I just told him that for both of our sake's (if that makes sense, but you get the picture) we both need an endpoint to the long-distance part of our relationship and I just wanted to talk about what that would entail. I told him how back in February, he brought this up and said he didn't want to be long-distance for more than a year and I had agreed. He just said how he agrees and sees my point and wanted time to really think about it in detail. I told him how the way he was acting made me feel insecure. This made him really sad and he told me that I have nothing to worry about, that he cares about me so much and doesn't want me to ever feel insecure about the way he feels about me and that he wants to make sure that we do everything right. He said that it's a big risk for me to move out to LA and he's worried that I'll be sick of him after a month. I told him that there is a risk in everything and you can't live life always worrying about the risk and that we know each other better than a lot of couples given that we've known each other for 5 years and we've been in a relationship for almost 5 months and we talk on the phone at least 3 or 4 times a day as well as e-mail throughout the day. He agreed and apologized for being caught off guard and making me feel insecure.
That was the "scary" part of the weekend for me and probably for him too. Yesterday morning, I woke up sad that he was leaving and couldn't stop crying. He was really sad too and promised to lay in bed with me and hold me for as long as I wanted and that he loves being with me and didn't want to leave either, but he had to. It was another teary parting at the airport last night, but he has text messaged me several times today and e-mailed me a few times today about how much he misses me.
Besides the scary part and the sad morning, we had a lot of fun together going out to dinner, going to the movies, watching basketball on tv, watching more movies and just relaxing together.
So, any input from other people who have been in successful long-distance relationships? How did you make the transition from long-distance to same city? Did you move in with your significant other right away or have your own place? Who moved and why? How did you know you wouldn't get sick of each other once you lived in the same city? Is it something you just knew or was it a risk?
Obviously, The Professional and I will have much to discuss during my next appointment!
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9 comments:
i want to write so much but i have to wait till i have more time this weekend! i promise to share my story!
Haha well you asked for it so here I go. . .
Boyfriend and I did the long distance thing for 2 years. 500 miles apart and drove this distance each every two weeks. They he got moved to Brussels. I braced the subject all lightly and he said that if I happened to want to live in Brussels anyway then that would be good. I told him I did not happen to want to live in Brussels. In the two weeks that followed I would hint on the phone, thinking I had to get the wheels in motion somehow. But the boy would clam up and say ‘do we have to talk about that. . .AGAIN’. I told him I was sick of putting my life on hold, not able to settle in Edinburgh because he wasn’t there. I told him that I would therefore make a total effort to settle in Edinburgh. Without him.
The next time I saw him he casually asked me how the Brussels job hunt was going. I said it wasn’t, I’d decided against it. Then BOOM. . .he couldn’t be more keen to get me over.
Now we are living the happy ending.
From his point of view I can see the stress he was under with be giving everything up for him. But this was all soothed the first day I moved in where I agreed to never throw that in his face no matter how bad things got. That I would make a huge effort to make Brussels my home. And throw myself into my job so much that the move helped my career. He was pretty wowed by all of this and now in Brussels I have a whole life and not just him. I am so glad I moved.
Go easy on your LD love. Boys are bad at these things. Try and sell ALL the other benefits of you moving. . .new start, new job, new friends and don’t put to much emphasis on just the relationship. Worked for me anyway.
Good luck X
We did what your friend suggested. Boyfriend had a break for 2 weeks so came to live with me, IN MY FLAT.
I don’t recommend the holiday thing. Sure, go on holiday but know that it is NOT real. On holiday everything will be great and not one bit like reality. But have someone come to live in your personal space and you really see how you get on. In two weeks you have to work out rules, who is going to cook, who is planning what you do that night. You will have a mixture of nights out and simple nights in – just like reality.
By the end of the two weeks we had slipped so well into a routine that nether of us wanted it to end.
Drop me a line vixter_1@hotmail.com I could write a book on this shit!!!
hk
darnit! I wrote a long long reply and I don't know where it went!
Send me an email and I send you my IM name in case you ever want to chat about this!!
Hmmm... This doesn't sound too great to me, which is unfortunate because you sound like a truly nice girl.
He should be begging you to come to LA instead of worrying you will get sick of him if you do. Is it possible he is so keen on a long-distance relationship because he fears something real?
That catching-him-off-guard stuff sounds bogus.
My best friend met her husband when he had a job transfer to Europe in the works. No way he would go without her, so they got married before he left, and she went with him. If she didn't want to go, he would have stayed.
I had a long-distance boyfriend for two years. I was happy to keep it long distance because I was going to dump him when someone better came along. But it was good in the meantime because I had someone to travel with and talk to, without any real commitment.
Anonymous- Trust me, I'm probably the most skeptical person I've ever known, but I truly believe The Swimmer when he says that I caught him off guard. We were literally laying in bed watching "Willow" when I randomly brought it up. I know that his worrying I'll get sick of him is because of his insecurities with himself - his father used to tell him he wasn't smart enough or good enough. This is something The Swimmer wants to start seeing a therapist for so he can realize that's not true. I truly don't think The Swimmer is just stringing me along for many reasons, one being I don't believe he would put in as much effort to this relationship as he has been if that were the case, among many other reasons. Thanks for your input anyways!
Not true. Expecting someone to move countries for you is a HUGE deal. His stress was normal. . .!!!
I agree drama queen! Moving countries would be a ridiculously big risk that I could not take, so I'm glad this is just cross-country! I agree that his stress is normal, I'm having it too, but that doesn't mean we're not right for each other, it just means that we're very rational people who think things through!
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