Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Help! (With a new little note)

So, I've been doing really well so far without The Professional for the past few months, but now I feel like I could use her advice. TDH has been really busy lately with helping his brother finish his basement (he's buying his brother's house), work, booking shows so he can start playing music again, trying to get a band together, hanging out with friends and hanging out with me. All of this while living 45 minutes outside of town with his parents until he takes over his brother's house which won't be until the end of October (it was originally supposed to be the beginning of October.) I'm trying to not let the fact that we don't get to see each other as much as we used to get to me, but it is and I can't help it. We still see each other twice a week, but I guess I just got used to seeing him more often. When we're together, I don't feel insecure at all, but when it's Wednesday and I haven't seen him since Sunday, the "crazy" comes out and I start feeling insecure thinking that maybe he just doesn't care if he sees me as much or maybe he should be making more of an effort to spend time with me. Then I just wonder if I need to calm down because TDH is going crazy and not getting much sleep trying to balance everything in his life, so me bitching about not seeing him isn't going to help him. BUT, I don't think some reassurance from him would be asking too much, am I wrong? How do I go about asking for reassurance though? This has always been something that's been hard for me to do. This is definitely stressing me out. Ugh.

A little side note: I wish I could get back in to see The Professional, but unfortunately, she has been out sick with a Staph infection. I could see someone else, but that would mean starting over from square one with someone new, so I'm not sure if that's something I should do.


Anonymous said...

I don't think it's a bad idea to let him know you miss seeing him as much as you used to. But try not to sound whiny about it, because that may annoy him. Just tell him you miss him. Maybe you can even offer to help with the basement or head to his neck of the woods to visit? That way he can still get stuff done and you can see him.

ella said...

Have you sat TDH and had a discussion on how you feel? Most boys are not mind readers.. :)

Taken Girl said...

only problem with going to his neck of the woods or offering to help is that I haven't met any of his family yet, so that isn't really possible just yet. I have said that I miss seeing him and the first time I said it, he said, "but you just saw me this morning!" I laughed and told him that it's just that we don't see each other as much and I like spending time with him. He said he likes spending time with me too. I brought it up again last night when he told me he wouldn't be moving into the new house until the end of October and he he pretty much just said, "it's not that bad and then I'll be able to cook you dinner and stuff. Maybe you can come over before then even if my brother and his wife are there, it won't be as much fun, but that's okay!" I don't know, now I feel like I'm just being ridiculous! But I can't help it!

Taken Girl said...

sorry this is all so disjointed, I'm blogging and commenting from my handy iPhone while at work, so hopefully that explains it! Anyways, one thing I forgot, when we were talking last night he said that right now, it's the "perfect storm" of things going on, meaning that it's just beyond crazy. I think that I need to be patient, I know he really likes me and cares about me, he still talks about things in the future with me and things he wants to do with me once things calm down a bit and we still have marathon phone conversations, so I need to remind myself of that. At the same time, I could use a tad bit more verbal, obvious, hit me over the head reassurance. I just don't know how to ask for that any other way than I already have. Will I never be satisifed?! LOL!

Missy said...

Maybe you should go talk to your Dr. I went back a couple of weeks ago and even 2 sessions have helped me. I get the crazies too so I know what you are going through. Just try to stay calm and don't invite trouble if this situation of not seeing each other as much is just temporary. :)

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

yes, definitely go back to yr doctor. as a general rule -- not necessarily in your case -- i think it's hard to determine whether the guy is genuinely busy and stressed out or is making a small retreat. you might reread my posts from mid-june on when plan c said i was 'whacky, zany, and independent' when he first met me but now i was 'needy.' and i said [in a phrase my readers liked] that i wasn't needy; he was withdrawing his love, and i was calling him on it.

ergo my advice:

1) whatever you do, don't give him the opportunity to call you 'needy'
2) do a tiny retreat, and see if he follows. that sure worked for me over the past 6 weeks, but then, in spite of his much-renewed interest, i'm breaking up w. plan c.
3) maintain regular appts w. yr shrink. very important and stabilizing.

good luck to you. and oh yes, keep on blogging.
xx mimi

Taken Girl said...

mimi - of course the "crazy" in me is tempted to think that he's pulling a small retreat, but if that were the case, I don't think he would be calling as much as he does and still seeing me twice a week. He is still the one doing all the calling, not me. He calls me 98% of the time. I guess me always letting him call me is my way of making sure there is no "retreat!"

But I will definitely not let him call me needy, that's one thing I know I'm not and I distinctly remember him saying to me in the past that it's healthy and necessary in relationships to rely on the other person sometimes for reassurance and to communicate and basically that needy isn't a bad word, something that the Professional also said.

I think I'm just freaking out here because this is really the first time during our relationship where I haven't felt totally fantastic and totally secure.

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

if he is doing 98% of the calling, that's Good. i think you need to get Really Really occupied with something else so you feel less concern. very good to let him keep on being the one to call you.
get yr shrink some antibiotic so s/he can get back in action!

- m.

Taken Girl said...

mimi - I agree, I think I just need to keep myself busy and not think about it so much and just go with the flow. If I freak out about things, I think it will only push him away, especially since he's already stressed out. He still calls at least twice a day and when he says he's going to call. So I think keeping myself busy is in order! If only there were more ballet and tap classes for me to take! And if only my body could take more classes than it's already taking! (I'm so sore!) I think it's time to make some plans with my girl friends.

midnite99 said...

Hang in there! I think one thing you could try is send just a short sweet e-mail or text - "Just sayin' hi & I miss you!" It will probably make him feel special AND it will hopefully give him the idea to do the same in response -- because it sounds like that's all you're looking for, right? Just acknowledgement that when you're apart, he's still thinking of you and wishing he could be with you.

And from all you've written about him, it sounds like he definitely *does* think of you and wish he could be with you. :)