Insight from a Pro...

Well, things are going great with TDH and I'm seeing The Professional again! Yay! She's pretty much recovered from the nasty Staph infection and is seeing patients part-time, so as soon as I got the call with that news, I scheduled an appointment. It felt so good to talk to her again and be able to work through things with someone who is a "Professional" on issues and who knows pretty much everything about me and how my mind works and processes things. She said that it sounds like TDH is definitely dealing with a ton of stuff and that I do need to be patient with the situation, but also ask for what I need from him. She reminded me of my tendency when things aren't absolutely perfect to just completely freak out and think things are about to take a nosedive and start distancing myself. She told me I need to remind myself of how things have been going and that especially at a time like this, TDH wouldn't keep a relationship if he wasn't really interested in me and he did tell me outright that he's definitely not stringing me along. She said that he sounds like a truly nice guy who thinks things through and that he sounds like he's really trying, so just be patient.

Otherwise, things are going well with TDH and I. He is definitely making an effort to spend more time with me and show me that he misses spending more time with me and I really appreciate it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Should be interesting, just the whole another year older thing. Going out to dinner with a bunch of people, including TDH, Crazy Girl, Blondie and Gay (Former) Neighbors. Should be fun. I think TDH and I are going to celebrate my birthday alone on Saturday evening.

Anyways, I promise to be better about writing more, it's just been a crazy past couple of weeks, lots of hot swimmers I had to watch swim and lots of work stuff I had to do!

Planning

I know. I know I have been an awful blogger. All I can say is that I've been busy and after not writing for so long, the thought of trying to update everyone on everything feels so overwhelming!

So, I'm not going to do that, I'm just going to say that everything is still going very well in my life. TDH is still pretty fantastic. He's going through a little rough patch in his life right now and hopefully I'm being good at supporting him through it. He's going through that time in his life that I think we all go through at one point, where you feel like you are two people stuck in one body. Part of him wants to be the "rockstar" that he's always wanted to be and be out traveling the world, playing his music, meeting people from all walks of life. The other part of him wants to settle down, and in his words, "continue building a burgeoning relationship with a woman such as yourself," and start a family. I told him that how he's feeling is totally normal and that when it comes down to it, he just needs to find a way to meld the two together. He said he's scared he'll never be able to be completely happy. I reassured him again that it's totally normal to feel that way and that maybe a change of perspective is in order. Instead of focusing on all of the bad things in the world, he needs to focus on all of the good things and all of the good things he's been lucky enough to experience, all of the amazing places he's traveled and all of the experiences he's been able to share with his family. I used to be like TDH a lot, when it comes to his ambivalence about the world. I think that all changed when I had the brain tumor scare 2 years ago and realized that life is too short and I might as well focus on the good and make sure that I'm surrounded by things that make me happy. After we talked about all of this for a while, he said he had been scared to open up to me about all of this because I had told him about past relationships where the guy was totally insecure, so he didn't want to turn me away from him. I laughed and told him there was absolutely no need to worry and that if I thought he was anything like that guy, I would have been long gone! Also, I told him that I'm always here for him if he ever wants to talk.

TDH wants to plan a long weekend getaway to the beach with me, so that should be a lot of fun. We're working on that now and should hopefully have that planned within the next couple of days. I could definitely use a little vacation and a long weekend with just TDH would be awesome!!

This weekend was good - TDH and I went out for drinks on Friday night, Saturday evening, TDH took me to a work associate's house for a barbecue. Today, I hung out with Crazy Girl. She's going through a rough time herself - she's scared she's going to lose her job, so that's adding to her already usually high anxiety level. What sucks is that she doesn't deserve to lose her job, she hasn't done anything wrong, her boss (a woman) thinks she's "just too tall and too blonde" so she doesn't like her. It's totally ridiculous. So Crazy Girl is reporting this to HR along with a bunch of other totally inappropriate comments her boss has made in front of other people, including a comment that insinuates that Crazy Girl and I are in a lesbian relationship together. So Crazy Girl and I went out shopping for a new business suit for her and then out for burgers. Yum!

I'm still loving taking ballet again, it's so much fun and I get a great workout from it. Better than going to the gym!! Haven't been back to tap class yet, but I probably will this week, I didn't want to hurt the toe now that it's all healed up.

Anyways, that's all for me now! I'll try to be better about updating!

Hello!

Well, once again, I've been an absent blogger, so I'll apologize for my absence! I hope everyone had a splendid 4th of July weekend. Mine was quite relaxing. I had Thursday and Friday off from work, so it was quite the long weekend for me! Wednesday afternoon, TDH came over when he was done with work (I think he likes seeing me in my "business" clothes!) and we hung out until dinnertime and walked up the street to have dinner. Thursday I lounged around all day and night, nothing too exciting.

Friday, I went to Crazy Girl's house and we hung out with her neighbor, barbecued and hung out in the sun. Friday evening, TDH came over, I baked cookies (yes, from scratch, let me know if you want the recipe!), we looked at houses for sale online, watched the city's fireworks from outside my building and then walked up the street to get drinks. Then we came home and watched a movie while he gave me a massage. Saturday morning/afternoon, TDH cooked me breakfast - blueberry pancakes and bacon, before he left to check out some neighborhoods he might be interested in living in. Saturday evening, TDH came over again and we went to watch a cover band play for a little bit, but the place was empty, so we only stayed for about a half hour before leaving and coming back to my place to go to sleep early so he could get an early start on Sunday morning. Sunday, I did absolutely nothing!!

Things with TDH are still going so well, he's just fantastic! I can't help the gushing! We were talking on the phone last night and he told me how he e-mailed me an article about the space station because he was reading it and thought how I would love to read it too. So I said to him, "Awhh, you think about me!" He said, "Of course I do! I think about you all the time!" Sigh... He called early this morning and asked me to lunch, I love it when he does that! He's helping a friend move tomorrow night, so we have plans to spend Saturday together. I love how things with him aren't just surface all the time - he likes talking about more deep things sometimes to really try to get to know me. I feel safe with him and I haven't been so scared to open up to him and let myself be vulnerable. It's definitely weird, but really nice to trust someone like this and feel safe. Yes, there's always a chance of getting hurt, but you never know how happy you could be if you don't take that chance.

Chocolate chip cookies, puppy dogs and rainbows...

I know it's been over a week since I last posted, but I've been busy reuniting with TDH! He was exhausted when he got back on Saturday, so he came over on Sunday and we spent all evening and night Sunday together until he had to go into work on Monday morning. I told him how happy I was that he is back, over and over again and he said he was too. Once, I was like, "YAY!" He responded with, "What?" I said, "I'm just really happy you're back!" He said, "I missed you too!" I guess it was pretty obvious that that was what I was meaning to say, but just couldn't get out. I guess some old habits die hard!

Tuesday evening, TDH came over after having drinks with his old roommate, he was a bit drunk, but he was wanting to have some fun in bed. Why is it that guys seem to forget that being drunk usually means having some troubles when it comes to sex? It doesn't bother me, but it only leads to them feeling embarrassed. The next morning, we woke up and TDH wanted us to cook a big breakfast - blueberry pancakes, bacon, english muffins, etc. So, we started cooking and when breakfast was ready, the beers from the night before caught up with him and he didn't feel well. I told him not to worry, that I didn't want him to eat just because I cooked. So I finished eating and we got back into bed and watched Back to the Future Part 3, while TDH recovered from his night of fun. It's so nice that we're both in sales and can go into work whenever we want! He left at around 1pm and I went off to work.

Wednesday night I went out with Bra Girl and Nik to watch some bands play. Friday evening, Blondie and I went out to dinner together for some delicious food. TDH was out of town for the night with some of his high school friends.

Yesterday afternoon, TDH came over to hang out and spend the evening with me. It was cute because we both didn't care what we did, it was just both of our priorities to be with each other. Initially, we were going to go see a friend's band play, but TDH was tired from the night before, so he kind of just wanted to veg out, but if I wanted to go out, he would take one for the team. I told him that I didn't care what we did, I just wanted to spend time with him, that was my priority for the night. He teased me for saying that. I was like, "I say something sweet and you make fun of me?!" (He knows it's hard for me to be vulnerable.) So we watched "Teen Wolf," had some fun in bed and then went out to dinner.

After we got back from dinner, we sat on the couch and were talking about random stuff. He was telling me about how his mom and dad ask about me every day. I told him I think that's cute. After talking more about random stuff, he told me that his mom likes/liked (can't remember which he said) his ex-girlfriend. Ugh. Why do guys say stuff like that?! I really didn't need to hear that. I didn't know how to respond to that, so I was like, "Okay." We talked about more random stuff, some serious stuff and other random stuff and then decided to go back into the bedroom and watch some tv.

Funny story: We were watching the end of "Dirty Dancing," where Johnny and Baby do their big dance. So I told TDH about how my best friend from high school is getting married next year and she wanted to do Johnny and Baby's final dance with her fiance for their first dance at their wedding. TDH thought this was an awesome idea. My best friend's fiance did not. So, as we were watching the final dance, at the part where Baby and Johnny are dancing amongst the hotel guests, and Johnny lifts Baby above his head, not "The Lift," just where he's standing and she's standing and he lifts her, TDH says, "I bet we could do that!" I just laughed, thinking he wasn't serious. He was. He jumps out of bed, in his underwear, and says, "Come on! Let's try it!" So I get out of bed, in my bra and underwear, laughing hysterically at this point. TDH says, "Don't make fun of me if I can't do it. Johnny was really strong, he's lifting her from a dead stand. But you're like, what, 100 pounds? I think I can do it!" So, yeah, 6'4" TDH and little 5'4" me totally did this at 1am in our underwear. It was freaking hilarious! But we did it! TDH lifted me! Twice! So funny!

Anyways, after that, we had what we both now consider to be the best sex either of us have ever had. Absolutely mind-blowing. Then it was sleepy-time.

This morning we woke up and stayed in bed, just lounging around for a while, talking. At one point in our discussions from the night before, TDH had said that he doesn't know me, so I questioned him about this. He said, "I would hope that I don't fully know you yet. There's still more after the chocolate chip cookies, puppy dogs and rainbows stage." I laughed and said that of course there's more, but that I think we're past the "honeymoon" period of the relationship. At that point of the relationship, both people are still on their best behavior and I think we're past that at this point. He agreed, but he just wondered if we've fully seen each others flaws. I told him that he knows my flaws and that's my difficulty with being vulnerable, but that I'm obviously getting much better with that and then I gave him examples. I asked him what his flaws are and he asked me what I thought they are. I told him that I would think that it's that he tries to do everything and can maybe sometimes spread himself too thin. He agreed, but said that it's just because he wants to experience life. He said that he's been told in the past that he doesn't communicate well/clearly, but he thinks he does and he thinks it's more that those people didn't communicate well, not him.

At one point, I said something that came off totally wrong and I feel badly about. I asked what he's like in a fight - if he is an avoider and just tries to end the fight quickly even if it doesn't really get resolved, just so that the fighting can be avoided. Or if he is a total dick and really fights and insists that he's right, no matter what. I figured he would be one of the two, just because that's been typical of the guys I've dated in the past, and that was totally wrong of me to do. So TDH said, "So you've already prejudged me, huh?" I said, "I'm just guessing!" He said, "You think I'm a total dick, huh?" Then I felt awful. That is totally not how I meant it and I obviously do not think TDH is a dick, otherwise I wouldn't be with him. That's what I said to him and I apologized profusely. He laughed and said he was just joking and said there was no need to apologize, but I already felt so bad for saying what I said.

We had a nice day just laying around and finally around 4pm, it was time to get our lazy butts out of bed and time for TDH to go home.

Anyways, should be an easy work week for both TDH and I, we both have 3 day work weeks with the holiday weekend ahead. I don't have anything special planned for the long weekend though, so with Bra Girl, Blondie and most of my other friends out of town, I'm not sure what I'll be up to this weekend. I think TDH might be house-hunting this week and he wants my help, so that should be fun. He's also mentioned possibly planning and going on a Caribbean vacation together sometime in the fall too!

3 R's - Reassurance, Readiness and Relationships

Well, where to begin? So, after hearing about TDH's father having a heart attack, I was scared, irrationally, but I was. It was all for nothing though! TDH called Tuesday night saying he had been thinking about me and had been debating driving past his place and driving to mine earlier in the night. I told him he should have, but by that point, it was too late. We chatted for a while and I felt reassured that all was well. He even brought up what had happened on Friday with the whole being ready to have sex thing. I told him that I wanted to make sure that he was ready and that he was thinking with the brain in his head and not the brain in his penis. He said that he tends to over-think things and he thought about it a lot and he's sure that he's ready.

We were tentatively going to hang out on Wednesday night, but I was struck with a migraine, so unfortunately I was totally out of it. Told TDH this and he felt awful and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him there really wasn't anything he could do and that I just needed to wait for my medicine to work and sleep it off. We spoke again on Thursday and he told me to call him after my dance class to see if I'd be up for hanging out. He text messaged me before I got to call him and asked if I'd be up for 80s night at a club up the street. Why not? He called me and told me he had already had a couple of drinks and that he'd meet me there, a friend of his was going to drop him off.

When I got to the club TDH was definitely drunk, but it was hilarious and a good drunk. He was definitely "Sir Loves-A-Lot," as he told me he gets, he couldn't keep his hands off me. He grabbed me as soon as he saw me and gave me quite the kiss. He really couldn't keep his hands off me the whole hour we were there. We danced too and TDH kept doing the African Anteater Ritual from "Can't Buy Me Love," it might be one of the funniest things I've seen in a LONG time. After about an hour, we left and went back to my place. TDH picked me up and carried me into my bedroom and into bed. We started going at it. And yes, as you all already know, we had sex. TDH is definitely fantastic and really knows how to please me!

Here's the thing though. And I don't want you all to take this the wrong way and if you do, whatever. I'm definitely not a conceited person. I don't think I am supermodel hot. But TDH does. This is a bad thing in the sense that it makes TDH a bit insecure because he feels like he isn't good-looking enough for me even though I have told him that I think he's hot and sexy. He has told me on numerous occasions that I am the hottest, sexiest and most beautiful girl he's ever been with or seen. Then on Thursday and Friday, he asked me a few times if I find him attractive. I'm like, "Yes! Of course I do! I think you're extremely good-looking and incredibly sexy." Anyways, hopefully some more reassurance from me will help make him feel better, otherwise there really isn't anything I can do for him.

After some more fun on Friday morning, we showered, I got ready for work, and then drove TDH home. I think he really liked seeing me in my business clothes, he couldn't stop grabbing at me. Friday night, I went out with MJ and some friends, but I was exhausted and not really into it.

Saturday night, I went out with Bra Girl and her friend Nik to see some bands play. The two of them had been out drinking since 4pm, so by the time I met up with them at 10pm, they were wasted, but hilarious. We went to watch the bands and had so much fun. I had hung out with Nik before, but this time I got to know her and we have so much in common, so I think we're all going to hang out a lot more. After the bands finished at around 12:15am, we went to another bar and met up with TDH and a couple of his friends from high school. Nik ran into some old friends of hers so we all just sat at a big booth chatting and telling stories. We were having so much fun that we didn't realize that we were the only ones left in the bar and we had closed the place down. So we all left and said goodnight. Unfortunately, TDH was the DD for his friends, so there was to be no hanging out together after, plus he had to be up early for a long day working on the album, he's supposed to have it finished by Tuesday.

Sunday was a girl's day for me - Bra Girl, Nik and I met up for brunch and then went and got manicures and pedicures together. After, I just came home and relaxed.

So, that's the big update. I have some interesting stuff to post about my session with The Professional from this past Friday, but more on that another day!

Woo!

So I'm going on only a couple hours of sleep and trying to stay awake until 4pm when I can take a nap. Yes, I was up all night because of TDH. We didn't go to sleep until around 5am and then we were up again at around 8:30am. Did we have sex? Yep! Many times. So, I guess that means we are now officially in a "relationship." It feels so funny declaring it like that, but it's true, Single Girl is not single anymore! I shall elaborate more on the night later, but that's all for now, I have to keep myself moving or else I will fall asleep and I have an appointment with The Professional at 2pm and I don't want to miss it!

Wow, did that all really happen?!

So it's now 4pm and I woke up an hour ago from a nap because I only slept for 3 hours last night. TDH left my place at 10:30am this morning. We didn't go to sleep until 6am this morning. Shall I recap?

Wednesday before my dance classes I called TDH to check on him and see how he was feeling. He was feeling a lot better and had actually gone to work. We talked for a while until I had to go into my dance class. Since he was feeling better, I decided not to go the route some of you all had suggested as far as bringing him chicken soup or something. I still offered to bring him something if he wanted, but he's one of those people, like me, who when they are really sick, they just want to be alone with their "sick" and get through it.

Thursday evening, I went out to dinner with some old friends. After a drink or two, I was feeling tipsy and text messaged TDH. After dinner, I made it home safely and let TDH know that I was extremely tipsy and ready to pounce on him. He wrote back that unfortunately he is still sick and didn't want to get me sick, otherwise, he would be over in a second. He called around midnight and we were on the phone for over 3 hours. Crazy. I don't think I've ever talked on the phone to a guy for 3 hours.

Sometimes he likes to say funny things and then when I say, "What?!" in response, he'll say, "What?" back, like he never said anything. Hard to convey in this medium, but maybe some of you get it. I find this to be pretty funny, as does he. So I called him out on it and he says that he can't "mind-f**k" with me like he can other people because I'm too smart, so he just does this because he thinks it's funny and he knows I do too. I jokingly made some comment that he very well could be mind-f**king me in other ways or playing games. I told him I was joking. Later on in the conversation though, he says to me, "I hope you know I'm not playing games with you. I think you're a really cool girl and I really like you and I just want to take things slow." I'm like, "Yeah, I know." He then reiterates that he got out of a long relationship not too long ago, so he's not ready for anything super-serious yet. I'm like, "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm letting you guide the pace of things. I'm ready to move as fast as you are." I reminded him of my whole sex thing and clarified that I'm not going to have sex unless I'm in a relationship - neither of us are seeing anyone else and there's potential for more. He agreed and then said that he hadn't been looking to meet anyone when we met, I told him I hadn't been either, and then he said that he thinks that is when the best things happen. He then said that he really likes me and wants to see where this goes because there is definitely potential.

We were talking about something else for a bit, but I felt like I needed some clarification as to why he brought all of that up again, so I asked. He said because I had mentioned earlier that he could be playing games with me. I told him I had been joking. A little after 3am, we finally said goodnight and I went to sleep.

Yesterday was just a normal day of work for me and I took another dance class, which is always fun! Around 9pm, TDH called! He was on his way to his friend's house to help him out with some stuff and then they were going to go grab a beer and he wanted to see if I wanted to come. I told him to just give me a call when they were going out and I'd be up for it. So I met TDH and his friend (the same friend he was with the night we first met) at some random bar on the other side of town. We ended up going to another bar up the road and had a great time. TDH kept telling his friend how great I am, like how I can fire back with great come backs at the perfect moment, etc, little personality things. We talked about the night we met and I teased him again about rejecting me at first. TDH says to his friend, "Did I not say to you, this girl is so hot, she would never go for a guy like me?" I laughed and teased him again and he just said, "Well, it all turned out well in the end, didn't it?" Sigh.

TDH and I ended up coming back to my place after leaving the bar at 1am. We didn't waste much time going from the front door to my bedroom. And it was even more hot than on Sunday evening. At one point, TDH told me he wanted to have sex and not that he wishes we could have sex, like we would normally say. I was like, "What?" He repeated himself, so I was like, "But you know my requirements." He said he did, he heard them again the night before. I asked him if he was thinking with his brain and not his penis, he said he was. I told him if he's sure, then we can wait a few more days just to make absolutely sure because I don't want to get hurt, I want to make sure he's ready. He said he was sure, but if I wanted to wait, we could wait. He asked why I thought he might not be ready and I just told him that it was because of things he said the night before. He was like, "That doesn't sound good!" I reassured him it wasn't anything bad, but I just want him to be absolutely sure and be thinking with his brain and not his penis. He told me again later on in the night that he was ready, but I told him that I would feel better if we waited a few more days just to be absolutely sure. Let's just say though that TDH is a VERY, VERY giving lover. All he wanted to do was please me. Besides that, there was lots of dirty talk going on and just all-around hotness.

We finally went to sleep at around 6am. At about 9am, we both woke up and started going at it again. We ended up in the shower together and then back in bed. At about 10:30am, TDH got up to go home. I don't think he was feeling too hot, he said he felt a bit hungover, but he's one of those people that refuses to take Advil or anything, so he just deals with the pain.

So now I just can't believe all of that happened. I woke up from my nap and I was like, "Did that all happen?!" Then I looked around and saw the two towels on the floor, the sheets torn off the bed and the rest of the mess and realize it all happened.

I'm very interested to see if TDH is ready for the next level now that he is totally sober and not in an aroused state. Not sure if I should bring that up at all or just let it be and see if he brings it up. I'm just trying to go with the flow here and not do my usual over-analyzing.

New Names and Steamy Nights

I'll start off by announcing The New Guy's new blog name since he's not new anymore (prompted by midnite99!)... Because he is 6'4" tall with dark hair and he's good-looking, I shall call him Tall, Dark and Handsome, or TDH for short.

Saturday night was so much fun - I went out with Bra Girl and some of her friends to a fun bar for some drinks and dancing. One of the people that came out with us was a good-looking guy who took a liking to me. After flirting with me all night, he finally asked if I was single. Uh, how to answer that? TDH and I haven't had any "exclusivity" talk, but I'm also not looking to date anyone else right now. And when it comes to figuring out when you consider the person you're dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, I'm clueless. I've had to outright ask in the past. But in this case, I wouldn't consider TDH my boyfriend yet. I don't lie to people because I'm bad at it, so I didn't know how to handle this situation. I just told him that I didn't know if I am single, that I'm currently dating someone and not looking to date other people right now. He did the guy thing and asked where the guy that I'm dating is and if he treats me right. Ugh, I can't stand that! Can't a girl go out with her girlfriends? And why would I be with a guy if I thought he didn't treat me right? But anyways, he was crushed, and I'm not saying that in a conceited way, he really was. He actually pulled Bra Girl aside a little later and told her that he really likes me and asked if there was anyway to get to me. She assured him that there wasn't, that I really liked this other guy. At the end of the night, he told me that if I become available to let him know somehow because he'd like to take me out to dinner.

Sunday morning I woke up and was just laying in bed thinking about when I would call TDH. Just when I figured out when I would call him, my phone rang and it was TDH! Yay! I answered and he told me he had just gotten up and asked what I was up to. I told him I had just woken up and was still in bed. He told me to stay in bed and that he would come over in a bit. He wanted to know if I was up for hanging out that day and possibly making out for a while. Some of you may not find this funny, but I find it hilarious! I told him I was definitely up for it and asked when. So we made plans for later on in the night, after he had dinner with his Mom.

He called after dinner when he was on his way to my place and we talked for the 20 minute drive. When TDH got to my place, we drank tea on my balcony and chatted and then watched 90210 in my bed. He thought I was hilarious because I was being a bit spastic about my clean sheets. (Sorry, but there's nothing like fresh, clean sheets and a tightly made bed!!) After an episode of 90210, he finally made his move. We then proceeded to have a very HOT time for over 2 hours. No sex though, just making out without some clothes on and a lot of talk about sex - likes and dislikes. At one point, I said to him, "I know I might sound like a broken record, but I don't care anymore. But, I just hope you're into me in more than just a physical way, because it's more than that for me." He reassured me that he is and that it's more than just physical for him too, so I don't need to worry.

I know that when we finally do have sex, it's going to be ridiculously hot and mind-blowing. Thinking about it just makes the adrenaline shoot through me. He left after midnight even though he really didn't want to.

After work and keeping Bra Girl company yesterday (she was having boy troubles), I went to Target (love that place!) to grab a couple of things. After returning my shopping cart, I noticed I had a missed call from TDH. I almost didn't believe it because we usually don't speak everyday. I had to double check the date of the missed call to make sure my phone wasn't playing tricks on me. I'm such a dork. Anyways, I called him back and he told me that he thinks he's coming down with something, that his throat is really sore. I told him it could just be allergies since everything in this city looks green from the pollen. He didn't think so. We ended up having an hour long conversation about something else, which I'll post another time because I thought it was very interesting and I'm curious to hear what everyone else thinks about the issue.

Today I went to my third ballet class, which I'm loving! Can't wait to start tap which is my absolute favorite! After class, I had a missed call, from TDH! I was shocked, but I believed it more this time. We've moved up to everyday calls I guess. I called him back and he told me that he really is sick and he feels awful. He's coughing, congested and running a fever. Ugh, I better not get what he's getting. He told me I won't get it because I'm around sick people all the time with work, so my immune system is extra strong and his immune system was depressed from all of the work he was doing last week and basically running himself into the ground. We talked for a bit and I told him to let me know if he needs anything.

So that's all for now. I'm just ready for more dance classes tomorrow, dinner with some old friends on Thursday night and hopefully TDH gets better soon!

Insight

The New Guy called me during the day on Wednesday for no reason, just to chat, which was nice. I really enjoy our conversations, it's so cool to talk to someone and have time just pass by and all of a sudden you look at the clock and 45 minutes has gone by without you realizing it. He was very excited about how well things are going with the new album. He text messaged me later on in the night to invite me out with him and his friend who is in from out of town to go to a club for 80's night on Thursday night. I told him I was definitely up for it.

Thursday night, I met up with New Guy and his friend for some 80's music and dancing. We had a ton of fun. New Guy even danced, which was so cute, the boy can move! His friend was drunk, so he wasn't getting the hint when New Guy would say something like, "(SingleGirl) and I are going to go check out the other room, stay here, we'll be back." His friend would come with us. He just wouldn't get the hint that we were trying to sneak off to be alone for a few minutes. It's okay though, we snuck a quick makeout while his friend went to the bathroom. New Guy held my hand for part of the night and then when we were on the dance floor, we would face each other and he would have his arm around my back so he could pull me close. He would whisper things in my ear too, like how much he wants me and wishes we could go back to my place and how hot I look. We had a lot of fun dancing though, you can't beat 80's music!

Yesterday I had a great session with The Professional. I told her how I can't stop over-analyzing everything when it comes to The New Guy and how when I'm with him, I'm fine, but otherwise, I drive myself crazy analyzing things. Basically it all comes down to my past - my past with my father. In a nutshell, when it comes to guys, I over-analyze the situation as a way to prepare myself for "the other shoe to drop," even though the guy has given me no reason whatsoever to think that way. It's just what I know because of what my father did - basically I don't trust him, he did some pretty awful things to my Mother and in turn me, so it's hard for me to trust that a guy won't leave.

The Professional told me that when I find myself starting to over-analyze things, I need to stop myself and remind myself that I'm doing it because I'm scared. Scared of being vulnerable and scared of trusting. Even though The New Guy hasn't given me any reason to not trust him, it's hard for me to feel like he won't hurt me. Good thing is that through all of the work I've been doing with The Professional, I'm getting better at letting myself be more vulnerable and trusting of men. I've realized that there are guys out there that are trustworthy and I can't put the things that my father has done on to the other men I have relationships with. If I do that, I will never have a strong and healthy relationship. I think that the way I'm doing things with The New Guy (taking it slow) is a much healthier way of doing things though and The Professional agrees. She said that The New Guy sounds much more mature than the other guys I've dated and it sounds like we're connecting on more levels too. So I guess we'll see!

Last night I had a girl's night with some friends. We just went out to dinner at a nice restaurant and had good conversation. I was home and in bed by 11pm! Not sure when I'll see The New Guy again. I think his friend from out of town leaves today or tomorrow and I know they are probably in the studio today. So I'll let him call me, I don't want to interrupt any creative moments today!

Friends

My Friday night out with MJ and her friends was definitely eventful to say the least. MJ had been drinking since 5pm, so by the time I met up with her and her friends at 11pm, she was wasted. We made it over to a bar in the chill part of town and I found MJ's friend Abbie at the bar and got a drink. Abbie and I wandered around the bar and found the rest of the crew, but no MJ. We chatted for a few minutes before we finally saw MJ sitting at the bar, text messaging with tears rolling down her cheeks. Abbie and I go up to MJ and ask her what's wrong. She says she doesn't want to talk about it and just bursts into tears again. So I sit at a barstool next to her that a guy graciously offered up and Abbie stood in front of MJ to block her from the rest of the bar patrons. After collecting herself, we try to distract MJ by talking about random stuff, Abbie starts getting hit on by some random old dude. MJ tells me that she's crying because her ex-boyfriend was with them earlier (they have the same friends so they end up hanging out together a lot) and it upset her because they are so good together and she doesn't understand why it didn't work out between them. Now she feels pathetic because she's "that girl" who is crying in a bar. I tell her how she's feeling is perfectly normal so she doesn't need to be hard on herself. Some guy who was trying to be nice came up to us and asked MJ if she had been crying, bad move dude. MJ busts out with, "F--k you! That's so rude! You should never ask a girl that! F--k you!" I apologize to him and he goes and buys MJ a beer to apologize to her. MJ managed to keep it together the rest of the night and ended up having a great time. I resisted going to a certain seedy strip club/bar because I had to wake up early the next morning to fly to DC.

At some point during all of this, The New Guy and I were text messaging back and forth. He wanted to come meet up with me, but he couldn't drive. I told him I was ready to pounce on him, he enjoyed that a lot. He told me that he "would like me now." I enjoyed that. But, we ended up talking on the phone for about a half hour before I went to sleep and I told him I'd call him when I got back into town from DC.

The trip to DC was fun. Best College Friend loved her bridal shower, she had a fantastic time and was in awe of how nice it was. The Matron of Honor and I are really getting along, so that's a relief. I knew her in college, but she was a bit of a pain in the ass then. She was bratty and quite a prude. But she lives in NYC now and it's loosened her up and made her grow up. So, I'm relieved that since we're sharing duties as the Matron and Maid of Honor we are definitely getting along!

I was beyond exhausted when I got back from DC. I was ready to go to sleep at 7pm, but forced myself to stay awake until 11pm so I didn't wake up at 4am ready to go. The New Guy called before I even landed so I called him back and we chatted for a while about the weekend. He also told me how he had another erotic dream about me the night before. (This is the second one.) He told me how strange it is that he's having these dreams because he never has dreams like this! After talking about that for a bit, he told me how one of his bandmates is in town this week to work on finishing their record, so he's going to be busy, but he said he'd ditch his friend a night or two so that he could hang out with me.

Last night, The New Guy called to see what I was up to. I told him I was finally just sitting down to relax after a busy day. He told me they had finished in the studio early and him and a couple of his friends were going to shoot pool and wanted to see if I wanted to join them. Uh, yeah! So, wow, I'm meeting some friends. That's some big stuff right there. So while I still get nervous when I am going to see The New Guy, this time while I was getting ready to meet up with him AND his friends, I was literally shaking.

I got to the pool place and found The New Guy and his two friends. He was standing next to one of his friends who, upon seeing me, says to New Guy, "Nice!" (Yay for me!) We had a lot of fun shooting pool and drinking beer. The New Guy wasn't even afraid to be a little affectionate to me around his friends. At one point, we were both sitting on the pool table next to ours, but we had some distance between us. New Guy put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him and kept his arm around me. Yay! (I know, I'm a dork.)

One of his friends left early, which New Guy and his remaining friend (the one from out of town) were happy about. I guess they thought he weirded me out because he asked me a lot of questions when I first got there. I was like, "Whatever! I didn't really notice anything!" New Guy said to his friend, "She can handle herself well!"

Around 12:45am, it was time to leave. Unfortunately, out of town friend is staying with The New Guy, so I couldn't really get him to myself for a quick makeout session. Friend did say to me when we were leaving though, "You should definitely come hang out with us again this week! I'm in town until Saturday, so you should come out again!" I told him I would. After a hug and a kiss on the neck from The New Guy, I was off.

Before I even made it home, The New Guy called me to "keep me company on my drive home." He told me I looked really cute tonight. We talked for a half hour about random stuff - pool, dance and then his dream the other night. At one point, he says, "We should just get naked already!" I reminded him that I have my requirements and then he laughed and said how he was the one who said we should take it slow in the first place! I agreed and said that I thought it was a good idea though and I like how it's working. He agreed and said I had a point. After chatting for a bit more, it was time for bed.

So that's the big update for now! I'm surprised I met some of his friends. That's pretty cool. Or am I reading too much into that? What am I to make of him telling me he had erotic dreams about me? It doesn't bother me, I think it's hot! As long as he's into me more than in just a physical way. But if that were the case, I don't think I'd be meeting any friends, right? Okay, I need to chill!

Patience...

This taking things slow business with The New Guy is definitely a challenge for me. A good one, but it's still a challenge. It's definitely scary and I'm not sure if I can explain why, but I'll try.

Although I know he likes me, the whole act of actually taking things slow doesn't necessarily obviously convey that on a physical level. I'm laughing as I type because I realize that I sound a bit ridiculous. I guess I'm just used to throwing all caution to the wind and diving head first into relationships, so I'm used to more constant physical/sexual attention for validation. Make sense? I need to realize that it's an amazing thing that this guy not only thinks I'm hot, but he wants to really get to know me first. He wants to see what is underneath the beauty. And I think he really likes what he's getting to know.

I was thinking about this yesterday. On Friday, it will have been a month since The New Guy and I first met. Normally, by now I would have slept with him and we would have had much more than just one or two hot make-out sessions. (This doesn't happen very often. I've only had 3 serious boyfriends in my life!) Is it more scary to me because I feel almost like I'm almost more emotionally invested than I would have normally been? In the past, have I not been getting as close to men on an emotional level so soon because we get too caught up in the physical aspect of the developing relationship?

Wow. I feel like I'm having a little session with The Professional here!

This is just so different from how I've done things in the past. What a freaking challenge this is. It's such a challenge because I'm always wondering when I'm going to see him, what's going to happen when we see each other, does he really like me as much as I like him? I know I need to just go with the flow, but I can be a spaz when I'm into someone, so going with the flow isn't that easy. Especially in a situation like this, where things are a little extra scary, in a good way of course, my brain goes a bit on overdrive.

Does any part of what I said above make sense?

Wow.

The New Guy and I went out for the third time on Saturday evening. He came over to my place and we went to a bar around the corner for a couple of drinks. The discussion was quite lively and hilarious, with questions such as, "Who would you rather do, Brandon Walsh or Steve Sanders?" "Okay, who would you rather do, Brenda or Kelly?" There was talk of our college years and making fun of guys and girls in fraternities and sororities. Talk of music, politics, etc. He complimented me a few times, telling me that I look really cute when I blush and that I'm hot. During our talk about college, we started talking a bit about relationships and he said how he thinks there's something to be said for taking things slow and not having sex on the first date. I was like, "What, like in medieval times with courtship?" He said, "Something like that. There's just something to taking things slow."

After a couple of hours, we came back to my place to hang out for a little bit. New Guy was very nice to my cat, which says a lot about him in my book. If the guy just walks in, pets the cat and that's all, that says something. But, if the guy, walks in, pets the cat, tries to play with the cat or interact more with the cat than just a quick pet, that really says something. The New Guy was really taking time to try to get to know her, which says a lot, I think.

So, we watched a little bit of an episode of 90210 and were laughing hysterically about it and just chatting about stuff. We made tentative plans to hang out again during the week. Around 12:45am, it was time for him to get going, so I walked him down to his car. He gave me a big hug and then got into his car and left.

Seriously? No kiss again? What is going on here? Have I fallen into the "friend zone?" Does he just see me as a friend? I was so confused. All day Sunday and then again on Monday I couldn't stop thinking about what was going on. After talking to Best College Friend, she suggested that I just call him to chat to show that I was interested. She pointed out that he did say that he felt a bit like he was chasing me, so giving him a call would help make sure that he knew I was interested.

So I called The New Guy. He was happy to hear from me and said, "I was just thinking about you!" We talked for a while, but I still couldn't get a good read on him. He would say something like, "I hate to think of you all alone in your big loft by yourself." But, then every time I would throw out a flirtatious comment, he would just laugh and then change the subject. For instance, we were talking about how my bedroom is so nice and dark like a cave, he said that all I need is just a big, flat-screen tv. I replied that I have a flat-screen tv in there, it's just not that big. He was like, "You do?" I said, "Yeah, you just didn't see it because you were too scared to come all the way into my bedroom." He said, "Yeah, you might take advantage of me." I replied, "Would that be so bad?" He just laughed and then changed the subject. I was like, Okay...

Up until then, I wasn't going to say anything about how confused I was. Earlier in the conversation, we had made plans to go out on Friday or Saturday, so I was just going to see what happened then and if he still didn't make a move, then I was going to say something. But, something got into me, and I managed to communicate to him that I wasn't sure if he was interested in me or not and I was very confused. Needless to say, I was very, very happy with his response.

He said, "I think you're incredibly hot. I'm sure you get hit on numerous times everyday. I just didn't want to be one of those guys and I didn't want to be 'that' guy. I just really enjoy talking to you and the fact that you're so smart, we share pretty much the same viewpoint on things and on top of that you're beautiful, is amazing." Wow. I told him that he's definitely succeeded in setting himself apart from every other guy and that when it comes down to it, he's the one I'm talking to, so that should tell him something. He said that, "You're so hot that I just wasn't sure if you'd really be into someone like me." I replied, "Uh, seriously?! I find you really attractive. Not only that, but I think you're the total package - you're good-looking, funny, smart and talented. I always look forward to talking to you." So, yeah.

We now have plans to hang out tomorrow night. After laying everything out on the table last night, he busts out with, "There will definitely be some making out next time!" LOL! I did make it clear to him that I won't have sex unless I'm in a serious relationship, just so he knows. He assured me that he wasn't expecting anything like that yet. So, we'll see what happens tomorrow night!

The New Guy!

Where to start? I guess I'll start with my the new guy in my life, New Guy. This one really gives me butterflies! I met him last Friday night when I was out with MJ at one of the laidback bars nearby. I was up at the bar trying to get drinks while MJ was using the bathroom. I struck up a conversation with New Guy since we were both having trouble getting drinks. He got us both drinks and once I got my drink, he said to me, "Don't feel obligated to stay and talk to me if you don't want to." Wow, ouch, I thought we had hit it off! I said, "Well, I don't, but if you'd like to talk more, I'll be standing right over there." So I went and stood in a less-crowded area and MJ returned. I told her what happened and she went and thanked New Guy for the drink (he paid for them). While she was gone, some drunk guy had come up and started hitting on me. I glanced to my left for a second and saw New Guy standing there with his friend and gave him one of those "rescue me" looks. He laughed and said, "I've seen that look before" and immediately rescued me from close-talking and spitting while talking, drunk guy. For the next hour and a half or so, New Guy and I talked and before he left, he got my number. He then gave me his, but I said to him, "I'll take your number, but I'm not going to call you. If you want to see me, you have to call me." He replied, "I promise I'll call you tomorrow."

He called the next day as promised. That was when we set up the date for Thursday. On Wednesday, I lost my voice. Great. He called Wednesday evening to confirm and even though I didn't have much of a voice, I picked up the phone. I immediately told him to excuse my voice, that I did not just smoke a carton of cigarettes. He laughed and said not to worry, that he doesn't sound great after playing a show with his band, so he totally understands. We ended up talking for over an hour and a half on the phone and decided to meet the next night at the bar where we met for drinks.

On Thursday at 8pm, an hour before I was supposed to meet with him, I took my temperature because I wasn't feeling too hot. 100.7F. I called my Mom and asked her what to do. Her advice: take two Advil, go on the date and just stay for an hour, it's too late to cancel. So that's what I did - I went on a date with no voice and a fever! I had such a great time though that I felt fantastic and ended up staying for three and a half hours. The conversation flowed so well, we have so much in common, it's amazing. He's the combination I look for in a guy - good-looking, funny, nerdy, tall and quick-witted. Plus, he loves 80s music and 90210!! Thing was, at the end of the date, he didn't even try to kiss me. I was shocked. But, he did ask me out on a second date, so he was still interested. I guess he didn't want to risk catching my laryngitis since he and his band are currently in the studio recording their second album. But, I was still worried since he didn't even try to kiss me or say that he wanted to.

My fears were for nothing though. He called yesterday afternoon! Wow. I really like New Guy, he doesn't play games! We ended up talking again for about an hour and a half. He told me what a great time he had the night before and couldn't believe that he had found a girl who liked talking about the same stuff he likes to talk about and that finds his nerdy side attractive. I was like, Uh, yeah! He recommended some tea that's supposed to be good for the throat that he likes and that John Mayer had recommended it to him.

Then today, as I was dozing off in bed while watching some 90210 and drinking some of that good-for-the-throat-tea, New Guy called! I didn't pick up right then, I was too groggy, but I called him back an hour later. He asked how my throat was and how I was feeling. He told me how some of his old college friends surprised him and came into town last night. Then he wanted to see if I was still up for hanging out tonight. I told him to go hang out with his college friends tonight so I could rest my voice some more and that we could hang out tomorrow instead. He said no, that he had committed to plans with me for tonight and he didn't want to break them. I told him that it was okay, that I should really rest my voice, it's truly not a big deal. He said okay, if I was sure, and then we just started chatting some more about random stuff like friends, politics, music and other stuff. We were on the phone for almost an hour and a half (again!) when I had to cut it short because I was about to have a coughing fit. I didn't want him to hear that, so I told him I was going to go make some tea.

I don't know, I really like this one so far! I'm not going to get too excited though, we all know how the "crazy" can come out if we don't keep it under control! I just think it's cool how well we get along, we can just talk and the conversation flows, there's never an awkward silence and we have so much in common, but not too much to where we're constantly in agreement.

So now I need to come up with a blog name for the New Guy... Should it be Smart Guy? Nerd Guy? Hmmm... Help me out here!

Anyways, I have a Partyboy update as well as a Security Guy update, but I'll save those for tomorrow!!

The bump was a pebble

Well, the little bump in the road about Partyboy was just a tiny pebble for me to drive over. Thursday night, I text messaged PB and asked what he was up to this weekend and he replied that he was swamped and what was I up to. I told him that I wasn't sure yet and wanted to see if he would like to go out for drinks some time. His reply was simply, "I can't." Mmmkay. What the hell is that? Not even, Sorry I can't? Just "I can't." No, "Maybe next week"? So, whatever, on to another. As Samantha said to me, "You tossed out a bone. He didn't bite this time. Oh well. Next puppy." Love it!

I went out both Friday night and last night. Don't know what's gotten into me lately, I've just been in the mood to be out. I guess after not really going out at all for the past year, I'm feeling the urge to be social again! I think I'll stick to just one night out a week though, last night I just wasn't feeling it as much as Friday night. But I think where we went out had something to do with it too, the place was packed and the guys were so skeezy. Last night before going out we went bowling which was so much fun, haven't done that since college.

Friday night, I went out with MJ to the laid-back bars near where I live. First, we went to a different area to meet up with some of her other friends who were watching a band at a bar, but MJ's license had expired a couple of weeks ago, so the guy at the door wouldn't let her in. Douchebag. So we went to the laid-back bars.

There, MJ and I were getting hit on by random guys, some that looked like they could be 19 years old, it was pretty funny. They couldn't understand why we weren't responding to their advances and at one point, one of them says to me, "So, just because I'm 3 years younger than you, I don't turn you on?" Poor thing. He just wasn't getting it. Then he proceeds to say, "What if I like older women?" What a dumb boy, now you just made me feel really old. MJ was really struggling when trying to deal with one of this guy's friends, so we made our escape. We ran into one of MJ's guy friends at another end of the bar and while MJ went to the bathroom, I went to the bar to get drinks.

Up at the bar, I met the guy who is now my date for Thursday night...

The weight has been lifted

Well, that went a lot easier than I expected. Had I known it was going to go so easy, I wouldn't have been freaking out so much, my heart wouldn't have been pounding so hard I was scared it was going to pound right out of my chest and my palms wouldn't have been so sweaty.

Once I finally got the nerve up to call The Swimmer on Thursday night, we talked for a couple of minutes before he asked what was wrong. I told him that I had been thinking a lot about us and that as much as I care about him and love him, I just didn't think we were going to work out. He said something about how he thinks the distance thing sucks and that if I lived in LA, we would be forever. I didn't bother telling him that that isn't true, it wouldn't change anything, let him think that if he truly believes that and if he's just telling himself that to make himself feel better, let him. He said that he had been really worried about me because I seemed really "off" lately. I told him that it's because I've been stressed out thinking about "us" and it's really been bothering me, but I didn't want to say anything until I was absolutely positive because I didn't want to regret anything. He said he understood. He then commented on how it felt kind of weird all of a sudden and I said, "Yeah, because no one did anything wrong here so it's not like anyone is mad." He agreed and told me that he truly cares about me and still wants to be friends and that he is always there for me if I ever need anything, no matter what.

So, that was it. The whole conversation lasted about 8 minutes. The thing about really long-distance relationships is that aside from not talking to The Swimmer 5 times a day, nothing is different. Towards the end, talking to The Swimmer became more of a chore than anything, so I feel better now to not dread those phone calls. I only really had "real boyfriend" stuff - like doing things together, spending lazy weekends together, bedroom fun, going out to dinner, etc., - once every 4-6 weeks, so it doesn't feel like much has changed. It's kind of odd not feeling devastated after a breakup. It also helps that I know that The Swimmer isn't "The One" and that we didn't end on bad terms. That doesn't mean I want to be talking to him either though. He needs to find someone else to talk to about his stress and get obnoxious amounts of reassurance from, not me! Yay!! So glad I don't have to put up with that anymore.

I figure after a few weeks of "me" time or whenever I feel like it, I'll be ready to go back out into the dating world. Now, here's a question, even though I'm planning on moving to another state in April or May, it's still okay for me to date in the same city I'm living in now, right? If I decide to go the online dating route, do I restrict my searches to the city I live in now? Do I add the city I'm moving to as well? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it! For now, I have this weekend to look forward to - Best College Friend is coming to visit and Crazy Girl and I are surprising her with a trip to the male strip club! Should be a very fun weekend!

Like ripping off a bandaid?

So, I decided to wait until I could speak with The Professional. I've never been on this end of "the talk" and I wanted to make sure I was doing it the right way. I finally saw The Professional today and was able to update her on the drama that is my life. It had been a month since I saw her last (she had been out so long because she had surgery) so there was a lot to update her on. As far as The Swimmer goes, she said that basically, there is never going to be a good time to do the breaking up, so it's better to just get it over with so I can stop walking around with the heaviness of it in me. She said it's best to just be straightforward and just get it all out. I should call him though since he usually calls me, that way he's not calling me thinking that he's just calling to chat and then getting hit with this. I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about this a lot since you last came to visit and you're a good guy and I love you, but we just aren't going to work out." She said to not try to predict how he's going to react because there really isn't anyway to tell how he will react. And to just be strong and if he tries to ask if he can do things to make it better, to just tell him that "we're past that now and it just isn't going to work anymore."

Even worse is that he called me not too long ago on his lunch break to talk about how stressed out he is with work. For a minute I was thinking about waiting and having "the talk" tomorrow, but you know what? He's ALWAYS stressed out about work, it doesn't matter what day it is, he's always going to be so stressed out with work, so if I plan the talk around that, it'll never happen. He is only working a half day tomorrow, so if he's too upset to go to work tomorrow, he can call in sick, otherwise it's only a half a day, right?

This is awful, but I know I'll feel better once it's all over with. Any advice?

It's all about me. . .

WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE!

I know I've been gone for a while, but there's been a lot going on. When I last posted, things with The Swimmer had been resolved. Basically, the night I was leaving LA, he told me he realized that he hadn't been fair to me when he said he wouldn't consider living in South Florida and that he needs to at least visit SFL and see if it's a place he would want to live. He also said that he had gotten the name of a therapist from his mom and that he was working up the courage to call and make an appointment, but that he was scared. I told him that I understand being scared, but in order for us to work, it's something he needs to do. He promised me he would make an appointment and go within the next few weeks.

So I left LA happy knowing that The Swimmer was going to see a therapist soon to start working on his issues and that we would take a trip to South Florida together in November or December so he can see what it's like.

This past Wednesday, I put my loft on the market. This was really hard to do. This loft is the first home I've ever owned and I bought it when I was only 24 years old. It took a lot of hard work to be able to buy it, but I did it and it was a huge accomplishment. So needless to say, it was really hard to sign the papers that put my loft up for sale. It's hard to think that someone else will be living here soon. Hopefully it won't take too long to sell and hopefully I'll get the money I want for it.

Wednesday night, after telling The Swimmer how hard it was for me to sign the papers, he tells me that he's "considered" moving to South Florida and he doesn't want to. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think that thinking about it for a few days is really considering it. Considering moving somewhere is actually visiting a place, seeing if there's jobs there, seeing what it's like, that's considering it.

What it comes down to is that he's scared of leaving his comfort zone. He tells me I mean the world to him and he loves me with all of his heart, and that means a lot to me, but that means even more that you need to really fully consider it and not just think about it. You can't let being scared of leaving your comfort zone prevent you from doing something.

He said that it's risky for him to move because what if it doesn't work out, then he'd have to move back to LA and find a new job. I pointed out to him that it's way more risky for me if I moved to LA and it didn't work out because I couldn't just move back home and find a new job within a week or two like he could, I'd be stuck in LA for at least a year. And even if things are going great between he and I, if I step into the same work situation I'm in now - crappy geography, too laidback manager - I risk losing my job. If that happens, I'm out of work for 6 months to a year, that's just how it is in the industry I work in. So I have to be really careful with the decision I make.

After explaining all of this to him, he told me that he didn't know that and he should have talked about it more with me and that he needs to think about it more. I told him that I would try and find out more about the work situation for me out in LA to see if I could get any info on the manager and geography.

The Professional keeps telling me that even if I move to South Florida, it doesn't mean that things would be over between The Swimmer and I, and I agree. I love him and I know he loves me, and while the long distance thing sucks, I also need to think about the whole picture. I've made the mistake too many times in the past of not looking at the whole picture or only focusing on the man in my life and not on me and I've always felt bad about that and wished I'd done things differently. This time, I need to do things differently. And yes, I am leaning more towards South Florida at this point, but LA isn't out of the picture. As much as I am not a fan of South Florida, career-wise, it's a guaranteed good move - I'm guaranteed a good territory, the BEST manager, a promotion and it's going to help secure my job. While it would be nice to be closer to family, it would suck to not have any friends in the area, but it's always been easy for me to make friends. As far as LA, career-wise, it's definitely not guaranteed at all - I could very well be stepping into a situation much like the one I'm in now or even worse. Even if it were better than the one I'm in now, it wouldn't be as good as the one I could have in South Florida. I'd have The Swimmer there though, which would be amazing! No friends or family though.

So, there it is. There's the huge update. And I completely apologize for the long absence, but with all of this going on, it's been hard to have any motivation to do anything but watch tv. I promise to post regularly again now that I've caught up!

More soon...

Too tired for the full update right now, but The Swimmer and I had a really good talk last night before I left LA and he has somewhat redeemed himself from Saturday night. More later, but for now, I must take a nap. Red eye flights are great, but very tiring!

More drugs and The Swimmer

Well, I'll be starting the medication to help prevent my migraines tonight. I spoke with my regular doctor today about it and she agreed that it is the way to go. I can't be put on two other types of medications that can help prevent migraines because I have low blood pressure. She also said that she doesn't think it's necessary for me to switch my birth control, she thinks that neuro was just being overly cautious and if I really want to, I could just switch to a lower estrogen pill, no big deal. She strongly advised against a progesterone only pill because a lot of women get pregnant on them - you have to take it at EXACTLY the same time every night or else it's not effective. So, yay, problems solved. I'm still going to see my old old neuro next week because I think I might just go back to seeing him. It really is hard to find a doctor that you fully trust and like.

One thing I really like about The Swimmer is that when he gets cranky or snippy or anything, he is the first to call me back right away and apologize. This doesn't happen very often, but the few times where we've gotten off the phone and I call him a jerk to myself, I get a phone call within 15 minutes apologizing for being cranky. I really like that. It shows something, maybe how sensitive he is. I don't know, what do you all think? I can't think of the word I'm looking for. He's starting his gym regimen again tonight, so that's good. He hasn't been feeling great about his body lately, he has gained a few pounds, but he is far from fat. What matters is how he feels about his body, so I'm happy that he's going back to the gym. It's weird when your boyfriend is the one constantly saying how he feels/looks fat. Total role reversal! It's funny how this side of the guy comes out, you don't usually hear about it, but I think it's pretty funny. Now I know how guys feel with having to be careful about how they choose their words. When The Swimmer asks if I think he's skinny, I would be lying if I said he was, but that doesn't mean I think he looks fat either. So, I have to say that he looks great the way he is, not too skinny and not fat at all. Wow, it really is hard for guys sometimes, isn't it?

Well, I will have another post in the next couple of days about getting older, it's something I've been thinking about with my birthday coming up in less than a month.

UPDATE: Okay, I just took the new medication. I always get nervous before and when I take new medication for the first time. At least I didn't have to have my Mom on the phone talking me through it and pretty much yelling at me to "Swallow the damn pill already!!" I get nervous because I am a medical nerd and know too much about medical things. I also have a tendency before I take a new medication, to look the drug up on webmd and all of those other dangerous sites. I then read everything about the drug, good and bad, and of course tend to dwell on the bad. Why can't I be a little more ignorant about these things? I know that wouldn't be good either, but I don't like going on the verge of a self-induced panic attack when I take something for the first time, even if it might be something that could really help. Here's an example of how I can talk myself into a panic attack. . . A couple of summers ago, I couldn't get enough of eating my favorite fruit, mangoes. One evening, I had some mango. My throat felt a little funny, but I of course didn't see it that way, I convinced myself that I was all of a sudden allergic to manoes and was going into anaphylactic shock. I then spent about an hour on the phone with my Mom panicking and saying how I wasn't sure if my throat was really closing up or if I was going into anaphylactic shock. I wasn't sure if I should go to the ER because if it was just a panic attack, they would think I was crazy. She told me that if I was really that scared, I should go to the ER or call Poison Control and ask them how to tell the difference between a panic attack and an allergic reaction. I called Poison Control, but never got to speak to anyone, was put on hold and then hung up on. Some good Poison Control is!! I finally calmed down after panicking for a while. Looking back on this, it was hilarious! At the time, not so much.

So, the moral of the story is. . , I need to stay calm and not read up on things on Webmd too much!

Long Overdue. . .

Where oh where to begin?!

Well, I ended up going to LA on Wednesday instead of Tuesday because I was just so exhausted from worrying about the health issues. My luggage didn't make it on my flight, but I stayed at the airport an extra half hour to wait for the next flight in the hopes that my bag was there. Sure enough it was, so I took a Super Shuttle from the airport to The Swimmer's mom's house for dinner. I got there and met his sister, his brother and his brother's girlfriend for the first time and saw his mom and grandma again. Dinner was good, I was just so exhausted from the flight and the luggage debaucle, but I guess I still managed to make a good impression on the rest of his family because the reviews were: "She's beautiful!" "She's smart and intellectual!" "We really like her!" I also saw most of the family on Friday night at the restaurant The Swimmer and I went to for dinner, but we just chatted for a couple of minutes. Once we got back to his place, while he showered, I decorated his room with birthday decorations to surprise him which he really liked. Then he got his presents. He was happy! I did a good job! YAY!

Thursday I picked up my rental car, got waxed in my "special place" and made a beeline for Jamba Juice. That stuff is like crack. I can not get enough of the Jamba Juice. I don't know what they put in it, but once I have one, I must have one again the next day and the next. Other smoothies just don't compare. I walked along Rodeo Drive to relax and then got insanely lost trying to find my way back to The Swimmer's neighborhood to do some grocery shopping. After ending up in a shady neighborhood, I turned off the "blonde moment" I had apparently been having and found my way to The Swimmer's neighborhood. Did some grocery shopping, ate lunch, some more grocery shopping and then relaxed at The Swimmer's place. He came home and I cooked dinner. We ate, he did the cleaning up (yay! I hate that part!) and then we relaxed. Friday I went to the Beverly Center as soon as I found out they have an H&M there. Bought a few tops then went to Jamba Juice to get my fix before it was time to return the rental car. Friday night, the Swimmer and I went to dinner and then just relaxed. Saturday we met up with one of his friends and hung out for a little bit, but it was too hot out so The Swimmer and I retreated to his living room to relax in the air conditioning. We then went to the phone store so he could pick out his birthday present. We met up with his friend and his friend's girlfriend again for dinner which was fun - lots of storytelling since they've known each other since high school. Sunday we lazed around before catching a late afternoon movie - "Transformers." Amazing movie! I loved it! Easily one of the coolest movies I've seen in a long, long time. We picked up some dinner, ate and watched Entourage. Had a discussion about the whole moving thing again, but it was good. He had work Monday, so I lazed around, slept in and relaxed. Monday night was pretty much dinner and then me being sad and The Swimmer comforting me. Then there was the tearful parting at the airport.

I was so exhausted last week after getting home on the red eye, an early conference call for work Wednesday morning, an early work meeting on Thursday morning and then a busy Friday that I did a whole lot of nothing all weekend. I basically slept in until 11:30am both days and didn't do much all day.

Things with The Swimmer and I are going really well - he continues to be incredibly sweet, sensitive, reassuring and caring which is really nice to see after being together for 6 months. Wow! I can't believe it's been 6 months already. Crazy!

So The Swimmer went and had his yearly physical today. He got a clean bill of health from his doctor. Then he told me that he asked the doctor to test him for all of the STDs and HIV. He told me he did this to reassure me and for my UTIs. I laughed and asked how that would help with that issue. (Which taking a cranberry supplement and drinking a lot of water when I see the Swimmer has REALLY helped.) He said then we could have sex without condoms. (The condoms might be irritating the urinary tract) I told him we'd have to really talk about that.

Hmmmmm..... Not sure how I feel about that. I've only had sex without a condom once and that was with my first boyfriend who I was with for over 2 years and I didn't let him finish inside me. Even though I'm on the Pill and I've been on it for 8 years and take it exactly how I'm supposed to, I think I would get paranoid about getting pregnant. I don't think I'd want him to "finish" inside me. For some reason, and this may sound silly, I feel like that's something really special that should be saved. I sound like someone talking about saving their virginity, but that's kind of what it's like - saving my "cum" virginity - for lack of a better word. I don't know. I think The Swimmer and I will have to really talk about it before I will agree to it. What do you all think?

Here's another big step for me. . . I've gone down on The Swimmer more than with any other guy. It's just something I've never liked doing, but don't mind doing for The Swimmer during foreplay. It's strange, but it just doesn't bother me anymore. I do have my rules - no finishing in my mouth (it's just part of foreplay for me), no touching my head or pulling on my hair, just sit back and enjoy. But I don't feel like any of that is asking too much if I'm going to do it. The Swimmer likes it, but I told him it's not something I'll do all the time and he's happy with that and he's always willing and wanting to reciprocate. It's not really a turn on for me so much, I just know that he enjoys it and that makes me happy. And while I'm doing it, I'm looking forward to the fantastic sex we always have. So it's a win-win situation in my eyes!

Well, that's probably more than any of you want to know about or maybe not, but it's out there! More stories to come, I'm just ready for bed now so more tomorrow!