The Swimmer Is Fantastic!!

I have finally finished feeling totally and completely upset that the long weekend is over and The Swimmer has returned to LA. Perhaps this is because we bought a ticket for me to go visit him the first weekend in October and I know the time between now and then is going to fly by. I have an out of town work meeting next week and then next weekend I will be visiting my Mom in Florida. I was really so sad when it was time for me to take The Swimmer to the airport, I just couldn't stop crying. The Swimmer is great about it though, he's so comforting and sweet and truly tries to make me feel better even though he's sad too.

We had a really nice and relaxing weekend. Went out to dinner on Friday night with one of my neighbors and Crazy Girl which was good and then did a whole lot of nothing on Saturday. Sunday we went to my first ever professional baseball game which was a lot of fun. And Monday just went by way too quickly.

We talked about him coming to my Mom's house for Thanksgiving, which ended up being a funny discussion. He didn't know that when I invited him to come to meet my Mom, brother, sister-in-law and nephews for Thanksgiving that it would be for the whole weekend. He thought it was just for Thanksgiving and for that night. He thought it was just a 4 hour drive from where I live to my Mom's. It's actually an 8 hour drive, so going for one night is really not an option. I told him I would understand if he didn't feel comfortable coming for the whole weekend, that we would just figure out another time for him to meet my Mom and the rest of the family when it would be a more comfortable situation. He was so cute about it though and it was funny seeing him get all nervous about meeting my Mom and brother. He was like, "what would it be like?" "where would we sleep?"

So then Tuesday night when we were talking on the phone, he asked me if I wanted to know what he was thinking about on the plane ride back to LA. He told me that he would come to my Mom's house for the Thanksgiving weekend because he knew it meant a lot to me, even if it made him uncomfortable, he wanted to do it for me. This man is really the best! I just wish he knew it for himself. I told him again that I wouldn't want him to do anything that would make him that uncomfortable and that we'll discuss it again later, but that I was sure that we'd be able to figure out another time when it would be more comfortable for him to meet the family. He really is so sweet though.

Then, he was talking about how hot it was in his bedroom at night when he got back from visiting me. (Remember, he only has a window unit AC in his living room, nothing in his bedroom, not even a fan and there was that heat wave in LA over the weekend) He said that he couldn't wait until he moves out of this apartment and doesn't have a roommate anymore. So I said, "Well, what about me?" He said, "We'll get a place together!" I told him as long as it has central air, I'll be happy!

On another note, I am still a bit peeved about what happened with Crazy Girl and my birthday. I know I should just let it go, but I'm just very annoyed with her. Almost everything she says annoys me now or frustrates me. What sucks is that her and I are roommates at our out of town work meeting next week. Oh well. At least we won't be together for all of the meetings all day. I am supposed to go to the mall with her this Saturday, but I might just have to cancel on her for that. I think I need to have all the alone time I can get before I'm stuck with her for a few days straight. Good thing I'll be seeing The Professional tomorrow, maybe she can help me figure out how to deal with this or get over it. Maybe Crazy Girl is somehow jealous of my focus on The Swimmer? I don't know, crazy hypothesizing on my part. . .

A Quickie

Not feeling up to really posting right now, but just wanted to let you all know that The Swimmer definitely didn't disappoint with my birthday present. He got me a beautiful necklace with a pearl pendant on it. We had a fantastic weekend together which I promise to post more about tomorrow, I'm just too busy being sad right now since I dropped him off at the airport to really post. So, more tomorrow!

Long Overdue. . .

Where oh where to begin?!

Well, I ended up going to LA on Wednesday instead of Tuesday because I was just so exhausted from worrying about the health issues. My luggage didn't make it on my flight, but I stayed at the airport an extra half hour to wait for the next flight in the hopes that my bag was there. Sure enough it was, so I took a Super Shuttle from the airport to The Swimmer's mom's house for dinner. I got there and met his sister, his brother and his brother's girlfriend for the first time and saw his mom and grandma again. Dinner was good, I was just so exhausted from the flight and the luggage debaucle, but I guess I still managed to make a good impression on the rest of his family because the reviews were: "She's beautiful!" "She's smart and intellectual!" "We really like her!" I also saw most of the family on Friday night at the restaurant The Swimmer and I went to for dinner, but we just chatted for a couple of minutes. Once we got back to his place, while he showered, I decorated his room with birthday decorations to surprise him which he really liked. Then he got his presents. He was happy! I did a good job! YAY!

Thursday I picked up my rental car, got waxed in my "special place" and made a beeline for Jamba Juice. That stuff is like crack. I can not get enough of the Jamba Juice. I don't know what they put in it, but once I have one, I must have one again the next day and the next. Other smoothies just don't compare. I walked along Rodeo Drive to relax and then got insanely lost trying to find my way back to The Swimmer's neighborhood to do some grocery shopping. After ending up in a shady neighborhood, I turned off the "blonde moment" I had apparently been having and found my way to The Swimmer's neighborhood. Did some grocery shopping, ate lunch, some more grocery shopping and then relaxed at The Swimmer's place. He came home and I cooked dinner. We ate, he did the cleaning up (yay! I hate that part!) and then we relaxed. Friday I went to the Beverly Center as soon as I found out they have an H&M there. Bought a few tops then went to Jamba Juice to get my fix before it was time to return the rental car. Friday night, the Swimmer and I went to dinner and then just relaxed. Saturday we met up with one of his friends and hung out for a little bit, but it was too hot out so The Swimmer and I retreated to his living room to relax in the air conditioning. We then went to the phone store so he could pick out his birthday present. We met up with his friend and his friend's girlfriend again for dinner which was fun - lots of storytelling since they've known each other since high school. Sunday we lazed around before catching a late afternoon movie - "Transformers." Amazing movie! I loved it! Easily one of the coolest movies I've seen in a long, long time. We picked up some dinner, ate and watched Entourage. Had a discussion about the whole moving thing again, but it was good. He had work Monday, so I lazed around, slept in and relaxed. Monday night was pretty much dinner and then me being sad and The Swimmer comforting me. Then there was the tearful parting at the airport.

I was so exhausted last week after getting home on the red eye, an early conference call for work Wednesday morning, an early work meeting on Thursday morning and then a busy Friday that I did a whole lot of nothing all weekend. I basically slept in until 11:30am both days and didn't do much all day.

Things with The Swimmer and I are going really well - he continues to be incredibly sweet, sensitive, reassuring and caring which is really nice to see after being together for 6 months. Wow! I can't believe it's been 6 months already. Crazy!

So The Swimmer went and had his yearly physical today. He got a clean bill of health from his doctor. Then he told me that he asked the doctor to test him for all of the STDs and HIV. He told me he did this to reassure me and for my UTIs. I laughed and asked how that would help with that issue. (Which taking a cranberry supplement and drinking a lot of water when I see the Swimmer has REALLY helped.) He said then we could have sex without condoms. (The condoms might be irritating the urinary tract) I told him we'd have to really talk about that.

Hmmmmm..... Not sure how I feel about that. I've only had sex without a condom once and that was with my first boyfriend who I was with for over 2 years and I didn't let him finish inside me. Even though I'm on the Pill and I've been on it for 8 years and take it exactly how I'm supposed to, I think I would get paranoid about getting pregnant. I don't think I'd want him to "finish" inside me. For some reason, and this may sound silly, I feel like that's something really special that should be saved. I sound like someone talking about saving their virginity, but that's kind of what it's like - saving my "cum" virginity - for lack of a better word. I don't know. I think The Swimmer and I will have to really talk about it before I will agree to it. What do you all think?

Here's another big step for me. . . I've gone down on The Swimmer more than with any other guy. It's just something I've never liked doing, but don't mind doing for The Swimmer during foreplay. It's strange, but it just doesn't bother me anymore. I do have my rules - no finishing in my mouth (it's just part of foreplay for me), no touching my head or pulling on my hair, just sit back and enjoy. But I don't feel like any of that is asking too much if I'm going to do it. The Swimmer likes it, but I told him it's not something I'll do all the time and he's happy with that and he's always willing and wanting to reciprocate. It's not really a turn on for me so much, I just know that he enjoys it and that makes me happy. And while I'm doing it, I'm looking forward to the fantastic sex we always have. So it's a win-win situation in my eyes!

Well, that's probably more than any of you want to know about or maybe not, but it's out there! More stories to come, I'm just ready for bed now so more tomorrow!

How the weekend flies. . .

It took me so long this morning to get out of bed. I was just still sad that The Swimmer went back to LA last night. I woke up a few times during the night sleeping on my left side (I usually sleep on my right side), the side I sleep on when I'm with The Swimmer, and I got so sad because he wasn't there. We had another fantastic weekend together and will have to wait another 3 weeks to be together again. Long distance relationships really are hard, but both The Swimmer and I think what we have is worth it.

I brought up the idea of me moving out to LA again and he acted a little freaked out which made me feel insecure. I told him that he was acting all freaked out and he apologized and told me that I caught him off-guard. I just told him that for both of our sake's (if that makes sense, but you get the picture) we both need an endpoint to the long-distance part of our relationship and I just wanted to talk about what that would entail. I told him how back in February, he brought this up and said he didn't want to be long-distance for more than a year and I had agreed. He just said how he agrees and sees my point and wanted time to really think about it in detail. I told him how the way he was acting made me feel insecure. This made him really sad and he told me that I have nothing to worry about, that he cares about me so much and doesn't want me to ever feel insecure about the way he feels about me and that he wants to make sure that we do everything right. He said that it's a big risk for me to move out to LA and he's worried that I'll be sick of him after a month. I told him that there is a risk in everything and you can't live life always worrying about the risk and that we know each other better than a lot of couples given that we've known each other for 5 years and we've been in a relationship for almost 5 months and we talk on the phone at least 3 or 4 times a day as well as e-mail throughout the day. He agreed and apologized for being caught off guard and making me feel insecure.

That was the "scary" part of the weekend for me and probably for him too. Yesterday morning, I woke up sad that he was leaving and couldn't stop crying. He was really sad too and promised to lay in bed with me and hold me for as long as I wanted and that he loves being with me and didn't want to leave either, but he had to. It was another teary parting at the airport last night, but he has text messaged me several times today and e-mailed me a few times today about how much he misses me.

Besides the scary part and the sad morning, we had a lot of fun together going out to dinner, going to the movies, watching basketball on tv, watching more movies and just relaxing together.

So, any input from other people who have been in successful long-distance relationships? How did you make the transition from long-distance to same city? Did you move in with your significant other right away or have your own place? Who moved and why? How did you know you wouldn't get sick of each other once you lived in the same city? Is it something you just knew or was it a risk?

Obviously, The Professional and I will have much to discuss during my next appointment!

The weekend flew by. . .

YAY! No panic attacks all weekend!! YAY! YAY! YAY! I'm thinking that the panic attacks I had the first weekend I went to LA to visit The Swimmer were because it was my first time there and like The Professional said, I wasn't letting out my emotions. Since doing that, I have definitely made progress. For once, I am finally giving myself credit instead of being so hard on myself like I usually am. Anyways, on to the weekend...

We had so much fun and the weekend went by WAY too quickly. I got in Thursday night and after a quick shower and some realxing, The Swimmer and I went to sleep. He was up for work early Friday morning and I slept through most of his getting ready, I was so exhausted from such a busy past couple of weeks and really having no weekend when my brother was in town. After he got back from work, we relaxed and then got dressed to go for sushi. Saturday was nice, we relaxed all morning and then got showered and dressed and met up with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. Then it was off to Disneyland. His friend's girlfriend also gets carsick so we ended up taking two cars, which I was happy about. Remember how The Swimmer said the drive to Disneyland was long? Yeah, it took maybe 35 minutes, no big deal. We're just driving along and all of a sudden the next exit sign I see on the interstate was for Disneyland. Disneyland was a ton of fun, but absolutely exhausting. By the time we left, our legs felt like they weighed a ton and The Swimmer drove us home quickly where we passed out in minutes. Sunday was spent recovering from Disneyland, so we just ran a couple of errands and then watched some movies. Monday morning we were up early and then The Swimmer was off to work. It was strangely hot yesterday in LA, so I was trying to avoid going out in the heat, but there was no food for lunch in the apartment, so I was forced out. Luckily, The Swimmer lives close to The Grove in LA, so I went and walked around for a little bit and grabbed some lunch. I walked back to his place and relaxed in the living room where the A/C is until The Swimmer got home from work. He brought home sushi for dinner and we ate and relaxed together before some last minute cuddling before it was time to take me to the airport. =(

We did have a little spat, but it was quickly resolved. It basically comes down to The Swimmer being extremely sensitive. Sometimes sensitive to the point where I'm hesitant to say something because I don't want him to take it the wrong way. This came up on Sunday evening in a strange way and I told him that I like that he's sensitive, but he can't take everything personally and he can't always be perfect. He said that he always wants to be perfect for me and do everything right so sometimes when I say things, he takes it hard and personally and nobody can be perfect all the time and everyone needs to be shown new things or new ways of doing things sometimes. And that though I like that he's sensitive, he can't be sensitive to the point where I don't bring things up because I'm scared he'll get upset about it. The Swimmer agreed and apologized for upsetting me and said that he would try not to be so hard on himself. So that "spat" was kind of a good thing since it showed us that we can communicate well with each other.

It was definitely a tearful goodbye last night at the airport and I know it was hard for The Swimmer too. But, like he kept reminding me, we'll be together again in two and a half weeks when he comes to visit me over Memorial Day weekend. Anyways, time for me to relax, it's been a long day since I took the red eye back last night, so I need to vegetate.

No attacks, but...

Got back from LA at 6am yesterday morning, so I've been too tired to post until now. The trip to see The Swimmer was fantastic. No panic attacks!! YAY!! So relieved about that. I was more expressive of my feelings, like The Professional had told me to do, and both coming from and going to the airport went smoothly. Yes, I was very teary-eyed on the way to the airport on Monday night, but I couldn't help it. I really hate it when the time comes to leave LA. He would say the littlest thing and my eyes would well up with tears. It's really hard, but I know he's worth it.

I did, however, have one health issue while in LA. I got the nastiest UTI. For anyone who has ever had a UTI, you know how hellacious they are. It came on suddenly late Saturday afternoon. The pharmacy where I live had already closed, so I couldn't get a refill on my antibiotic transferred to LA and it was too late to call my doctor. Since the next day was Easter Sunday, my pharmacy at home was going to be closed and my doctor is pretty religious so I couldn't call her. Luckily, my father is a doctor, so I had him call in a prescription which I then had transferred out to LA. Pain in the ass though. The Swimmer was very sweet, even though I got up 4 times during dinner to sprint to the bathroom to pee and then drove me around trying to find a 24 hour pharmacy so I could ask a pharmacist what I could take to help until I got some antibiotics. Couldn't find a pharmacy soon enough before I had to pee again, so we just went back to his place and I proceeded to drink bottles and bottles of water to flush out my system. I've never tried Uristat to help with a UTI because it kind of scares me - it turns your pee and most bodily fluids orange. Then I saw Cystex which doesn't turn your pee orange, but no pharmacist. After drinking several bottles of water, I was finally able to stop peeing every 2 minutes without it burning. Anyways, good thing I'm going to see my woman's doctor next week so that we can discuss new ways to avoid UTIs, as I already do the typical recommended things - him washing his hands before sex, peeing before and after sex, washing after sex, etc. Enough about that!

Things between the Swimmer and I are great. However, this is the point in a relationship where my feelings scare me. It scares me to feel as strongly as I do towards The Swimmer because there is always a chance of getting hurt. I do know that I have two choices at this point - 1- let being scared take over and run from the relationship (stupid) or 2- accept that there is always a chance of getting hurt, but you'll never know unless you take the chance. So, that's what I'm doing, accepting that, yes, I could get hurt, but it's not worth it to let those feelings scare me away from what is so far, a fantastic man and a fantastic relationship. Luckily, I see The Professional next week, so I'll be able to further discuss and learn.

Well, I'm starving, so it looks like I'll be eating dinner a little early today...

A recap...

So I'm finally taking some time to report on my trip last weekend to visit The Swimmer in LA. The trip was great! My flight to LA got delayed, so I didn't get in until almost 10pm and I was exhausted, so we basically just went back to his place and went to sleep. The next day he had to take his car in to get something replaced so we went and saw a movie, got lunch and walked around. After picking up his car, we ran some errands, got hot dogs at Pink's for dinner and went back to his place. We watched the end of Rocky 4 and started watching Borat, but we were tired so we fell asleep. Saturday we went down to Santa Monica, walked around at 3rd Street promenade and down by the beach. We had sushi for dinner, went to the Grove, but it was too packed, so we left and went back to his place. We tried watching Borat once again, but we fell asleep. Wow, it sounds like we're 85 year olds, doesn't it!? Sunday it was really hot out, so we went to the pool at his apartment complex and got some sun (I made sure to wear sunscreen to protect my fair skin though!). Once we had enough of the heat and sun, we showered and drove around for a bit and then met up with one of his friends and his friend's girlfriend for dinner. I knew his friend when I lived in LA, so it was fun to see him again too. After dinner, The Swimmer and I went back to his place to relax for a bit before we had to leave to take me to the airport. That was when something happened that I hadn't wanted to happen.

I had a huge panic attack. I tried to hide it from The Swimmer, but it got to the point where I couldn't hide it anymore, so I told him. He told me that I shouldn't have tried to hide it from him and that he could tell something was going on. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do for me and there wasn't, I just needed to give it time to go away. He just kept saying how he wished there was something that he could do and offered to hug me, hold me, give me a massage, anything to make me feel better. What was annoying about this particular panic attack was that usually, my panic attacks are bad and then they gradually get better and go away, this one was bad, it would get better, it would get bad again and so on. It was really frustrating. Right when I'd start to feel better, it would get bad again. We finally got in the car to go to the airport and I made it to the airport. I panicked a little bit when it was time to go into the airport, but I forced myself. I had to take a flight that left an hour later because it was too close to my flight time for me to check my bag, but it was okay. I checked my bag and then had to leave The Swimmer to go through security. We said our goodbyes and I cried a bit telling him how hard it is for me to let him see me so vulnerable. He reassured me that he didn't think any less of me and it made him happy that I was letting him see me so vulnerable, that he just wished he could make the panic attack go away so I wouldn't have to feel so scared.

Before we left his place, we were trying to figure out the cause of the panic attack. I told him that I thought it was just the stress of everything coming together, i.e. flying out to see him, having to leave knowing I'm going to miss him so much and then taking a red eye home. He reminded me that we had decided that if things keep going the way they are going with us that I will move out there at the end of the year and to just remember that. That he cares about me and that I make him so happy, so I shouldn't stress out about having to leave him. I just felt really bad that this panic attack was happening during our last couple of hours together, when I'd much rather be laying in bed with him talking and doing other things and not standing and pacing, freaking out. He said that it didn't bother him, he just wanted me to feel better. I'm glad that I'll be seeing The Professional again before I go back to LA in a little less than 3 weeks. I want to get to the bottom of this and figure out how I can prevent this from happening again.

The Swimmer started his new job this past week, so he's been very excited about that. He has still managed to be incredibly sweet though, text messaging me randomly to tell me how much he misses me and telling me how he wishes I was at his place when he gets home from work so he can tell me all about his day in person instead of over the phone. I just really wish I were rich, then I would just move out there so he and I could be together. Unfortunately, I am not rich and I have a job and I own my own place here so I can't just pick up and move. The Swimmer reminded me that in a way it is good that we are starting out long distance because we're learning patience and we're getting to know each other way better than if we were in the same city at the beginning and that we'll be together again soon. He's just so sweet and caring and great about all of this, I feel so lucky to have him!

That's all for now, must get showered because Crazy Girl is coming in to town and we're going to get burgers and beer! Yum!

Exhausted

Okay, I know it's been over a week since I last posted, but I'm just too tired right now and Grey's Anatomy starts in a couple of minutes. Much to update on my weekend in LA with The Swimmer, but that will have to wait until Saturday after I catch up on sleep!

Get it together!

I've finally calmed down enough from dropping The Swimmer off at the airport to be able to write. We had another phenomenal weekend together. I picked him up from the airport at 3:30pm on Saturday and we came straight back to my place. He took a quick shower and we snuggled in bed until 7pm. It just felt amazing. We went out to dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant and then came back and relaxed for a bit. On Sunday, we went and saw "Breach" which was pretty good, he wanted to go to the movies with me for some reason! We got lunch and then came back to my place, ate, took a nap and then watched my favorite movie, "Back to the Future" together. After that we went to the bar behind my building for dinner and then came back and watched some basketball. I was dozing off on the couch and woke up and told him how sleepy I was getting. He then told me he had a surprise for me and that I needed to stay on the couch with my eyes and ears covered. After a few minutes, The Swimmer came and got me and led me to my bedroom. It looked normal, but then, he opened my bathroom door and I saw my surprise. All around my bathtub, there were candles and rose petals and a bubble bath set up for me. My knees almost gave out from under me I was so surprised and happy. I have never had a boyfriend do anything so sweet for me and The Swimmer couldn't believe that he had done it himself as he had never wanted to do anything like that for anyone before. We then took a long bath together while I continued to have the permanent grin I had on my face since I picked him up from the airport. Yesterday, we bummed around most of the day and went to the grocery store so I could shop for dinner, which I was cooking for him, including homemade apple pie for dessert. After eating dinner, he watched my favorite TV show, "Prison Break," with me, ate apple pie and then watched our guilty pleasure, "The Hills." We had the best night's sleep last night, it was amazing, I don't think I've ever slept that well with a guy in my bed before. Today we just lazed around, went back to the sushi restaurant for lunch and relaxed together before grabbing a quick dinner and then going to the airport.

All I could say to myself since I woke up this morning was, "Get it together!" I've been on the verge of tears for most of the day even though The Swimmer and I bought my plane ticket to visit him in LA in just two and a half weeks. I'm finding that's the hardest part of being in a long distance relationship - spending so much time with the person and then having to be without that person for weeks. It does help that we talk so much and that we already know when we're going to see each other again, but it's just hard to get used to having someone around all the time and then have to take them to the airport. I'm just really falling for The Swimmer, he continues to surprise me and make me fall for him more and more. He's just so sweet, caring, smart, funny, sensitive and he makes me feel so safe, happy and cared for. I told him I wish he lived here and he told me that he wished I lived in LA. I told him that we'll see how things go and then take it from there and that I'm open to change. If only I were rich, I would move out to LA right away. Unfortunately, I am not rich, so like he and I discussed, one step at a time.

Does the leaving the airport part get any easier? How can I not be on the verge of tears the whole last day, even though we know we're going to see each other again soon? It was even hard walking through my door into my place knowing he wasn't with me or there waiting for me. He already text messaged me saying that he misses me already. Right before we left for the airport, he grabbed me, hugged me and told me how much he's going to miss hugging me, sleeping with me and waking up next to me. I had to stop him and tell him that he was going to make me cry, even though I already had tears streaming down my cheeks because I was feeling the same way. It was just an amazing feeling falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him, I never want that to stop. I start crying just thinking about it now, how am I going to be on a plane leaving LA after I visit him? Don't get me wrong, these aren't only tears of sadness, they're also tears of happiness because I feel like the luckiest girl in the world since I found the greatest guy.

Edit: Funny thing happened. I remembered to un-bookmark my blog for The Swimmer's visit, yet I did not remember to sign myself out of e-mail, so he saw that the e-mail address I use for this blog starts with SingleGirl and he was like, "Single, huh?" I quickly told him that this e-mail address was from before him and I became an item and that quelled it, but it was still funny and I used it to tease him with, "Somebody wants to be my boyfriend!" To which he replied that he already is and we're definitely exclusive and I said, "I know! Yay!"

The day has come....

I can't believe it, but I guess I should, the day has arrived and The Swimmer is on his way to see me! It just doesn't feel real even though I know it is. I'm making the final preparations as I type this. I did a big cleaning of my place last night and now I'm just washing the sheets and I'm going to take a shower and wear my hot new shoes to go to the airport! It's noon now and his flight arrives at 3:30pm. Wow... I can't believe I'm going to see him today! Anyways, not going to post again until Tuesday night after he leaves, but I'll be too busy being with The Swimmer, so I won't miss it. The hibernation with The Swimmer begins soon!!

WOW!!!! Again!!!!

So all of that worrying about if The Swimmer felt the same way about the weekend was for nothing. Surprisingly, he opened up yesterday and today on IM without prodding from me. So, yeah, I'm not crazy and I didn't imagine anything over the weekend. I'm still in shock now it's not only shock because of how great the weekend went, but shock over these conversations.

He said that he wants to be with me and is willing to be patient about not seeing each other as often as we'd like as long as we're together. I couldn't believe that he was saying all of this stuff. He said that he can't stop thinking about me and is glad that I'm feeling the same way as he is. That feelings like these don't happen that often and he doesn't want to let this or me get away. That it would be worth it to him to try and see where things go. We agreed that long distance relationships are tough, but he said that it's worth it for the right person and he just wants to be with me. I told him how glad I was that he was being so open so that I didn't have to sit and analyze everything. He said that he wanted to let it out so that we could discuss it instead of speculating. I told him how that's not a typical guy thing to do and he agreed that it's not typical of guys and it's not typical of him, but he wanted to express to me how he feels. I told him that it makes me really happy that he feels comfortable enough with me to open up and that he took a big risk in doing so and it means a lot to me.

Why am I always so cautious? I can't even let myself be happy about all of the REALLY nice things he said for more than 15 minutes. I'm now worrying about what's next. . . How can this work? Long distance relationships rarely work. Does it help that we've been friends first for over 4 1/2 years? What do I do? I know I need to just take a little bit and enjoy how this feels right now, but I'm almost scared to because I'm scared of getting hurt. I just need to remember that when it comes down to it, it's worth the possibility of getting hurt to be in a relationship if it is a good one. I need to also slow down my thoughts and realize that he just left yesterday and that there are a ton of possibilities right now, so stop trying to predict what's going to happen and let things unfold how they are meant to be.

The Professional was very excited about the weekend's events and encouraged me to be open-minded about a long-distance relationship if that is where this leads. I told her my hesitation and fears about that but she reassured me that they can work and yeah, it takes work, but all relationships take some work.

I feel like this is all a dream. . .

WOW! Is all I have to say. . .

So, my long weekend with The Swimmer is over. . . Here are my responses to the questions I posed Thursday night. . .

When the weekend is over, am I going to be happy or sad or what? Sad.

Am I going to be attracted to him? Yes!

I could really do with getting some this weekend, it's been a while. Is it going to be really weird? Not at all.

If we kiss, is it going to be like Rachel and Joey on Friends? Nope.

Or more like Rachel and Ross? Exactly.

How are the first few moments going to be when I pick him up at the airport? They were a little awkward, but no where near as awkward as I had anticipated.

Here's a review of the weekend. Picked him up from the airport and came back to my place. Went to the bar behind my building for some dinner and drinks and then came back to my place. Didn't know what to do, so we watched some episodes from the first season of 90210, which he brought for me. After an episode, he finally went in for the kiss. It wasn't horrible or awkward but it also wasn't fireworks. That all changed rather quickly though. We pretty much madeout for a few hours before finally calling it a night and going to bed at around 2am.

Now, there are some guys who are bad at spooning and sleeping in bed with and then there are guys who are absolutely SPECTACULAR at this. The Swimmer is absolutely SPECTACULAR at spooning, cuddling and sleeping in bed with. Don't know how to explain what makes a guy good at that, so I'll just leave it at that. We woke up Saturday morning and laid in bed for a while, it just felt beyond nice. We had sex, which again, wasn't bad, but also wasn't fireworks, but that's typical as far as the first time with someone new, in my opinion. We showered and got dressed so we could get breakfast, get some groceries for the weekend and so I could give him a little driving tour of my city. After that, we relaxed for a bit before walking a few blocks to a sports bar to watch some football. Later, we met up with The Couple for sushi and then went out to a bar/lounge. We had so much freaking fun. Let's just say that Husband (of the Couple) started buying shots which I didn't take and neither did Wife. So, it was Husband and The Swimmer taking shots most of the night. Once we all called it a night, The Swimmer and I came back to my place and etc. This time was way better for me. I was definitely satisfied, but he kept going and going and nothing, too many drinks. We had a bunch of hysterical laughs though, so it was fine.

Sunday, we were parked on the couch in our underwear all day watching football. Such an ideal day for me and it was for him too. There was lots of groping going on, which is one of my favorite things, I'm all about the groping. We went for sushi and then cuddled in bed all night. Monday (yesterday) was pretty much the same thing, on the couch in our underwear with lots of groping. We made it out of my place once to meet up with Crazy Girl and one of my neighbors for lunch. Otherwise, lots of groping and making out and etc. last night.

Today, we spent most of the day cuddling in bed, he really didn't want to get out of bed because he knew once he did, it really meant that he was going back to LA. Yesterday and today, he kept saying how much he likes being with me, how much fun we have, how we get along so well, etc. Last night, I tried to ask him why he came to visit, but I wasn't very clear and he didn't catch on. I told him how I was in shock that he actually came to visit and he said that he just really wanted to see me. So, hmm, not sure what that means, but whatever. After more cuddling and a late lunch today, it was time to take him to the airport. I went in with him and he checked in and we walked through the security line, holding hands. When it was time for him to go without me, we started kissing, no tongues or anything though, come on now - I rarely makeout in public! The security guy asked us to step out of the line while we said our goodbyes. I didn't know what to say to him at that point. I told him that I had such a great time, he's welcome to come visit again whenever he wants and that I'm really glad he came. He said that he had the best time and he just might come visit me again and for me to drive home safely. I have to admit that I was very choked up as I walked away from him and still am.

So, I just don't know what to think about it all. I just know that I had a phenomenal weekend and I'm sad that it's over. It was really nice having someone around who likes to do the same things you do and who you get along with so well and who you don't get sick of being around. I also know that if I lived in LA or if he lived here, we would be together. But the fact that we live on opposite coasts is huge. I just wonder what he's thinking about it all and what this all meant to him. If it was just a booty call weekend for him, that's fine. If it was more for him, that's fine too. I'm just wondering what he's thinking. . .