I just don't know how to feel about things with The Swimmer anymore. Part of me is very excited for his visit - no matter what his intentions are - either a booty call weekend or to test the waters. I know it's going to be a lot of fun and exciting and I'm curious to see how things go. The other part of me is still in total shock that this is really happening. I'm almost waiting for him to say, "Ha! It was just a joke, I'm not really coming to visit." It's just so weird that things are going to change from being friends to being friends who hook up. I'm also partly a little scared that when he comes, if we have a great time, I'm scared of becoming attached to him. What if it's one-sided? What if it's not one-sided? I guess that's something you always worry about, but this is different because we're friends. I don't want to ask him questions like, What are your intentions in coming? Is this a booty call weekend? Are you thinking you might be interested in something more? How do you think this weekend went? Are you interested in more? I really need to stop with the overanalyzing and just let things happen. It's just different though, you know?
I have to admit that today, I was very excited to IM with The Swimmer again since it had been a few days. I actually got excited when I got home from work and signed in to see that he was on. Now I'm like, What does that mean? Okay, enough spazzing out for now. . .
Monday, December 11, 2006
Saturday, December 9, 2006
I Thought I Knew
So yesterday and today, I've had a few people tell me that The Swimmer is not coming for a booty call, that he's probably coming to "test the waters" so to speak. The general consensus has been, "No one would spend that much money just for a booty call. It's too easy to get some ass wherever you live to travel cross-country to get some ass." I just didn't really think that that is what's happening - him coming to "test the waters." I need to stop analyzing this because I'm going to drive myself crazy. I won't know what his intentions are until he's actually here. It's just too weird to not think about anything. Weird, unexpected, shocking, exciting, funny, so many things all rolled into one. I haven't told my best friend from high school yet, but I'm not hiding it or anything. Her and I have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now, before this thing happened with The Swimmer.
I have a holiday party to go to tonight and I REALLY don't want to go. I went to the same party last year and was bored out of my mind, so it's definitely not helping my motivation. I figure I'll just go for 15 minutes and then leave. I have to drive 15 minutes to get there, but I don't care, I would much rather go, show my face and then come back home and relax. I had my work holiday party last night, so after drinking and shmoozing for a few hours, coming home and not getting a very restful night's sleep, I'm just not in the mood. I have to make an appearance at this party though since it's a girl I kind of work with's party and I just saw her at the party last night, so I definitely have to go to this thing tonight.
I have a holiday party to go to tonight and I REALLY don't want to go. I went to the same party last year and was bored out of my mind, so it's definitely not helping my motivation. I figure I'll just go for 15 minutes and then leave. I have to drive 15 minutes to get there, but I don't care, I would much rather go, show my face and then come back home and relax. I had my work holiday party last night, so after drinking and shmoozing for a few hours, coming home and not getting a very restful night's sleep, I'm just not in the mood. I have to make an appearance at this party though since it's a girl I kind of work with's party and I just saw her at the party last night, so I definitely have to go to this thing tonight.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Scrubbed...
Oh well, no shuttle launch today, maybe on Saturday. And I was all excited to watch tonight. . .
Out to Space
First off, thank you to the rain king for helping me figure out the name of the group who sings the horrible song that I like and mentioned below! Now if I could only find out where to download it since it's not on iTunes. Grrrr....
So I thought I posted last night, but I guess in my state of tipsiness it did not post. I know that I posted (or tried to) how I wasn't sure if it was because of the martinis I had at dinner or not, but the thought of The Swimmer visiting isn't so scary anymore. I think it will be extremely fun and I will have a great time. If I need time alone, I will tell The Swimmer that I have to go run some errands or ask him to go out and get us lunch or something. I know if I were visiting someone, I would make sure that I gave them alone time and would need my own alone time too.
I saw The Professional today and she said she thinks him coming to visit is a good thing. I of course didn't tell her that our IMs have been so racy, only that they had been flirtatious. She just thinks that with our history of being friends, it's a good way to start back in the single world and you never know what might come of this. I told her that I'm so against long distance relationships, that they never work out and why start something long distance. She just said that it's common and they do work out, that sometimes the right person for you happens to live in another city. I'm still not fully convinced of that, but that's okay.
When I told my Mom today about The Swimmer coming to visit, of course she asked me a million questions about him (she only knew the basics since the summer I lived in LA and that him and I had kept in touch) and then surmised that it's not simply a booty call (her words! she's so funny!!) because why would someone fly across the US just to get a piece. (This was without me even asking) I don't know, but I think that's what he's doing, right? I keep telling him on IM how weird it is that things are the way they are now, how it's definitely not anything I had expected, but it's a nice surprise. We both agreed that things had changed when we saw each other in March since we were both like, "Woah! They got hot!" He said he's happy that things are the way they are, that we're just now doing this and didn't do this before. I think I'm still in shock.
Well, I'm a HUGE dork and have been watching the NASA channel since 8pm to watch the space shuttle lift-off which isn't even supposed to happen until 9:35pm, if it happens because the weather there doesn't seem to be cooperating. I don't know why, but I love this stuff, it's absolutely fascinating. I think it would be such an incredible experience, beyond words, to go into space on a space shuttle. I know that the astronauts go through a ton of training, but still, how do they not pee in their pants when it's actually happening?! There is no way that even after a ton of training, I would be able to get in a space shuttle and lift-off without peeing in my pants, screaming and passing out, all at the same time. It's gotta be the craziest ride of your life. What's funny is that when I watch shuttle launches, I feel like screaming when it's lifting off, I can almost imagine how it would feel if I were actually in the shuttle. When Anousheh Ansari went to the International Space Station in August or September (I can't remember), I read her Blog all the time and watched the NASA channel for hours. It was so fascinating to read, from a "regular" person's perspective, what it's like go to space, live in space and come back from space. Great reading if you're ever feeling so inclined! Anyways, off to watch the rest of this space shuttle business. I love being a nerd!!
So I thought I posted last night, but I guess in my state of tipsiness it did not post. I know that I posted (or tried to) how I wasn't sure if it was because of the martinis I had at dinner or not, but the thought of The Swimmer visiting isn't so scary anymore. I think it will be extremely fun and I will have a great time. If I need time alone, I will tell The Swimmer that I have to go run some errands or ask him to go out and get us lunch or something. I know if I were visiting someone, I would make sure that I gave them alone time and would need my own alone time too.
I saw The Professional today and she said she thinks him coming to visit is a good thing. I of course didn't tell her that our IMs have been so racy, only that they had been flirtatious. She just thinks that with our history of being friends, it's a good way to start back in the single world and you never know what might come of this. I told her that I'm so against long distance relationships, that they never work out and why start something long distance. She just said that it's common and they do work out, that sometimes the right person for you happens to live in another city. I'm still not fully convinced of that, but that's okay.
When I told my Mom today about The Swimmer coming to visit, of course she asked me a million questions about him (she only knew the basics since the summer I lived in LA and that him and I had kept in touch) and then surmised that it's not simply a booty call (her words! she's so funny!!) because why would someone fly across the US just to get a piece. (This was without me even asking) I don't know, but I think that's what he's doing, right? I keep telling him on IM how weird it is that things are the way they are now, how it's definitely not anything I had expected, but it's a nice surprise. We both agreed that things had changed when we saw each other in March since we were both like, "Woah! They got hot!" He said he's happy that things are the way they are, that we're just now doing this and didn't do this before. I think I'm still in shock.
Well, I'm a HUGE dork and have been watching the NASA channel since 8pm to watch the space shuttle lift-off which isn't even supposed to happen until 9:35pm, if it happens because the weather there doesn't seem to be cooperating. I don't know why, but I love this stuff, it's absolutely fascinating. I think it would be such an incredible experience, beyond words, to go into space on a space shuttle. I know that the astronauts go through a ton of training, but still, how do they not pee in their pants when it's actually happening?! There is no way that even after a ton of training, I would be able to get in a space shuttle and lift-off without peeing in my pants, screaming and passing out, all at the same time. It's gotta be the craziest ride of your life. What's funny is that when I watch shuttle launches, I feel like screaming when it's lifting off, I can almost imagine how it would feel if I were actually in the shuttle. When Anousheh Ansari went to the International Space Station in August or September (I can't remember), I read her Blog all the time and watched the NASA channel for hours. It was so fascinating to read, from a "regular" person's perspective, what it's like go to space, live in space and come back from space. Great reading if you're ever feeling so inclined! Anyways, off to watch the rest of this space shuttle business. I love being a nerd!!
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Okay
Okay, so I've calmed down a bit. I need to not freak out. It will be a really fun weekend. The Swimmer also enjoys bumming around, so I can still bum around for a day if I want, there will just be someone else there to be a bum with. What's great is that one of the things we have in common is a love for Beverly Hills, 90210. So, with the first season out on DVD, we'll have something to do (in between hooking up?)! So yeah, I need to calm down. I just know that the first hour or so of him being here is probably going to be very awkward and I don't think there's anything I can do about that. Any suggestions?
Need to Calm Down
Okay, so now I am officially going to start freaking out. The Swimmer e-mailed me his itinerary to come visit me. So he's coming to visit. I'm so freaking out. He's coming on a Friday at around 6pm and doesn't leave until Tuesday at 5:30pm. That's a long time. I REALLY like my "me time," so how am I going to handle this?! Before 3 years ago, I didn't need "me time," but now I love it. I like just sitting in my pajamas on my couch, vegging out, watching really stupid and trashy tv or movies and not having to think or worry about anyone else. The Swimmer is going to be staying with me, so it's not like if he were staying in a hotel where I could be like, "I'll pick you up around noon and we'll hang out." A friend of mine gave me a good idea, to say that I have to work part of Monday and Tuesday, that way, I have a small "out" for a couple of hours if I need it. (I have a VERY flexible job and actually have that Monday off) So, yeah, freaking out a bit. Now, as soon as I sign on to IM, he IMs me. Always something to the effect of, "Hey beautiful!" Am I totally reading too much into this? But he never was like this before a couple of weeks ago, so that's why I'm freaking out a bit. He would usually IM me saying the same thing, just not as soon as I signed on. I'm reading too much into this, aren't I? I really need to calm down. He's not even visiting for 6 weeks, so I have to calm down.
Must. Calm. Down.
Must. Calm. Down.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Ahhhh...
Okay, so I just got home from an obscenely good dinner. Too good to even talk about right now. Quite possibly the best meal I've ever had and I'm very glad that I did extra cardio today at the gym. If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm a huge foodie, so a good meal is very close to orgasm to me. I seriously felt like I could have orgasmed right at the table. I know - very strange, but whatever. I'm sure the few glasses of wine I had helped that.
So, I have just spent close to 20 minutes on the internet trying to figure out the artist who sings this song I keep hearing on the XM 90s channel. Still haven't figured it out. I know the title is "Do Anything," since that's what comes up on the display. No artist though because my XM is built in to the car, so there is no artist display. It's a really cheesy, be-boppy dance song. So ashamed to admit I like it, but whatever, I do, I dance around to it when it comes on. Reminds me of one of my favorite shows ever - "Beverly Hills, 90210." So if anyone can help me figure out the artist, I'd greatly appreciate it. It goes "I'd do anything for your lovin'.. (words I don't know, some whispering lady kind of), just can't.. just can't.. just can't get enough." It's a female sounding male singing with a woman giggling and kind of whispering some words every once in a while. This is really bothering me.
So, I have just spent close to 20 minutes on the internet trying to figure out the artist who sings this song I keep hearing on the XM 90s channel. Still haven't figured it out. I know the title is "Do Anything," since that's what comes up on the display. No artist though because my XM is built in to the car, so there is no artist display. It's a really cheesy, be-boppy dance song. So ashamed to admit I like it, but whatever, I do, I dance around to it when it comes on. Reminds me of one of my favorite shows ever - "Beverly Hills, 90210." So if anyone can help me figure out the artist, I'd greatly appreciate it. It goes "I'd do anything for your lovin'.. (words I don't know, some whispering lady kind of), just can't.. just can't.. just can't get enough." It's a female sounding male singing with a woman giggling and kind of whispering some words every once in a while. This is really bothering me.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Don't Know
So, here's a little dilemma. . . During the Summer of 2002, I lived in LA while I was doing an internship for a company there. I made a lot of really great friends. One of them, we'll call The Swimmer, I met through my best friend from high school who met him when she lived in LA the year before. Him and I hung out all the time and when we'd go out to bars with other friends, we would always be kind of touchy-feely. He tried to kiss me once, but I turned him down because we were friends and I was only there for that summer and we remained friends. Now, years later, we still keep in touch through the occasional phone call or chat on IM. I saw him in March, when I was in LA on business, and as soon as I saw him, I thought, "Wow, he got hot!" We are both now single (he had a girlfriend earlier in the year and The Idiot and I broke up 2 months ago) and for some reason, this past week we've been talking A LOT on IM. We've always been very playful in our conversations, but earlier this week, it got racy. (Guess you all now know there's a bit of a freak in SingleGirl!) We started the raciness on Wednesday and as soon as I signed on IM on Thursday, he said hi, same thing on Friday. We had been talking about New Year's a couple of weeks ago on the phone and how neither one of us has plans, but it's too expensive to get a plane ticket around that time. On Thursday, he brought up coming to visit me in January during a long weekend, not only to hang out, but to act on some of the things we had been IMing about. I didn't take it very seriously because I was shocked and not sure what to do or think or anything or if he was serious or caught up in the things we were talking about. I figured I just wouldn't say anything about him visiting in case he regreted suggesting it. Sure enough though, on Friday, as soon as he saw me sign on, he started a conversation with me - small talk about how our days were going, etc. Then, he asked if I had thought about him coming to visit and if I wanted him to or not. Still, with a little hesitation, I was like, "Yeah, that's cool." He said he'd take Friday off, fly in and stay until Monday night or Tuesday. I just told him to let me know when he buys the plane ticket and then I signed off because I was invited to my neighbor's for dinner.
The more I think about it, I'm excited yet hesitant at the same time. Part of me is excited because I know The Swimmer and I would have a great time. Part of me is hesitant because I'm scared I'll get used to that feeling of having a guy to spend a whole weekend with, like a boyfriend for a weekend, and I'll get really sad when the weekend is over and he leaves. I've finally gotten used to not having a boyfriend around and not feeling so lonely that I'm a little scared to mess that up. But then, the excited part of me thinks, Well, he's not coming for a little over a month, so by then I'll be over being scared to feel that excitement for a weekend. It would basically be a weekend fling, right? Or is it something more than that because of our history? I mean, I don't see myself moving to LA right now and I couldn't imagine The Swimmer moving here right now and it would be next to impossible to start a long distance relationship and expect things to actually work. So, pretty much, I need to think of it as a weekend fling, right? I just don't know what to think or how to feel!
The more I think about it, I'm excited yet hesitant at the same time. Part of me is excited because I know The Swimmer and I would have a great time. Part of me is hesitant because I'm scared I'll get used to that feeling of having a guy to spend a whole weekend with, like a boyfriend for a weekend, and I'll get really sad when the weekend is over and he leaves. I've finally gotten used to not having a boyfriend around and not feeling so lonely that I'm a little scared to mess that up. But then, the excited part of me thinks, Well, he's not coming for a little over a month, so by then I'll be over being scared to feel that excitement for a weekend. It would basically be a weekend fling, right? Or is it something more than that because of our history? I mean, I don't see myself moving to LA right now and I couldn't imagine The Swimmer moving here right now and it would be next to impossible to start a long distance relationship and expect things to actually work. So, pretty much, I need to think of it as a weekend fling, right? I just don't know what to think or how to feel!
Friday, December 1, 2006
The Scare is Over (Somewhat)
As I had already figured, the health scare is really nothing to worry about. Just something to have rechecked in 3 months and then see how things are. I did, however, manage to ask the doctor if he knew of any cute, single young doctors to set me up with. Hey - it was worth a try!!
As far as The Idiot goes, I'm going to craft an e-mail this weekend to send to him, as The Professional had suggested. If I like it, I'll send it to him, if I don't, I won't. What I don't like is that I want to do whatever would make him hurt the most. I say I don't like feeling like that because I wouldn't want anyone to think that of me, but I wouldn't do anything to someone to make them feel like that anyways. Would totally ignoring him hurt him more? Would writing him a well-crafted e-mail as I detailed in the previous post hurt him more? Hmmm...
As far as The Idiot goes, I'm going to craft an e-mail this weekend to send to him, as The Professional had suggested. If I like it, I'll send it to him, if I don't, I won't. What I don't like is that I want to do whatever would make him hurt the most. I say I don't like feeling like that because I wouldn't want anyone to think that of me, but I wouldn't do anything to someone to make them feel like that anyways. Would totally ignoring him hurt him more? Would writing him a well-crafted e-mail as I detailed in the previous post hurt him more? Hmmm...
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