Single Girl in the South

I'm here!!

2008-10-06T16:58:00.002-04:00

Okay everyone, no need to panic! Yes, I am single again. Don't worry though, it's definitely a VERY, VERY good thing! I'm very happy now! I feel like the sun is shining again and like the sadness I had been feeling for over a month now is gone. This just happened this past weekend, so the fact that I'm happy and I just ended things with TDH, shows that I REALLY wasn't happy with him at the end. I'm really sick of telling people over and over again about what happened, so maybe I will another time here, but for right now, I'm not going to because I don't feel like it, I'd rather not waste anymore of my time on him! I'd rather move on and be happy!

So, the deep unhappiness that I had been experiencing for the past month should explain my absence from my blog and I apologize, I guess I just needed to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. Anyways, just wanted to let you all know that I'm here and good and happy. I'm thinking about starting a brand new blog, for a fresh start, kind of like a karmic cleansing, so if/when I do, I will let you all know, just e-mail me and I'll let you know when I get a new address!

WOW!

2008-09-02T22:40:00.003-04:00

I'm so giddy after watching the new 90210 that I don't know if I'll be able to sleep! WOW!! Wow wow wow wow wow!! Now they just need to bring Dylan back and I will be totally fulfilled. Not sure if I could handle it though, Dylan was my ultimate favorite. But, I would like to find out whether or not I could handle it! I'm sure everyone would be able to hear my screams of joy if they brought him back! Bring back Dylan McKay! YAY!

Insight from a Pro...

2008-08-27T18:44:00.003-04:00

Well, things are going great with TDH and I'm seeing The Professional again! Yay! She's pretty much recovered from the nasty Staph infection and is seeing patients part-time, so as soon as I got the call with that news, I scheduled an appointment. It felt so good to talk to her again and be able to work through things with someone who is a "Professional" on issues and who knows pretty much everything about me and how my mind works and processes things. She said that it sounds like TDH is definitely dealing with a ton of stuff and that I do need to be patient with the situation, but also ask for what I need from him. She reminded me of my tendency when things aren't absolutely perfect to just completely freak out and think things are about to take a nosedive and start distancing myself. She told me I need to remind myself of how things have been going and that especially at a time like this, TDH wouldn't keep a relationship if he wasn't really interested in me and he did tell me outright that he's definitely not stringing me along. She said that he sounds like a truly nice guy who thinks things through and that he sounds like he's really trying, so just be patient.

Otherwise, things are going well with TDH and I. He is definitely making an effort to spend more time with me and show me that he misses spending more time with me and I really appreciate it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Should be interesting, just the whole another year older thing. Going out to dinner with a bunch of people, including TDH, Crazy Girl, Blondie and Gay (Former) Neighbors. Should be fun. I think TDH and I are going to celebrate my birthday alone on Saturday evening.

Anyways, I promise to be better about writing more, it's just been a crazy past couple of weeks, lots of hot swimmers I had to watch swim and lots of work stuff I had to do!

Help! (With a new little note)

2008-08-05T10:09:00.006-04:00

So, I've been doing really well so far without The Professional for the past few months, but now I feel like I could use her advice. TDH has been really busy lately with helping his brother finish his basement (he's buying his brother's house), work, booking shows so he can start playing music again, trying to get a band together, hanging out with friends and hanging out with me. All of this while living 45 minutes outside of town with his parents until he takes over his brother's house which won't be until the end of October (it was originally supposed to be the beginning of October.) I'm trying to not let the fact that we don't get to see each other as much as we used to get to me, but it is and I can't help it. We still see each other twice a week, but I guess I just got used to seeing him more often. When we're together, I don't feel insecure at all, but when it's Wednesday and I haven't seen him since Sunday, the "crazy" comes out and I start feeling insecure thinking that maybe he just doesn't care if he sees me as much or maybe he should be making more of an effort to spend time with me. Then I just wonder if I need to calm down because TDH is going crazy and not getting much sleep trying to balance everything in his life, so me bitching about not seeing him isn't going to help him. BUT, I don't think some reassurance from him would be asking too much, am I wrong? How do I go about asking for reassurance though? This has always been something that's been hard for me to do. This is definitely stressing me out. Ugh.

A little side note: I wish I could get back in to see The Professional, but unfortunately, she has been out sick with a Staph infection. I could see someone else, but that would mean starting over from square one with someone new, so I'm not sure if that's something I should do.

Planning

2008-07-27T22:33:00.005-04:00

I know. I know I have been an awful blogger. All I can say is that I've been busy and after not writing for so long, the thought of trying to update everyone on everything feels so overwhelming!

So, I'm not going to do that, I'm just going to say that everything is still going very well in my life. TDH is still pretty fantastic. He's going through a little rough patch in his life right now and hopefully I'm being good at supporting him through it. He's going through that time in his life that I think we all go through at one point, where you feel like you are two people stuck in one body. Part of him wants to be the "rockstar" that he's always wanted to be and be out traveling the world, playing his music, meeting people from all walks of life. The other part of him wants to settle down, and in his words, "continue building a burgeoning relationship with a woman such as yourself," and start a family. I told him that how he's feeling is totally normal and that when it comes down to it, he just needs to find a way to meld the two together. He said he's scared he'll never be able to be completely happy. I reassured him again that it's totally normal to feel that way and that maybe a change of perspective is in order. Instead of focusing on all of the bad things in the world, he needs to focus on all of the good things and all of the good things he's been lucky enough to experience, all of the amazing places he's traveled and all of the experiences he's been able to share with his family. I used to be like TDH a lot, when it comes to his ambivalence about the world. I think that all changed when I had the brain tumor scare 2 years ago and realized that life is too short and I might as well focus on the good and make sure that I'm surrounded by things that make me happy. After we talked about all of this for a while, he said he had been scared to open up to me about all of this because I had told him about past relationships where the guy was totally insecure, so he didn't want to turn me away from him. I laughed and told him there was absolutely no need to worry and that if I thought he was anything like that guy, I would have been long gone! Also, I told him that I'm always here for him if he ever wants to talk.

TDH wants to plan a long weekend getaway to the beach with me, so that should be a lot of fun. We're working on that now and should hopefully have that planned within the next couple of days. I could definitely use a little vacation and a long weekend with just TDH would be awesome!!

This weekend was good - TDH and I went out for drinks on Friday night, Saturday evening, TDH took me to a work associate's house for a barbecue. Today, I hung out with Crazy Girl. She's going through a rough time herself - she's scared she's going to lose her job, so that's adding to her already usually high anxiety level. What sucks is that she doesn't deserve to lose her job, she hasn't done anything wrong, her boss (a woman) thinks she's "just too tall and too blonde" so she doesn't like her. It's totally ridiculous. So Crazy Girl is reporting this to HR along with a bunch of other totally inappropriate comments her boss has made in front of other people, including a comment that insinuates that Crazy Girl and I are in a lesbian relationship together. So Crazy Girl and I went out shopping for a new business suit for her and then out for burgers. Yum!

I'm still loving taking ballet again, it's so much fun and I get a great workout from it. Better than going to the gym!! Haven't been back to tap class yet, but I probably will this week, I didn't want to hurt the toe now that it's all healed up.

Anyways, that's all for me now! I'll try to be better about updating!

Hello!

2008-07-10T21:26:00.005-04:00

Well, once again, I've been an absent blogger, so I'll apologize for my absence! I hope everyone had a splendid 4th of July weekend. Mine was quite relaxing. I had Thursday and Friday off from work, so it was quite the long weekend for me! Wednesday afternoon, TDH came over when he was done with work (I think he likes seeing me in my "business" clothes!) and we hung out until dinnertime and walked up the street to have dinner. Thursday I lounged around all day and night, nothing too exciting.

Friday, I went to Crazy Girl's house and we hung out with her neighbor, barbecued and hung out in the sun. Friday evening, TDH came over, I baked cookies (yes, from scratch, let me know if you want the recipe!), we looked at houses for sale online, watched the city's fireworks from outside my building and then walked up the street to get drinks. Then we came home and watched a movie while he gave me a massage. Saturday morning/afternoon, TDH cooked me breakfast - blueberry pancakes and bacon, before he left to check out some neighborhoods he might be interested in living in. Saturday evening, TDH came over again and we went to watch a cover band play for a little bit, but the place was empty, so we only stayed for about a half hour before leaving and coming back to my place to go to sleep early so he could get an early start on Sunday morning. Sunday, I did absolutely nothing!!

Things with TDH are still going so well, he's just fantastic! I can't help the gushing! We were talking on the phone last night and he told me how he e-mailed me an article about the space station because he was reading it and thought how I would love to read it too. So I said to him, "Awhh, you think about me!" He said, "Of course I do! I think about you all the time!" Sigh... He called early this morning and asked me to lunch, I love it when he does that! He's helping a friend move tomorrow night, so we have plans to spend Saturday together. I love how things with him aren't just surface all the time - he likes talking about more deep things sometimes to really try to get to know me. I feel safe with him and I haven't been so scared to open up to him and let myself be vulnerable. It's definitely weird, but really nice to trust someone like this and feel safe. Yes, there's always a chance of getting hurt, but you never know how happy you could be if you don't take that chance.

Chocolate chip cookies, puppy dogs and rainbows...

2008-06-29T21:47:00.004-04:00

I know it's been over a week since I last posted, but I've been busy reuniting with TDH! He was exhausted when he got back on Saturday, so he came over on Sunday and we spent all evening and night Sunday together until he had to go into work on Monday morning. I told him how happy I was that he is back, over and over again and he said he was too. Once, I was like, "YAY!" He responded with, "What?" I said, "I'm just really happy you're back!" He said, "I missed you too!" I guess it was pretty obvious that that was what I was meaning to say, but just couldn't get out. I guess some old habits die hard!

Tuesday evening, TDH came over after having drinks with his old roommate, he was a bit drunk, but he was wanting to have some fun in bed. Why is it that guys seem to forget that being drunk usually means having some troubles when it comes to sex? It doesn't bother me, but it only leads to them feeling embarrassed. The next morning, we woke up and TDH wanted us to cook a big breakfast - blueberry pancakes, bacon, english muffins, etc. So, we started cooking and when breakfast was ready, the beers from the night before caught up with him and he didn't feel well. I told him not to worry, that I didn't want him to eat just because I cooked. So I finished eating and we got back into bed and watched Back to the Future Part 3, while TDH recovered from his night of fun. It's so nice that we're both in sales and can go into work whenever we want! He left at around 1pm and I went off to work.

Wednesday night I went out with Bra Girl and Nik to watch some bands play. Friday evening, Blondie and I went out to dinner together for some delicious food. TDH was out of town for the night with some of his high school friends.

Yesterday afternoon, TDH came over to hang out and spend the evening with me. It was cute because we both didn't care what we did, it was just both of our priorities to be with each other. Initially, we were going to go see a friend's band play, but TDH was tired from the night before, so he kind of just wanted to veg out, but if I wanted to go out, he would take one for the team. I told him that I didn't care what we did, I just wanted to spend time with him, that was my priority for the night. He teased me for saying that. I was like, "I say something sweet and you make fun of me?!" (He knows it's hard for me to be vulnerable.) So we watched "Teen Wolf," had some fun in bed and then went out to dinner.

After we got back from dinner, we sat on the couch and were talking about random stuff. He was telling me about how his mom and dad ask about me every day. I told him I think that's cute. After talking more about random stuff, he told me that his mom likes/liked (can't remember which he said) his ex-girlfriend. Ugh. Why do guys say stuff like that?! I really didn't need to hear that. I didn't know how to respond to that, so I was like, "Okay." We talked about more random stuff, some serious stuff and other random stuff and then decided to go back into the bedroom and watch some tv.

Funny story: We were watching the end of "Dirty Dancing," where Johnny and Baby do their big dance. So I told TDH about how my best friend from high school is getting married next year and she wanted to do Johnny and Baby's final dance with her fiance for their first dance at their wedding. TDH thought this was an awesome idea. My best friend's fiance did not. So, as we were watching the final dance, at the part where Baby and Johnny are dancing amongst the hotel guests, and Johnny lifts Baby above his head, not "The Lift," just where he's standing and she's standing and he lifts her, TDH says, "I bet we could do that!" I just laughed, thinking he wasn't serious. He was. He jumps out of bed, in his underwear, and says, "Come on! Let's try it!" So I get out of bed, in my bra and underwear, laughing hysterically at this point. TDH says, "Don't make fun of me if I can't do it. Johnny was really strong, he's lifting her from a dead stand. But you're like, what, 100 pounds? I think I can do it!" So, yeah, 6'4" TDH and little 5'4" me totally did this at 1am in our underwear. It was freaking hilarious! But we did it! TDH lifted me! Twice! So funny!

Anyways, after that, we had what we both now consider to be the best sex either of us have ever had. Absolutely mind-blowing. Then it was sleepy-time.

This morning we woke up and stayed in bed, just lounging around for a while, talking. At one point in our discussions from the night before, TDH had said that he doesn't know me, so I questioned him about this. He said, "I would hope that I don't fully know you yet. There's still more after the chocolate chip cookies, puppy dogs and rainbows stage." I laughed and said that of course there's more, but that I think we're past the "honeymoon" period of the relationship. At that point of the relationship, both people are still on their best behavior and I think we're past that at this point. He agreed, but he just wondered if we've fully seen each others flaws. I told him that he knows my flaws and that's my difficulty with being vulnerable, but that I'm obviously getting much better with that and then I gave him examples. I asked him what his flaws are and he asked me what I thought they are. I told him that I would think that it's that he tries to do everything and can maybe sometimes spread himself too thin. He agreed, but said that it's just because he wants to experience life. He said that he's been told in the past that he doesn't communicate well/clearly, but he thinks he does and he thinks it's more that those people didn't communicate well, not him.

At one point, I said something that came off totally wrong and I feel badly about. I asked what he's like in a fight - if he is an avoider and just tries to end the fight quickly even if it doesn't really get resolved, just so that the fighting can be avoided. Or if he is a total dick and really fights and insists that he's right, no matter what. I figured he would be one of the two, just because that's been typical of the guys I've dated in the past, and that was totally wrong of me to do. So TDH said, "So you've already prejudged me, huh?" I said, "I'm just guessing!" He said, "You think I'm a total dick, huh?" Then I felt awful. That is totally not how I meant it and I obviously do not think TDH is a dick, otherwise I wouldn't be with him. That's what I said to him and I apologized profusely. He laughed and said he was just joking and said there was no need to apologize, but I already felt so bad for saying what I said.

We had a nice day just laying around and finally around 4pm, it was time to get our lazy butts out of bed and time for TDH to go home.

Anyways, should be an easy work week for both TDH and I, we both have 3 day work weeks with the holiday weekend ahead. I don't have anything special planned for the long weekend though, so with Bra Girl, Blondie and most of my other friends out of town, I'm not sure what I'll be up to this weekend. I think TDH might be house-hunting this week and he wants my help, so that should be fun. He's also mentioned possibly planning and going on a Caribbean vacation together sometime in the fall too!

V. Excited!

2008-06-21T12:39:00.003-04:00

Well, TDH has called a bunch more times since he first called a few days ago. When he called me on Thursday evening, I got some very good news! I was wrong in thinking he was coming home on Sunday, he gets back today (Saturday)!! YAY!

He called again last night and we talked for a bit, and he told me that as long as he isn't extremely tired, he wants to come to my place once he gets in. So YAY! I guess he definitely missed me! Anyways, I have a busy day today, but I'm definitely looking forward to TDH's return this evening!

Sigh...

2008-06-18T21:53:00.003-04:00

TDH is still totally making me swoon and we've been dating since March. He called me today from Asia. I'll say it again. He called me from Asia. Where he's been on a trip with his family for a week and a half. He called me! It wasn't enough to just e-mail me once or twice a day, he called me! Yay! I can't wait until he gets back on Sunday! We talked for about 20 minutes about his trip and what I've been up to. Sigh. I really like him! I don't think I'll be able to restrain myself from jumping on him and hugging him for a long, long time when I first see him again!

Besides TDH, not too much going on. Had Steadman with me yesterday and Monday, glad that's over with, it's just exhausting. Think I need to call my neurologist tomorrow, I don't know if it's the heat, but I've gotten 3 or 4 migraines in the past week, up from 1 every other month. I think I need to up my preventative medication. Oh well.

The toe is healing well, I should be able to dance next week. I'm walking normally now, no more limping so that's definitely a good sign! I'm going to take a stretching class tomorrow evening so I can feel like less of a lazy ass, sitting around watching cooking shows and crappy tv.

Anyways, can't wait for Sunday and TDH's return!

Sweating

2008-06-16T18:54:00.007-04:00

Well, I'm finally done feeling sorry for myself and my toe! I've been over it for a few days now, but I've just been busy being out and about. Had a follow up appointment today with my podiatrist and he said things are healing well and if they continue to heal well, I should be able to go back to dancing in a week or so. Yay!

Otherwise, I'm just tired. had Steadman, my boss, working with me today, so that's always tiring, not to mention the fact that it's in the 90s here. He's with me again tomorrow, but at least it's only one more day to get through.

Blondie and I went out to dinner together on Saturday night and then went to see Partyboy and his band play a little gig. Blondie thinks he's cute, so I'm trying to set the two of them up for a brief hook-up before he goes away to med school. Sunday, I hung out with Bra Girl by the pool until we couldn't stand the hot weather anymore.

Still e-mailing everyday with TDH. He sends me pictures too, it's really cute. I miss him so much, I just can't wait until he gets back on Sunday. Not sure if I'll get to see him on Sunday or not, but at least I'll get to hear his voice and talk again. Sigh. I just can't wait to be with him again! I'm such a dork.

Oh, I finished reading one of Chelsea Handler's books today, "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands." It was absolutely hilarious! I highly recommend it if you're looking for a light, entertaining and quick read.

A Rant

2008-06-12T15:30:00.004-04:00

Okay, I'm not one to really complain much, but I need to just take a few minutes to get some complaining out because I'm feeling sorry for myself...

Had my toe surgery on Tuesday which went well. Took a sick day from work yesterday so that I could be off my foot since I'm usually on my feet all day when working. I was beyond bored. I don't mind being home all day when it's by choice, but when I'm forced to be home all day, it's unbearable, know what I mean? Last night I had to do the first bandage change on my toe. That was gross. Usually for something like that in the past, I've had my Mom there to look first and tell me if it looks bad or not and just take care of it for me. This time though, I was all alone and I hated that. No one there to look at the wound first to reassure me or just hold my hand. Even though it wasn't totally horrible, just a bit gross, I still hated doing it and it made me want to cry for some reason.

My toe still hurts when I try to put weight on it when I walk on it and I definitely can't wear shoes with a heel, only flip-flops. If you knew me in real life, you'd know that I live in 4 inch heels, so only being able to wear flip-flops is torture. I get frustrated when I try to walk normally and it hurts, it just makes me want to cry. It's not the pain that makes me want to cry, but the frustration of being injured. I also really hate that I can't take dance classes for a week or two, it makes me feel really lazy. I love dancing, so this not being able to dance right now business really sucks.

Anyways, I hate ranting like this, but I just felt like I needed to get it out instead of just sitting here on my couch, feeling sorry for myself and wishing I were getting ready to go take some dance classes. And I know things could be WAY worse, I just hate feeling like I can't do things, it REALLY frustrates me. Grr...

Cue cheesy grin...

2008-06-09T22:32:00.003-04:00

Well, once again my stressing out was for nothing, even though I only stressed out for a brief hour or two. I e-mailed TDH on Sunday morning a quick e-mail to say that I hope his flight to Asia wasn't too bad and just telling him about my day on Saturday and my plans for Sunday. When I got back from Crazy Girl's house later that evening, I already had a reply back from TDH! We've been writing back and forth since then, he's been telling me all about what he and his family are doing in Asia and asking about what I'm up to. He even asked if I want him to bring me back anything from the markets over there. Sigh... I told my Mom about TDH writing me and she said, "Wow, he's got the hots for you!" She's so funny. He just makes me squeal and grin like a crazy lady. In a good way, obviously!

So, that's the little update on TDH.

Tomorrow after working in the morning, I'm having some minor surgery on one of my toes. Since I used to dance so much growing up and I'm hereditarily (not a real word, I know!) prone to them, I tend to get ingrown nails on my right big toe. Not a very comfortable thing. So tomorrow, my podiatrist will use a laser to hopefully correct this problem. Won't be fun, but it will be better to do this then have to go into his office every 6 weeks to have him clip the nail a certain way so it doesn't grow into the skin. Gross, I know.

Anyways, I have a couple of books to read during what should be my brief recovery. One I've already started on - "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." So far it's really good. I also have that new show on the Discovery channel saved in my DVR to watch - "When We Left Earth," about the early space missions. I should have plenty of stuff to occupy my time!

What to Say?

2008-06-07T21:10:00.000-04:00

Best College Friend's wedding was beautiful. Quite an exhausting weekend, but she looked beautiful and had a fantastic time. I got back Monday afternoon and even though I was beyond tired, I managed to go to work and take a dance class. TDH and I talked on the phone Monday night for a while.

Tuesday, TDH came over, we went for a nice walk and grabbed a drink at a lounge up the street. We came back to my place and talked for a while about random stuff - we always have the best conversations. We finally decided to go to sleep, but not until we had some mind-blowing sex. Seriously, I had to just lay there after for a good 10 minutes before I could get up or go to sleep. I don't know what it is, but we have the best sex ever. And it's not just the best sex ever for me, TDH has told me on numerous occasions that it's the best sex ever for him and that he has never enjoyed sex so much or wanted it so much. It's crazy, but obviously in a good way!

Wednesday morning, TDH left for work and I worked from home for a bit before heading out to work a bit. TDH called and asked if I wanted to have lunch together. After seeing a pain in the ass office, I met up with TDH for lunch. He's so cute - at one point, he asked if I was wearing my usual "work ensemble." I told him yes, why? He replied, "You just look hot! That would be so distracting for your customers! But I like!" When I was driving to another office after lunch, TDH called and thanked me for meeting him for lunch and we chatted for a while until I had to go into an office. We talked again that night for almost two hours. It's strange, I'm not usually a big phone-talker, but we can just talk and talk.

Thursday evening, TDH came over after my dance class and we went to the lounge up the street for a drink and some dancing. We came back to my place and hung out some before some more fun in bed and then sleep. I had to get up earlier on Friday morning, so I couldn't be up too late.

Friday evening, TDH came over for a mini "Back to the Future" marathon. It's one of my favorite movies and he loves it too, so we watched the first two of the trilogy. We watched the movies and talked about random stuff like music and college and passions. He was going to stay up all night since he left this morning on his family trip to Asia, but he knew it wasn't going to be possible, so we slept from 1:30am until he had to go to back to his parent's house at 5:15am.

So, that's the latest! Is it too soon for me to miss TDH? I'm so used to talking to him so much during the day, so it feels weird that it's now 9:30pm and I haven't spoken to him all day. He won't be able to call while he's away, but he should be able to check his e-mail, so we have each other's e-mail addresses. Now since I have nothing better to do, I'll start stressing over when I should e-mail him. When is it too soon to e-mail him? I need to not freak out because I know he'll be happy to see an e-mail from me whenever he gets a chance to check his e-mail. He'll be in Asia for 2 weeks. Feels like forever, but hopefully it will go by quickly. You'd think this would be easy for me since I used to be in a cross-country relationship!!

Anyways, I'm going out with Bra Girl and a bunch of girls tonight. Went out with Blondie today and saw "Sex and the City" and then went to a street festival. Will probably go hang out with Crazy Girl tomorrow. Trying to stay busy!!

Busy weekend...

2008-05-30T18:16:00.000-04:00

Off to Best College Friend's wedding this weekend to perform my Maid of Honor duties! Should be a crazy weekend!

Stayed at TDH's place last night. Cooked dinner for him on Wednesday night and he loved it! More to come after the weekend!

Squeeeeeee!

2008-05-27T16:15:00.004-04:00

I must sound like a little piglet with all the squealing I've been doing today!

First, I text messaged TDH around 2:45pm, just to say, "Hope you're having a great day!" His reply: "I am now" That was it, I lost it and the squealing started.

Then he just called during a break from a meeting at work to chat and see what I was up to. We talked for a few minutes until his meeting started again and asked when my dance class is over tonight and said to give him a call after that and once I'm all settled in after. Sigh...

The squealing won't stop! I keep remembering things he said to me over the weekend and the past couple of weeks - I'm the best sex he's ever had, I'm gorgeous, he loves spending time with me, I make him smile, we have great conversations, he loves my laugh, I'm "G-d damn hot," etc. I'm sure I blush every single time I remember him saying these things, just as I did when he first said them to me.

A long one!

2008-05-26T20:30:00.000-04:00

Where to begin?! Since I haven't updated in a while, I don't even know where to start.

My little trip to Europe was great - lots of food, visiting relatives and running around. It just went by way too quickly. TDH came over the night I got back and we just ordered takeout and cuddled on the couch together. He told me how he thought about me so much while I was gone and he was happy I'm back. I went out for a beer with him and his roommate the next night and then went back to his place to play old school Nintendo. He was being really sweet, putting his arm around me and kissing me on the forehead. After his roommate went to bed, we were just sitting on the couch talking and he was like, "I really like you. I love spending time with you, I always have so much fun. I just hope you know that I really, really like you." Then a little later he was like, "I just hope you're not seeing other guys or anything." I told him that I thought we already had this conversation and of course I wasn't seeing any other guys and that I had no interest in other guys, only him. I didn't go home until 4am and then had my manager working with me the next day which really sucked, but I managed to get through it and actually have a pretty good day. TDH text messaged me in the middle of the day that he hoped my day was going well. We talked on the phone for a while later that night before going to sleep.

The next night, TDH, Bra Girl, a new friend of mine I'll call Blondie and I all went out and met up with Nik and a guy she was out on a date with. We had a ton of fun people-watching at one bar and then dancing at another bar. TDH came home with me and we woke up the next morning, laid in bed all morning talking until noon and then got up and walked up the street and got brunch. It was so nice just walking together in the gorgeous weather having great conversation.

One of the great things about TDH is that he isn't scared to have more serious conversations and most of the time, is the one initiating them. When we were laying in bed together, he'd ask questions like, "What do you want from a relationship long-term?" Most guys run from questions like that, but he asks questions like that.

Before leaving my place after brunch, TDH invited me over to his place to watch a movie later on that night. Once he left, I went to Bra Girl's to hang out by the pool for the afternoon (armed with my SPF 45!). Later that night, I went to TDH's place but I was exhausted from not much sleep, I was struggling to stay awake during the movie. We were laying in bed talking after the movie and I kept dozing off, so we finally went to sleep. TDH was going to breakfast at his parent's house, so we were up at a decent time.

TDH asked me out to lunch on Monday, which was really nice. We met up at this great Mexican place I had never been to and had a nice long lunch together with great conversation. He called later on and asked me over again that evening to hang out, but I had too much work stuff to do, so I had to pass. Wednesday night, we ended up talking on the phone for over 3 hours, one of us should have just gone to the other's place, but oh well! Thursday evening I went to TDH's to hang out with him, his roommate, and one of his roommate's friends. We played some old school Nintendo and had a beer, good times. They all left and TDH and I had fun together.

Friday night I went out for dinner and drinks with Blondie. We both had a bit too much to drink and had to stay at the restaurant to guzzle water until we were okay to drive, but we had so much fun and great conversation. Saturday night, TDH and I grabbed some drinks at a bar and then went to a fun underground club for some dancing before coming back to my place for the night. Last night, TDH invited me over to his place to watch some 90210 and relax. We spent all day today together, just relaxing, talking and hanging out. Also had the best sex ever this morning, it was amazing. He told me again that he really likes me and that he thinks we have a lot in common, we truly enjoy spending time together and being with each other. So, we'll see how this goes!!

TDH is moving out of his apartment and is buying a house, which is awesome. Until he moves into his house in a couple of months, he'll be staying at his parent's house, which sucks, but it's smart. He goes to Asia for two weeks with his family on June 6, so exciting and an amazing trip.

I just really like TDH - he's smart in so many ways, funny, talented, confident, mature, sexy, and so many other things. I'm doing my best to be open and let myself be a bit more vulnerable than I normally would be so that our relationship can evolve. I've told TDH that it's hard for me to open up and let myself be vulnerable, but that I'm trying. He understands and told me that he thinks it's important in a relationship to open up, but he wants me to be comfortable and take my time.

So, that's the main update! As I think of more details, I'll post again! Hope you all had a great long weekend!!

Little update:

I left TDH's at 5:30pm today and TDH already called me again at 8pm just to chat while he was on his way back to his place from his parent's house after dinner. He's so freaking sweet! Also, don't you love it when guys do little things like look over at you and just reach over and brush the hair away from your eyes? Gives me butterflies! Sigh...

Soon!

2008-05-23T17:36:00.002-04:00

Sorry for my long absence! Things have been crazy since I've been back from vacation, but I promise an update this weekend!

Vacation!!

2008-05-04T21:13:00.004-04:00

Just a quick little update before I'm on vacation for a week!

This week flew by - just been working, taking dance classes and getting everything ready to go on my trip! Still talking to TDH every day - he's been crazy with trying to get his album finished, but luckily that will be done within the next week and then it's off to get copies made to be released!

I went out to the movies with some friends on Friday night and saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," absolutely hilarious!! After, we went to a wine bar for some dinner and wine. TDH text messaged me while I was in the movie, so I called him after and we made plans to meet up once I was done with dinner. TDH came over and we watched some 90210 and then had some fun in bed, always good times!

Saturday I didn't do anything too exciting, my day got off to a late start since I didn't wake up until 12:30pm since TDH and I didn't get to bed until 4:30am. So I just ran a bunch of errands, got my hair trimmed and then grabbed some dinner.

Today I took an abs class at the dance studio I take classes at which was ridiculously intense, but fantastic! Then just more errand running and finally packing!

So here's something interesting- Friday afternoon I got a phone call from good old Partyboy. He had been out of town for the past few weeks and had just gotten back and called to see what I was up to. We chatted for a bit and that was all. Later on in the night, around 2am, I got a text message from him, but I just ignored it. And then again on Saturday night, he called, but I ignored it. So, how to inform Partyboy that we can still hang out, but only as friends because I am in a relationship? It's just not appropriate for him to be calling me and text messaging me so late at night - I wouldn't be cool with some girl doing that to TDH. Bra Girl thinks that next time he calls during the day, I should just tell him that we can hang out, but just as friends because I'm seeing someone.

Anyways, hopefully TDH will be stopping by tomorrow before I leave to hang out for a bit, but we'll see. I'll be going to Europe for a week to visit family, so I'm so excited! I just can't believe it's here already, my Mom and I have been talking about this for so long. It's not like we've never been, we used to go every year, sometimes twice a year, but it's just been a rough year for my Mom, and we need some good Mother-Daughter bonding time, so we're both really excited.

Anyways, hope you all have a fantastic week, I'll be back on May 13th!

3 R's - Reassurance, Readiness and Relationships

2008-04-28T18:02:00.004-04:00

Well, where to begin? So, after hearing about TDH's father having a heart attack, I was scared, irrationally, but I was. It was all for nothing though! TDH called Tuesday night saying he had been thinking about me and had been debating driving past his place and driving to mine earlier in the night. I told him he should have, but by that point, it was too late. We chatted for a while and I felt reassured that all was well. He even brought up what had happened on Friday with the whole being ready to have sex thing. I told him that I wanted to make sure that he was ready and that he was thinking with the brain in his head and not the brain in his penis. He said that he tends to over-think things and he thought about it a lot and he's sure that he's ready.

We were tentatively going to hang out on Wednesday night, but I was struck with a migraine, so unfortunately I was totally out of it. Told TDH this and he felt awful and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him there really wasn't anything he could do and that I just needed to wait for my medicine to work and sleep it off. We spoke again on Thursday and he told me to call him after my dance class to see if I'd be up for hanging out. He text messaged me before I got to call him and asked if I'd be up for 80s night at a club up the street. Why not? He called me and told me he had already had a couple of drinks and that he'd meet me there, a friend of his was going to drop him off.

When I got to the club TDH was definitely drunk, but it was hilarious and a good drunk. He was definitely "Sir Loves-A-Lot," as he told me he gets, he couldn't keep his hands off me. He grabbed me as soon as he saw me and gave me quite the kiss. He really couldn't keep his hands off me the whole hour we were there. We danced too and TDH kept doing the African Anteater Ritual from "Can't Buy Me Love," it might be one of the funniest things I've seen in a LONG time. After about an hour, we left and went back to my place. TDH picked me up and carried me into my bedroom and into bed. We started going at it. And yes, as you all already know, we had sex. TDH is definitely fantastic and really knows how to please me!

Here's the thing though. And I don't want you all to take this the wrong way and if you do, whatever. I'm definitely not a conceited person. I don't think I am supermodel hot. But TDH does. This is a bad thing in the sense that it makes TDH a bit insecure because he feels like he isn't good-looking enough for me even though I have told him that I think he's hot and sexy. He has told me on numerous occasions that I am the hottest, sexiest and most beautiful girl he's ever been with or seen. Then on Thursday and Friday, he asked me a few times if I find him attractive. I'm like, "Yes! Of course I do! I think you're extremely good-looking and incredibly sexy." Anyways, hopefully some more reassurance from me will help make him feel better, otherwise there really isn't anything I can do for him.

After some more fun on Friday morning, we showered, I got ready for work, and then drove TDH home. I think he really liked seeing me in my business clothes, he couldn't stop grabbing at me. Friday night, I went out with MJ and some friends, but I was exhausted and not really into it.

Saturday night, I went out with Bra Girl and her friend Nik to see some bands play. The two of them had been out drinking since 4pm, so by the time I met up with them at 10pm, they were wasted, but hilarious. We went to watch the bands and had so much fun. I had hung out with Nik before, but this time I got to know her and we have so much in common, so I think we're all going to hang out a lot more. After the bands finished at around 12:15am, we went to another bar and met up with TDH and a couple of his friends from high school. Nik ran into some old friends of hers so we all just sat at a big booth chatting and telling stories. We were having so much fun that we didn't realize that we were the only ones left in the bar and we had closed the place down. So we all left and said goodnight. Unfortunately, TDH was the DD for his friends, so there was to be no hanging out together after, plus he had to be up early for a long day working on the album, he's supposed to have it finished by Tuesday.

Sunday was a girl's day for me - Bra Girl, Nik and I met up for brunch and then went and got manicures and pedicures together. After, I just came home and relaxed.

So, that's the big update. I have some interesting stuff to post about my session with The Professional from this past Friday, but more on that another day!

Woo!

2008-04-25T13:03:00.002-04:00

So I'm going on only a couple hours of sleep and trying to stay awake until 4pm when I can take a nap. Yes, I was up all night because of TDH. We didn't go to sleep until around 5am and then we were up again at around 8:30am. Did we have sex? Yep! Many times. So, I guess that means we are now officially in a "relationship." It feels so funny declaring it like that, but it's true, Single Girl is not single anymore! I shall elaborate more on the night later, but that's all for now, I have to keep myself moving or else I will fall asleep and I have an appointment with The Professional at 2pm and I don't want to miss it!

Update...

2008-04-19T22:17:00.004-04:00

New post below, but just text messaged TDH just to say that I hope he's feeling better (from his hangover). He called soon after and after small talk for a minute, told me he is at his mom's house. Then he told me he is going to be "out of commission" all week. I was like, "Uh okay." Then, he tells me that his father had a heart attack, not a huge one though, luckily. I told him I am so sorry to hear that. He said he didn't want me to take offense or anything if he can't hang out at all this week since he'll be dealing with family stuff, I'm like, "I totally understand, don't even worry about it!" His father is on business in Asia, so TDH's mom is flying out tomorrow to be with him. Once again, I told him how sorry I am to hear what happened and that if he needs anything, not to hesitate to call me. He told me he really appreciates that and that he'll call in a day or two.

Wow. That's quite a big thing to happen. I feel so awful for TDH. Even though it wasn't a major heart attack, it's still terrifying to have a parent be sick out of the country. There's nothing I can do for TDH but what I did and that's to let him know that I'm here for him if he needs me.

Wow, did that all really happen?!

2008-04-19T16:09:00.006-04:00

So it's now 4pm and I woke up an hour ago from a nap because I only slept for 3 hours last night. TDH left my place at 10:30am this morning. We didn't go to sleep until 6am this morning. Shall I recap?

Wednesday before my dance classes I called TDH to check on him and see how he was feeling. He was feeling a lot better and had actually gone to work. We talked for a while until I had to go into my dance class. Since he was feeling better, I decided not to go the route some of you all had suggested as far as bringing him chicken soup or something. I still offered to bring him something if he wanted, but he's one of those people, like me, who when they are really sick, they just want to be alone with their "sick" and get through it.

Thursday evening, I went out to dinner with some old friends. After a drink or two, I was feeling tipsy and text messaged TDH. After dinner, I made it home safely and let TDH know that I was extremely tipsy and ready to pounce on him. He wrote back that unfortunately he is still sick and didn't want to get me sick, otherwise, he would be over in a second. He called around midnight and we were on the phone for over 3 hours. Crazy. I don't think I've ever talked on the phone to a guy for 3 hours.

Sometimes he likes to say funny things and then when I say, "What?!" in response, he'll say, "What?" back, like he never said anything. Hard to convey in this medium, but maybe some of you get it. I find this to be pretty funny, as does he. So I called him out on it and he says that he can't "mind-f**k" with me like he can other people because I'm too smart, so he just does this because he thinks it's funny and he knows I do too. I jokingly made some comment that he very well could be mind-f**king me in other ways or playing games. I told him I was joking. Later on in the conversation though, he says to me, "I hope you know I'm not playing games with you. I think you're a really cool girl and I really like you and I just want to take things slow." I'm like, "Yeah, I know." He then reiterates that he got out of a long relationship not too long ago, so he's not ready for anything super-serious yet. I'm like, "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm letting you guide the pace of things. I'm ready to move as fast as you are." I reminded him of my whole sex thing and clarified that I'm not going to have sex unless I'm in a relationship - neither of us are seeing anyone else and there's potential for more. He agreed and then said that he hadn't been looking to meet anyone when we met, I told him I hadn't been either, and then he said that he thinks that is when the best things happen. He then said that he really likes me and wants to see where this goes because there is definitely potential.

We were talking about something else for a bit, but I felt like I needed some clarification as to why he brought all of that up again, so I asked. He said because I had mentioned earlier that he could be playing games with me. I told him I had been joking. A little after 3am, we finally said goodnight and I went to sleep.

Yesterday was just a normal day of work for me and I took another dance class, which is always fun! Around 9pm, TDH called! He was on his way to his friend's house to help him out with some stuff and then they were going to go grab a beer and he wanted to see if I wanted to come. I told him to just give me a call when they were going out and I'd be up for it. So I met TDH and his friend (the same friend he was with the night we first met) at some random bar on the other side of town. We ended up going to another bar up the road and had a great time. TDH kept telling his friend how great I am, like how I can fire back with great come backs at the perfect moment, etc, little personality things. We talked about the night we met and I teased him again about rejecting me at first. TDH says to his friend, "Did I not say to you, this girl is so hot, she would never go for a guy like me?" I laughed and teased him again and he just said, "Well, it all turned out well in the end, didn't it?" Sigh.

TDH and I ended up coming back to my place after leaving the bar at 1am. We didn't waste much time going from the front door to my bedroom. And it was even more hot than on Sunday evening. At one point, TDH told me he wanted to have sex and not that he wishes we could have sex, like we would normally say. I was like, "What?" He repeated himself, so I was like, "But you know my requirements." He said he did, he heard them again the night before. I asked him if he was thinking with his brain and not his penis, he said he was. I told him if he's sure, then we can wait a few more days just to make absolutely sure because I don't want to get hurt, I want to make sure he's ready. He said he was sure, but if I wanted to wait, we could wait. He asked why I thought he might not be ready and I just told him that it was because of things he said the night before. He was like, "That doesn't sound good!" I reassured him it wasn't anything bad, but I just want him to be absolutely sure and be thinking with his brain and not his penis. He told me again later on in the night that he was ready, but I told him that I would feel better if we waited a few more days just to be absolutely sure. Let's just say though that TDH is a VERY, VERY giving lover. All he wanted to do was please me. Besides that, there was lots of dirty talk going on and just all-around hotness.

We finally went to sleep at around 6am. At about 9am, we both woke up and started going at it again. We ended up in the shower together and then back in bed. At about 10:30am, TDH got up to go home. I don't think he was feeling too hot, he said he felt a bit hungover, but he's one of those people that refuses to take Advil or anything, so he just deals with the pain.

So now I just can't believe all of that happened. I woke up from my nap and I was like, "Did that all happen?!" Then I looked around and saw the two towels on the floor, the sheets torn off the bed and the rest of the mess and realize it all happened.

I'm very interested to see if TDH is ready for the next level now that he is totally sober and not in an aroused state. Not sure if I should bring that up at all or just let it be and see if he brings it up. I'm just trying to go with the flow here and not do my usual over-analyzing.

New Names and Steamy Nights

2008-04-15T23:19:00.005-04:00

I'll start off by announcing The New Guy's new blog name since he's not new anymore (prompted by midnite99!)... Because he is 6'4" tall with dark hair and he's good-looking, I shall call him Tall, Dark and Handsome, or TDH for short.

Saturday night was so much fun - I went out with Bra Girl and some of her friends to a fun bar for some drinks and dancing. One of the people that came out with us was a good-looking guy who took a liking to me. After flirting with me all night, he finally asked if I was single. Uh, how to answer that? TDH and I haven't had any "exclusivity" talk, but I'm also not looking to date anyone else right now. And when it comes to figuring out when you consider the person you're dating your boyfriend/girlfriend, I'm clueless. I've had to outright ask in the past. But in this case, I wouldn't consider TDH my boyfriend yet. I don't lie to people because I'm bad at it, so I didn't know how to handle this situation. I just told him that I didn't know if I am single, that I'm currently dating someone and not looking to date other people right now. He did the guy thing and asked where the guy that I'm dating is and if he treats me right. Ugh, I can't stand that! Can't a girl go out with her girlfriends? And why would I be with a guy if I thought he didn't treat me right? But anyways, he was crushed, and I'm not saying that in a conceited way, he really was. He actually pulled Bra Girl aside a little later and told her that he really likes me and asked if there was anyway to get to me. She assured him that there wasn't, that I really liked this other guy. At the end of the night, he told me that if I become available to let him know somehow because he'd like to take me out to dinner.

Sunday morning I woke up and was just laying in bed thinking about when I would call TDH. Just when I figured out when I would call him, my phone rang and it was TDH! Yay! I answered and he told me he had just gotten up and asked what I was up to. I told him I had just woken up and was still in bed. He told me to stay in bed and that he would come over in a bit. He wanted to know if I was up for hanging out that day and possibly making out for a while. Some of you may not find this funny, but I find it hilarious! I told him I was definitely up for it and asked when. So we made plans for later on in the night, after he had dinner with his Mom.

He called after dinner when he was on his way to my place and we talked for the 20 minute drive. When TDH got to my place, we drank tea on my balcony and chatted and then watched 90210 in my bed. He thought I was hilarious because I was being a bit spastic about my clean sheets. (Sorry, but there's nothing like fresh, clean sheets and a tightly made bed!!) After an episode of 90210, he finally made his move. We then proceeded to have a very HOT time for over 2 hours. No sex though, just making out without some clothes on and a lot of talk about sex - likes and dislikes. At one point, I said to him, "I know I might sound like a broken record, but I don't care anymore. But, I just hope you're into me in more than just a physical way, because it's more than that for me." He reassured me that he is and that it's more than just physical for him too, so I don't need to worry.

I know that when we finally do have sex, it's going to be ridiculously hot and mind-blowing. Thinking about it just makes the adrenaline shoot through me. He left after midnight even though he really didn't want to.

After work and keeping Bra Girl company yesterday (she was having boy troubles), I went to Target (love that place!) to grab a couple of things. After returning my shopping cart, I noticed I had a missed call from TDH. I almost didn't believe it because we usually don't speak everyday. I had to double check the date of the missed call to make sure my phone wasn't playing tricks on me. I'm such a dork. Anyways, I called him back and he told me that he thinks he's coming down with something, that his throat is really sore. I told him it could just be allergies since everything in this city looks green from the pollen. He didn't think so. We ended up having an hour long conversation about something else, which I'll post another time because I thought it was very interesting and I'm curious to hear what everyone else thinks about the issue.

Today I went to my third ballet class, which I'm loving! Can't wait to start tap which is my absolute favorite! After class, I had a missed call, from TDH! I was shocked, but I believed it more this time. We've moved up to everyday calls I guess. I called him back and he told me that he really is sick and he feels awful. He's coughing, congested and running a fever. Ugh, I better not get what he's getting. He told me I won't get it because I'm around sick people all the time with work, so my immune system is extra strong and his immune system was depressed from all of the work he was doing last week and basically running himself into the ground. We talked for a bit and I told him to let me know if he needs anything.

So that's all for now. I'm just ready for more dance classes tomorrow, dinner with some old friends on Thursday night and hopefully TDH gets better soon!

Insight

2008-04-12T16:48:00.003-04:00

The New Guy called me during the day on Wednesday for no reason, just to chat, which was nice. I really enjoy our conversations, it's so cool to talk to someone and have time just pass by and all of a sudden you look at the clock and 45 minutes has gone by without you realizing it. He was very excited about how well things are going with the new album. He text messaged me later on in the night to invite me out with him and his friend who is in from out of town to go to a club for 80's night on Thursday night. I told him I was definitely up for it.

Thursday night, I met up with New Guy and his friend for some 80's music and dancing. We had a ton of fun. New Guy even danced, which was so cute, the boy can move! His friend was drunk, so he wasn't getting the hint when New Guy would say something like, "(SingleGirl) and I are going to go check out the other room, stay here, we'll be back." His friend would come with us. He just wouldn't get the hint that we were trying to sneak off to be alone for a few minutes. It's okay though, we snuck a quick makeout while his friend went to the bathroom. New Guy held my hand for part of the night and then when we were on the dance floor, we would face each other and he would have his arm around my back so he could pull me close. He would whisper things in my ear too, like how much he wants me and wishes we could go back to my place and how hot I look. We had a lot of fun dancing though, you can't beat 80's music!

Yesterday I had a great session with The Professional. I told her how I can't stop over-analyzing everything when it comes to The New Guy and how when I'm with him, I'm fine, but otherwise, I drive myself crazy analyzing things. Basically it all comes down to my past - my past with my father. In a nutshell, when it comes to guys, I over-analyze the situation as a way to prepare myself for "the other shoe to drop," even though the guy has given me no reason whatsoever to think that way. It's just what I know because of what my father did - basically I don't trust him, he did some pretty awful things to my Mother and in turn me, so it's hard for me to trust that a guy won't leave.

The Professional told me that when I find myself starting to over-analyze things, I need to stop myself and remind myself that I'm doing it because I'm scared. Scared of being vulnerable and scared of trusting. Even though The New Guy hasn't given me any reason to not trust him, it's hard for me to feel like he won't hurt me. Good thing is that through all of the work I've been doing with The Professional, I'm getting better at letting myself be more vulnerable and trusting of men. I've realized that there are guys out there that are trustworthy and I can't put the things that my father has done on to the other men I have relationships with. If I do that, I will never have a strong and healthy relationship. I think that the way I'm doing things with The New Guy (taking it slow) is a much healthier way of doing things though and The Professional agrees. She said that The New Guy sounds much more mature than the other guys I've dated and it sounds like we're connecting on more levels too. So I guess we'll see!

Last night I had a girl's night with some friends. We just went out to dinner at a nice restaurant and had good conversation. I was home and in bed by 11pm! Not sure when I'll see The New Guy again. I think his friend from out of town leaves today or tomorrow and I know they are probably in the studio today. So I'll let him call me, I don't want to interrupt any creative moments today!

Friends

2008-04-08T23:16:00.002-04:00

My Friday night out with MJ and her friends was definitely eventful to say the least. MJ had been drinking since 5pm, so by the time I met up with her and her friends at 11pm, she was wasted. We made it over to a bar in the chill part of town and I found MJ's friend Abbie at the bar and got a drink. Abbie and I wandered around the bar and found the rest of the crew, but no MJ. We chatted for a few minutes before we finally saw MJ sitting at the bar, text messaging with tears rolling down her cheeks. Abbie and I go up to MJ and ask her what's wrong. She says she doesn't want to talk about it and just bursts into tears again. So I sit at a barstool next to her that a guy graciously offered up and Abbie stood in front of MJ to block her from the rest of the bar patrons. After collecting herself, we try to distract MJ by talking about random stuff, Abbie starts getting hit on by some random old dude. MJ tells me that she's crying because her ex-boyfriend was with them earlier (they have the same friends so they end up hanging out together a lot) and it upset her because they are so good together and she doesn't understand why it didn't work out between them. Now she feels pathetic because she's "that girl" who is crying in a bar. I tell her how she's feeling is perfectly normal so she doesn't need to be hard on herself. Some guy who was trying to be nice came up to us and asked MJ if she had been crying, bad move dude. MJ busts out with, "F--k you! That's so rude! You should never ask a girl that! F--k you!" I apologize to him and he goes and buys MJ a beer to apologize to her. MJ managed to keep it together the rest of the night and ended up having a great time. I resisted going to a certain seedy strip club/bar because I had to wake up early the next morning to fly to DC.

At some point during all of this, The New Guy and I were text messaging back and forth. He wanted to come meet up with me, but he couldn't drive. I told him I was ready to pounce on him, he enjoyed that a lot. He told me that he "would like me now." I enjoyed that. But, we ended up talking on the phone for about a half hour before I went to sleep and I told him I'd call him when I got back into town from DC.

The trip to DC was fun. Best College Friend loved her bridal shower, she had a fantastic time and was in awe of how nice it was. The Matron of Honor and I are really getting along, so that's a relief. I knew her in college, but she was a bit of a pain in the ass then. She was bratty and quite a prude. But she lives in NYC now and it's loosened her up and made her grow up. So, I'm relieved that since we're sharing duties as the Matron and Maid of Honor we are definitely getting along!

I was beyond exhausted when I got back from DC. I was ready to go to sleep at 7pm, but forced myself to stay awake until 11pm so I didn't wake up at 4am ready to go. The New Guy called before I even landed so I called him back and we chatted for a while about the weekend. He also told me how he had another erotic dream about me the night before. (This is the second one.) He told me how strange it is that he's having these dreams because he never has dreams like this! After talking about that for a bit, he told me how one of his bandmates is in town this week to work on finishing their record, so he's going to be busy, but he said he'd ditch his friend a night or two so that he could hang out with me.

Last night, The New Guy called to see what I was up to. I told him I was finally just sitting down to relax after a busy day. He told me they had finished in the studio early and him and a couple of his friends were going to shoot pool and wanted to see if I wanted to join them. Uh, yeah! So, wow, I'm meeting some friends. That's some big stuff right there. So while I still get nervous when I am going to see The New Guy, this time while I was getting ready to meet up with him AND his friends, I was literally shaking.

I got to the pool place and found The New Guy and his two friends. He was standing next to one of his friends who, upon seeing me, says to New Guy, "Nice!" (Yay for me!) We had a lot of fun shooting pool and drinking beer. The New Guy wasn't even afraid to be a little affectionate to me around his friends. At one point, we were both sitting on the pool table next to ours, but we had some distance between us. New Guy put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him and kept his arm around me. Yay! (I know, I'm a dork.)

One of his friends left early, which New Guy and his remaining friend (the one from out of town) were happy about. I guess they thought he weirded me out because he asked me a lot of questions when I first got there. I was like, "Whatever! I didn't really notice anything!" New Guy said to his friend, "She can handle herself well!"

Around 12:45am, it was time to leave. Unfortunately, out of town friend is staying with The New Guy, so I couldn't really get him to myself for a quick makeout session. Friend did say to me when we were leaving though, "You should definitely come hang out with us again this week! I'm in town until Saturday, so you should come out again!" I told him I would. After a hug and a kiss on the neck from The New Guy, I was off.

Before I even made it home, The New Guy called me to "keep me company on my drive home." He told me I looked really cute tonight. We talked for a half hour about random stuff - pool, dance and then his dream the other night. At one point, he says, "We should just get naked already!" I reminded him that I have my requirements and then he laughed and said how he was the one who said we should take it slow in the first place! I agreed and said that I thought it was a good idea though and I like how it's working. He agreed and said I had a point. After chatting for a bit more, it was time for bed.

So that's the big update for now! I'm surprised I met some of his friends. That's pretty cool. Or am I reading too much into that? What am I to make of him telling me he had erotic dreams about me? It doesn't bother me, I think it's hot! As long as he's into me more than in just a physical way. But if that were the case, I don't think I'd be meeting any friends, right? Okay, I need to chill!

Action-packed weekend

2008-04-04T17:38:00.004-04:00

This should be a busy weekend. I'll be going out tonight with either MJ or Bra Girl and then early tomorrow morning, I'm flying to DC to throw a bridal shower for Best College Friend. I get back into town early Sunday afternoon and should be hanging out with The New Guy then.

Talked to the New Guy yesterday afternoon for a bit. He asked me out for Saturday night, but I told him I'd be out of town, so that wouldn't work. I had gone out for drinks with some work clients on Wednesday evening and told him how he was almost on the receiving end of a "Tipsy Text," but I spared him. He asked why I spared him and I told him I didn't want him to feel like a piece of meat because I didn't see him that way. He laughed and said that I can not see him as a piece of meat, but he wouldn't mind being treated like one every once in a while. LOL! He told me next time I should definitely "Tipsy Text" him, he would enjoy it.

Last night, I went and observed a tap dance class for adults (not of the X-rated sort) because I really miss taking dance classes. So, I'm going to do it! Can't wait to start classes again. Anyways, after getting home from that and then getting sucked into "Rock the Cradle" on MTV, I took a shower and was getting ready for bed. The New Guy text messages me asking if I'm still up. I replied back that I am. So he calls and we ended up talking on the phone for almost 2 hours.

It's crazy how long we can talk for and the conversation just flows. He's amazed at how I'm not like most girls in my viewpoints on things, but I assured him that I definitely have a girly side and I'm definitely a girl! He kept saying how he wishes I was at his place talking instead of over the phone. I should have said that I would drive over there, but I just wasn't thinking. Oh well. We talked about everything from movies to relationships to marriage to sex to psychology to music. I told him how the whole "taking things slow" thing is a challenge for me, but a good one. We talked about that for a bit and he said that sex always complicates things, so it's better to really get to know the other person and make sure you want to take on the possible complications. Finally, at 2:15am, it was time to get off the phone and go to sleep. I told him if I go out I would text him and let him know, otherwise I would call him when I get back into town on Sunday.

So that's all for now. This is going to be quite a hectic weekend, but that's good, especially since I've been having very low-key weekends for the past year!

Patience...

2008-04-01T23:16:00.005-04:00

This taking things slow business with The New Guy is definitely a challenge for me. A good one, but it's still a challenge. It's definitely scary and I'm not sure if I can explain why, but I'll try.

Although I know he likes me, the whole act of actually taking things slow doesn't necessarily obviously convey that on a physical level. I'm laughing as I type because I realize that I sound a bit ridiculous. I guess I'm just used to throwing all caution to the wind and diving head first into relationships, so I'm used to more constant physical/sexual attention for validation. Make sense? I need to realize that it's an amazing thing that this guy not only thinks I'm hot, but he wants to really get to know me first. He wants to see what is underneath the beauty. And I think he really likes what he's getting to know.

I was thinking about this yesterday. On Friday, it will have been a month since The New Guy and I first met. Normally, by now I would have slept with him and we would have had much more than just one or two hot make-out sessions. (This doesn't happen very often. I've only had 3 serious boyfriends in my life!) Is it more scary to me because I feel almost like I'm almost more emotionally invested than I would have normally been? In the past, have I not been getting as close to men on an emotional level so soon because we get too caught up in the physical aspect of the developing relationship?

Wow. I feel like I'm having a little session with The Professional here!

This is just so different from how I've done things in the past. What a freaking challenge this is. It's such a challenge because I'm always wondering when I'm going to see him, what's going to happen when we see each other, does he really like me as much as I like him? I know I need to just go with the flow, but I can be a spaz when I'm into someone, so going with the flow isn't that easy. Especially in a situation like this, where things are a little extra scary, in a good way of course, my brain goes a bit on overdrive.

Does any part of what I said above make sense?

Taking it slow...

2008-03-30T22:42:00.001-04:00

I'll just lay it out right now before I start with my update... The New Guy is the best kisser EVER. There we go. On to the update.

Wednesday night, The New Guy came over to my place and we chatted for a while. We listened to some of the music he and his band have been working on in the studio for the past couple of weeks and then put in a movie. Even though I was trying to sit on the couch first so he could be the one to pick seating arrangements, he managed to always be the first one sitting on the couch! I just sat in my usual spot and then asked if he was comfortable. Being 6'4", he said that tall people always look a bit uncomfortable when they sit. I offered him my spot since it's on the chaise part of my couch but he said he was fine. He said that he didn't bite and I could sit closer to him if I wanted. He finally took me up on my offer of sitting in my more comfortable spot and we sat next to each other on the couch and watched the movie, him with his arm around me.

Something very unusual happened about halfway through the movie though... My cat is a very social cat, but by social, I mean she'll say hi to people, but doesn't let anyone but me pick her up and hold her and will certainly not lay on anyone else's lap but mine. Halfway through the movie, my cat jumped up onto the couch, walked into my lap and continued walking into The New Guy's lap. He petted her for a minute and then she lied down in his lap and full on passed out. Ri-dic-ulous. She has NEVER done this to anyone but me. I was in total shock and told him that. Even when I got up once to get water, she didn't even look up, just kept on sleeping. Once the movie ended, New Guy picked my cat up and put her on his chest. I was like, "She's not going to stay there, she'll jump off in a second." Oh no. Not only did she stay there, but she just put one paw on his chest, one paw curled under her, looked up at him and started purring. I was like, "Are you kidding me?!"

After a few minutes of small talk about movies, I moved the cat away and The New Guy and I made slightly nervous small talk. The New Guy then went in for the kiss. After kissing for a minute, I told him how relieved I was that he was such a good kisser. He busts out with, "I didn't know I was being graded on a rubric!" Awhh, how nerdy of him!! I told him how when you wait for something, you start wondering about what it is going to be like. We kissed some more and then he asked how he was doing. I told him he was acing the test. Let's just say that The New Guy really likes Single Girl. He kept saying how he was sorry for putting his hands all over me, but he loves how I feel. I told him there is no reason to apologize, but that there would still be no sex unless I'm in a relationship. There was a mention about sex a little later, and I said something about maybe we'll find out someday, he responded, "Hopefully!"

After making out for a while, we talked again about how it's good that we're taking things slow. He said, "I really like you a lot, so I'm glad we're taking things slow. There's also another reason I want to take things slow." I was like, "Yeah, what's that?" Then he told me that about 4 months ago, he got out of a serious relationship. He said that he doesn't want to jump quickly into something super-serious, so it's good that we're taking things slow, but he really likes me. So, I was shocked, but I still asked what happened, just so I would know. He said that it ended amicably, but that they both knew it wasn't going to work out and that it wasn't meant to be. I told him that I got out of a serious relationship in January, but I'm already moved on, so there's nothing to worry about there. The New Guy and I continued making out for a while and then around 1am, it was time to call it a night.

I've already talked to The Professional about all of this and she reassured me that it's a really good sign that he's told me this, that it definitely means that he really likes me and I'm definitely not a rebound. If I were a rebound, he wouldn't be taking things slow. If he didn't like me, he wouldn't be bothering to share these things with me.

Talked to New Guy on Friday and we made tentative plans to hang out on Saturday, depending on how far along he was with the work he had to get done. He was going out with some friends on Friday night to celebrate the anniversary of a friend's passing.

Friday night, I went out to dinner with my friend Bra Girl and then I went out to a bar with MJ and a couple of her friends. I drank for the first time since July (I've been on medication for my migraines that can effect alcohol), but not too much. Around 1:45am, MJ, one of her friends and I were about to go on stage to sing karaoke when The New Guy called. I couldn't really hear him very well, but I told him what bar I was at and that I was actually drinking and about to sing karaoke and I would call him back after the song. We sang and it was hilarious. I was being a bit of a diva and getting annoyed because the other two girls weren't singing on time, but it was hilarious. I called New Guy back after the song and he said he was downstairs, so MJ, her friend and I went downstairs to meet him.

The New Guy told me he didn't want to take me away from my friends or break up the party, that he was just around the corner and wanted to stop by and say hi. I told him not to worry, he wasn't interrupting anything. MJ and her friend were wasted anyways and MJ was too busy flirting with the bartender to care! The New Guy was having trouble getting a drink at the bar, so just like when we first met, I stepped in and helped him get a drink. While waiting, he snuck in and kissed me, very cute. Sigh. At one point, MJ turns around and says, "So (New Guy), get this!" New Guy pretends like that's not his name and says, "Is (SingleGirl) dating some guy named (New Guy)?" Here's where my brain thinks like a 13 year old girl and starts squealing and saying, "OMG! He said we're dating!!" Calm down Single Girl.

After hanging out there for a bit, I offered to walk him to his car. MJ and her friend were going to take a cab home, she lives on the other side of town from me. So we walked to his car and then he was going to give me a ride to my car. (I was fine to drive, I had only had half a shot and a beer all night.) I asked him if he had been trying to get a booty call and he said he wasn't, he had wanted to stop by and say hi and chat. We got to my car and made out for a few minutes. He said how he could do this forever with me. Finally I said that it was getting late and time to go, so we said goodnight and he said he'd call me the next day.

While walking across the grass to my car, I spotted MJ and her friend. MJ asked if I could give her a ride home because she felt bad making the guys that were giving them a ride home stop off at so many places. I said I would, so I took her home and then I went home and went to bed.

The New Guy called yesterday and we changed our plans to hang out tonight for a little bit instead of last night so he could keep working. He said he feels bad because he doesn't want me to take it personally, it's just that we met right in the middle of when he is trying to get the album finished and in two weeks when it's done, he won't be so crazy with working on it. I told him not to worry, I was exhausted from not sleeping much and I wanted to get to bed early anyways. We ended up talking for a while about some hilarious stuff.

Saw a movie by myself today, "21," really good. The New Guy called while I was in it, so I called him after. He thought it was hot that I'm independent enough to go to the movies alone. He said he'd rather spend more time with me than just an hour and a half tonight, so he wants to make plans for later this week, but he still wants to stop by tonight and hang out, even if it's just for a little bit. I told him that as long as he doesn't see me as just a piece of meat, it's cool by me.

So, he came over and we watched a couple of episodes of 90210. It was time for him to leave, he said, "I better get going and go do my work stuff," and I said, "Well, I guess I won't jump on you then!" He replied that I probably shouldn't because if I did, he'd be here all night. We kissed for a minute and I told him I'd try not to take it personally. He told me not to, that it wasn't personal, that he should be getting home and if we start going at it, he'll be here all night and there can't be any crazy sex on the bathroom floor or anything. I told him definitely not! He said, "Plus, we're taking things slow and we're also letting the sexual tension build." I laughed at this and told him that I thought the sexual tension was definitely already building. He laughed and agreed. So I kissed him again and walked him to his car. We have plans to get together again later on this week, maybe Wednesday or Thursday, so we'll see!

For now, I'm just trying to stay calm and not over-analyze everything. I just know that I really like him and I hope he really likes me too. I think it's good that we're taking things slow, as long as it's for good reason, which I think it is - I think he likes me enough to really want to get to know me and not rush into anything too fast. I've just never been in this situation before - where you both talk about taking things slow, but actually take things slow - so I don't know how to handle it. How does it work? I guess I'm just a little scared, but a good scared.

To the lurkers...

2008-03-26T18:44:00.003-04:00

Okay, I see that there are some lurkers out there who have been reading a lot lately. And even though it's not one of those official de-lurking days, I figure why not make one for myself?! It's time for you all to come out of the shadows!! Post a comment! Introduce yourself! Or just say a quick hello!

Wow.

2008-03-25T08:10:00.007-04:00

The New Guy and I went out for the third time on Saturday evening. He came over to my place and we went to a bar around the corner for a couple of drinks. The discussion was quite lively and hilarious, with questions such as, "Who would you rather do, Brandon Walsh or Steve Sanders?" "Okay, who would you rather do, Brenda or Kelly?" There was talk of our college years and making fun of guys and girls in fraternities and sororities. Talk of music, politics, etc. He complimented me a few times, telling me that I look really cute when I blush and that I'm hot. During our talk about college, we started talking a bit about relationships and he said how he thinks there's something to be said for taking things slow and not having sex on the first date. I was like, "What, like in medieval times with courtship?" He said, "Something like that. There's just something to taking things slow."

After a couple of hours, we came back to my place to hang out for a little bit. New Guy was very nice to my cat, which says a lot about him in my book. If the guy just walks in, pets the cat and that's all, that says something. But, if the guy, walks in, pets the cat, tries to play with the cat or interact more with the cat than just a quick pet, that really says something. The New Guy was really taking time to try to get to know her, which says a lot, I think.

So, we watched a little bit of an episode of 90210 and were laughing hysterically about it and just chatting about stuff. We made tentative plans to hang out again during the week. Around 12:45am, it was time for him to get going, so I walked him down to his car. He gave me a big hug and then got into his car and left.

Seriously? No kiss again? What is going on here? Have I fallen into the "friend zone?" Does he just see me as a friend? I was so confused. All day Sunday and then again on Monday I couldn't stop thinking about what was going on. After talking to Best College Friend, she suggested that I just call him to chat to show that I was interested. She pointed out that he did say that he felt a bit like he was chasing me, so giving him a call would help make sure that he knew I was interested.

So I called The New Guy. He was happy to hear from me and said, "I was just thinking about you!" We talked for a while, but I still couldn't get a good read on him. He would say something like, "I hate to think of you all alone in your big loft by yourself." But, then every time I would throw out a flirtatious comment, he would just laugh and then change the subject. For instance, we were talking about how my bedroom is so nice and dark like a cave, he said that all I need is just a big, flat-screen tv. I replied that I have a flat-screen tv in there, it's just not that big. He was like, "You do?" I said, "Yeah, you just didn't see it because you were too scared to come all the way into my bedroom." He said, "Yeah, you might take advantage of me." I replied, "Would that be so bad?" He just laughed and then changed the subject. I was like, Okay...

Up until then, I wasn't going to say anything about how confused I was. Earlier in the conversation, we had made plans to go out on Friday or Saturday, so I was just going to see what happened then and if he still didn't make a move, then I was going to say something. But, something got into me, and I managed to communicate to him that I wasn't sure if he was interested in me or not and I was very confused. Needless to say, I was very, very happy with his response.

He said, "I think you're incredibly hot. I'm sure you get hit on numerous times everyday. I just didn't want to be one of those guys and I didn't want to be 'that' guy. I just really enjoy talking to you and the fact that you're so smart, we share pretty much the same viewpoint on things and on top of that you're beautiful, is amazing." Wow. I told him that he's definitely succeeded in setting himself apart from every other guy and that when it comes down to it, he's the one I'm talking to, so that should tell him something. He said that, "You're so hot that I just wasn't sure if you'd really be into someone like me." I replied, "Uh, seriously?! I find you really attractive. Not only that, but I think you're the total package - you're good-looking, funny, smart and talented. I always look forward to talking to you." So, yeah.

We now have plans to hang out tomorrow night. After laying everything out on the table last night, he busts out with, "There will definitely be some making out next time!" LOL! I did make it clear to him that I won't have sex unless I'm in a serious relationship, just so he knows. He assured me that he wasn't expecting anything like that yet. So, we'll see what happens tomorrow night!

Rescheduled

2008-03-21T18:20:00.004-04:00

I'm still swooning over the New Guy. I don't know what this feeling is, but swooning is really the only way I can describe it. When we talk on the phone, my face feels hot and I can't stop smiling. Even after we're off the phone, my face is still hot and I'm grinning from ear to ear for a good two hours after and then again whenever I think about it.

He called about an hour ago and unfortunately, had to reschedule our plans. He and his band won't be finished in the studio until late and he doesn't want to keep me waiting. He felt awful because he never reschedules anything, but I told him not to worry, it's totally understandable. He said he'd call when they were done in the studio so we could talk some more because he was sure I'd want to talk more like he did. I jokingly said, "Look at you making assumptions!" He got worried and was like, "Uh oh, I was wrong then." I was like, "I was just kidding! Of course I'd want to talk to you more!" He's been stuck in a recording studio since 10am, so he can't really think straight right now.

Anyways, I called him yesterday, as I promised I would. We talked for a good hour about more random stuff like pet peeves and porn. So random. The pet peeve discussion made me like him even more because one of his is one of my HUGE ones and that's people with bad table manners. I can't stand it when people don't know how to eat properly or cut their food properly. It drives me nuts. He started talking about how he was raised to eat with perfect table manners, that that was one thing his parents were always very strict with and how he couldn't understand how people eat like cavemen now. Sigh. I won't even go into the porn conversation, but needless to say, I was quite impressed with his views on porn. Basically, watching some trampy chick do it doesn't turn it on. He's not into fake looking people, so the majority of that stuff just doesn't do it for him.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to go out with some other friends tonight now that my evening is free. I might run into Partyboy, but there will be no hooking up with him, that's for sure!

Swooning

2008-03-19T21:38:00.005-04:00

So I'm totally swooning over the New Guy. He called yesterday to see if I was interested in getting together later this week, "if your interest in this sailor hasn't sailed," he said. LOL! I was like, "Uh, NO! I'm definitely still interested!" We talked for about an hour about more random stuff. I told him about how I had heard the cheesy 80's song when I got in my car and I had started laughing. He then said, "I thought about you earlier, I was walking through the store and another 80's power song came on, I totally started laughing out loud and some lady near me gave me a look." He then started singing what song it was and I couldn't stop laughing because it was by the same band. Too funny.

He also told me that he almost text messaged me a funny line from 90210, but he wasn't sure if it would translate right onto text message, so he didn't. I assured him it would have, that I probably would have spit my water out if I had been drinking when I read it.

I told him that I went to the doctor and was told that the cause of my laryngitis was allergies. To further ease his mind, I told him that they even did a throat culture to rule out strep throat and other infections. So, hopefully the New Guy will finally kiss me next time we get together! He better be a good kisser!!

We decided we'd get together on Friday night, once he and his band are done in the studio, around 10pm. He suggested either going out to a bar or maybe just hanging out and watching a movie. So, we'll see! I told him to call me sometime on Friday so we could figure out what the plan is. When we were getting off the phone, he said, "Okay, so I'll call you Friday... You know, you could call me before then. I realized today that you've never called me, I've always called you." I laughed and said, "Awhh!" He continued, "I kind of feel like I'm chasing you." I said, "Oh! You're not chasing me!" He laughed, "I feel like I'm chasing you, it feels kind of lame." I just said, "Well, you're not, but don't worry, I'll be sure to call you." I thought that was very cute. Sigh.

Allergies, Names and Partyboy

2008-03-18T14:59:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I've calmed down with the whole still haven't been kissed by the New Guy situation. I agree with everyone and think it's because I sound like crap since I have no voice and I can't stop coughing. Good news is that I finally went to the doctor this morning and she said that it's from allergies and all of the pollen in the air, after a traumatic throat culture to rule out strep throat. She put me on two new allergy medications and gave me some cough medicine with codeine in it to take at night so I can finally get some sleep. She said to give the allergy medicine a few days to get to work on all of the inflammation and I should be better. So, let's all hope that she's right and I'm all better soon!! I need to find out if New Guy is a good kisser or not!

Speaking of New Guy, I only got one suggestion for a blog name for him, and that was Brandon, after Brandon Walsh on 90210. So, now, for everyone to vote on, there's Nerd Guy, Smart Guy and Brandon. Everyone?

Now for the Partyboy update... It seems that Partyboy did not intend on coming off as an ass the other week wen he replied to my invite to go out for drinks with a simple, "I can't." On Friday, I got a text message from him asking what I was up to. I was waiting a half hour before replying to him, but only 15 minutes went by and PB text messaged me again asking what I was up to. I replied back that I wasn't doing anything because I have laryngitis. He immediately texted back with, "Oh no. Can I get you anything?" I thanked him and told him that I had everything I needed. He told me to let him know if I needed anything, a lap dance included (LOL). Later on in the evening, PB text messaged me again asking if I was okay and to see what I was up to. I told him I was and that I was just relaxing and resting my voice.

Early Saturday morning, PB messaged me to make sure I was okay, we had had some pretty bad storms the night before and to also check and see how I was feeling. I told him that I made it through the storms just fine and I still had no voice, but that I was feeling just fine. Saturday evening, Partyboy again messaged me to make sure I knew that if I needed anything, to let him know and he would be more than happy to help. He told me that I need to hurry up and get better so I can be in "Swinging" shape for him. I told him I was trying to get better, but not for him. He asked for who? I told him for myself. I guess PB got a little jealous at the thought of SingleGirl with another guy! Then around midnight, he messaged me to try to come out. I told him that would certainly not be happening, another time!

Yesterday afternoon, Partyboy called to check on me and chat for a bit. Such an odd one that PB is!

So, that's the PB update! I truly don't think he meant to come off as a jerk with his harsh reply the other week. He obviously cares. Either that, or he's just trying to secure a piece of ass! Either way, the New Guy has taken over at the top of my list. Partyboy is certainly just a physical thing until I figure out what the situation is with the New Guy. After stopping at the grocery store today, I got in my car and the song on the radio was a cheesy 80's song the New Guy and I had talked about on our first date. It brought such a huge smile to my face. Don't worry, I didn't call him and tell him I heard the song, but it did make me really happy. I'm such a dork.

WTH??

2008-03-16T23:41:00.002-04:00

Okay, so just got back from my second date with the New Guy.

New Guy called today to see what I wanted to do when we hung out tonight. We chatted for about an hour about random stuff, as usual, and he made several comments about how he couldn't believe he had found a hot girl who's into the same stuff he's into. He also made a comment about how after his roommate moves out next month, I'll have to come over and play old-school Nintendo with him. (I had told him that I love playing old-school Nintendo.) Since the weather was gorgeous today, we decided to meet up at a cafe that has outdoor seating at 9pm.

So, I got there and we got to talking as usual. Yes, I still don't have much of a voice and now you can add a wonderful dry cough to the list of ailments. So, amongst the talking, there was a lot of coughing from me. The conversation was fantastic once again, no awkward silences, funny stories were told and we continued to learn more about each other. He's the type of guy who's very sincere- he's not going to ask you how you are just to ask you, he's going to ask you how you are if he really wants to know. I like that and can appreciate that. I'm like that too, and in my everyday working life in sales, it's rare. Anyways, at around 11pm, it was time to end the night since we both have to be up at a decent time to get to work. He asked if I wanted to get together again on Wednesday or Thursday to do something outside since the weather is going to be nice again and I told him I would love to.

Here is where the "what the hell?" from above comes in... Once again, he didn't kiss me. I don't get it! At least he hugged me this time. But still!! Is it because I'm still sick? If that's the case, tell me that! I know he's interested in me because he had already asked me out again for later in the week. I know he's not gay. Is he just moving REALLY slow? What do I do? What do I do if when we hang out again if he doesn't kiss me again? Do I say something? I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything, but I've never been in this situation before! I'm so confused!

The New Guy!

2008-03-15T19:59:00.006-04:00

Where to start? I guess I'll start with my the new guy in my life, New Guy. This one really gives me butterflies! I met him last Friday night when I was out with MJ at one of the laidback bars nearby. I was up at the bar trying to get drinks while MJ was using the bathroom. I struck up a conversation with New Guy since we were both having trouble getting drinks. He got us both drinks and once I got my drink, he said to me, "Don't feel obligated to stay and talk to me if you don't want to." Wow, ouch, I thought we had hit it off! I said, "Well, I don't, but if you'd like to talk more, I'll be standing right over there." So I went and stood in a less-crowded area and MJ returned. I told her what happened and she went and thanked New Guy for the drink (he paid for them). While she was gone, some drunk guy had come up and started hitting on me. I glanced to my left for a second and saw New Guy standing there with his friend and gave him one of those "rescue me" looks. He laughed and said, "I've seen that look before" and immediately rescued me from close-talking and spitting while talking, drunk guy. For the next hour and a half or so, New Guy and I talked and before he left, he got my number. He then gave me his, but I said to him, "I'll take your number, but I'm not going to call you. If you want to see me, you have to call me." He replied, "I promise I'll call you tomorrow."

He called the next day as promised. That was when we set up the date for Thursday. On Wednesday, I lost my voice. Great. He called Wednesday evening to confirm and even though I didn't have much of a voice, I picked up the phone. I immediately told him to excuse my voice, that I did not just smoke a carton of cigarettes. He laughed and said not to worry, that he doesn't sound great after playing a show with his band, so he totally understands. We ended up talking for over an hour and a half on the phone and decided to meet the next night at the bar where we met for drinks.

On Thursday at 8pm, an hour before I was supposed to meet with him, I took my temperature because I wasn't feeling too hot. 100.7F. I called my Mom and asked her what to do. Her advice: take two Advil, go on the date and just stay for an hour, it's too late to cancel. So that's what I did - I went on a date with no voice and a fever! I had such a great time though that I felt fantastic and ended up staying for three and a half hours. The conversation flowed so well, we have so much in common, it's amazing. He's the combination I look for in a guy - good-looking, funny, nerdy, tall and quick-witted. Plus, he loves 80s music and 90210!! Thing was, at the end of the date, he didn't even try to kiss me. I was shocked. But, he did ask me out on a second date, so he was still interested. I guess he didn't want to risk catching my laryngitis since he and his band are currently in the studio recording their second album. But, I was still worried since he didn't even try to kiss me or say that he wanted to.

My fears were for nothing though. He called yesterday afternoon! Wow. I really like New Guy, he doesn't play games! We ended up talking again for about an hour and a half. He told me what a great time he had the night before and couldn't believe that he had found a girl who liked talking about the same stuff he likes to talk about and that finds his nerdy side attractive. I was like, Uh, yeah! He recommended some tea that's supposed to be good for the throat that he likes and that John Mayer had recommended it to him.

Then today, as I was dozing off in bed while watching some 90210 and drinking some of that good-for-the-throat-tea, New Guy called! I didn't pick up right then, I was too groggy, but I called him back an hour later. He asked how my throat was and how I was feeling. He told me how some of his old college friends surprised him and came into town last night. Then he wanted to see if I was still up for hanging out tonight. I told him to go hang out with his college friends tonight so I could rest my voice some more and that we could hang out tomorrow instead. He said no, that he had committed to plans with me for tonight and he didn't want to break them. I told him that it was okay, that I should really rest my voice, it's truly not a big deal. He said okay, if I was sure, and then we just started chatting some more about random stuff like friends, politics, music and other stuff. We were on the phone for almost an hour and a half (again!) when I had to cut it short because I was about to have a coughing fit. I didn't want him to hear that, so I told him I was going to go make some tea.

I don't know, I really like this one so far! I'm not going to get too excited though, we all know how the "crazy" can come out if we don't keep it under control! I just think it's cool how well we get along, we can just talk and the conversation flows, there's never an awkward silence and we have so much in common, but not too much to where we're constantly in agreement.

So now I need to come up with a blog name for the New Guy... Should it be Smart Guy? Nerd Guy? Hmmm... Help me out here!

Anyways, I have a Partyboy update as well as a Security Guy update, but I'll save those for tomorrow!!

Laryngitis sucks.

2008-03-14T20:54:00.002-04:00

I promise an update this weekend. Right now I am too busy pouting over the fact that I have no voice. I woke up on Wednesday without a voice and it has only gotten worse! Laryngitis sucks. A lot. I still went on my date last night though! So I promise to write all about that this weekend as well as my other updates which do include Partyboy. Otherwise, if any of you have any remedies for laryngitis, please, please, please share!

The bump was a pebble

2008-03-09T15:23:00.005-04:00

Well, the little bump in the road about Partyboy was just a tiny pebble for me to drive over. Thursday night, I text messaged PB and asked what he was up to this weekend and he replied that he was swamped and what was I up to. I told him that I wasn't sure yet and wanted to see if he would like to go out for drinks some time. His reply was simply, "I can't." Mmmkay. What the hell is that? Not even, Sorry I can't? Just "I can't." No, "Maybe next week"? So, whatever, on to another. As Samantha said to me, "You tossed out a bone. He didn't bite this time. Oh well. Next puppy." Love it!

I went out both Friday night and last night. Don't know what's gotten into me lately, I've just been in the mood to be out. I guess after not really going out at all for the past year, I'm feeling the urge to be social again! I think I'll stick to just one night out a week though, last night I just wasn't feeling it as much as Friday night. But I think where we went out had something to do with it too, the place was packed and the guys were so skeezy. Last night before going out we went bowling which was so much fun, haven't done that since college.

Friday night, I went out with MJ to the laid-back bars near where I live. First, we went to a different area to meet up with some of her other friends who were watching a band at a bar, but MJ's license had expired a couple of weeks ago, so the guy at the door wouldn't let her in. Douchebag. So we went to the laid-back bars.

There, MJ and I were getting hit on by random guys, some that looked like they could be 19 years old, it was pretty funny. They couldn't understand why we weren't responding to their advances and at one point, one of them says to me, "So, just because I'm 3 years younger than you, I don't turn you on?" Poor thing. He just wasn't getting it. Then he proceeds to say, "What if I like older women?" What a dumb boy, now you just made me feel really old. MJ was really struggling when trying to deal with one of this guy's friends, so we made our escape. We ran into one of MJ's guy friends at another end of the bar and while MJ went to the bathroom, I went to the bar to get drinks.

Up at the bar, I met the guy who is now my date for Thursday night...

Need advice! A bump in the road...

2008-03-05T09:54:00.008-05:00

Well, it seems like because of work stuff, I really won't be moving as soon as I had hoped. I'm really not thrilled about this. Until Monday, I had been under the impression that a position would open up for me within the next couple of months and I'd be outta here! But, nope, probably not going to happen. There's still a slight chance, but it's very slim, and it's more likely that something will open up in October. So, yes, I'm annoyed about that, but it's out of my control.

Okay, so here is where I need your help...

So, mainly because of friends like Crazy Girl, College Friend and MJ putting thoughts into my head, I'm wondering if I want something more than just a random hook-up thing with Partyboy. I can't figure out what it is that I want from PB. This obviously isn't a "booty call" type thing for me because I knew him before the hot make-out sessions started and there is obviously some sort of connection we have (obvious from him saying how he can completely be himself when he's around me, how much fun we have together, etc.). BUT, I don't want and am not ready for anything serious, but I think, key word being THINK, I would like us to hang out more. Here's the problem... When I hung out with PB for the first time a few Fridays ago, I got a text from a friend and PB asked if it was a booty call, I told him that, No, I don't have any of those YET. And I also told him earlier in the night that I'd be moving back to Florida in the next couple of months. That's probably not going to happen now. He had joked that I shouldn't move until at least August because that's when he'd be moving.

How do I figure out what I want? How do I figure out what he wants?

Some people say that it's obvious he likes me. Well, he hasn't exactly asked me out on a date. BUT, I did tell him when we first hung out that I was looking for a booty call. So I didn't exactly give him any sort of clue that I was interested because at the time I wasn't. BUT, later that night he asked if he could take me on a date. Yet, he still hasn't asked me on that date. Mixed messages? I think so.

I've had guys that were "booty calls" before and in those situations, we never hung out together at all during the course of the night. One of us would call the other at the end of the night to go to the other's place to hook-up. There was no hanging out, no going out, really no talking or getting to know the other person, it was pretty impersonal and kept strictly physical. Any talk was all small talk. In my mind, that's how a booty call should be.

PB and his band played a gig last night that I didn't go to see. Do I call or text PB today and ask how it went and suggest getting together some night? Should I just let things be and see what happens this weekend? Should I just let this be a hook-up and separate any feelings that arise?

So, advice? Help!

And let me just say, that I feel like a bit of an ass for feeling this way and sharing this with all of you. I don't know why, but I do. And my feelings on this could very well change, but right now, this is how I feel!

On a funny side note, PB's friend, James, added MJ as a friend on Facebook and then asked her out for drinks. She called me asking what to do because she had just gotten dumped a couple of weeks ago and is totally not ready and not interested in James as more than just a friend. She didn't want to be one of those girls who's saying, "I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm not ready to date." So, I told her to just suggest going out together again in a group like last time, and he'll get the picture.

Freaking Hot!

2008-03-01T19:04:00.009-05:00

I had another crazy night last night, I didn't get to sleep until 5:30am this morning. So, I'm warning you now, this is a long one and at times, not G-rated...

Security Guy offered to get me on the list for a sold out concert in town if I wanted to go (even though he isn't in town, he helps manage this particular artist's tour), so I called up my friend from college, MJ, who is a fan of this artist to see if she wanted to go. She was up for going, even though her and her boyfriend broke up for good yesterday. Around 7:45pm, I picked up MJ and we made our way downtown to find parking near the venue. We went to will call, showed my ID and we were given front row tickets to the seated part of the venue. Woah. Pretty friggin cool. Thanks Security Guy! MJ was quite impressed, so I gave her the backstory on Security Guy. The concert itself was fantastic, she was on stage by herself, so that took some balls on her part and she's very musically talented. After the show, we went back to my car and tried to leave the parking garage which took for-ev-er. I think we sat there for a good half hour. MJ and I came back to my place so we could eat something before going out to the bars for the night.

After a snack, MJ and I headed out on the town. We got to one bar and proceeded to try and get drinks. This bar was ridiculously packed, so these two guys got MJ her beer and me my water, very nice of them. We were then obligated to talk to them for a while even though neither one of us was interested. Plus, none other than Partyboy was at another bar in the area and wanting to meet up with us. After a round with the nice guys, MJ and I left the bar and went to the bar down the street that PB was at. We got to that bar and met up with PB and some of his friends, including James, from the other night. PB had had a few drinks, so he was quite entertaining at this point and very gropey (is that a word?), but I like that. At one point, PB went to the bathroom and MJ leans over to me and says, "Wow, he really likes you!" PB kept taking little opportunities to kiss me or my neck or just have his arms around me. He was like, "I like that I don't have to watch what I say or censor my personality around you like I do with other girls. I can just be myself. That's why I like you so much."

After hanging out for a while, we discovered that James had never been to the seedy club up the street where strippers go to retire. MJ, PB and I are like, "We're going there now!" So, after paying the tab, we started walking towards my car to drive to the seedy club. James and MJ were walking ahead of PB and I, so PB took this opportunity to stop me and grab me for a kiss in the middle of the sidewalk. After kissing me, he decided to pick me up and carry me to my car. Being that he was intoxicated, I was not exactly thrilled about that, but since he didn't fall or drop me, it's okay now. We stopped at an ATM for the guys to get cash and then it was on to the club.

We get to the parking lot and James was having second thoughts. PB was like, "You can wait for us in the parking lot, but you might get shot!" So James followed us inside. PB bought James a very interesting lap dance from one of the strippers. James was absolutely traumatized. During his lap dance, I found out that he had never even been to a regular strip club before. Poor guy! This was his first experience. The stripper literally punched him in the face with her boobs. PB and I made out a couple of times there, not during the nasty dance, mind you. We left at closing time, 3am. We dropped MJ off at her apartment and then dropped James off at his place so he could disinfect. After PB attempted to have another parking session in the same parking lot again, I drove back to the area where the bars were so PB could find his car. Problem was, his car wasn't where he thought it was. Yeah, after driving around for 15 minutes, we found it on another street. Then it was time to figure out where to go from there. At this point, it was 3:45am and PB had to get up to go to work for two hours at 9am. Instead of being sensible, PB and I proceeded to have another little session.

WOW. That's all I can say.

WOW.

I can't remember getting so turned on by making out ever. It was so freaking hot, I just don't know how to explain and don't think I can. I think about it and adrenaline shoots through me and my heart races. We would stop kissing and I wouldn't even be able to talk. I couldn't even think straight or see straight. I felt totally intoxicated. I was like, "I am so turned on right now. You're driving me crazy!" His reply was, "I haven't even begun to drive you crazy." At one point, we both got out of the car and he pinned me against the side of my car and we just went at it. Before, I could say things, they wouldn't make sense, but words would come out. This time, we'd stop kissing, and pardon my language, all I could say was, "Fuck" or "Oh my G-d." Then, he picked me up, wrapped my legs around him and kissed me. He put me down and started kissing my neck, down my chest, lifted my top a little, and kissed down my stomach. I had to stop him then because I was about to lose all control.

My heart is racing all over again as I'm typing this because the picture images in my head of last night are flashing through my head right now.

So, we finally parted with a promise to continue on another night when he didn't have to wake up early and we could fully enjoy ourselves. Once I got home and was about to get in the shower, PB called to make sure I got home okay. Also, to tell me how badly he wants me and how much I turned him on and how he wishes he were with me about to get into the shower too.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well last night, in between dreams, some dirty, some not, I would wake up, turn over and then have another flashback and not be able to fall asleep again for a bit. Partyboy text messaged me this morning just to say hi and see what was up. I told him that I didn't sleep very well, but it was okay and that I'll see him again very soon.

Today I met up with MJ and some of her friends at the park where we just hung out for a few hours since the weather was gorgeous for a change. MJ's new roommate is actually a girl I used to take dance lessons with growing up, so that was funny.

Anyways, time for me to relax and enjoy some tv! Hopefully there will be more Partyboy stories to come!

Parking. . .

2008-02-23T20:38:00.003-05:00

Well, Partyboy and I didn't hang out on Tuesday night, which was a good thing, because Steadman, my boss, worked with me that day, so I was a bit too tired to really do anything. Wednesday evening, PB texted (don't think that's a word, but I'm making it one now!) me asking what I was up to. Told him I was just relaxing on the couch. He said he and his friends had just finished mixing his album in the studio (he's a musician and working on a solo album) and are hanging out at a local bar and that I should come. It was 10:45 and since Cashmere Mafia was on, I wasn't going to start getting ready until 11, but I told him I'd get ready and be over there soon. Got to the place around 11:20pm (I'm quick like that), but couldn't find parking, so PB hopped in my car to help me find a parking spot. We quickly found one and got out of my car.

Once I had put my jacket on, PB did it. He did something that makes my knees weak. He walked up to me, put one arm around my lower back and one hand grabbed the side of my face/head and kissed me. Sigh. We kissed in the parking lot for a good 5 or 10 minutes. He had had a few drinks, but the kissing was still good. We went to the bar and joined his friends at a booth on the patio. It was funny, he introduced me using his sense of humor that I understand, but his friends didn't know I understood, so at first, they were shocked, but I fired right back with a little quip and PB said, "See guys? This is why I love hanging out with her! She can totally handle it and she fires right back!"

We hung out at this bar for about an hour, it was a different crowd, but I didn't really care. PB was being grabby, which I like- holding my leg under the table or putting his arm around me. We went inside for a bit and he just kept wanting to stand in front of me with his arms around me. One of his friends wanted to go to another bar nearby, but PB, his other friend James, and I were ready to call it a night. So PB, James and I left. PB had to give his friend James a ride back to his place, so since it was on the way back towards my house, I followed in my car. Got to the little complex James lives at and dropped him off. PB pulled his car around next to mine and got out and into my car. He brought the CD he had finished working on with him so I could hear it.

Within 30 seconds, we were making out. Yes, very 1950s of us, we made out in a parked car in a random parking lot for about an hour! It was definitely hot and heavy. I'm still having little flashbacks that come into my head every once in a while that give me little zaps of adrenaline. Especially when I remember him telling me how badly he wants to drive me crazy. Wow. Even though it was almost 2am when we finally called it a night, we had a really hard time stopping the make-out session, he got out of my car and came to my window to kiss some more. Poor guy only got maybe 4 hours of sleep.

PB is out of town this weekend, so I won't be seeing him until sometime this week. I'm glad we stayed in the car the other night, I didn't want to get too carried away with things by going back to one of our places. He tried his hardest to convince me though, telling me how he'd cuddle me all night and cook me breakfast in the morning. I resisted though. I'll stay the night if the night starts earlier.

As far as sex goes, maybe this is silly of me, but if I'm going to have sex with PB, I'd like that to be on a weekend night. I'd stay the night and just do pretty much everything but sex on a weeknight, but for sex, I'd prefer a Friday or Saturday night. I can even see it might be a bit ridiculous to think that, but whatever!

Okay, on to Security Guy. Things are still the same. We text back and forth throughout most of the day. We've only talked on the phone once though and that was for 5 minutes. This is mainly my fault though, I'd been avoiding talking on the phone for the first week we were texting because things were so great that I was scared talking on the phone would somehow screw things up. I'm sure we'll talk on the phone again soon though since he has the night off tonight. My main thing with him though is that he's on the road with the band and I have no clue when I'll see him again. So that makes it kind of hard to really get attached or anything. I'm just going to play this situation by ear.

Crazy Girl and I are getting together tomorrow to have lunch and hang out. Should definitely be fun, as it always is when Crazy Girl and I get together. Saw "Jumper" today which was good. Not great, not bad. Just good. The special effects were really cool as was the whole premise of being able to "jump" to anywhere in the world instantaneously. But, considering the fact that the movie was only an hour and a half long, they could have spent another 20 minutes developing the story behind the characters a little more.

That's all for now! Hope you all are having a great weekend!

On a Roll?

2008-02-17T17:41:00.003-05:00

So, I had quite the unexpected Friday night. Seems like Single Girl is suddenly VERY attractive to the menfolk. Got a call from a guy I shall nickname Partyboy, who used to be at Shabbat dinner at The Couple's house when I would go there for dinner. He and I always got along and would laugh hysterically through the whole dinner. He's a good-looking guy, but nothing ever happened because one of us was always in a relationship. Since The Couple moved to LA and now Tennessee, Partyboy and I hadn't seen each other in months and months, I can't even remember when. So, he wrote me a note on Facebook saying we should hang out and I gave him my number. He called me Friday night to invite me out with him and one of his friends. Being the old lady I am, I usually don't go out on Friday nights. I'm usually just too tired after the work week to get dressed up and go out somewhere noisy. But lately I've been feeling like I need to get out more, so I told Partyboy I would go out with him and his friend since they were going to a bar near me.

Around 11:30 I met up with PB and his friend. We sat at a table on the outside patio and it was just like it used to be. I was laughing hysterically, as was PB and his friend. I had only planned on going out for an hour, but before I knew it, it was 1:30am and PB was asking where we should go next. By this time, we had moved to a table inside the bar. I looked at my phone and PB had text message me, "You look really hot tonight." Well now, PB! I texted him back that he's looking pretty good himself. We decided to go to a very seedy club up the street that's known in town as the place that strippers go to retire. Before going there, I went to use the restroom. Partially to fan myself. Goes to show how long it's been for Single Girl. All I could think of was that scene in the first episode of "Lipstick Jungle" if any of you have seen that. WOW. PB had also gone to the restroom at the same time as me, so I wouldn't have been surprised if that happened and was secretly hoping it would. But it didn't. He was waiting for me in the hall when I came out of the restroom but didn't make a move. He drove to the seedy club with me in my car and had his friend follow us in his car. I thought for sure he would make a move then, but he didn't. Boys. He did ask me if he could take me on a date. I told him he could.

The seedy club was quite the sight. I got hit on by some guys there too, but I certainly was not about to be picked up in that place. We stayed there for about 40 minutes before deciding to call it a night. PB and his friend begged me to go out with them again soon, they had so much fun. I promised them I would, that I had a ton of fun. PB picked me up and twirled me around and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. As soon as I got home, they both text messaged me saying they had a great time, PB adding that he was still up if I wanted to hang out. I declined the offer telling him to call me another time if he wanted to hang out.

Partyboy text messaged me a few times yesterday just to see what I was up to and then called me at 11:30 to invite me out. I told him that I was way too tired after being kept out until 3am the night before and not sleeping very well. He was being persistent, but I was not going to budge, especially since I hadn't been feeling too well all day. He finally said okay. Then about 45 minutes later, PB calls again to try one more time to get me out. Still wasn't happening. Then he says, "I should have kissed you last night." My jaw dropped. Sorry, I know it's been a while since I've gotten butterflies, but that turned me on, I guess it's easier these days! But, it still wasn't going to get me to get out of bed. Plus I would have to shave my legs. I told him he should have kissed me, but he didn't, so he'll have to do that next time. We have plans to hang out Tuesday night, so we'll see what happens.

The Security Guy and I have also been messaging back and forth. He's such a sweet and funny guy. So we'll see what happens there.

I'm just not ready for anything too serious right now, so this is all exactly what I need.

Drama free!

2008-02-15T16:33:00.003-05:00

Well, not much to update you all on. Without the drama The Swimmer brought, I've been laying low and enjoying less drama in my life for a bit!

Had a great time with my new friend (who I'll call Bra Girl because I met her while shopping for a new bra) over this past weekend. I hung out with her and a couple of her friends on Friday night and we just sat around and talked for a few hours. It was actually a lot of fun. She's been out of town all week, but we're going to try to get together this weekend or next week.

Tomorrow, I'm hanging out with Crazy Girl. She's getting her hair done, so I'm going to go sit with her while she gets that done and then we're going to go and get lunch together. I'm sure I'll be trying to flirt with the hot, straight assistant guy at the salon that hit on me when I got my hair cut last time. He mentioned hanging out together sometime, so maybe this time I'll have the guts to bring that up.

Valentine's Day was pretty low-key for me. No date or anything. It actually seemed like a regular day for me except for all of the Valentine's Day crap on tv. I got quite the surprising text message yesterday morning though. It was from my favorite band in the whole world's security guy. It seems that he has had a crush on Single Girl since he met me and has been working up the nerve to text me. Needless to say, I was extremely surprised. We texted back and forth for most of the day yesterday and for a bit today. Don't worry, I'm surely not jumping into anything, I'm definitely not ready for another serious relationship just yet. Too much going on in my life right now. I guess this isn't something he does often because he told me that the people on the tour bus he was on were giving him shit for texting me as much as he was. When he told me that, it occurred to me that those people just might be some of the band. Woah. Weird. Very strange. They shut up when they saw a picture of Single Girl.

Anyways, it's all fun for me, nothing serious, so nothing to worry about. Right now I'm looking for a local, hot, fun guy to have a nothing serious fling with until I move south. I think I need that now, especially after the drama that was The Swimmer. I don't think that will be too hard to find though!

Naked Men and Music

2008-02-06T21:30:00.000-05:00

Had such a great weekend with Best College Friend (BCF) - it was so nice to see her and hang out, it almost felt like we were in college again. She got in on Saturday afternoon and after relaxing for a bit, we got ready for dinner and met up with Crazy Girl for fondue. We had a hilarious time at dinner and flirted with the very young waiter. To show how young he is, I give you this funny little story. Crazy Girl decides to order an alcoholic beverage to drink with dessert and before giving him her ID, we tell him how he just made her night by carding her and thank him for that. He then glances at her ID and gasps and says, "Woah!" We burst out laughing, she's only 28, and then ask how old he is. We then find out the poor kid was 20. No wonder he thinks 28 is old.

After dinner, we took BCF back to my place and tried to get her to change into a more revealing top to go out in. She thought we were just going out to a bar or a club, but little did she know we were taking her to the all male, naked strip club. BCF, being the very conservative girl that she is, had only brought sleeveless turtleneck or cowl neck tops to wear to go out in at night. Not something you would wear to a strip club. We tried to get her to wear one of my more revealing tops, but she just wouldn't have it and would only consent to wearing a less revealing tank top of mine. So, since it seemed like she was getting mad, we just let it be and set off. I pulled up to the strip club and when she saw we were there and not a regular dance club, she was so excited! It was hilarious! She was bouncing up and down in the seat and clapping her hands. Then she says, "You should have made me wear one of the slutty tops!" Too funny. After being inside for a while, we told her we were buying her a lap dance. She resisted until I told her that she would regret not getting one, just like she regretted not wearing a "sluttier" top. The stripper we chose for her came over and she tells him, "This is my first time, so be gentle!" Wrong thing to say! He gave her quite the dirty lap dance. It was hilarious! All in all, it was a fun night and some guy at the club gave me a shirt he got that said, "Got Dick?" on it. I gave it to BCF to give to her fiance. Heh heh.

Sunday we were exhausted. I guess we're just not used to being up until 3:30am anymore! So we went to the mall to go to the playground, aka, Sephora. Then we saw "27 Dresses," totally adorable. Can Katherine Heigl please be my friend? She seems so cool!

Monday we went to see our favorite band in concert. It was so amazing, I can't even begin to describe. We managed to talk our way into a radio station meet and greet with the band which was just beyond words. Finally got to talk about one of my favorite songs with the guy who wrote it. Crazy. The concert was fantastic, we had 9th row seats and then the band's security guy remembered me from another show and got us from our seats to stand at the front row. Insane.

BCF had a 7:30am flight to catch the next morning, so it was all over pretty quickly. But it was definitely a crazy fun weekend.

Otherwise, things have been pretty much the same for me as far as work and the guy situation. I think I am going to write up a profile and get on jdate. I haven't dated in almost 2 years, so why not start dating again just to get out there. I can correspond with guys in Florida as well as where I am and just see what happens. I will be sure to make it clear to any guys I meet where I'm at that I see any potential in that I plan on moving soon, that way there isn't any misleading.

I went out to lunch with a new friend today and had a great time. She actually gave me some great insight into the jdate scene where I'm at, so that was actually kind of funny. She's also good friends with a girl who was friends with the guy I dated before The Swimmer. Such a small world! She invited me to see some band with her and some friends tonight, but I had too much work stuff to catch up on and hadn't even eaten dinner when she was on her way to the venue, so it just wasn't going to work. I'm hanging out with her on Friday though, so it should be fun.

On a sad note, my tv is having some issues. Not my cable, but my actual tv. And it's only 2 years old. The repair guy can't even come out until next week, so I'm stuck with the volume too loud until then. And, yes, my remote has batteries, it's not that! So soon I'll have to make the decision - fix the tv or try to sell it for what I can get and buy a new one? How come my Mom has a 20 year old tv that works perfectly fine, but these new ones break so easily?!

Ouch.

2008-02-03T21:02:00.000-05:00

I'll have stories for you tomorrow. My head hurts too much now to write. Off to shower and get into bed. Hope everyone is enjoying the Super Bowl!

For the ladies. . .

2008-01-22T20:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, question for the ladies out there. . . If you're on birth control, what type are you on? Had my yearly visit with the Lady Doctor today and she wants me to switch birth control to one that is progestin only because of my migraines (they put me at increased risk for stroke, so estrogen isn't the best). I really don't want to switch since I've been on my current pill for about 9 years now and I don't have any side effects or anything, plus it keeps my skin nice and clear! All of the progestin only options are a bit scary to me - Depo Provera, Implanon, Mirena, progestin only pill. But then again, a stroke wouldn't be cool. So, your experiences?

Got the first shot of my Gardasil/HPV vaccine today too. Had that stupid commercial song going through my head the whole time, that was really annoying. "I wanna be one less, one less." Ugh. That shot stung like a son of a you-know-what though. I actually saw stars and I am not a wuss when it comes to shots, I don't flinch or anything usually, but that one really got me.

I'm so excited for "The Moment of Truth" tomorrow, looks like such a ridiculously crazy game show. Should be some good stuff!

The weight has been lifted

2008-01-20T21:08:00.000-05:00

Well, that went a lot easier than I expected. Had I known it was going to go so easy, I wouldn't have been freaking out so much, my heart wouldn't have been pounding so hard I was scared it was going to pound right out of my chest and my palms wouldn't have been so sweaty.

Once I finally got the nerve up to call The Swimmer on Thursday night, we talked for a couple of minutes before he asked what was wrong. I told him that I had been thinking a lot about us and that as much as I care about him and love him, I just didn't think we were going to work out. He said something about how he thinks the distance thing sucks and that if I lived in LA, we would be forever. I didn't bother telling him that that isn't true, it wouldn't change anything, let him think that if he truly believes that and if he's just telling himself that to make himself feel better, let him. He said that he had been really worried about me because I seemed really "off" lately. I told him that it's because I've been stressed out thinking about "us" and it's really been bothering me, but I didn't want to say anything until I was absolutely positive because I didn't want to regret anything. He said he understood. He then commented on how it felt kind of weird all of a sudden and I said, "Yeah, because no one did anything wrong here so it's not like anyone is mad." He agreed and told me that he truly cares about me and still wants to be friends and that he is always there for me if I ever need anything, no matter what.

So, that was it. The whole conversation lasted about 8 minutes. The thing about really long-distance relationships is that aside from not talking to The Swimmer 5 times a day, nothing is different. Towards the end, talking to The Swimmer became more of a chore than anything, so I feel better now to not dread those phone calls. I only really had "real boyfriend" stuff - like doing things together, spending lazy weekends together, bedroom fun, going out to dinner, etc., - once every 4-6 weeks, so it doesn't feel like much has changed. It's kind of odd not feeling devastated after a breakup. It also helps that I know that The Swimmer isn't "The One" and that we didn't end on bad terms. That doesn't mean I want to be talking to him either though. He needs to find someone else to talk to about his stress and get obnoxious amounts of reassurance from, not me! Yay!! So glad I don't have to put up with that anymore.

I figure after a few weeks of "me" time or whenever I feel like it, I'll be ready to go back out into the dating world. Now, here's a question, even though I'm planning on moving to another state in April or May, it's still okay for me to date in the same city I'm living in now, right? If I decide to go the online dating route, do I restrict my searches to the city I live in now? Do I add the city I'm moving to as well? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it! For now, I have this weekend to look forward to - Best College Friend is coming to visit and Crazy Girl and I are surprising her with a trip to the male strip club! Should be a very fun weekend!

Like ripping off a bandaid?

2008-01-17T16:42:00.000-05:00

So, I decided to wait until I could speak with The Professional. I've never been on this end of "the talk" and I wanted to make sure I was doing it the right way. I finally saw The Professional today and was able to update her on the drama that is my life. It had been a month since I saw her last (she had been out so long because she had surgery) so there was a lot to update her on. As far as The Swimmer goes, she said that basically, there is never going to be a good time to do the breaking up, so it's better to just get it over with so I can stop walking around with the heaviness of it in me. She said it's best to just be straightforward and just get it all out. I should call him though since he usually calls me, that way he's not calling me thinking that he's just calling to chat and then getting hit with this. I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about this a lot since you last came to visit and you're a good guy and I love you, but we just aren't going to work out." She said to not try to predict how he's going to react because there really isn't anyway to tell how he will react. And to just be strong and if he tries to ask if he can do things to make it better, to just tell him that "we're past that now and it just isn't going to work anymore."

Even worse is that he called me not too long ago on his lunch break to talk about how stressed out he is with work. For a minute I was thinking about waiting and having "the talk" tomorrow, but you know what? He's ALWAYS stressed out about work, it doesn't matter what day it is, he's always going to be so stressed out with work, so if I plan the talk around that, it'll never happen. He is only working a half day tomorrow, so if he's too upset to go to work tomorrow, he can call in sick, otherwise it's only a half a day, right?

This is awful, but I know I'll feel better once it's all over with. Any advice?

No experience

2008-01-10T18:59:00.000-05:00

Thank you everyone for your nice welcome back and words of wisdom! Unfortunately, I've given The Swimmer enough chances to follow through with what he has said he was going to do and stop doing the things that I've told him are interfering in our relationship. Even if he were to all of a sudden get his act together now and do all of those things, it is too little, too late now and I'm done. I just know we're not meant for each other and I definitely don't see myself with him forever for a lot of different reasons.

Wasn't able to see The Professional yesterday, my appointment had to be rescheduled for next week which sucks because I was obviously really looking forward to discussing all of this with her. I couldn't even call her because she was totally out of the office. So now, I'm just not sure when or how to talk to The Swimmer. I've never been in this position before and it's definitely not fun! I know he's going to be hurt and upset, but how do I make that a little less? I'm tempted to wait until I am able to talk to The Professional about all of this because I just don't know how to handle this, but at the same time, I feel bad knowing how I feel and just keeping The Swimmer hanging on, I feel like it's not fair to either one of us. Any suggestions? Wait? Do it now? What to say?

Updates!!

2008-01-06T20:24:00.000-05:00

Well, where do I begin? I guess I will just say what I have to say and then provide details as needed. I could say that a lot has happened since I took my "blogging break," but I think it would be more appropriate to say that things have intensified for the worse as far as The Swimmer goes and stayed the same as far as work and home life go. So I shall begin the formal update. . .

The Swimmer

It looks like it is coming to the end of the road for The Swimmer and I. He is not going to go to therapy and that is unacceptable to me. I made it clear to him back in September that our relationship would not work unless he worked through his issues in therapy and he agreed. He then promised me he would go to therapy by the end of the year. He also promised me he would come visit South Florida to see what it was like. I made tentative plans for us to go on vacation there and he came up with every ridiculous excuse on the planet to not go. He has not followed through on either of those two promises which he himself initiated. And I can't deal with his issues anymore. I've reached and passed my limit. I can't deal with his constant, and I mean constant, need for reassurance. And I certainly can't be with someone who not only won't follow through on their promises, but who won't take steps to deal with their issues and make themselves a better person, even if they are a little uncomfortable about it.

Needless to say, a vacation anywhere never got planned because of his constant procrastinating because he thought you didn't have to book those things in advance. He blames me for this though and says that I should have pushed him even if he told me that he didn't have time to think about it right then. Seriously? Then, he didn't understand why I wouldn't want to drive 8 hours to South Florida to visit my family, stay there for 4 days, drive 8 hours back to where I live, and then the next day, fly cross-country to LA to visit him for New Year's. He thought that was perfectly reasonable. I was like, "Are you kidding me? I am absolutely not doing that! If you want to see me for New Year's, you can fly here, but there is no way I am doing that!"

He came to visit over New Year's weekend and it was just awful. He kept doing things to annoy me just to get attention. Then when I was trying to talk to him about how stressful things are with work and trying to sell my place, he interrupts me and starts talking about how he's stressed out about work. It's like everything always has to be about him all the time. Same thing when I was trying to talk to him about what happened with my Mom and stepdad, he immediately says, "Would I do that to you?" I was like, "We aren't talking about that! It has nothing to do with you!" His need for constant validation is just so frustrating. I couldn't wait for him to leave.

So, I see The Professional on Wednesday and I am really looking forward to it. I feel like I need to just end it with The Swimmer. I don't see myself with him forever and he has broken two HUGE promises to me. I just don't know how to do it. I've never been in this situation before. It's definitely a tough situation because he's a good guy and I love him, but it's not going to work out. Any advice?

Work and Home

All is still the same as far as waiting for something to open up with work in Florida and my home is still on the market. I've had a lot of showings with positive feedback, but no offers so far. But now that the holiday season is over, hopefully I'll have more showings and some offers. I have a work meeting next week, so I should be able to get some more information as far as possible openings in Florida and when that might happen. And you know I'll be networking my little butt off!

Family

Not sure what is going on with my Mom and stepdad since I left Florida and I won't find out anything until he goes back to work overseas next week. I'm very curious to hear what her thoughts and next steps are because she's clearly not happy.

Other Stuff

With everything kind of crazy, I'm just trying to take time for myself and do what I want. Crazy Girl ticked me off a little yesterday, but I didn't let it get to me, I think she got jealous of all of the weight I lost and said some nasty things. It was uncalled for, especially when she knows I'm actually trying to gain a few pounds, but I just brushed it off when I realized that it was more than likely jealously on her part - the girl works out like crazy but can't seem to lose the weight she wants to lose, while weight is coming off of me like crazy because of medication I'm on for my migraines and I'm trying to gain back 5 pounds.

I had dinner at my Gay Neighbor's new house yesterday, they moved out of my building back in November, and I finally made it over to visit yesterday. The inside of the house was cute, but the neighborhood, not so much. It was nice to see them though. Plus they supposedly have a hot neighbor they want to set me up with for a fling when I'm ready, which I thought was funny. I was like, "Hold on there! I'm totally not up for that boys!"

I saw "Juno" today which was such a cute movie. I actually really love seeing movies by myself. I used to be scared of going to the movies alone, but now that I've done it a couple of times, I love it! "Cashmere Mafia" starts on tv tonight, which I'm very excited about, as does "American Gladiators."

One of my best friends from college is visiting in a few weeks, so that is going to be a lot of fun. Crazy Girl and I are going to surprise her and take her to the male strip club which should be absolutely fun and insane, as always! Other than that, I've been talking to my Best Guy Friend (BGF) a lot lately. He's been going through a rough time trying to get over being dumped by his crazy ex-girlfriend. He's been helpful with the advice as far as my situation with The Swimmer. But it was crazy to see the contrast in guys. BGF decided he wanted to see a therapist to figure out why he keeps dating crazy girls and work through some issues and within a week and a half, he had an appointment with a therapist and has seen them 3 times since then. But, I guess it's just the difference in personalities.

Anyways, that was quite an update and I'm probably leaving out important details, but if I am, I'll leave those another time if I think of them or if they are needed, so I'll leave you with that for now!

Happy 2008!

2008-01-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a very, very happy 2008! More to come. . .

Merry Christmas??

2007-12-25T12:40:00.000-05:00

Okay everyone, I'm about to frickin lose it right now and rip someone's head off and tear it to pieces. I'm at my Mom's house in Florida and so is my brother, sister-in-law, nephews and stepfather. It is my stepfather's head that I want to rip off. Ready for why? He didn't get my Mom a Chanukah/Christmas present. SERIOUSLY?!?! Are you f'ing kidding me?! After not getting her a birthday present on her birthday, you have the balls to not get her a Chanukah/Christmas present?! After she does everything for you and gets you everything you want, you don't get her ANYTHING?!

He wanted a freaking Rolex for Christmas, what does he get? A Rolex. I told her she better take that watch back and use the money to get herself the Chanel bag she's been slobbering over and put the rest in HER bank account. She never buys herself ANYTHING. He's working overseas and spending money left and right and she is so worried about saving money that she sits in the dark at night to save money on electricity and he has the f**king balls to not buy her ANYTHING?!

You just don't know how livid I am right now. I can't even look at him right now. As soon as my brother and his family leaves, I'm saying something to my stepfather. I don't care if it's not my place. I even told him last week when he asked what he should get her that I wasn't sure, but I'm sure if he got her a gift card to Saks or Nordstrom he couldn't go wrong. And that I would be more than happy to go there and get the gift cards for him since there isn't one near where they live that he could secretly run to.

What an a**hole. An ungrateful, immature, stupid a**hole.

Blogging Break. . .

2007-12-13T16:48:00.000-05:00

So, it's been over a month since I last posted and I just wanted to let you all know I'm okay, I just needed to take a little blogging vacation! I will be back soon with an update!

Gloves are off

2007-11-02T17:12:00.001-04:00

Well, it's finally Friday, so hopefully I'll get to relax and sleep in this weekend. BUT, hopefully my loft will have many people coming to look at it this weekend too! At least this weekend, unlike last weekend, I'll have some errands to run while realtors are showing my place. I have to go get my flu shot tomorrow and I want to go to Target to check out a couple of things. If I get hungry, there are a few options for me to try thanks to a Web site I found on Samantha's blog. But, for some reason, I could really go for an extra crispy chicken breast from KFC. (shhhhhh, don't tell anyone though! because I'm such a food snob, I can't believe I'm admitting that!)

Besides that, all is the same with The Swimmer. Had a good session with The Professional on Wednesday and she reminded me that even though The Swimmer is a sensitive guy, that I can't handle him with "kid gloves." I need to draw the line and tell him when enough is enough and when he's bitching a lot about things that when it comes down to it, have to do with his issues, I need to tell him that I can't help him with it anymore, i.e. he needs to see a therapist. This is because I'm finding that when he's constantly bitching about the same things over and over and over, I'm almost just holding the phone away from my ear because I'm so sick of hearing the same thing. Me, when I don't like something, instead of bitching about it, I do something to change it or I realize that I have no control over it so there is no point in complaining about it or I find out why it bothers me so much. So, I need to start drawing the line with The Swimmer because if I don't, I'm going to get burnt out. This isn't to say that things aren't going well between The Swimmer and I though! He's coming to visit in a week, so we're both very excited. Not sure what we'll do while he's here besides lots of bedroom activities! He's begging me to bake him an apple pie (yes, I make it from scratch and it's damn good! Thanks Tyler Florence!), so I'll do that. Otherwise I'm sure we'll see some movies and do other stuff. He also wants to plan a vacation with me to take in December - any suggestions? The Professional is suggesting Miami and The Keys - to combine a visit to South Florida as well as the beaches and fun of The Keys. . .

On the work front, all is pretty much the same. I had my regional manager work with me on Tuesday which was really, really good. He's such a good guy and totally different than my district manager. It was almost a little depressing because I was reminded what it's like to have a motivating manager. I didn't and couldn't tell him that I'm looking to move to a different city, but I did tell him that I'm very frustrated with my geography and that it's very difficult to do well in it. He was very understanding of my situation and was trying to think of ways he could help me and the girl I work with. He also understood my frustrations with my district manager. He was very encouraging though and told me to just keep doing what I'm doing and that I'm working the geography the right way, so things should get better. He's such a good guy, I felt a little bad not being able to tell him that I'm looking to move to another state, but I definitely couldn't.

Well, that's all for now, I just want to watch some stuff on my DVR and relax for a bit.

Que sera, sera?

2007-10-25T16:32:00.000-04:00

Everything is still pretty much the same around here, just going about my regular life and waiting for someone to buy my loft!! It's funny, my loft has only been on the market for less than a week, yet I'm frustrated that I've only had one showing so far. I need to be patient and remember that people usually look at houses during the weekend, so hopefully this weekend I'll have more showings. If not, I'll certainly be putting in a call to my realtor on Monday to see what we can do to get things moving.

In the meantime, I'm finding that because I have so little control in the situation, I am fixating on the few things I do have control over. One of them being where to live when I do move. That's actually fun! I've decided that I'll rent a condo or loft in whatever city I move to instead of renting an apartment. I've definitely found (and this is just from my personal experience so no one take any offense to what I'm about to say!) that people who rent apartments don't have as much respect for their surrounding environment and neighbors as people who own their own condo. When I've lived in an apartment, I've had to deal with noisy neighbors, dirty hallways, overflowing trash dumps, etc. Now that I've owned my own place, while there have been times when my neighbors have been noisy, it's definitely been rare and when I've said something, the offending neighbor apologizes profusely and immediately stops the noise. When that has happened in an apartment building, the noise often gets louder. So, again, that's just what I've experienced, but I'm taking that and learning from it and using it for the future!

Things with The Swimmer are pretty much the same. He's coming to visit in two weeks and he wants to plan a vacation together. I just want him to be open to visiting South Florida. Is that too much to ask?! Not going to go into that again though. Only time will tell! I just know that I love him and I want us to be together and if it's meant to be, everything will work out!

And can I just say how awesome tv shows have been lately?! Gossip Girl - AMAZING!! Prison Break - FANTASTIC!! America's Next Top Model - FABULOUS! Grey's Anatomy - STILL GREAT!! The Hills, The Bachelor, Dirty Sexy Money, Private Practice, etc. I could go on and on!! This year with tv is just too good, there are too many tv shows, my dvd is constantly recording something, it's crazy.

It's all about me. . .

2007-10-21T18:28:00.000-04:00

WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE!

I know I've been gone for a while, but there's been a lot going on. When I last posted, things with The Swimmer had been resolved. Basically, the night I was leaving LA, he told me he realized that he hadn't been fair to me when he said he wouldn't consider living in South Florida and that he needs to at least visit SFL and see if it's a place he would want to live. He also said that he had gotten the name of a therapist from his mom and that he was working up the courage to call and make an appointment, but that he was scared. I told him that I understand being scared, but in order for us to work, it's something he needs to do. He promised me he would make an appointment and go within the next few weeks.

So I left LA happy knowing that The Swimmer was going to see a therapist soon to start working on his issues and that we would take a trip to South Florida together in November or December so he can see what it's like.

This past Wednesday, I put my loft on the market. This was really hard to do. This loft is the first home I've ever owned and I bought it when I was only 24 years old. It took a lot of hard work to be able to buy it, but I did it and it was a huge accomplishment. So needless to say, it was really hard to sign the papers that put my loft up for sale. It's hard to think that someone else will be living here soon. Hopefully it won't take too long to sell and hopefully I'll get the money I want for it.

Wednesday night, after telling The Swimmer how hard it was for me to sign the papers, he tells me that he's "considered" moving to South Florida and he doesn't want to. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think that thinking about it for a few days is really considering it. Considering moving somewhere is actually visiting a place, seeing if there's jobs there, seeing what it's like, that's considering it.

What it comes down to is that he's scared of leaving his comfort zone. He tells me I mean the world to him and he loves me with all of his heart, and that means a lot to me, but that means even more that you need to really fully consider it and not just think about it. You can't let being scared of leaving your comfort zone prevent you from doing something.

He said that it's risky for him to move because what if it doesn't work out, then he'd have to move back to LA and find a new job. I pointed out to him that it's way more risky for me if I moved to LA and it didn't work out because I couldn't just move back home and find a new job within a week or two like he could, I'd be stuck in LA for at least a year. And even if things are going great between he and I, if I step into the same work situation I'm in now - crappy geography, too laidback manager - I risk losing my job. If that happens, I'm out of work for 6 months to a year, that's just how it is in the industry I work in. So I have to be really careful with the decision I make.

After explaining all of this to him, he told me that he didn't know that and he should have talked about it more with me and that he needs to think about it more. I told him that I would try and find out more about the work situation for me out in LA to see if I could get any info on the manager and geography.

The Professional keeps telling me that even if I move to South Florida, it doesn't mean that things would be over between The Swimmer and I, and I agree. I love him and I know he loves me, and while the long distance thing sucks, I also need to think about the whole picture. I've made the mistake too many times in the past of not looking at the whole picture or only focusing on the man in my life and not on me and I've always felt bad about that and wished I'd done things differently. This time, I need to do things differently. And yes, I am leaning more towards South Florida at this point, but LA isn't out of the picture. As much as I am not a fan of South Florida, career-wise, it's a guaranteed good move - I'm guaranteed a good territory, the BEST manager, a promotion and it's going to help secure my job. While it would be nice to be closer to family, it would suck to not have any friends in the area, but it's always been easy for me to make friends. As far as LA, career-wise, it's definitely not guaranteed at all - I could very well be stepping into a situation much like the one I'm in now or even worse. Even if it were better than the one I'm in now, it wouldn't be as good as the one I could have in South Florida. I'd have The Swimmer there though, which would be amazing! No friends or family though.

So, there it is. There's the huge update. And I completely apologize for the long absence, but with all of this going on, it's been hard to have any motivation to do anything but watch tv. I promise to post regularly again now that I've caught up!

More soon...

2007-10-09T09:35:00.001-04:00

Too tired for the full update right now, but The Swimmer and I had a really good talk last night before I left LA and he has somewhat redeemed himself from Saturday night. More later, but for now, I must take a nap. Red eye flights are great, but very tiring!

Can the drama ever calm down?!

2007-10-07T03:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I opened the discussion with The Swimmer about moving and where I should move to. He wants me to move to LA, which I already knew, but once again, when I asked if he would be open to moving to South Florida, his answers changed between maybe and no. So frustrating. He's never even been to Florida. And, according to him, people don't just pick up and move places, at least not the people he knows. So, I said, Why not? Why not move somewhere besides where you've lived all your life while you're still young and you aren't tied down by your career? He didn't really have a good answer for that. Then he said I was putting a lot of pressure on him. I told him that the only person putting any pressure on him was himself, as he does all the time. I told him that this is a big deal for me and it's not an easy decision, that I can't just do what's best for my career and I can't just do what I want for my love life. They are both important to me and that's why this is so stressful for me. The Swimmer feels like this makes our relationship complicated. Uhhh... HELLO?! Welcome to being an adult jackass! Life is complicated. Life is full of big decisions. Life is never easy. It just doesn't work that way. Anyways, I'm kind of feeling like I don't mean enough to him for him to move for me, even though it would just be for a year or two. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Sorry for the venting and rambling, but I'm typing this while he's in the shower and I just feel like I need to get this off my chest and make sure I'm not crazy for feeling like I am. . . Where's The Professional when I need her?

Life Really Is a Soap Opera!

2007-10-02T15:20:00.001-04:00

So, I guess soap operas sometimes aren't that far off from real life. But then again, I guess it depends on the soap opera. . . Sorry for my lack of posting recently, I've just been stressed out with family drama and a lot of work drama. I won't go into the family drama here, but it's nothing horrible, it's just stuff that's really frustrating and stuff that doesn't concern me directly, but I know I'll be hearing a lot about it soon and even though I've tried to help, my advice was not taken. So... that's that.

As far as work drama... From the way it seems now, it looks like I might be putting my loft on the market very very soon. Success at my job depends a lot on the geography I am assigned to work. Earlier this year, my geography changed and it now sucks. A lot. And, on top of that, my manager is really laidback. Which is great for the most part, but when you want the manager to really do something for you, like promote you or try to get goals changed for you because your geography sucks, it doesn't happen because he's so laidback. So, this means that in order for me to get a new geography and a new manager, I have to move. So.............. the big question is where do I move to?

I could possibly move to South Florida where I would be guaranteed a motivated manager who wouldn't micromanage me, but who would be proactive in getting things done and the geography I would work would be much better than the one I am currently working in. But, I'm not a fan of South Florida. I grew up down there and the people aren't very nice, I don't like the weather, and while I still have family down there, none of my friends live down there anymore. And yes, I know it's easy to make new friends, but still. Also, if I move to South Florida, what about The Swimmer? I'm not sure if he would move to South Florida and this really frustrates me. I feel like he isn't open to living anywhere but LA. Not even for a year. When I ask him about it, I usually get one of two answers, either "Maybe" or "It's too much to think about right now." The last one REALLY ticks me off and makes me want to scream and be like, "You think you're stressed out right now? Try being in my shoes! You couldn't handle it!"

Or, do I move to LA? Work-wise, nothing is guaranteed. I don't know the manager in LA and as far as the geography I would be working, I don't know if it would be better than it is here. I'm going to speak with one of my old managers this week and see if he knows about anything out in LA and if he doesn't, if he knows how to find out about the managers and geography. When it comes to The Swimmer, things are still going great, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to move in with him yet. One of my personal requirements for me moving in with him was that he would have to be seeing a therapist to deal with his issues with his father and all that stuff. That hasn't happened yet and I don't feel like him and I could be successful together like that until he starts working on his issues. I mean, he's human and he has issues, just like we all do, but he needs to be working on resolving some of those issues. I know The Swimmer and I don't have to move in together if I move out to LA, but that would be my main reason for moving to LA and I also don't think I can afford a nice one bedroom apartment in a good area alone. All I seem to be able to find online are 1 bedroom apartments for about $2000 a month. And moving in together because that's the only way it would be affordable is not a reason to move in together.

So, that's just a little bit of the stress I've been dealing with. I know I don't need to decide right this second where to move to, but it just makes it that much more stressful to know you're going to have to move and not know where you're going to move to. Oy, I really need a vacation. I'm going to LA this weekend to visit The Swimmer, but I have so much more crap to deal with this week before I go that I can't even look forward to the weekend yet.

UPDATED:

I am really just so stressed out. I'm trying to not let stuff get to me so much, but I just can't stop it. What really makes me sad is that I'm totally on edge constantly. The Swimmer will say something and I'll come so close to losing it on him and luckily, I'm able to stop myself, but it's really hard. Same thing with my Mom, she'll say something and I'll come close to snapping. I really need to get in to see The Professional, but I have someone working with me tomorrow and possibly Thursday before I go to LA. This blows.

Tagged!

2007-09-29T23:22:00.000-04:00

So I've been tagged by Samantha for four faves. Here it goes...

Four Jobs I Have Had In My Life

1. Ice cream scooper at Haagen Dazs - no, never got sick of ice cream. Don't think that's possible!
2. Hostess and then busser at TGI Friday's - yes, I had to wear "flare
3. Data entry at a health insurance company
4. More data entry at the Veteran's Administration - never have I seen so much bad stuff go down which is why I quit.

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

1. Back to the Future Part 1
2. Back to the Future Part 2
3. Dirty Dancing
4. Napoleon Dynamite

Four TV Shows I Like to Watch

1. Prison Break
2. The Hills
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. America's Next Top Model

Four Places I Have Vacationed (Wow, do I need one now!)

1. Denmark
2. Quebec
3. Aix-en-Provence, France
4. London, England

Four of My Favorite Dishes (I'm with Samantha, this list changes often!)

1. Prosciutto, tomato and mozzarella panini from the Italian place up the street
2. Crabcakes from Emeril's
3. My Mom's brisket
4. Chocolate and vanilla soft serve in a cake cone

Four Web sites I Visit Daily

1. Yahoo!/Gmail/Hotmail
2. Myspace/Facebook
3. justjared.com/perezhilton.com
4. All of the blogs to the right!

Four Places I Would Rather Be

1. In LA visiting The Swimmer
2. On vacation somewhere being spoiled and relaxing
3. Visiting my best friend from high school in NYC
4. Visiting family in Florida

Four Bloggers I am Tagging!

1. AJ
2. Sarah
3. London Girl
4. Gator Girl

The BEST place to buy shoes. . .

2007-09-25T14:39:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to share with everyone the absolute best place to buy shoes. Go to Endless.com. I ordered a pair of really cute shoes from there on Sunday night and got them this morning. I actually could have ordered the shoes up until last night and still have been able to get them today. Overnight shipping is free and they give you $5 off your order. If I had gone to Macy's to get the shoes I got, I would have paid $81 with tax. But, I only paid $45.86 for the shoes on endless.com. I am not being paid to advertise for them or anything, I'm just super excited about finding this place! And, if the shoes don't fit, they pay for return shipping! Look at my cute new shoes:

I'm very excited to wear them for traveling and on the weekends. I really only wear high heels during the week, so it'll be nice to have a cute pair of flats to wear on the weekends instead of flip flops to give my feet a rest. I know they aren't technically flat, but considering I wear 3 1/2 to 4 inch heels all day during the week, a small, 1 inch wedge is definitely a rest for my feet! YAY! So excited!!

So, so tired. . .

2007-09-20T23:17:00.001-04:00

Happy New Year/Shana Tovah to all my fellow Jews!

Sorry for the long absence, things have been quite dramatic with work and family and The Swimmer has been extremely stressed out with work, so needless to say, I've been quite busy. Got back from my work trip and family visit on Sunday night and still haven't had much time to really relax. At least the weather has been absolutely stunning here, maybe fall is coming early this year? So much I want to discuss too - the work drama, maybe the family drama, The Swimmer, America's Next Top Model, Prison Break and my new show addiction - Gossip Girl.

Anyways, unless I update sooner, I wish the Jews an easy fast (if you are fasting) and the others a relaxing and fun weekend!!

The Swimmer Is Fantastic!!

2007-09-06T21:48:00.000-04:00

I have finally finished feeling totally and completely upset that the long weekend is over and The Swimmer has returned to LA. Perhaps this is because we bought a ticket for me to go visit him the first weekend in October and I know the time between now and then is going to fly by. I have an out of town work meeting next week and then next weekend I will be visiting my Mom in Florida. I was really so sad when it was time for me to take The Swimmer to the airport, I just couldn't stop crying. The Swimmer is great about it though, he's so comforting and sweet and truly tries to make me feel better even though he's sad too.

We had a really nice and relaxing weekend. Went out to dinner on Friday night with one of my neighbors and Crazy Girl which was good and then did a whole lot of nothing on Saturday. Sunday we went to my first ever professional baseball game which was a lot of fun. And Monday just went by way too quickly.

We talked about him coming to my Mom's house for Thanksgiving, which ended up being a funny discussion. He didn't know that when I invited him to come to meet my Mom, brother, sister-in-law and nephews for Thanksgiving that it would be for the whole weekend. He thought it was just for Thanksgiving and for that night. He thought it was just a 4 hour drive from where I live to my Mom's. It's actually an 8 hour drive, so going for one night is really not an option. I told him I would understand if he didn't feel comfortable coming for the whole weekend, that we would just figure out another time for him to meet my Mom and the rest of the family when it would be a more comfortable situation. He was so cute about it though and it was funny seeing him get all nervous about meeting my Mom and brother. He was like, "what would it be like?" "where would we sleep?"

So then Tuesday night when we were talking on the phone, he asked me if I wanted to know what he was thinking about on the plane ride back to LA. He told me that he would come to my Mom's house for the Thanksgiving weekend because he knew it meant a lot to me, even if it made him uncomfortable, he wanted to do it for me. This man is really the best! I just wish he knew it for himself. I told him again that I wouldn't want him to do anything that would make him that uncomfortable and that we'll discuss it again later, but that I was sure that we'd be able to figure out another time when it would be more comfortable for him to meet the family. He really is so sweet though.

Then, he was talking about how hot it was in his bedroom at night when he got back from visiting me. (Remember, he only has a window unit AC in his living room, nothing in his bedroom, not even a fan and there was that heat wave in LA over the weekend) He said that he couldn't wait until he moves out of this apartment and doesn't have a roommate anymore. So I said, "Well, what about me?" He said, "We'll get a place together!" I told him as long as it has central air, I'll be happy!

On another note, I am still a bit peeved about what happened with Crazy Girl and my birthday. I know I should just let it go, but I'm just very annoyed with her. Almost everything she says annoys me now or frustrates me. What sucks is that her and I are roommates at our out of town work meeting next week. Oh well. At least we won't be together for all of the meetings all day. I am supposed to go to the mall with her this Saturday, but I might just have to cancel on her for that. I think I need to have all the alone time I can get before I'm stuck with her for a few days straight. Good thing I'll be seeing The Professional tomorrow, maybe she can help me figure out how to deal with this or get over it. Maybe Crazy Girl is somehow jealous of my focus on The Swimmer? I don't know, crazy hypothesizing on my part. . .

A Quickie

2007-09-03T21:48:00.000-04:00

Not feeling up to really posting right now, but just wanted to let you all know that The Swimmer definitely didn't disappoint with my birthday present. He got me a beautiful necklace with a pearl pendant on it. We had a fantastic weekend together which I promise to post more about tomorrow, I'm just too busy being sad right now since I dropped him off at the airport to really post. So, more tomorrow!

The Birthday

2007-08-29T22:50:00.001-04:00

Well, I am now officially 26 years old. Not old by any means, but it was definitely a hard one for me to accept. Nothing really special about the day, I worked like usual and ran around, still trying to find a cute top or dress to wear out to dinner on Friday night.

Can I say something without sounding like a spoiled brat or anything? I'm kind of sad about the presents. I still have one present to get and that is from The Swimmer when he comes tomorrow night. My Mom is kind of in a financial bind right now, so I told her not to get me anything and I'm okay with that, but she still did send me some really gorgeous orchids. Otherwise though, the one person I was counting on getting a good present from, Crazy Girl, completely and totally disappointed me to the point where I am so sad and really angry at her. First of all, Crazy Girl and I went out to dinner last night. She didn't even offer to pay for my dinner. I was shocked, but didn't say anything. Then, she gave me my present.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

A $5 t-shirt from Wal-Mart. SERIOUSLY?! After I put so much thought into her birthday gift last year? She loves perfume but always has such a hard time picking out perfume for herself, so when I saw that Sephora had this little gift thing where it's a set of like 8 or 10 little samples of different perfumes and then a gift card to get one of the perfumes. Totally the perfect gift for her and she loved it. She then gets me a $5 t-shirt for my birthday?

I could totally understand if she were going through money problems or something, but she definitely isn't. This is the friend who was in the hospital a few weeks ago and I sat in her hospital room with her for 5 hours everyday and brought her stuff to keep her entertained because that is what I thought she would do for me. Now I'm not so sure. The sucky thing is, I can't even tell her that I'm pissed off. I just don't understand why she would do something like that.

I really don't mean to sound bratty or ungrateful, but I'm really upset about this. I just come from the "school of thought" that you kind of give someone a gift of comparable value to what they have given you unless you are not of the means to. Does that make sense? I mean, it's not like I'm rich and she isn't. We have the same job at the same company, and if anything, she makes more and her mortgage is less.

For some reason, this has really upset me today and the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get. I returned the shirt today because the more I looked at it, the angrier I got, I just had to get it out of my possession.

What sucks is that this almost makes things totally unfair for The Swimmer. He doesn't know it, but his present is really the only real present I'm getting this year (besides good health, family and friends), so I'm really hoping I like it. I hate that I feel like I'm being such a spoiled brat for being sad about my lack of material presents. It makes me sad that I'm caring about that when I should be happy for everything that I already have - the best Mom in the world, a hilarious, sweet, loving and spoiled kitty, a great job with many benefits, a beautiful home that I own, I'm debt-free, I have a nice savings account, a nice 401K, many caring friends, loving family and last but not least a truly sweet and caring boyfriend.

Anyways, I'm sure this weekend will be very relaxing, it better be, because I'm exhausted and I could really use some relaxation!!

The Weekend is Finally Here!

2007-08-24T21:49:00.000-04:00

So, I'm watching Back to the Future for the fourth time this week, I know, a little ridiculous. I just can't get enough of this movie! I always get excited when I see it's on and everytime I watch it, even though I've seen it a thousand times, I notice new little things.

I'm taking it easy this weekend, still tired from taking the red eye back from LA. I have to work a convention for a few hours tomorrow, so that sucks, but I really can't complain because that happens once or twice a year. After the convention thing I'm going to the mall to try to find a cute top to wear to my birthday dinner next weekend when The Swimmer is in town.

Also, maybe everyone can help me here, what do you all think of the whole skinny jeans in tall boots look? (When it's cold out obviously!) I like it on other people, but I've never tried it on me. I'm just not sure how it would look. I guess it comes back to what I was explaining to Crazy Girl earlier - "Once you were a fat girl, you're always a fat girl in your head." So, back when I was about 15, I put on a bunch of weight for no reason at all. I went from about a size 4 to a size 12/14. Then, when I was about 17, it just dropped off of me and I went down to a size 2. I have now leveled off at a small size 4 or a size 27 is those designer jeans like Seven or Citizens. I may be 5'4" and a small size 4 or in some cases a size 2, but in my head, I'm still a size 12/14. So, yes, I'm skinny by most standards, but sometimes it's hard for me to see it that way. Now, back to the whole skinny jeans in boots thing... I'm just not sure if I can pull that look off. I feel like it might make me look fat. So, tomorrow after the convention, I'm going to change into my skinny jeans and try on boots with them at Nordstroms before I buy a pair of boots that I can wear with them. I wonder if that trend will even be in this year, but I can still use a new pair of tall boots anyways.

The big birthday is on Tuesday, but the real celebration won't be until the weekend when The Swimmer is in town. Crazy Girl and I are going to go out to dinner on Tuesday though so that I won't be eating dinner alone on my birthday. We'll be having our own special "Lover's Dinner" as we're calling it, but it will be fun.

Off to bed. . .

Oh, and I'm not saying that a size 12 or 14 is fat. Just that a size 12/14 on me was definitely overweight and not healthy. And a size 2 or 4 on me is by no means Nicole Richie-like, definitely more Jessica Simpson like with my proportions, especially my ta-tas/jugs/girls/twins, whatever you want to call them, even though I got a reduction almost 2 years ago, they are still more than a handful, but they don't look like a 60 year old's boobs!

Update

2007-08-20T11:24:00.000-04:00

Update to previous post: I decided not to get upset with The Swimmer. As Gator Girl pointed out, it was a family function, it's not like he went out boozing with friends. He went to the party and stayed for maybe 45 minutes and then came back to me. His brother was really happy he came and everyone kept asking about me and told him to tell me to feel better soon. So, no fights or anything.

My stomach is still acting weird, but I didn't let it stop us from going to and enjoying the beach yesterday. It was really nice and I usually don't enjoy the beach. The beach usually really bores me, I don't know why, but it's hard for me to just sit there. But yesterday it felt really good and we even saw dolphins swimming pretty close to the beach.

Anyways, time for me to relax, my weekend ends soon. I'm going to try to eat a sandwich for lunch that way if my stomach doesn't like it, The Swimmer is at work and won't have to witness me and the cramping and trip to the bathroom. . .

Body frustrations and beyond. . .

2007-08-19T02:31:00.000-04:00

I am so frustrated with my body right now. It is really ticking me off. It is now Saturday night. Besides my extremely reduced appetite from this new migraine medicine, I have not been able to eat much at all since Wednesday because my oh-so lovely IBS started acting up on Thursday. For me, that means extreme cramping and many trips to the bathroom, so that means I can't eat much because that just adds to the cycle. Because this was acting up so much on Thursday, I almost didn't come to LA on Friday and now I'm wondering if maybe I should have listened to my gut. Literally.

So, here I am in LA. At The Swimmer's. Alone.

And I don't know if I should be mad at him or not for the fact that I am sitting here alone.

Let me fill you in. Everything has been great. Today we lazed around, ran some errands, got me a Jamba Juice (smoothies are great when the IBS is acting up, lets me get some calories in and something besides bread and crackers) and saw "Superbad." After that, we decided to grab some dinner, something light I said, since I figured it was time for me to try to eat some real food. So, we got a grilled chicken wrap for me, nothing fancy. I ate half of it. I was tired, so I took a 10 minute nap. Then it was time for us to get ready to drive to downtown for his brother's birthday party. So, on the way there, I was really feeling not okay and asked him to turn around and he did. I told him not to be mad at me, but that I wasn't sure if I was feeling well enough to go. He asked why he would be mad at me and I said that I didn't know, but it's just something I'm always scared of. (It's happened to me in the past.) So we came back to his place. I told him that if I couldn't go, I still wanted him to go since it was his brother's birthday party. He said he felt bad going without me. I told him that if we could just sit for a little bit, I could see how I feel and maybe I would be able to go. After a little bit, he could tell that I would be forcing myself to go because I still wasn't feeling okay. So he went.

I just don't know how I should feel. Part of me is mad that he went. If the situation were reversed, I don't think I would have gone. Actually, I know I wouldn't have gone. But, part of me isn't mad that he went because I told him to go. And I know that when he gets back, if I tell him I'm mad that he went, he'll tell me exactly that, that I told him to go. He even told me when he left that he wasn't sure if he should go or not and I told him to just go. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't want him to stay and resent me for not feeling well. It's not like it happens often or anything, but he's always so stressed out that I almost feel like I don't want to do anything that could add to the stress.

What also sucks about this is that I can't tell my Mom that he went without me. She'd be really pissed off about that. And I tell my Mom everything, but it would be one of those situations where I would tell her that and then no matter what he did, she'd never forget that and always hold it against him.

I'm just really frustrated with my body right now. This IBS stuff really pisses me off. What makes it worse is that I've been to GI doctors for it and there really isn't anything they can do for it.

It's at times like these that I wonder what my head doctor would tell me. . .

Ponderings. . .

2007-08-14T16:00:00.000-04:00

Well, in just two short weeks, I will be turning 26. This scares me. I know that isn't very old, so there is no need to tell me that. Here's my thing though. Or actually, here are my things... This post might be a bit rambling, but here it goes.

When I see other girls/women on tv or in real life who are 26, I don't feel like I look like them. I feel like they look 26, but I don't. At the same time though, I'm not sure what I look like. I know I certainly don't look like I'm 18 or anything, but I feel like the 26 year olds look so "grown up." That's funny to me though because I've always been told that I'm very grown up and mature for my age. But I see other women who are 26 and I just don't feel like I look like them. Maybe I do, maybe I don't, I don't know. Maybe we all have this skewed view of ourselves.

And I know I'm definitely grown up and settled. I own my own condo, have a fantastic job where I make great money for someone my age, have a nice amount of money in my 401K which I started when I was 23 years old and have grown out of the whole hooking up with guys and getting wasted every weekend phase. But, if I try to put on a real business suit for work, sometimes I feel like I'm a 10 year old girl playing dress up in her mother's clothes.

I told my Mom about this and I think she gets what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure. She said that when she sees women on tv who are 56 (her age) she doesn't feel like she looks that old and doesn't feel like she's that old. She said she's always felt like that and that that's just how it is.

It's just really weird. I always thought I would "feel" differently at 26 than I actually do. I've always felt that way. Like when I was in elementary school, the high school kids looked so old and mature, then I got to high school and I didn't feel that way, but thoguht the college kids looked so old and like they knew exactly what they were doing. Then I got there and guess what, I didn't feel like that. It just keeps happening like that. I guess I always felt that I would have everything figured out by a certain point, but I guess you never do, do you? Or do you?

It's strange to think that at my age my Mom had a child already. I couldn't imagine having a baby already. I know people say that times were different, but wow, that's just crazy to think about.

Again, I know that 26 isn't old by any means, but wow, when I was a kid I always thought I would get married when I was 27 or 28 and who knows if that will happen, but that certainly isn't that far away anymore. That's just so weird.

And don't get me wrong, I totally don't feel like I should be on a "timeline" and I'm not on course with it or anything, but it's just a little weird and a little scary to think that I'm turning 26.

I don't know about this getting older stuff, but I do wonder what The Swimmer will get me for my birthday!

More to Come. . .

2007-08-13T23:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know that I turn 26 years old in 2 weeks, but one of my favorite tv shows is "The Hills." I really can't get enough of it. Tonight's season premiere was phenomenal and the preview for the rest of the season was jaw-dropping. I will have to comment more on it tomorrow after I watch the episodes a second time, I'm sure I missed some things while I was yelling various things at the tv such as, "What a douche!" "What a bitch!"

Anyways, I'm tired and am going to get ready for bed, but I just wanted to share that. I promise to post my pre-birthday/getting older thoughts tomorrow.

More drugs and The Swimmer

2007-07-30T23:29:00.000-04:00

Well, I'll be starting the medication to help prevent my migraines tonight. I spoke with my regular doctor today about it and she agreed that it is the way to go. I can't be put on two other types of medications that can help prevent migraines because I have low blood pressure. She also said that she doesn't think it's necessary for me to switch my birth control, she thinks that neuro was just being overly cautious and if I really want to, I could just switch to a lower estrogen pill, no big deal. She strongly advised against a progesterone only pill because a lot of women get pregnant on them - you have to take it at EXACTLY the same time every night or else it's not effective. So, yay, problems solved. I'm still going to see my old old neuro next week because I think I might just go back to seeing him. It really is hard to find a doctor that you fully trust and like.

One thing I really like about The Swimmer is that when he gets cranky or snippy or anything, he is the first to call me back right away and apologize. This doesn't happen very often, but the few times where we've gotten off the phone and I call him a jerk to myself, I get a phone call within 15 minutes apologizing for being cranky. I really like that. It shows something, maybe how sensitive he is. I don't know, what do you all think? I can't think of the word I'm looking for. He's starting his gym regimen again tonight, so that's good. He hasn't been feeling great about his body lately, he has gained a few pounds, but he is far from fat. What matters is how he feels about his body, so I'm happy that he's going back to the gym. It's weird when your boyfriend is the one constantly saying how he feels/looks fat. Total role reversal! It's funny how this side of the guy comes out, you don't usually hear about it, but I think it's pretty funny. Now I know how guys feel with having to be careful about how they choose their words. When The Swimmer asks if I think he's skinny, I would be lying if I said he was, but that doesn't mean I think he looks fat either. So, I have to say that he looks great the way he is, not too skinny and not fat at all. Wow, it really is hard for guys sometimes, isn't it?

Well, I will have another post in the next couple of days about getting older, it's something I've been thinking about with my birthday coming up in less than a month.

UPDATE: Okay, I just took the new medication. I always get nervous before and when I take new medication for the first time. At least I didn't have to have my Mom on the phone talking me through it and pretty much yelling at me to "Swallow the damn pill already!!" I get nervous because I am a medical nerd and know too much about medical things. I also have a tendency before I take a new medication, to look the drug up on webmd and all of those other dangerous sites. I then read everything about the drug, good and bad, and of course tend to dwell on the bad. Why can't I be a little more ignorant about these things? I know that wouldn't be good either, but I don't like going on the verge of a self-induced panic attack when I take something for the first time, even if it might be something that could really help. Here's an example of how I can talk myself into a panic attack. . . A couple of summers ago, I couldn't get enough of eating my favorite fruit, mangoes. One evening, I had some mango. My throat felt a little funny, but I of course didn't see it that way, I convinced myself that I was all of a sudden allergic to manoes and was going into anaphylactic shock. I then spent about an hour on the phone with my Mom panicking and saying how I wasn't sure if my throat was really closing up or if I was going into anaphylactic shock. I wasn't sure if I should go to the ER because if it was just a panic attack, they would think I was crazy. She told me that if I was really that scared, I should go to the ER or call Poison Control and ask them how to tell the difference between a panic attack and an allergic reaction. I called Poison Control, but never got to speak to anyone, was put on hold and then hung up on. Some good Poison Control is!! I finally calmed down after panicking for a while. Looking back on this, it was hilarious! At the time, not so much.

So, the moral of the story is. . , I need to stay calm and not read up on things on Webmd too much!

Doctors, cooking and The Swimmer

2007-07-29T17:32:00.000-04:00

Not too much new, just been really busy this past week with work and doctor's appointments. I'm having a new type of migraine so I was trying to get in to see my neurologist. After that failed and the office staff really pissed me off, I was able to get in to see a new neurologist. He was okay, but I'm going to try to see my old old neurologist this week to see what he has to say. One thing that ticked me off about the new neurologist was that he suggested I start a certain medication, but then seemed to rush me when I wanted to ask questions about it. He also doses this medication different than any other doctor does which alarms me. One thing I didn't like that he had to say was that I should get off my birth control pill and switch to a progesterone only pill, no thank you! The reasoning for that is that women who get migraines with aura, which I now have, are at higher risk for stroke. But, I don't smoke and I have low blood pressure and exercise regularly and I'm young, almost 26, so can't I take a low-dose aspirin daily to off-set the risk? This is why I want to get a second opinion. So, hopefully I'll be able to get in to see my old neuro to advise me. I will say though, that these auras are pretty scary - I pretty much go blind in one eye for almost 30 minutes, I get numbness in my hand, arm and face and have trouble speaking - like I can't find words. When I had the first one, right before my last trip to LA, I thought I was having a stroke, it wasn't fun. One bonus to the new medication I would be starting (recommended not only by this new neuro, but by a neurologist friend of my father's) is that a lot of people lose weight on it. I don't really need to lose weight, I'm a size 4, but it would be nice to lose 5 pounds off my belly, then I wouldn't feel so self-conscious when The Swimmer grabs me there.

Besides the medical drama that is my life, I made a very big purchase on Thursday that I feel slighty guilty about, but not guilty enough to return it. I bought a very expensive designer bag that I have been drooling over. I did get a $150 gift card with this purchase, so that was nice, it will be part of my Mom's birthday present.

I was also going to cook Linguine with White Clam Sauce this past Monday, but I had to abort that. I went through all of the trouble of finding the ingredients and getting the clams. Then, when it was time to clean the (live) clams before cooking them, I picked one up, and part of the clam inside was trying to escape. I was too grossed out to continue, so I brought the whole bag of clams down to my neighbor's and then ate a piece of toast for dinner. I was too grossed out to eat anything else.

I fared better with the cooking last night, I made Pan Roasted Chilean Sea Bass with a soy ginger dipping sauce and stir-fried vegetables. Yum! That is also what I will be eating tonight for dinner. I love leftovers!! I also baked my favorite: Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownies. And, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about eating brownies, I replace the oil in the recipe with unsweetened applesauce. It really cuts the fat and you can't taste the difference at all.

As for The Swimmer, I am going to visit him once more before he comes to visit me for my birthday on Labor Day weekend. I will be going the weekend of Aug. 17, so yay! And as far as the whole sex without a condom thing, I think I'm open to that as long as he doesn't cum inside me. I will still want to have a good discussion about it with him before we do it, but I'm definitely open to it now.

Well, must put my clean sheets on the bed - YAY! - and then relax some more. Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Long Overdue. . .

2007-07-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

Where oh where to begin?!

Well, I ended up going to LA on Wednesday instead of Tuesday because I was just so exhausted from worrying about the health issues. My luggage didn't make it on my flight, but I stayed at the airport an extra half hour to wait for the next flight in the hopes that my bag was there. Sure enough it was, so I took a Super Shuttle from the airport to The Swimmer's mom's house for dinner. I got there and met his sister, his brother and his brother's girlfriend for the first time and saw his mom and grandma again. Dinner was good, I was just so exhausted from the flight and the luggage debaucle, but I guess I still managed to make a good impression on the rest of his family because the reviews were: "She's beautiful!" "She's smart and intellectual!" "We really like her!" I also saw most of the family on Friday night at the restaurant The Swimmer and I went to for dinner, but we just chatted for a couple of minutes. Once we got back to his place, while he showered, I decorated his room with birthday decorations to surprise him which he really liked. Then he got his presents. He was happy! I did a good job! YAY!

Thursday I picked up my rental car, got waxed in my "special place" and made a beeline for Jamba Juice. That stuff is like crack. I can not get enough of the Jamba Juice. I don't know what they put in it, but once I have one, I must have one again the next day and the next. Other smoothies just don't compare. I walked along Rodeo Drive to relax and then got insanely lost trying to find my way back to The Swimmer's neighborhood to do some grocery shopping. After ending up in a shady neighborhood, I turned off the "blonde moment" I had apparently been having and found my way to The Swimmer's neighborhood. Did some grocery shopping, ate lunch, some more grocery shopping and then relaxed at The Swimmer's place. He came home and I cooked dinner. We ate, he did the cleaning up (yay! I hate that part!) and then we relaxed. Friday I went to the Beverly Center as soon as I found out they have an H&M there. Bought a few tops then went to Jamba Juice to get my fix before it was time to return the rental car. Friday night, the Swimmer and I went to dinner and then just relaxed. Saturday we met up with one of his friends and hung out for a little bit, but it was too hot out so The Swimmer and I retreated to his living room to relax in the air conditioning. We then went to the phone store so he could pick out his birthday present. We met up with his friend and his friend's girlfriend again for dinner which was fun - lots of storytelling since they've known each other since high school. Sunday we lazed around before catching a late afternoon movie - "Transformers." Amazing movie! I loved it! Easily one of the coolest movies I've seen in a long, long time. We picked up some dinner, ate and watched Entourage. Had a discussion about the whole moving thing again, but it was good. He had work Monday, so I lazed around, slept in and relaxed. Monday night was pretty much dinner and then me being sad and The Swimmer comforting me. Then there was the tearful parting at the airport.

I was so exhausted last week after getting home on the red eye, an early conference call for work Wednesday morning, an early work meeting on Thursday morning and then a busy Friday that I did a whole lot of nothing all weekend. I basically slept in until 11:30am both days and didn't do much all day.

Things with The Swimmer and I are going really well - he continues to be incredibly sweet, sensitive, reassuring and caring which is really nice to see after being together for 6 months. Wow! I can't believe it's been 6 months already. Crazy!

So The Swimmer went and had his yearly physical today. He got a clean bill of health from his doctor. Then he told me that he asked the doctor to test him for all of the STDs and HIV. He told me he did this to reassure me and for my UTIs. I laughed and asked how that would help with that issue. (Which taking a cranberry supplement and drinking a lot of water when I see the Swimmer has REALLY helped.) He said then we could have sex without condoms. (The condoms might be irritating the urinary tract) I told him we'd have to really talk about that.

Hmmmmm..... Not sure how I feel about that. I've only had sex without a condom once and that was with my first boyfriend who I was with for over 2 years and I didn't let him finish inside me. Even though I'm on the Pill and I've been on it for 8 years and take it exactly how I'm supposed to, I think I would get paranoid about getting pregnant. I don't think I'd want him to "finish" inside me. For some reason, and this may sound silly, I feel like that's something really special that should be saved. I sound like someone talking about saving their virginity, but that's kind of what it's like - saving my "cum" virginity - for lack of a better word. I don't know. I think The Swimmer and I will have to really talk about it before I will agree to it. What do you all think?

Here's another big step for me. . . I've gone down on The Swimmer more than with any other guy. It's just something I've never liked doing, but don't mind doing for The Swimmer during foreplay. It's strange, but it just doesn't bother me anymore. I do have my rules - no finishing in my mouth (it's just part of foreplay for me), no touching my head or pulling on my hair, just sit back and enjoy. But I don't feel like any of that is asking too much if I'm going to do it. The Swimmer likes it, but I told him it's not something I'll do all the time and he's happy with that and he's always willing and wanting to reciprocate. It's not really a turn on for me so much, I just know that he enjoys it and that makes me happy. And while I'm doing it, I'm looking forward to the fantastic sex we always have. So it's a win-win situation in my eyes!

Well, that's probably more than any of you want to know about or maybe not, but it's out there! More stories to come, I'm just ready for bed now so more tomorrow!

Update. . .

2007-07-22T20:21:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know. I SO need to update, but I just haven't felt in the mood. I promise to update within the next day or so. I promise!

I Feel Like I'm Part of the "Club"

2007-07-13T00:23:00.001-04:00

Wow! I've been tagged by London Girl to list 7 random things about me!! It's the first time I've ever been tagged! YAY! I feel like I'm part of the "blogging club" now! Here goes. . .

1. Table manners are very important to me. Example: It REALLY bothers me when people bite the food off their forks so their teeth scrape against the fork. Gives me the chills just thinking about it.

2. If I weren't so lazy, I would wash my sheets every 2 days. There's nothing like freshly washed sheets and a freshly made bed.

3. I didn't get my first boyfriend until the summer before my 18th birthday. That relationship lasted almost two and a half years, although I should have ended it much sooner.

4. I'm very picky about my toilet paper and I'll only buy Charmin.

5. I have to be really cold to sleep comfortably - I keep my AC on year-round at night at 68 degrees with my ceiling fan on high.

6. I love that I wear a size 6 shoe - I can try on the display shoes at stores and usually don't have to bother with pushy salespeople.

7. I can watch Back to the Future Part 1 and 2 over and over again and never get sick of them. Even though I own the DVDs, everytime either one of those is on tv, I watch.

Now I have to tag seven people? Hmmm.... Sarah, Southern Gal, Cute Jewess, Still Making Mistakes, Drama Queen, Sexagenarian in the CIty and one more to come. . .

Boring, I know

2007-07-09T18:46:00.000-04:00

Well, since The Swimmer has been absolutely impossible to shop for a birthday present for, I'm going what I think is the boring route. He's getting a book I am positive he will like and he's getting a new cell phone. So boring, but he's one of those guys that has everything already. Has nice wallets, watches, clothes, an iPod, iPod accessories, etc. So, he gets a new cell phone. And damn it, he's going to like it! LOL

So I leave for LA tomorrow evening. I changed my flight from a 5:30pm flight to an 8:30pm flight for the sake of my sanity. Had a very weird thing happen yesterday health-wise, so I'm going to see my neurosurgeon and have an MRI tomorrow morning to make sure it's okay for me to travel. Nothing to worry about, but better safe than sorry, you know? I want to make sure I am able to fully enjoy my week of vacation in LA with The Swimmer.

It will be the first time The Swimmer and I will spend more than just Thursday night to Monday night together, so hopefully things will continue to go as smoothly as they usually do between us.

Here's a little question for everyone that my best college friend and I were discussing. . . Does the guy always have to say the "L" word first? What if he already shows it in his actions? I'm curious to see what those in the "blogosphere" have to say about this!

I'll be bringing my laptop with me on this trip, so if I don't get the chance to update before I leave tomorrow evening, there will be an update while I'm in LA. (I have given up on trying to use a portable DVD player to watch a movie on this flight. The volume never goes loud enough to cover the sound of the plane and I get pissed. So my trusty laptop is coming with!)

More suggestions?

2007-07-05T00:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, a final plea! Any other suggestions for a birthday gift for the Swimmer?

Also, can anyone suggest a good movie for me to watch on the plane ride to LA? Looking for a romantic comedy, comedy or light drama! I'm sitting in an emergency exit row seat, so I won't be able to watch the movie they are playing (Premonition), which I want to see, but I'd rather have the comfortable seat! So, any suggestions? I'm tempted to rewatch "Because I Said So" which I thought was really cute. The last trip, I watched "Center Stage" for like the 80th time. I should be getting "Notes On A Scandal" through Netflix before the trip, but I don't know if I really want to watch such an intense movie on the plane.

Taking suggestions!

Long Overdue. . .

2007-07-02T17:41:00.000-04:00

So I know an update is long overdue. Things have just been very crazy and busy over the past week. Overall, my trip to LA to visit The Swimmer was great.

Got in early Thursday evening and pretty much just relaxed. Friday, The Swimmer worked all day and I relaxed. The Swimmer didn't say anything since I got to LA about meeting his family, so I was wondering if he didn't want that anymore. I didn't say anything though and figured I would just keep quiet until mid-way through dinner. So, The Swimmer got back from work, we hung out for a bit and then went for sushi. He said that we'd eat dinner and then go back to his place and watch a movie. So I asked if he still wanted to stop by his Grandma's. He said, Yes, of course, that he hadn't said anything because he didn't want me to get too nervous. So, after dinner we stopped by hig Grandma's. She is this adorable little Israeli old lady. I couldn't understand a lot of what she said because she seemed to have a pretty thick accent, but I heard her say how beautiful I am and asked me when I'm moving to LA. She was so cute. We then went next door to his Mom's and surprised her. We ended up hanging out there for about an hour and a half and I also met his Mom's fiance. The Swimmer even brought up how inexpensive real estate is where I live compared to LA and his Mom kept asking more about that. I was shocked, but definitely pleased he brought that up. After that, we just went back to his place and watched a movie.

We both woke up at about 4am to go pee, but I had a sudden, huge feeling of nausea. I told The Swimmer and he tried to make me feel better, but it just got worse. I went to the bathroom and called my Mom to try to talk me down. My cell phone died after a little bit and The Swimmer came to sit with me. After about an hour and fifteen minutes, I was finally able to take an Ativan to go to sleep. Not exactly how I wanted to start off the weekend. The Swimmer told me the next day that he had been feeling a bit queasy too, but didn't want to say anything because he knew it would freak me out.

Saturday night, we went to see The Police. It was definitely quite an experience and so much fun. Sunday, we relaxed and decided to go see a movie. Before we left for the theater, I got paranoid that I was getting a lovely UTI, so I thought it would be a great idea to drink 3 bottles of water and then another bottle when we got to the theater. Smart, huh? Such a blonde moment on my part! I had to get up 4 times during the movie to run to the bathroom.

Monday, The Swimmer went to work, so I slept in late and was quite a bum all day, but I liked it! The Swimmer came home, we went to grab take out and then spent some extra "quality time" together before going to the airport. Fantastic "quality time" I might add! On the way to the airport, I started getting scared that I was going to have a panic attack. Sure enough, I got one. The ride was very bumpy, the airport was the most chaotic I had ever seen it and I didn't want to have another one since I had had one Friday night. After checking it, I told The Swimmer that he could leave and that there was nothing he could do to calm me down from this panic attack. He wasn't happy about it, but I wasn't going to hear otherwise. I trekked to the security line and after making it through, I went to my crowded, noisy gate. I managed to take an Ativan, but it couldn't start working fast enough. As my luck would have it, my flight was delayed. The Swimmer called to check on me and I told him I would call him back in a bit. I called my Mom and she helped calm me down a bit. I just knew that as soon as I got on the plane, I would feel better. Talked to the Swimmer again who was trying his hardest to make me feel better. As soon as I got on the plane, I felt better within 10 minutes.

Saw The Professional today to try to get to the bottom of the panic attacks. When I described what happened in the middle of the night for that first attack, she said that it sounds like it wasn't a panic attack, it was definitely from dinner. She said that it was amazing and such a good thing that even when I thought I was going to throw up, I wanted The Swimmer there to comfort me. This is HUGE for me. To feel close enough and comfortable enough with a guy to feel like I wanted him there at that moment. Normally, in a situation like that, I would have locked the bathroom door and not let him in. As far as the panic attack on Monday night, that was from a feeling that I was only "allowed" or "alotted" a certain number of panic attacks in front of him and after that amount, it's not allowed. This is only from past experience and not from anything or anyway The Swimmer has made me feel. So, after seeing The Professional today, I talked to him and told him this. He reassured me that it doesn't matter to him how many panic attacks I have, that he just doesn't like it when I'm upset and that he wants to do everything he can to help me in that situation. He's so sweet! Thankfully, I see The Professional again once more before I leave for LA in a week.

So, any suggestions on birthday presents for The Swimmer? I need to find out if he has business cards. If he does, I'll get him a business card case with his initials on it and a business card holder for his desk. If not, I don't know what to get him. He has plenty of nice clothes, watches, wallets, etc.

Suggestions?

2007-06-30T20:56:00.001-04:00

Okay, I know I've been gone for a while, but I'm still too tired to give an update and I promise to do that tomorrow. But, I have a question for everyone:

The Swimmer's birthday is in a couple of weeks and I still have no clue what to get him. He has plenty of clothes, cologne, movies, music, etc. Can't find a good concert to get him tickets to and he already gets football and basketball tickets from work. Any ideas? This is impossible! I don't want to spend too much money, not more than $150, since we already spend so much money flying to see each other. Every gift I can think of, when I think if he got me a similar gift, I would be pissed. Example: I can think of a book he would like, but if he got me a book for my birthday, I'd be so pissed.

I'm already planning on decorating his room with birthday decorations while he's at work on his actual birthday, but I need to think of a gift. HELP!

Questions. . .

2007-06-18T23:33:00.001-04:00

Well, I had a delightful weekend playing the Wii and relaxing. I managed to restrain myself from playing too much, for fear that I would get "Wiiitis." Yes, that is a real thing.

Anyways, off to LA in just a couple of days to see The Swimmer and I can't wait. I just hope that my flare up of my stomach condition calms down before then because it would not be fun traveling on the stomach I have had for the past few days. Positive thinking though and hopefully I will be all better before Thursday. And. . . it looks like I will be meeting his family some time this weekend. His grandma and mother ask about me all the time and they want to meet me, so it will be happening. Luckily I don't think it will be a full-on sit down dinner with them, so that definitely alleviates a lot of the pressure. I'm sure I'll be nervous anyways just because I want to make a good impression since he is pretty close with them and I'm sure their opinion of me will mean a lot to him. SO.... that is just one of the things this weekend holds for me!

I will be seeing The Professional on Wednesday, so that will be good for before I go to LA. I'm sure The Professional will be happy to hear that when I told The Swimmer I had a panic attack last week and I called my Mom, he told me that I can also call him too if I wanted to. And, hearing that my stomach thing is flaring up, he told me that he wishes he were here so he could take care of me, snuggle me and make me tea and toast so I'll feel better. He's so sweet! I think he's a keeper! OH! AND! He also brought up the whole, "How many kids do you want" question today. I was shocked and pleased that I didn't have to bring that up. He asked it by saying if I would be able to deal with the morning sickness and all with pregnancy and when I laughed about it, he said something about having five children, I was like, "What?!" He said he was just kidding and asked how many kids I want. I told him one or two and asked him how many he wants and he said two or three. If he had been serious about five, that definitely would have warranted a serious discussion about how serious he is about that, because I am certainly not going to bear five children, no thank you! And trust me, even knowing he wants two or three, there will still be much discussion (not right now though) about how he plans on raising those kids, etc. Because I will certainly not be a little housewife spending all of my time with the kids, it MUST be 50/50 and a total partnership. Anyways, that's all for now, I'm exhausted!

Wii Mission Accomplished

2007-06-16T11:47:00.001-04:00

So, I was successful in getting a Wii yesterday and I have to say that the hour and a half I waited was totally worth it. The first 15 minutes I was playing with it, I couldn't stop laughing because it is so different than any other video game I've ever played. And time really does fly when you're playing it, I think I played for over 3 hours yesterday and I have to say, no wrist weights or anything was needed. I am so sore today. Both biceps are sore and my whole right arm is sore. That boxing game is such a workout. I actually looked up online how many calories you burn playing it and found that it's about 500 calories per hour playing the boxing game if you really get into it, like I was. That's amazing! Some guy lost about 10 pounds in 6 weeks playing his Wii for a half hour each day! Crazy!

A Confession. . .

2007-06-14T22:22:00.000-04:00

Okay, so, here it goes, I'm going to confess something. . .

I want a Wii.

There, I said it. I know that I am in my mid-20s, so I shouldn't want to, but I want to buy a Nintendo Wii. It looks like it would be a ton of fun and something that I could quite possibly find myself playing at 3am in my underwear because I just can't stop. Here's the problem, unless I'm willing to pay the normal retail price, they are impossible to find. Yes, I have called 3 local Best Buys, 3 local Targets, the local Toys R Us and the only local Wal Mart and they are nowhere to be found. Toys R Us got some on Sunday, but sold out within an hour. Today, I called a local video game store and the guy told me they just got some in. He couldn't tell me how many, so I told him I was on my way. By the time I got there, just 10 minutes later, he was sold out. Craziness. He said that they are probably getting some in tomorrow, so I should call again tomorrow.

So, here's my plan. . . I have an oh-so-fun "women's doctor" appointment at 8:30am. The video game store opens at 10am and I plan on being there when it opens or shortly after. I will stand there until the shipment comes in at about 11am. If I do all of that waiting and there is no shipping, I will be pissed. That will be my one try and after that, I won't make another attempt to buy one until the shortage is over.

I know. I feel slightly ashamed that I will be going to those lengths to get a Wii. But just think of the hours of endless entertainment I could have not only alone, but with friends over! And, if I buy some wrist weights or use my exercise bands, I could get a great little workout playing the boxing game.

That's all about the Wii for now. . .

I'm off to LA next week to visit The Swimmer and I'm very excited about it. He wants me to meet his family and I feel good about it. I told him I'd be nervous, but he said I have no reason to worry, that they are going to love me. He also told me on the phone the other night that I'm his best friend. That was really sweet, I could feel myself blush and get a little jolt of adrenaline. He's so caring and open with me, it feels amazing. In addition to calling me on his lunch break, on his drive home from work and then before I go to sleep, he has started calling me on his drive in to work in the morning. He first did this yesterday and told me that he just wanted to hear my voice first thing in the morning and wishes I was there with him every morning and every evening. Sigh.....

Well, that's all for now, time for me to relax since I didn't finish work today until almost 9pm. . .

Step by step.... Oooohhh baby

2007-06-07T20:30:00.000-04:00

I had to make a reference to New Kids on the Block there, couldn't resist it... I know, I'm such a dork, but I don't care!

I have to say I am a damn good cook! The Chilean Sea Bass I made on Sunday was phenomenal and I had enough for three days of leftovers! I really can kick some ass in the kitchen.

Steadman surprised me and worked with me on Tuesday, but the day went by surprisingly fast and he gave me a fantastic review.

I saw The Professional on Wednesday morning and she confirmed what Drama Queen and some others had told me about The Swimmer - that it absolutely was not a bad thing what happened when The Swimmer and I talked the Sunday he was here. That he is not freaked out in a bad way, only that he likes to think everything through very carefully, that it's okay to be scared about taking such a ginormous risk and that his being worried about me getting sick of him is totally about his own insecurities in himself and definitely not about being unsure of our relationship or anything. I really like going to The Professional, she really helps put everything into perspective and helps calm me down when I freak out about things or start overanalyzing. She's fantastic. I always feel fabulous when I leave The Professional's office - there's something about having a whole hour to talk about yourself without having to reciprocate and analyze anything and everything to pieces with someone who knows about people and the way they think. I don't know why therapists get such a bad rap a lot of the time. I'm sure there are some not-so-great ones out there, but I don't think that's too common, but I don't know. Maybe I just stumbled upon a really great one!

The Swimmer told me yesterday that at dinner at his mom's house the night before, his grandma was asking about me and told him to tell me she said hi. I thought that was absolutely adorable. I really like old ladies. I know that sounds random, but they are just fantastic - so wise with such a great perspective on life and relationships. So now he wants me to meet his grandma! Which, of course, I would be more than happy to. Big step!

Cooking. . .

2007-06-03T19:01:00.000-04:00

Well, not much to report on, a pretty uneventful weekend for me. Saw "Knocked Up" on Friday night with some friends, that movie is absolutely hilarious! Yesterday I went and saw "Spiderman 3" alone which wasn't bad but it wasn't great. I went alone because I really wanted to be gross and eat movie theater popcorn with a lot of butter as well as a cherry icee and plus, no one I know, besides The Swimmer was interested in seeing that movie. Last night, my neighbor, the one who has a problem with drinking and some drugs, we were supposed to go out to sushi, but she cancelled on me saying that she had a lot of stuff to do before her trip to Europe with her family and she also really wanted to go out at night, so she wanted to do that instead of going to dinner. She seriously has a problem with partying if she will cancel on a true friend who is doing her a huge favor by watering all of her plants while she's gone for 2 weeks. So, she'll be hearing from me about that. That just ticks me off, it doesn't surprise me, but it really ticks me off when someone can't see that they have a problem.

The Swimmer was really sweet last night. He called a few times while he was at an old friend's house watching the basketball game. When he got home, he called and told me how much he misses me and how much he wishes I lived in LA so we could always be together. I told him to remember that next time I bring up the whole moving things and he gets freaked out. He said once again that I didn't freak him out and that I had just caught him off guard. And I will admit that him bringing it up this time totally caught me off guard and I was speechless for a minute. I'm glad I brought all of that up because now I know he's thinking about all of it too and I know that I have nothing to feel insecure about.

Today I ran a bunch of errands so I could make roasted Chilean Sea Bass for dinner. We'll see how this turns out, I've never made it before, I've just had it in restaurants and it's been amazing. I'll be really pissed if it's bad because just the fish itself cost me $16. I can usually cook a few dinners with $16, so we'll see if it was worth it or not. It would definitely only be a once in a while thing if it's good. Well, the timer just went off, so we'll see!!

How the weekend flies. . .

2007-05-29T20:40:00.000-04:00

It took me so long this morning to get out of bed. I was just still sad that The Swimmer went back to LA last night. I woke up a few times during the night sleeping on my left side (I usually sleep on my right side), the side I sleep on when I'm with The Swimmer, and I got so sad because he wasn't there. We had another fantastic weekend together and will have to wait another 3 weeks to be together again. Long distance relationships really are hard, but both The Swimmer and I think what we have is worth it.

I brought up the idea of me moving out to LA again and he acted a little freaked out which made me feel insecure. I told him that he was acting all freaked out and he apologized and told me that I caught him off-guard. I just told him that for both of our sake's (if that makes sense, but you get the picture) we both need an endpoint to the long-distance part of our relationship and I just wanted to talk about what that would entail. I told him how back in February, he brought this up and said he didn't want to be long-distance for more than a year and I had agreed. He just said how he agrees and sees my point and wanted time to really think about it in detail. I told him how the way he was acting made me feel insecure. This made him really sad and he told me that I have nothing to worry about, that he cares about me so much and doesn't want me to ever feel insecure about the way he feels about me and that he wants to make sure that we do everything right. He said that it's a big risk for me to move out to LA and he's worried that I'll be sick of him after a month. I told him that there is a risk in everything and you can't live life always worrying about the risk and that we know each other better than a lot of couples given that we've known each other for 5 years and we've been in a relationship for almost 5 months and we talk on the phone at least 3 or 4 times a day as well as e-mail throughout the day. He agreed and apologized for being caught off guard and making me feel insecure.

That was the "scary" part of the weekend for me and probably for him too. Yesterday morning, I woke up sad that he was leaving and couldn't stop crying. He was really sad too and promised to lay in bed with me and hold me for as long as I wanted and that he loves being with me and didn't want to leave either, but he had to. It was another teary parting at the airport last night, but he has text messaged me several times today and e-mailed me a few times today about how much he misses me.

Besides the scary part and the sad morning, we had a lot of fun together going out to dinner, going to the movies, watching basketball on tv, watching more movies and just relaxing together.

So, any input from other people who have been in successful long-distance relationships? How did you make the transition from long-distance to same city? Did you move in with your significant other right away or have your own place? Who moved and why? How did you know you wouldn't get sick of each other once you lived in the same city? Is it something you just knew or was it a risk?

Obviously, The Professional and I will have much to discuss during my next appointment!

After the final. . .

2007-05-22T22:06:00.000-04:00

Wow. I am REALLY impressed with how well Bevin is composing herself on "After the Final Rose." Good for her! She seems very mature and level-headed about the situation. I don't know how I would react if I were in her situation, but I could only hope to be as mature and solid as she is being. Yay Bevin!

Anyways, I'm really hoping that Andy and Tessa make it, they seem like a very sweet couple. They also seem very realistic about the situation and that they need to get to know each other all over again without all of the tv show fake romance stuff. Can't wait to see what happens with them!

The Bachelor and the visit

2007-05-21T20:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm totally excited for the season finale of The Bachelor tonight. I'm rooting for Tessa who I've been rooting for since the first episode. Now, I'm not a devout Bachelor watcher. I have watched only a few seasons, but started again last season and continued watching this season.

First, let's discuss The Bachelor himself, Andy. What to say about Andy. Well, he seems to be a very nice guy, very well-rounded, smart and dorky in a good way. But Andy, poor Andy, doesn't seem to have taken very good care of his skin. Though he is only about 30 or 31, his skin looks leathery and he has a lot of deep wrinkles in his forehead as well as crow's feet and marionette lines. Is it just me or do his teeth look funny too? I know, I know, don't be so superficial Not-So-Single Girl. These are just things I'm pointing out, I'm not saying no girl should like him because he has leathery skin and funny teeth. Like I said before, he seems to be a really good guy and not sleazy like some of the previous Bachelors have been.

On to the girls. I hope he picks Tessa although I think he'd be happy with Bevin too. I like both of the girls but feel he has a more "real" (if that's possible in a reality dating show) connection with Tessa. I think his connection with Bevin is more physical, but there is an emotional connection there too. I just feel like Tessa was more guarded than Bevin and didn't hurry to open up to Andy.

Okay, here I go sounding superficial again, but whatever: I hope he doesn't propose with the ring they show on the preview. It's just not my taste - a very plain, round cut diamond in a plain setting. It's nice, but just not my preference. I prefer princess or emerald or jubilee cut diamonds, either in a plain setting or with some baguettes on the band. My Mom already knows what I would like, so whoever the guy is that decides he wants to marry me should be smart enough to seek my Mom's help in picking a ring. Anyways, I'm excited to see what happens on tonight's 2 hour episode!

On to other things... Nothing too exciting to report, I had a very relaxing weekend on my fantastic new sheets. They are Hotel Collection sheets from Macy's, 500 thread count pima cotton and they are so fabulous. I really did not want to get out of bed all weekend because the sheets were so soft and comfortable.

The Swimmer comes to visit me this weekend! YAY! I'm so excited and can't wait until he's here with me. It will be nice to not be the one traveling this time. I just can't wait to be with him again and be together. I've been checking ticket prices to go visit him in LA in June and they haven't gone down at all since I started checking on them in March. Grrrr.... And there aren't any award tickets available so I can use my award miles to get a ticket, so annoying. Anyways, The Bachelor is about to start!

One more thing, they really need to not play that "love lift us up where we belong" song in the cheesy orchestral version. I know it's called The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman, but seriously, it's too corny.

UPDATE:

Ugh, I have this bad feeling he's going to pick Bevin and not Tessa. I guess I'll have to wait and see. . .

UPDATE 2:

Okay, I really think he's going to pick Bevin. She told him she loves him and then they were hugging and he whispered to her that he loves her too.

UPDATE 3:

Okay, how can a guy tell a girl he loves her and then the next day, be making out and having strong feelings for another? How can someone be capable of that? Is it truly possible to be in love with two people at the same time? I just don't think so. I know it's a tv show and all, but still, that's a pretty crappy thing to do. I don't understand guys.

UPDATE 4:

He just told Tessa he loves her after she told him she loves him. I just don't know about him.

UPDATE 5:

Okay, I think he's not picking Bevin. He's picking Tessa. Didn't see that coming! I totally thought he was going to pick her, he was wearing the watch she gave him. I hope he takes the watch off before he proposes to Tessa. That's pretty tacky if he doesn't. Bevin has nothing to say. Damn girl, don't you know you're going to regret not saying anything to him? You have to say something. Can't wait to hear him propose to Tessa. Now Bevin is saying how wrong she was and how she took a chance and put herself on the line - well, yeah, you have to put yourself on the line, that's how love is. You have to take risks. Okay, I think he took the watch off. Man, I do feel bad for Bevin. Getting your heart broken sucks. It really does feel like your heart is breaking. It's just an awful, painful feeling that sucks and once you feel it, you never want to feel it again. But that's the tricky part - risking getting your heart broken after feeling it happen once before.

UPDATE 6:

The proposal was pretty good. But ABC just ruined it by playing the orchestral version of the "love lift us up where we belong" song and it's so corny. I'm curious to see if these two last since not many of the other couples have made it.

Grey's Running Commentary...

2007-05-17T21:13:00.000-04:00

Okay, so let me say something about Grey's Anatomy. I can't stand the character of Meredith Grey. She is so whiny. So what you have family issues. Doesn't everybody?! As far as tonight's episode, Derek should dump her too-skinny, whiny ass. Last week when she was having all that drama, she totally left Derek out of the loop. If you love him so much and he has told you that he wants to be there for you, why did you ignore him and not let him in? I really wish she weren't the main character. The show would be much better if it revolved around Christina or Izzy, they are much more relatable and actually deal with their issues rather than just sit around and whine about them all the time. I don't like the route the writers went as far as having Izzy get with George, but whatever. I love Izzy as a character and Christina is just hilarious with her ambition and distaste for typical "girly" things. I don't understand why everyone calls Sloan "McSteamy," but that's just my taste. He does nothing for me. But I'm not one of those girls who goes after the bad guy, I much prefer the less dramatic good guys. And the writers should bring on the annoying resident girl full-time (can't remember her character's name, but I know the actress in Kali Rocha or something, she played the flight attendant in "Meet the Parents.")

Okay - WOW. How amazing were Burke's vows to Christina?! I got all teary-eyed. So freaking sweet. And WOW. What a HUGE mistake George is making by having a baby with Callie. And I don't feel one bit sorry for Alex liking Eva/Rebecca and her husband coming to find her. If you like someone, tell them. Don't hide it you jackass!

How hilarious are Christina's eyebrows?! Or shall I say, lack of eyebrows! That is such a fear of mine when getting my eyebrows waxed by someone new - they'll pull off the strip of wax and along with that strip goes all of my eyebrows.

How the flip did Bailey not get chief resident?! And on top of that, Callie got it?! The only person besides Bailey I could stand being chief resident would be Sydney Heron (the hilarious one I was talking about above, the really annoying resident). At least she's funny, but she also seems like she knows her stuff.

Okay, here is what I said when Meredith decided to run off to Christina's wedding after Derek opened his heart to her:
"You stupid f**king skinny bitch!" She is such an emotional disaster that she can't open up and reciprocate to the man that loves her unconditionally. She so does not deserve a guy like him.

Yeah, I figured George didn't pass his exam. Poor Bailey for thinking she failed him. So, does this mean TR Knight is not returning to the show? Good luck to him if that's what this means. He's a good actor, but not as good as a lot of the people on this show to where he could do other things with as much success.

Wow. Burke left. So does that mean he's off the show? Wow. Poor Christina but also not poor Christina. I can understand what Burke said about him trying to make her into a person she isn't, but at the same time, she was still her own person, but she was becoming less stubborn by doing some things just for him. Maybe I'm not understanding this right now because I'm blonde and sometimes it takes me a little more time to "get" things, but why was Christina crying and then saying that she was free? Hmmm... Something to ponder.

Once again, Meredith is such an idiot for acting the way she's acting with Derek. Idiot. I.D.I.O.T. I don't feel bad for Alex. Eva gave him a chance to open up to her and he blew it. You snooze, you lose. You don't always get a second chance.

ANTM

2007-05-16T20:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have to confess that sometimes I get really into the TV shows I watch. I'm watching the season finale of "America's Next Top Model" and I have to admit that I'm nervous to find out who wins. I get this way sometimes and it really cracks me up. And for all of you who watch ANTM, who are you hoping wins? I'm rooting for Natasha, she's just hilarious and has really grown on me. When this season started, I didn't like her at all, but now she's my favorite. Back to the show. . .

UPDATE:

Son of a monkey's uncle!! Damn! Friggin Jaslene won ANTM. I'm sorry, she takes some great pictures and all, but like the judges on there have said before, she looks like a drag queen. Grrrrr.... Oh well, Natasha does have a baby and a husband, even though she's like 20 years old or something, but I think she might have a great career in modeling if she pursues it. If not in modeling, in the spotlight somehow because she has such a great personality. Anyways, now I have to watch the American Idol results show. And, if you care to know, I'm hoping Blake gets kicked off tonight, I REALLY don't like him and his beatboxing.

UPDATE 2:

Seriously?!?!?! This is bulls**t!!! How the hell can crappy Blake stay on and the best singer in the whole competition, Melinda, get sent home?! Once again, I've been rooting for Melinda from the beginning and thought she should have won. While I like Jordin, I think she's too young, she's only 17, to handle the fame. When it comes to next week though, Jordin better win. If Blake wins, that's it, I'm never watching that show again!

That was easy!

2007-05-15T20:49:00.000-04:00

Well, my day with Steadman (my manager) yesterday was very easy. We worked together in the morning and then shortly after lunch, he left me for the day to do some work he had to do before a manager's meeting he has tomorrow and Thursday. So, instead of working with me on Thursday, he worked with me today. Well, today he didn't meet up with me until about 12:30pm at a lunch and after the lunch, Steadman, Eyeliner (the girl I work with, obviously named that because she wears way too much eyeliner for day) and I sat down to discuss some difficult offices we work with. Once we finished that at 3pm, Steadman left to finish preparation for his meeting. So, it was a very easy time with Steadman this month, as opposed to previous months. He seems to understand a lot of the problems that some changes my company has made have created, so that made me feel better. I've also been thinking about taking some online classes and found out that my company will partially pay for them as long as they are relevant to my job. So, I will be looking into that further. I could stand to exercise my brain with actual knowledge rather than evaluating contestants on America's Next Top Model or The Bachelor. (By the way, I'm rooting for Natasha and Tessa, respectively)

Anyways, I'm very much looking forward to The Swimmer's visit next week. I spoke with my best friend from high school, the one who introduced me to The Swimmer 5 years ago, we'll call her Island Girl (for reasons I will not explain). She still doesn't know that The Swimmer and I are together or even anything remotely close to that. I've explained before why I haven't told her, basically because she doesn't know The Swimmer as he is now, only as he was 5 years ago, which is very different. 5 years ago, The Swimmer was immature, a slacker college student and a bit of a pothead. Now, The Swimmer is mature, ambitious, romantic, sweet and so caring. Island Girl knows that I am dating someone and has heard almost everything about him and how fabulously he treats me. I almost told her yesterday, but I've decided to wait another month. I would really like to tell her in person, but she lives in NYC. I'm hoping that within the next month, she'll be visiting me, which is why I'm waiting another month. I really just can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her, she's going to be beyond shocked but I'm sure, very happy for me.

Well, time to exercise my brain by watching House....

Another quick weekend. . .

2007-05-13T22:11:00.000-04:00

Why is it that just when you start to relax, the weekend is over?! I ended up running all around town yesterday, running errands, so no rest for me yesterday. And then today, after watching a movie, I did a bunch of work stuff that I've been putting off. Now that I'm done with that, I only have about another hour and a half of relaxation until I have to go to sleep. Steadman, my manager, is working with me tomorrow. Oh joy. I can't complain though, he hasn't worked with me since February, so I need to just suck it up and get it over with. So, yeah, Steadman is working with me tomorrow and then on Thursday. I'm hoping that he won't work with me all day since he has a regional manager's meeting on Tuesday and Wednesday. So I'm thinking that maybe he'll want to end the day early tomorrow to prepare for the meeting and then maybe he'll want to end early on Thursday because he'll be tired from the meeting. Hmmm... I guess I'll find out soon enough!

The Swimmer is fantastic as ever. Had an appointment with The Professional on Friday which was great. I brought up how The Swimmer and I have been together for about as long as The Idiot and I had been together and how different the relationship is. With The Swimmer, I'm so comfortable. I don't constantly analyze everything and over-think what I'm going to say and the planning of things. With The Idiot, a lot of times, I felt like I had to be careful about saying certain things or planning things. My relationship with The Swimmer is so natural and just how a relationship should be. We're so comfortable with each other and if I want to say something or ask something, I can, no over-thinking anything. I'm just really happy with The Swimmer and it's a fabulous feeling. I'm so excited for him to come visit me soon, I wish we could afford flying to see each other every other weekend instead of every two or three weekends. I just can't believe it's already May, this year is flying by so quickly. It's true, the older you get, the faster time goes by.

The weekend flew by. . .

2007-05-08T20:22:00.000-04:00

YAY! No panic attacks all weekend!! YAY! YAY! YAY! I'm thinking that the panic attacks I had the first weekend I went to LA to visit The Swimmer were because it was my first time there and like The Professional said, I wasn't letting out my emotions. Since doing that, I have definitely made progress. For once, I am finally giving myself credit instead of being so hard on myself like I usually am. Anyways, on to the weekend...

We had so much fun and the weekend went by WAY too quickly. I got in Thursday night and after a quick shower and some realxing, The Swimmer and I went to sleep. He was up for work early Friday morning and I slept through most of his getting ready, I was so exhausted from such a busy past couple of weeks and really having no weekend when my brother was in town. After he got back from work, we relaxed and then got dressed to go for sushi. Saturday was nice, we relaxed all morning and then got showered and dressed and met up with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. Then it was off to Disneyland. His friend's girlfriend also gets carsick so we ended up taking two cars, which I was happy about. Remember how The Swimmer said the drive to Disneyland was long? Yeah, it took maybe 35 minutes, no big deal. We're just driving along and all of a sudden the next exit sign I see on the interstate was for Disneyland. Disneyland was a ton of fun, but absolutely exhausting. By the time we left, our legs felt like they weighed a ton and The Swimmer drove us home quickly where we passed out in minutes. Sunday was spent recovering from Disneyland, so we just ran a couple of errands and then watched some movies. Monday morning we were up early and then The Swimmer was off to work. It was strangely hot yesterday in LA, so I was trying to avoid going out in the heat, but there was no food for lunch in the apartment, so I was forced out. Luckily, The Swimmer lives close to The Grove in LA, so I went and walked around for a little bit and grabbed some lunch. I walked back to his place and relaxed in the living room where the A/C is until The Swimmer got home from work. He brought home sushi for dinner and we ate and relaxed together before some last minute cuddling before it was time to take me to the airport. =(

We did have a little spat, but it was quickly resolved. It basically comes down to The Swimmer being extremely sensitive. Sometimes sensitive to the point where I'm hesitant to say something because I don't want him to take it the wrong way. This came up on Sunday evening in a strange way and I told him that I like that he's sensitive, but he can't take everything personally and he can't always be perfect. He said that he always wants to be perfect for me and do everything right so sometimes when I say things, he takes it hard and personally and nobody can be perfect all the time and everyone needs to be shown new things or new ways of doing things sometimes. And that though I like that he's sensitive, he can't be sensitive to the point where I don't bring things up because I'm scared he'll get upset about it. The Swimmer agreed and apologized for upsetting me and said that he would try not to be so hard on himself. So that "spat" was kind of a good thing since it showed us that we can communicate well with each other.

It was definitely a tearful goodbye last night at the airport and I know it was hard for The Swimmer too. But, like he kept reminding me, we'll be together again in two and a half weeks when he comes to visit me over Memorial Day weekend. Anyways, time for me to relax, it's been a long day since I took the red eye back last night, so I need to vegetate.

Just a quickie!

2007-05-03T15:46:00.000-04:00

So I know I haven't updated since my exhausting weekend, but I don't have time for a real update now either! I'm trying to get packed and ready to go to LA. Yes, I am nervous, again for fear of panic attacks, but I just need to do everything The Professional has told me to do in an effort to stave off panic attacks. Should be going to Disneyland on Saturday evening, so wish me no panic attacks then as well as today and when I leave LA on Monday night. Anyways, have a great weekend everyone! And send me good thoughts of no panic attacks!!

In Need of Relaxation. . .

2007-04-29T21:58:00.000-04:00

So, it's Sunday night and I am ready for the weekend. I did not have a relaxing weekend at all. I had my brother from out of town come stay with me for the weekend to attend his childhood best friend's wedding. Got in Friday night and he went to the Bachelor Party. At 3am, he called to have me let him in my condo building. Then we got locked out of my condo. My spare key was inside. After hoping that the person in the building who has all of the master keys would have mine (he didn't), we called the locksmith. The locksmith finally got to my place at 5am and I did not get to sleep until 6am. Yesterday was a lot of running around and last night was just strange. Crazy Girl called me a billion (more like 15) times at 4am and since I had a migraine, I didn't pick up. Crazy Girl called another billion (again, more like 15) times at 6am and since my migraine still hadn't gone away, I didn't pick up. I finally gave in and took some migraine medicine in the hopes it would be gone by the time I had to wake up at 9am. So, after a less than stellar night's sleep, I woke up at 9am to wake my brother so he could get ready. Who gets married at 11:45am on a Sunday?!?!?!?! Strange, in my opinion. Anyways, the wedding was very boring since I really didn't know anyone and my brother was not thrilled about being there since he doesn't like the girl his friend was marrying. I finally found out why Crazy Girl had been calling frantically and it was stupid, so stupid it's not worth telling.

All I know is that I am sleeping in tomorrow morning in the hopes that it will make me feel better. Unfortunately, this is going to be a busy week at work, so I'm hoping that this weekend in LA will be very relaxing with The Swimmer. We will be going to Disneyland on Saturday which I have mixed emotions about. On one hand, it should be fun, I've never been to Disneyland (only Disney World) and I love the "classic" Disney rides. On the other hand, I'm nervous about the drive there. The Swimmer said it will take about an hour to get from LA to Disneyland. I just hope I don't have a panic attack. On top of that, one of his friends and his friend's girlfriend are coming. I think they will be taking a separate car, which helps, but it makes me a little uncomfortable because in the chance that I do have a panic attack, I don't want it to happen in front of them. Well, I just need to go and have fun and not worry about having a panic attack. Maybe I'll take a dramamine before the car ride to put my mind at ease. Hmmm... Anyone actually driven from LA to Disneyland that can tell me how long it takes?

Jury duty...

2007-04-25T13:34:00.000-04:00

I didn't know that jury duty could suck so much! I got there at 8am on Monday morning after not sleeping very well because I was so scared I wouldn't wake up when my alarm went off. At about 10am, my name was finally called, along with 61 other potential jurors. We went to the assigned courtroom where we then waited for about a half hour before we were allowed inside. Once inside, we went through the "voir-dire" process and were told what the charges were against the defendant. I was pretty shocked to hear that the charges against the man included- rape, incest, molestation and sodomy - all against his own daughter. At first, I was taken aback and did not want to be on the jury. Then, I thought, well, if he did it, I want to make sure he is convicted and rots in hell for ruining this little girl's life. Jury selection started at around 11:45 and most of us were allowed to go to lunch at around 12:15pm. I went with 3 other women I made friends with and we talked about random stuff. After returning at 2:00, we were told to take a break at about 2:15 for 15 minutes. That became 30 minutes and jury selection started again. It did not end for the day until 5:45pm and we had to return the next morning at 9am to continue. The next day, after questioning about 43 of 62 potential jurors (me being number 47), the judge told the attorneys that they had questioned enough people to start striking. Even thought numbers 44-62 would not be chosen, we still had to sit there and wait. Finally, at about 1:30pm, we were dismissed. To make all of this worse, after jury duty on Monday night, I got what was one of, if not, the worst migraine I have ever gotten. I was totally incapacitated by it. I went home and slept for a bit after taking some migraine medicine and nausea medicine. I woke up a little bit later and forced myself to try to eat something, took a shower and talked to The Swimmer for a little bit. I dozed some more and then The Swimmer called again to check on me. I finally went to sleep and thankfully, woke up without the migraine. So, that was my jury duty experience. It sucked, but at least it's over!

Fourth time...

2007-04-22T21:57:00.000-04:00

Ughhhh.... I have jury duty tomorrow. Oh joy. I was on standby status, meaning that I had to call today at 5pm to see if I was needed or not, so I thought that there was no way they'd need me. Just my luck, all jurors must report, was the message. Seriously? In my twenty-something years, this is my fourth jury summons. The first time was when I was in college and instead of excusing me from jury duty when I explained I was a full-time student, they postponed me and made me come serve when school was not in session. So then I had to go back a second time and actually serve. Luckily I didn't get picked to sit on a jury, but I was still stuck there from 8:30am until 5pm. The third time I was summonsed, I got out of it because I wasn't a resident of that county at the time. And so this is my fourth summons. What's funny is that just a few days before I received the summons, I was thinking about how I always get a jury summons about a year or so after I move. Sure enough, a few days later, I got my jury duty summons. It's ridiculous, people will live in the same county for years and years and never get a jury summons. Me, it only takes about a year before I get one. So crazy!

Delayed...

2007-04-21T16:17:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know in my last post I said I would write more the next day, but the week just passed by so quickly and now it's the weekend. Nothing really exciting to share today. The Swimmer got sick on Thursday, so he's been whining like a baby, but it's really cute. I wish I lived in LA so that I could have been there to take care of him. He's been so good at taking care of me - during the massive panic attack I had and then again when I got the UTI. I saw my "woman" doctor yesterday and she wants me to start taking a cranberry supplement now to see if that helps prevent UTIs. If that doesn't work, then I might have to start taking preventative antibiotics. Yuck. Oh well. So let's just hope that the cranberry supplement works!

I've been really tired all week for no apparent reason, so I'm just taking it easy this weekend, as usual! Next weekend, my brother will be coming to stay with me. One of his childhood friends lives in the same city as me and is getting married. So, that pretty much means I'll be shuttling him around, but that's fine. The weekend after, I will be back in LA, yay!!

I know I've said this before, but I really wish I could win the lottery. I wouldn't tell anyone except my Mom and I would immediately pick up and move to LA so that I could be with The Swimmer. I really hate not being able to be with him all the time, but I just need to remind myself that we'll be together again in 2 weeks and then again on Memorial Day weekend. I'll be going back to LA a couple of weekends after that for The Police concert and then a few weekends later again for The Swimmer's birthday. And I also need to remind myself that The Swimmer himself said that if our relationship continues on this track, by the end of the year, we'll either be talking about me moving out there, or I will be moving out there.

Anyways, enough of that, I'm so superstitious that I'm scared to talk about stuff too much for fear that I'll jinx everything. I know, I know, I'm ridiculous!

Ridiculous!

2007-04-15T21:45:00.000-04:00

Not much to update on now. I'm so exhausted from playing a tennis match in 45 degree with 20-40 mph winds and slight drizzling rain at times weather, that I can barely think straight. So ridiculous that the match didn't get cancelled, but I stuck it out and played. I didn't even care that we lost the match. Didn't do a whole lot this weekend. I was supposed to go out with a girl I play tennis with on Friday, but some things happened and it didn't work out. She's new in town, so she's trying to make friends. Funny though, her and her boyfriend were also in a long distance relationship at one point and they had known each other for a few years before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. So, she and I already have a lot in common! Anyways, I'm too tired to write much tonight - more tomorrow!!

No attacks, but...

2007-04-11T19:34:00.000-04:00

Got back from LA at 6am yesterday morning, so I've been too tired to post until now. The trip to see The Swimmer was fantastic. No panic attacks!! YAY!! So relieved about that. I was more expressive of my feelings, like The Professional had told me to do, and both coming from and going to the airport went smoothly. Yes, I was very teary-eyed on the way to the airport on Monday night, but I couldn't help it. I really hate it when the time comes to leave LA. He would say the littlest thing and my eyes would well up with tears. It's really hard, but I know he's worth it.

I did, however, have one health issue while in LA. I got the nastiest UTI. For anyone who has ever had a UTI, you know how hellacious they are. It came on suddenly late Saturday afternoon. The pharmacy where I live had already closed, so I couldn't get a refill on my antibiotic transferred to LA and it was too late to call my doctor. Since the next day was Easter Sunday, my pharmacy at home was going to be closed and my doctor is pretty religious so I couldn't call her. Luckily, my father is a doctor, so I had him call in a prescription which I then had transferred out to LA. Pain in the ass though. The Swimmer was very sweet, even though I got up 4 times during dinner to sprint to the bathroom to pee and then drove me around trying to find a 24 hour pharmacy so I could ask a pharmacist what I could take to help until I got some antibiotics. Couldn't find a pharmacy soon enough before I had to pee again, so we just went back to his place and I proceeded to drink bottles and bottles of water to flush out my system. I've never tried Uristat to help with a UTI because it kind of scares me - it turns your pee and most bodily fluids orange. Then I saw Cystex which doesn't turn your pee orange, but no pharmacist. After drinking several bottles of water, I was finally able to stop peeing every 2 minutes without it burning. Anyways, good thing I'm going to see my woman's doctor next week so that we can discuss new ways to avoid UTIs, as I already do the typical recommended things - him washing his hands before sex, peeing before and after sex, washing after sex, etc. Enough about that!

Things between the Swimmer and I are great. However, this is the point in a relationship where my feelings scare me. It scares me to feel as strongly as I do towards The Swimmer because there is always a chance of getting hurt. I do know that I have two choices at this point - 1- let being scared take over and run from the relationship (stupid) or 2- accept that there is always a chance of getting hurt, but you'll never know unless you take the chance. So, that's what I'm doing, accepting that, yes, I could get hurt, but it's not worth it to let those feelings scare me away from what is so far, a fantastic man and a fantastic relationship. Luckily, I see The Professional next week, so I'll be able to further discuss and learn.

Well, I'm starving, so it looks like I'll be eating dinner a little early today...

Off to see. . .

2007-04-05T17:32:00.000-04:00

Well, in about 15 minutes, I will be leaving to go to the airport to fly to LA to see The Swimmer. My nerves have been kind of up and down today - one minute I'm nervous, the next I'm not. I just need to chill out already and keep questioning myself when I start feeling nervous. Why am I nervous? If it's because I'm scared of having a panic attack, I need to question it and think, Okay, so what if I have a panic attack? He handled it exceptionally well last time and he won't think you're a freak if you have another one. When I saw The Professional on Monday she said that it seems like the panic attacks I had in LA, a little one on the way to his place from the airport and then a ginormous one before we had to leave his place for the airport, were at high-emotion times and that I need to express my feelings and emotions more at those times instead of trying to hold them in or not fully say how I feel. That is hard for me, not because I don't trust him or anything like that, but because it's old habit. The Swimmer is the first guy that I fully trust, but in the past, I have not been very expressive of my emotions and I need to be better at that now that I'm with a truly good guy. Anyways, I'm going to go cuddle with my kitty for a few minutes before I leave, but send good thoughts my way of calm and expressing how I feel!

Practice Makes Perfect?

2007-04-01T22:29:00.000-04:00

So, here's what I did this weekend: sleep in, go to the grocery and pet food store, cook, watch movies, sleep in some more and watch even more movies and tv. Wow, I was productive. Whatever, it doesn't bother me one bit! Especially since this week and weekend are going to be extremely busy. This week will be work, tennis and preparation for my trip this coming weekend to LA to visit The Swimmer.

I am already a little anxious about my trip to LA for the only reason that I hope that I don't have another massive panic attack. I know that worrying about having one won't help the situation, so that's why I'm glad that I see The Professional tomorrow. I've told The Swimmer that we should just lay low this weekend and not run around doing a lot of things all weekend in the hopes that it will keep me calm and not overwhelmed with doing stuff. We're already planning on seeing 3 movies this weekend - "Blades of Glory," "Meet the Robinsons," and "Premonition." I get to LA on Thursday evening and leave on the red eye on Monday night. The Swimmer has work on Friday and Monday, so I'm hoping that since I'll be alone all day, it will keep me from getting overwhelmed. I guess we'll see.

I ended up ordering the "Stress Eraser," the Professional said it could definitely help. It hasn't been shipped to me yet, something about there being so many orders that it's going to take longer than usual to ship out, but I think it should be sent sometime this week. Not in time for my trip to LA this weekend, but that's okay. I have been practicing some breathing techniques that the Professional said could really help. Basically, inhaling normally for 5 seconds, exhaling normally for 5 seconds, waiting 5 seconds and then starting all over again. This helps tell your body to calm down, that there is nothing wrong, as opposed to taking deep breaths which say, "Something is wrong!" and as opposed to breathing really quickly which can make panic worse. I've really been practicing, so hopefully it will help!